Sunday, July 16, 2023
Thursday, July 6, 2023
Thursday, April 13, 2023
Tuesday, April 11, 2023
Tuesday, March 7, 2023
Sunday, March 5, 2023
I share this post as a tribute to the ongoing #dontexcuseabuse campaign
Sources:Gender Violence Recovery Centre kenya, sanctuary for abused,
children of parents narcissistic tendancies
The below signs are from sanctuary for the Abused written by licenced Psychologists link is above. The signs listed apply to both men a women
As long as you want better for yourself you can achieve anything.Their is no need to suffer alone in silence if there is someone/organisations willing to help .Don't go through this nightmare alone someone does care for you and will help you ..If the signs are visible don't wait till you have broken ribs! or worse.If in kenya click the gender violence recovery link to get help. ITS NEVER TOO LATE TO GET HELP
Below are some of the signs
Unemployed or Underemployment.
Underemployment is not necessarily an objective phenomenon; it may be the subjective response to the man's failing to meet his own expectations. Educational and occupational attainment frequently is less than wife's, such status discrepancies are painful even should the husband bring home a higher salary.
Emotional dependency on the spouse is usually not recognized or understood, but is expressed through demands for constant reassurance and gratification. This may explain in part why spouse abuse often begins during wife's pregnancy.
High Investment in Marriage.
Wants to preserve marriage at any cost and will go to great lengths to do so. In the event of separation or divorce, tends to immediately replace lost spouse with a new partner.
- Violates your personal space.
- Intimidates you by getting too close.
- Touches, pinches, grabs you against your will.
- Sweeps you off your feet.
- Love at first sight.
- "You're the only one for me."
- "I have to have you." "I think about you all day / all night"
- Desperately pressures you for a commitment so you're engaged, sleeping together in less than 6 months or living together in less than 12 months.
- Controls where you go, what you do, with whom and for how long.
- Controls money and money decisions, won't allow you to share expenses or refuses to work and won't share expenses.
- Protective to the point of controlling.
- Says he's angry when you're "late" because he "cares."
- Takes your car keys, won't let you go to church, work, or school. Won't let you drive.
Abusive Family of Origin.
Was physically, sexually or emotionally abused as a child or witnessed spouse abuse. He sees violence as normal behavior, a natural part of family life.
- Guards his fragile sense of self by acting tough and macho.
- Pumps up his fragile sense of self with sex.
- Imagines you threaten his manhood.
- Damages your self-esteem, demeans your growth, demands your silence.
- Abuses alcohol/drugs, tries to get you drunk, berates you if you won't get high.
- He may deny his drug problem and refuse to get help. Don't think you can change him or that alcohol/drug abuse causes violent behavior. They are two separate problems.
- Unable to identify feelings and express them directly and appropriately.
- He may say he's "hurt" and sulk when he's really angry.
- He displaces anger at his boss or himself onto you.
- Blame Shifts; he's never responsible for what happens.
- Believes others are out to get him and he's the victim.
- Blames you for everything that goes wrong.
- Will say "You make me mad," "You make me happy," "I can't help getting angry" to manipulate you.
- Holds you responsible for his suicidal or self-abusive or sexual- acting-out behavior.
Quick temper, unable to handle frustration without getting angry, easily insulted. Will "rant and rave" about minor things like traffic tickets or request to do chores.
Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde.
Seems like two different people with mood swings from nice to explosive. May change his behavior around the guys. May be very sociable around others and only abusive with you.
- Very dependent on you for all his physical and emotional needs ("You're all I need").
- Expects you to live up to his ideals of a perfect partner, mother, lover, friend.
- Expects a woman to stay at home, serve and obey him.
- Gets angry if you don't fulfill his wishes and anticipate his needs.
- Speaks for you.
- He thinks it's OK for men to keep women "in line" by force or intimidation.
Justifies rigid sex roles and the physical/emotional/sexual domination of women and children with strict or distorted interpretations of scripture.
Disrespect for Women in General.
- Ridicules and insults women, sees women as stupid and inferior to men
- Tells sexist jokes ("dumb blond", "PMS" jokes).
- Refers to women in derogatory or non-human terms ("babe", "chick", "fox", "bitch") or as specific parts of anatomy
- Sees women only as sex-objects, uses prostitutes or has affairs
- De-values women's accomplishments and work, acts like women are second-class citizens.
- He may ignore your feelings, continually criticize you and call you names like "fat, ugly, stupid"
- curse and yell at you
- belittle your accomplishments
- manipulate you with lies, contradictions, and crazy-making tactics
- humiliate you in private or public
- Uses sarcasm and says it's 'humor.'
- regularly threaten to leave or tell you to leave, keep you awake or
- wake you up to argue or verbally abuse you.
- An acquaintance rapist will try to separate you from others to a secluded spot.
- Batterers will try to keep you from working or attending school, move you to a rural area, restrict your use of the phone or car.
- He'll try to cut you off from men, women, family and children by saying "You're a whore," "You're a lesbian," "You're tied to your parent's apron strings," or "You're spoiling the kids."
- Rapists, child molesters and men who sexually abuse or rape their wives or other women often have an abundance of pornographic literature, internet bookmarks, magazines, or videos.
- They may want to involve you in their interest by photographing you or taking you to pornographic movies or shops.
- They may coerce you into doing things sexually you are uncomfortable with or wouldn't normally do and then say that you "liked it" or "asked for it."
- Refuses platonic relationship if dating
- uses "playful" force in sex
- uses sulking, sympathy or anger to manipulate you into having sex
- emotionally coerces or forces you to have sex or hurts you during sex
- demands sex when you're scared, ill, tired or
- starts to have sex when you're asleep, drunk, or unable to give consent.
- Teases, bullies, abuses or harshly punishes animals, children, elderly, disabled weaker people or other women.
- Is insensitive to others' pain.
- Tortures or kills pets to feel powerful or hurt you.
- Threatens to kidnap the children if you leave.
- Punishes or deprives the children when angry at you.
- Punishes the children for behavior they're incapable of (whipping a 2 year-old for wet diapers).
Any history of violence to "solve" problems. Justifies hitting or abusing women in the past, but "they made me do it." Friends, relatives or ex-partners say he's abusive (Batterers beat any woman they're with. You didn't cause it and you can't control it or cure it).
Fascination with Weapons.
Plays with guns, knives, or other lethal weapons, threatening to "get even" with you or others. Tells you he knows how to kill someone and/or how to hide bodies; or that he has 'friends' who will 'take care of you'.
Threats of Violence.
- Any threats of physical force to control you or make you do something should be taken seriously.
- He may threaten to hurt you or your family. Non-batterers do not say things like "I'll kill you" or "I'll break your neck" or "I'm out to get you now."
- Posts threats or defamatory material about you on the internet.
Punishes you by breaking loved objects, terrorizes you into submission (If he doesn't want you to be a student, he may destroy school books or break lamps). Non-batterers do not beat on tables, punch holes in walls, destroy furniture, throw objects at you to threaten you. The message is "You're next! You're just an object I can control and I can break you like our china."
Friday, March 3, 2023
Women’s monthly menstrual cycle is a mirror twin of the lunar cycle. No matter our age, what developmental phase of life we are in, whether we bleed every month or not, whether we have had a hysterectomy or not, the Moon is embodied within the physical and energetic core of every woman. Together the Womb and the Moon create a woman’s natural rhythm of life.
In previous posts I have shared the monthly cyclical rhythm of La Luna and the wisdom embedded within it. Like a cosmic life-coach, each month the Moon invites us into a rhythm of visioning and dreaming, planning and gestating, emergence and growth, action and manifestation, reflection and rest. Each phase of the Moon coaches us in the art of living; inviting us to create a magnum opus from our lives.
Each phase of the Moon is also embedded within our wombs. Energetically speaking, the New Moon is the phase of menstruation, the Waxing Moon is the pre-ovulation phase, the Full Moon is the time of ovulation, and the Waning Moon is the pre-menstrual phase of the month. The Moon is - metaphorically, energetically, and cosmically - in you.
The graveyard is the richest place on earth, because it is here that you will find all the hopes and dreams that were never fulfilled, the books that were never written, the songs that were never sung, the inventions that were never shared, the cures that were never discovered, all because someone was too afraid to take that first step, keep with the problem, or determined to carry out their dream.
Thursday, March 2, 2023
Tuesday, February 28, 2023
A letter to all women part 1
Book to read the kings daughters by Diana hagee
When I created the heavens and the earth,I spoke things into being.
When I created man,I formed him and breathed life into his nostrils.
But you,woman,I fashioned after I breathed the breath of life into your man because your nostrils were too delicate.
I allowed a deep sleep to come over him so I could patiently and perfectly fashion you.
Man was put to sleep so he could not interfere with the creativity.
From one bone I fashioned you.
I chose the bone that protects man's life.
I chose the bone that protects man's life.
I chose the rib,which protects the heart and lungs and supports him,as are meant to do .
Around this one bone I shaped you.
I moulded you.
I created you perfectly and beautifully.
Your characteristics are as the rib-strong yet delicate and fragile.
You provide protection for the most delicate organ in man;his heart.
His heart is the center of his being; his lungs hold the breath of life.
The rib cage will allow itself to be broken,before it will allow damage to the heart.
Support man as the rib cage supports the body.
You were not taken from his foot to be under him, nor were you taken from his head to be above him.
You were taken from his side, to stand beside him and be held close to his side to stand by his side
You are my perfect angel.
You are my beautiful girl.
You have grown to be a splendid woman of excellence,and my Eyes fill when I see the virtue. In your heart.
Your eyes- don't change them.
Your lips how lovely when they part in prayer.
Your nose, so perfect in form.
Your hands so gentle to touch.ive caressed your face in your deepest sleep.
I've held your heart close to mine.
Of all that lives and breaths you are the most like me.
Adam walked with me in the cool of day,and yet he was lonely.
He could not see me or touch me. He could only feel me.
so everything I wanted Adam to share and experience with me.
I fashioned in you; my holiness,my strength my purity,my love,my protection and support.
You are an extension of me.
Man represents my image.
Woman,my emotions together you represent the. Totality of God
Thursday, January 5, 2023
Emotional healing is the process of acknowledging, allowing, accepting, integrating, and processing painful life experiences and strong emotions. It may involve empathy, self-regulation, self-compassion, self-acceptance, mindfulness, and integration.
Many people have a tendency to want to control the process of emotional healing by minimizing the pain and controlling their emotions, but this can actually inhibit the process of emotional healing.
On my own journey of emotional healing I have tried and failed, thought I had learnt ,had to unlearn ,thought I was making progress but only hiding behind a busy schedule.Being afraid to be alone and sit in silence and even been afraid to look in the mirror because I didn't want to see the pain I was carrying.
What I failed to realize at the time is that when we try to resist feeling something painful, we often protract the very pain we’re trying to avoid. Doing so is a prescription for continued suffering. There’s also something about the action of searching that blocks us from what we seek. The constant looking outside of ourselves can keep us from knowing when we hit the target. Something valuable can be going on inside us, but if we’re not tuning in, we can miss it. “What aren’t you willing to see?"
I eventually learned that it was less about what I could or couldn’t see and more about the way I saw things.
I read a quote that said,"The goal of this madness was to intimately come to know the madness of the mind by observing it. I learned how my mind continually taunted me with worst case-scenario thinking and the lie that if I just worried hard enough, I could insulate myself from what I feared most.
However ,just like my previous post I have learnt that I truly can do what I set myself to doing and with that as my frame of mind I changed alot over the years . It is evident through every post on this blog. I have shared my thoughts and my emotions . I have shared my experiences through each post and helped many of you along the way in different ways.
The most important areas to work on I have found to be.
Acceptance of the state I am in.
Finding the roots of the problem.
Letting go and accepting forgiveness of self and giving forgiveness
Physical representation of letting go of areas that need to be let go of.
Starting over when I felt I hadn't let go
Finding who you are now .