INTRO

Untold lives of woman, is a woman's journey on the path life has set her on.
A blog about factors that affect the lives of women and where you can find inspiration.
The Un edited side of "life ".Where there is beauty in imperfection and knowing that through the support and wisdom we share with each other .We will help improve not only our own lives but the lives of generations to come.

Search This Blog

Sunday, November 25, 2018

GENDER EQUALITY IS WISHFUL THINKING

TOGETHER WE CAN ACHIEVE MORE THAN THEY COULD EVER DREAM OF THAT IS WHY THEY ENSURE WE DONT HAVE A SEAT AT THE TABLE

I feel like women have spent a lot of time fighting for equality and enjoying the perks of being seen as the lesser gender that if we where to achieve gender equality it would be almost unfair/unequal.

Lets take whats going on in our country as an example.


This week i have had to try and justify why it is necessary for this gender bill to be passed by the kenyan parliament.


First of all Kenya ranks low in women representation with only 22 per cent of MPs being women behind Rwanda (61 per cent) and Ethiopia (50 per cent) — the only African countries that have attained the two-thirds gender parity according to World Bank data. Article 81 of the Constitution requires that not more than two-thirds of the members of elective public bodies be of the same gender. 
The special seats  according to the proposed law is estimated to ensure the bicameral House complies with the two-thirds gender rule after 20 years..  Doesnt that sem like reason enough to pass a bill !!! But lets take this abit further.

Most times i do not engage in conversations with parties that already are gender bias because it is a waste of time and energy. However this time im going to use the arguments used against this bill to highlight the real issue .GENDER EQUALITY IS WISHFUL THINKING

My main issue with  this is the reactions that have been elisited as to why it should not be passed.
I dont disagree that passing this bill could work against us.
It can be argued that so far ,the women who have been elected as women representatives have barely done enough .or that this will lead to popular women to get elected leaving women in rural areas without the representation needed.

However everything has its pros and cons and i feel that if women want something bad enought they go out and get it on their own As they have done for centuries. And whether or not this bill passes women are becoming aware of whats going on around them and in the next few years a shift will occur as long as we elect people wisely.
Not based on age,sex ,tribe,relations but based on what is best for our country.

Some say women are constantly yelling equality and empowerment .who is going to empower men then? Well the answer is simple if you cannot see the plight of your own kind and choose to rally and ask for improvements as it is a basic human right. . Nobody else is going to do it for you.

let me ask this though !What have the men in parliament done for male empowerment. If you ask me they take what they want and disregard what they dont like this bill is a clear representation of that.
So how is it that  the reasons for not passing a bill be because of gender biasness.

SEE MY POST ON who-is-ment-to-empower-boy-child.

YOUR STORY ISNT WEIRD ITS BEAUTIFUL

YOU ARE MADE UP OF YOUR EXPERIENCES BUT THAT DOESNT MEAN YOU LET THEM DEFINE YOU
See my post on ;-your-life-so-make-it-your-own
live-life-dont-survive-it
/i-choose-me

A few days ago i watched someone who i care about get the happy ending she has always wanted.Nothing dramatic of the fairy tale kind. Just the kind of things me and you take for granted.

 In the time i have known her . i have seen her fall and pick herself up piece by piece ,and to be honest . The times i saw her thrive and truly blossom .
Were the times she chose to keep going even when she had no reason to .

The times when she hit rock bottom and she knew she was all she had . She always chose to ensure that she got out of each situation and always made a point of celebrating her little victories.

Not to say that she wasnt traumatized, hurt or even scared by all that she endured .
They did affect her and she didnt hide it .She wore her scars proud because she earned her stripes .

Life has a way of ensuring we learn the lessons we need to learn and we cannot avoid it. Sometimes people will tell you," dont be ungreatful someone else is going through something much more".  And sometimes they dont mean it in a bad way.
However true that statement can be .
The truth is ,each person is equipped with their own strengths and weaknesses and that is what makes life colourful because it is through our diversity that we learn to appreciate eachother. And that should never be used as a measure of strength because someone else might be able to endure far more than you can .

 One thing i admired most about her was  . Where most of us choose to lie to ourselves or where we compartmentalize and push our issues to the side . She chose to always keep it 💯 with herself . She prefered to hear the hard truth than deceive herself with half truths. She allowed herself to breakdown from the stress of it all but she never allowed herself to give up and in the worst of times she transformed into a gem.

Im telling you all this just to remind you that you are a unique individual .You are the only you that is going to exist in this time and space. Whatever your going through is going to come to an end and when its all said and done and you stand at the finish line .Make sure you will be able to look back and say it was worth it .

Your story is unique and your story can help shape the life of someones else by them seeing your ability to not give up. Dont campare yourself with someone else. Because that is unfair to you. Be your own best friend always cheer for yourself always celebrate yourself and when you hear that voice in your head that just wants to give up remind yourself that. Its always better to have a crappy beginning and a happy ending than to have the reverse .


CONTRACEPTIVES... MY BODY MY CHOICE

See my post on infertility 

If you are sexually active you need to consider choosing a contraceptive that will work for you.

All sexually active adults must consider a family planning/ birth control method taking into consideration, personal preferences, habits and health concerns. 

Complete abstinence is the only method that prevents pregnancy 100 percent . Where as  most contraceptive methods have a very high success rate when practiced correctly.


According to the World Health If you are sexually active you need to consider choosing a contraceptive that will work for you.

All sexually active adults must consider a family planning/ birth control method taking into consideration, personal preferences, habits and health concerns. 

Complete abstinence is the only method that prevents pregnancy 100 percent . Where as  most contraceptive methods have a very high success rate when practiced correctly.


According to the World Health Organization, family planning is not just about preventing pregnancy, but also about timing conception so that every baby is wanted and planned. 

It is important for both partners involved sexually to take an active role in ensuring that you both protect eachother from both sexually transmitted diseases, as well as from an unplanned pregnancy.

We need to be aware that this isnt just a womans issue or the womans responsibility.
Young girls need to be taught about this from an early age and we shouldnt assume that they are not sexually active.

Sex education is a taboo to talk about in most african
Homes. This leads to stigmatization and also leaves young girls miss informed and learning from peers 
Who arent well equipped with the information needed to ensure contraceptives are used correctly. Most uninformed girls use emergency contraception as a method of birth control  . Which is not advised. In general e-pills shouldnt be used more than 3 times in a year as it has harsh implications in the long run.
Thus it is important to have a consultation with a gynecologist before hand.

The various methods include:-

Natural Family Planning
This is used to achieve pregnancy by timing intercourse for fertile times, or to avoid pregnancy by remaining abstinent during fertile periods.This method however is unpredictable if fertile periods are under or over calculated.
The birth control pill is a type of oral contraceptive that women must take every day. This method is best for women who can remember to take a pill every day and who want the advantage of restoring fertility quickly.
Barrier methods include male and female condoms, cervical caps and diaphragms. These methods prevent sperm from uniting with an egg
long term methods When people do not want to worry about contraception on a regular basis, but may want the ability to conceive in the future, several long-term contraceptive methods can prevent pregnancy. Some of these methods include the contraceptive shot, vaginal ring, implantable rod and intrauterine device, also called an IUD. All of these methods are hormonal and are not easily reversible, but fertility returns after discontinuation.
However it is beat to visit your gynecologist to find out what method beat works best for  you . if you would like more information click this link Family_planning

Founded in 1985, Marie Stopes Kenya (MSK) is an affiliate of Marie Stopes International. They have 21 clinics countrywide, 1 obstetric hospital, 15 outreach teams and works with approximately 360 social franchisees (AMUA), supporting provision of a wide range of sexual reproductive health (SRH) services in Kenya.
Below are the services they offer:
MSK Clinics:
-          Consultation @ Kshs 500 – 1,000/-
-          Contraceptives (family planning) – 1,500 to 5,500/-
-          Tubal ligation and vasectomy – from 6,500/- onwards
-          Pregnancy crisis counselling Kshs 500 – 1,000/-
-          Ultrasound services from 2,000/ onwards
-          STI Testing and screening - @ Kshs 500 – 1,000/- for consultation then lab tests
-          Antenatal care @ Kshs 500 – 1,000/-
-          Delivery (only at Eastleigh Nursing Home) – from 20,000/- . One can use NHIF card to register and be entitled to the NHIF benefits
-          Cervical cancer screening – from 300/-
-          Laboratory services

The prices vary from clinic to clinic.
They offer long term contraceptives in public health facilities on selected dates for free. This is done by the Marie Stopes Outreach team.
For more information Contact Centre (call 0800 720005 toll free) where clients can request for information on reproductive health.
Chat on WhatsApp – 0709 819000 and on Facebook – Marie Stopes Kenya. 
Detailed information on the services is available is also available on our website – www.mariestopes.or.ke, family planning is not just about preventing pregnancy, but also about timing conception so that every baby is wanted and planned. 


Thursday, October 25, 2018

DISCOVERING MY SEXUALITY (part 2 nonbinary/transgender)

I AM AND I AM NOT AND IN BETWEEN IS THE PLACE I FIT IN BEST
Brief intro................
The term “nonbinary” can mean different things to different people.It’s used to describe someone whose gender identity isn’t exclusively male or female.

If someone tells you they’re nonbinary,  ask what being nonbinary means to them. Some people who are nonbinary experience their gender as both male and female, and others experience their gender as neither male nor female.
Nonbinary can also be used as an umbrella term, encompassing many gender identities that don’t fit into the male-female binary.

Although nonbinary is often regarded as a new idea, the identifier has been around for as long as civilization has. In fact, nonbinary gender has been recorded as far back as 400 B.C. to 200 A.D., when Hijras — people in India who identified as beyond male or female — were referenced in ancient Hindu texts.

Once upon a time .
i was exactly what everyone thought i was supposed to be.
 I was what you considered normal.
You treated me as a friend.
No stares , No silent whispers.
I was one of you.

As i began to express my own sense of style.
You. Said it was un acceptable .It was taboo.
You made me ashamed of being who i wanted to be.

Once upon a time.
 I was told to dream big. "The sky is the limit."
You encouraged me to dare to be different .
You told me i should live my best life.
And when i did 
You said ,"im too much for you ."
I should be less like me and more like you.
You want me to please you ,and deny myself.
You want me to live a lie so you can live your truth.

My gender is your struggle.
How i look! how i dress, how i choose to express myself.
What is it to you ,who i choose to be? 
what makes you think that i am an anomaly . 
And one day my brain will snap back to your binary systems?

Is it my fault,
You only see in black and white and i can see a scope of colours,
where i am free and aware .
You are closed off 
And in a world of infinate possibilities.
You want me to deny the possibility that actually matter's
and entertain the thought of alians yet a human like you shouldn't get a chance to be free to be who they are.
Your ignorance is your prison.
You are imprisoned by your programming ,
where you work for it and it  uses you.

I was born and you defined what i was .
I now choose to be what i want to be.
I intend on living this life as both male and female.
And i can also choose to be neither .
I am that cool.

Embrace me dont reject me .
Because i accept you as you are and all i ask is for you to do the same for me.


Thursday, October 18, 2018

INTERNET SAFETY :FOR DATING ONLINE


This post comes  at a time where, the use of smartphones to access social media has increased and more people are turning to social media platforms to find friendship/love/money/happiness. 
It is estimated that more women use social media platforms than men.
(Bare with me as i explain )

As a digital marketing strategist/analyst
I help clients figure out how to best use the internet to achieve their international growth objectives i audit  the client’s digital assets as well as those of their competitors. From there i works closely with marketing and brand strategists to develop an international web presence and online marketing strategy. 

This provides a clear roadmap that orchestrates all relevant digital channels and tactics (i.e. websites, content marketing, networking on social media, e-commerce, search and social advertising, SEO, marketing automation, apps, media/blogger outreach, etc.) into one actionable plan. 

This is achieved by using all public information gathered from social media platforms as well as searches inputed by different users. (most people dont pay attention to privacy settings and there information is made public and is used in some of these online analytical tools.)

In short all this data that is posted online is available and can be used against you especially  to target individuals and lure them into what the preditor intends to use them for.

Young girls draw inspiration from socialites as well as reality stars and they dont know any better they expose themselves to dangerous situations trying to live the lavish life that comes with it

What I would like to say to every woman struggling to make themselves relevant/ an image to behold is,"The real you is much beautiful . Live life beyond what you want people to think of you and just be you .Things that seem easy always come with a hefty price 5 to 30 years down the line the consequences of these decisions will be evident if not immediately depression death illnesses kidnapping prostitution rinks are real . Stop putting yourself in a situation you might regret and then you wish you would have just stayed home in bed . "

You are a unique individual and you flavour life with your difference . Accept you. Love you and do you. That is when you will attract the right kind of people.Respect and love you and everyone else will.

In all things, live , learn be patient and never stop dreaming your time will come.

SHARE ,SUBSCRIBE VIA EMAIL OR EMAIL ME.  thenairobifeminist@gmail.com

Friday, October 12, 2018

PRISON OF THE MIND

TO ESCAPE YOUR PRISON YOU FIRST HAVE TO ACCEPT YOU ARE IN A PRISON
See my posts under the labels, self confidence ,abuse and inspiration. 

She stayed because, he was her first.

She stayed because, he said he was sorry.

She stayed because, she could see the man he could be.
.
She stayed because, she was affraid.

She stayed because, she believed it was all her fault.

She stayed because, she had no one else ,and had no where else to go.

She stayed because, she didn't want her kids to grow up without a father.

She stayed because she was affraid of what people would think of her.

The truth is the real reason She stayed. Was out  fear.
She made an excuse each time because she was too afraid to allow herself to see the truth.
She compartmentalised and made each time part of a nightmare she was never ready to face. She allowed herself to ive in a bubble. Of false reality.

 
Dear,lovely ,beautiful ,intelligent ,kind ,sweet woman.
You chose to stay but the time has come for you to accept that staying has taken too much out of you.
You are hurting, You feel alone, You have lost who you once where.

I want to tell you that your job isnt to break yourself with perseverance . Loose yourself in pain and hopelessness .

Your job isnt to mould him into what he might not be. Or what you think he should or can be.

Your job is to mould yourself into the person you can be, The person you want to be. 

Your job is to improve on you and to make you a woman of substance and not a broken shell thats been used, abused, and refused.

We come into this world alone .we leave alone .we all have a purpose a reason and a season to get it all done.  Thats why God gave us a brain and free will.

Dont excuse his inability to use his brain as God intended.
Choose you . Choose hope and choose a future full of smiles even if it doesnt seem like there is one. Speak it into existance and act towards getting there.

If you need help email me at thenairobifeminist@gmail.com.

Sunday, September 23, 2018

DONT LISTEN TO THE BULLY IN YOUR HEAD.




I am very critical of myself because, i feel that i should 
always be aware of my short comings.
So that ,if someone was to point something out. It doesnt bother me as much.As i would be working on it.

I like to be prepared for the worse case scenario so i dont get disappointed or surprised. I like to be informed and conscious of everything that happens around me inorder for me to have a choice and not have to pick something that had aready been chosen for me. However i wouldnt classify myself as a control freak ,because i do know how and when to let go and let God.

Which brings me to todays post. 
Sometimes in life we tend to be our harshest critics . We spend our time trying to improve ourselves that we dont realise that sometimes we do the most harm to ourselves.

For the longest time i spent time trying to figure out what i can do to make myself less like me and more like what i was expected to be and what i expected myself to be .

Because i felt that being me was too much to handle and all of this based on opinions i thought mattered .
lnstead all it did was bring me down.
To the point that i never stopped to see the progress that i had made in my life. The areas of growth , the wisdom and knowledge that i have gained from past lessons.
 Because i was so focused on what was wrong with me and what i felt i was lacking.

I failed to see the wonderful woman i have become compared to the child i once was . i never stopped to see that all my battle wounds have grown into beautiful reminders of strength ,perserverance and determination. All this through hard work.

I failed to see my own progress ,my achievments my strengths and my smile because i was wrapped up in my own head bringing myself down.

Sometimes people will try to dim your light to brighten there own and that does do damage.

However, the real damage occurs when you fool yourself into believing it.  Thats when the block occurs , because if you cant stand for you . Nobody else will stand up for you.

Dont sentense yourself to death. Dont be the Judge .Jury and executioner without seeing the full scope .

For every negative thought think of three positive ones and that should tell you things cant be as bad as they seem. Nothing ever is. For with each problem comes a solution and for each solution comes another problem.
But dont allow yourself to believe the lie that, it is impossible or too difficult, or that you are not good enough.

When that thought comes give yourself a break and remind yourself of all the reasons why you are perfect as you are and as you work on improving yourself . God's timing is best because some lessons make more sense after a series of storms.

In all things live your life learning but dont let the learning cause you to stop dreaming.

Thursday, September 13, 2018

THE ART ON MY SKIN

Before you judge me,look closely and see my story.

I may be comfortable in my own skin.but again i might not be.

Just like clothes i added a new layer to my skin .i covered up and attempted to create a new.

The art on my skin is a representation of who i am.

Who i long to be. And what i dream about

Just like the wrinkles age give's us have a story.
i chose to create my own master piece .


I am no different from you i just express myself different than you do .


Maybe i still love to draw and to colour.
The only difference is i dont use paper.
The calming effect and silence allows my thoughts to flow freely.
For with each blot of ink i added to my skin i tell a story.


I am not perfect nor do i long to be. But labeling me because of your own preconcieved notions doesnt make you much different from a racist.


I know its forbidden and to some a mark of disgrace.
But just because you hide your sin and act righteous. Doesn't mean you get to judge me for wearing my heart on my sleeve.(pun intended)

I have one life to live . Living it with your judgement and criticism doesnt make it any easier. Your kindness would be what made it easier.

What you forget our history is filled with dreadlocks,tattoos ,piercings ,cuttings, shavings,tooth removal and few or no clothing at all.

Dont be so colonized that you forget where you are from. Or rather uncolonize your thoughts.

The kinky strands of hair that fall down my back are not a sign of rebellion .They are just the way i love to style my hair.

I may appear alittle rough around the edges but that doesnt mean i am immune to your critisism , your false sense of who i am or have a stone shell of a heart and mind.

You may argue that i should try harder. Put on a facade remove my piercings cover up my ink. Cut my dreads and conform to normal standards.

The question is why should i aim to ease others and deny myself my own pleasure.

Why should i give and not receive. Why should i compromise my own happiness for your satisfaction.


SHARE COMMENT AND SUBSCRIBE VIA EMAIL TO RECEIVE MY POSTS.

FRIENDSHIP


A TRUE FRIEND NOT ONLY KNOWS YOUR STORY BUT HELPED WRITE IT.

15 years ago i read a quote that said. ,"Old friends are like gold .New ones are like silver." and it stuck with me .

I cant say, i fully understood it or that i have seen the full scope of it. But i can say it has revealed itself to me over the years.
 Looking back i remember saying to myself.
"hold on to it and see the prediction unfold before your eyes, and i am glad i kept it in mind."

Looking back at the friendships i have had and those that i  continue to have.I feel fortunate to have met and made acquaintances with people that have given me amazing memories. Each and everyone added to my life.

As children we discovered in curiosity.(Everything was exciting and new.)
As teenagers we discovered in haste.(trying to be grown yearning to be legal)
As adults we re-discover what we missed along the way and gain for the future.(we are patient because we are wiser)

Through it all having  a ying, to my yang made the journey alot more bearable.
.
True friendship is timeless and limitless.
Time seems to fly in eachothers company and the adventures serve as memoirs.

It comforts without question or judgement.
It feels what is unspoken and heals without speaking.

It loves throughout, without seasons.
For the seasons of growth ,no reasons of reproach.
For time spent away doesnt tear away a foundation that is already well rooted.

A true friend will fight battles by your side and set you straight after.
A shoulder to lean on and to stand side by side .
Because inorder to rise you must rise with those around you.

To find family in a friend has to be one of the most beautiful gift's from God.




DO NOT LET YOUR FEARS DRIVE YOU BECAUSE THEY DO NOT KNOW YOUR STRENGTH.

"The most beautiful thoughts are always besides the darkest-Kanye West" 

I love this quote because it doesnt glorify the darkest thoughts but it brings the light to the darkness.
 

The greatest treasures in life are found in the hardest to reach places. However that doesnt mean we give up trying because ,it's going to be tough.

It just means that the journey is worth the reward.
So many times we allow our mind to hold us captive because we are affraid of venturing into unchartered waters or simply because we do not have faith in ourselves or what we have planned.

You have to learn to listen to that little voice that percerveers through it all. 
You have to choose to listen to your intuition/sixth sense and not to the fear.
Remind yourself you are worthy.when doubt arises ask yourself, Why should i deny myself a chance to improve myself?

The truth is that, fear causes more failure than failure actually does ! You are guaranteed to fail if you dont try.

I love a challenge because i can measure my level of growth. But at the same time although you come well prepared something always happens to show you that you can never be truly prepared. 

In that moment growth occurs and you become more of an asset.
You have to believe in yourself to know that, at the end of the day you did do your best and will continue to do your best and that is what will allow your fears to disappear.

Irregardless of the lessons you learn and how much they may affect you. LIVE ,LOVE ,LAUGH OFTEN ,LEARN AND NEVER STOP PERSUING YOUR DREAMS.

Saturday, July 14, 2018

THE LONELY SOLDIER: POST TRAUMATIC STRESS DISORDER IN THE KENYA DEFENCE FORCES.

I HAVE NOTHING TO OFFER BUT BLOOD TEARS TOIL AND SWEAT.

Laying on my back wide awake in my camp bed.
A Million thoughts racing through my mind.
As the night covers the once bright  sky 
Fear sets in

The smell of my bandaged leg  makes me gag
Afraid to close my eyes lest the enemy attack .
but at the same time too afraid to fall a sleep.

Its one thing to live a nightmare during the day.
Its pure torture to re-live your day in your dream.

The only peace of mind i get is when exhaustion consumes me and i black out
Or when i have reached my body's alcohol  limit .
Which i seem to do  often.

Looking back,
If i knew this job would take this much away from me,
I would have  not signed up.
By the time  i made the realization it was already to late to turn back.
So i accept my mission and carry out my orders. 

Some days i wish to be in a different body .
So that i am free of the pain and free of my actions.
Some days i wish to be happy and when i am.
Something inside me screams you don't deserve it. 

My road feels unbearably lonely.
Those that know what it is like are fighting their own demons .
Those i love Only scratch the surface .
For if i gave them  the details they might hate me for my actions.  

Often i wonder if you think about me when i am all alone.
The lack of communication means your better off with out me.
Some days i laugh it off and allow the darkness to consume me.

Ashamed that i have acquired a taste for the rush of it all .
I am not who i once was .
I barely recognize myself
I am a shell filled with DARKNESS.

I need your love.
I need your help but where do i begin. 
SK
CLICK THE LINK BELOW TO GET HELP

Friday, July 13, 2018

MISCONCEPTIONS OF MARRIAGE TODAY

THE HAPPILY EVER AFTER DISASTER

SIMILAR POSTS;
 The both learnt  about love at an early age she idealized Cinderella and he watched how his parent's treated each other .

Along the way their friends influenced their decision on what love was .Music and  movies  gave  them the illusion of what was acceptable and what was normal.

All the while carrying  ,what was traditionally accepted .Not forgetting the lessons they learnt from passed relationships
However at this time. They found each other and decided they had met their soul mates. Their better half.   Like a fairy tale she wore white and walked down the isle and they exchanged vows.
Perfectly safe in there own bubble of love .
All they saw was each other .
All that mattered was that they had each other.
The days past and the feelings settled.They  found comfort in the flow of things.

Until the morning they woke up on separate sides of the bed .
With a thick wall of ice between them and  they  realized that this was  what the rest of there life would be and Realized it was the biggest mistake of their life.

MISCONCEPTIONS
  • Happily ever after.   
People assume the best and over look the human aspect of flaw. We are all human and it is UN realistic to expect that marriage means that you will spend the rest of your life in bliss and happiness
  • People change after marriage.
Marriage is not a cure for behavior. if anything marriage highlights behavior as the vows show permanence in most cases people stop pretending and show you who they really are 

  • Love is all you need.
Once you love someone you will always love them. However over time the question becomes i love them but to what degree ?  what am i willing to give up without expecting anything in return and as time goes although you may love them the feeling either grows or diminishes based on how you treat each other. So many people leave relationships not because they hate each other but because love was not the only thing needed

  • Marriage makes you closer to your partner
The permanence of marriage doesn't mean  you will automatically become close. Especially if one person is used to more independence than the other and they may feel suffocated and want more space and time to themselves

  • You and your partner are now a unit and not individuals.
Being married doesn't men that you have to forget who you are and choose to be someone different . If anything loosing your identity and giving up too much can lead to resentment . Be a united front where it matters but allow yourselves to be free to be individuals.

  • Getting married will solve issues of trust and insecurity.
You have no business getting married if this is one of the reasons why you are  getting married. pre-marital counseling is  key . build on trust and ease all insecurities before you make the decision to marry

  • kids improve a marriage
Kids change the whole dynamic of a marriage .it does bring you closer. However having kids  is  to create a family and not to solve a problem

  • Your partners job is to make you happy
You are in charge of your own happiness . Depending  on someone else to make you happy will only make you more depressed.
  • You can continue your social life as is
Going out till three in the morning . having people over whenever you want. Are some of the things that should change first because now you have to adjust your social life in a way hat accommodate your partner . by doing this you allow for both of you to co exist as a unit but are both free to be your own people.

  • Submission and power struggles
Every man hides behind submission  however not everyone understands the kind of submission needed and instructed of married people. most people us e submission as a key to dominate oppress and justify actions . The bibles clearly states that a woman is a mans helper and that she was created out of mans rib .We live at a time where both man and woman have to carry their own weight to help bring up a family and as  a result we have to understand  a womans role in submission

  • Marriage is easy and doesn't need work.
Marriage is the hardest job you will sign up for . However it has the most rewards .Nothing meaningful comes without trouble its your job to ensure the trouble doesn't sink your boat

  • Your spouse should automatically be your best friend
Expecting your spouse to be your best friend is expected however their is a difference . because ether occupy a space in your life that is like no other however counting on them to fulfill their role s partner and meet your every need is impossible and is asking too much of them
  • Getting to know your spouse happens before marriage.
While dating we present our best behaviors and over time we stop pretending and show our true selves . That aside marriage brings new dynamics and we adjust ti new problems and solve new situations and this is where we learn lot more. never think you know it all.

Take your time . There is no rush  When the time comes do your best get enough help and do what you vowed to do .

DISCOVERING MY SEXUALITY. (PART 1 the bisexual)

SEXUALITY IS ONLY ATTRACTIVE WHEN ITS NATURAL AND SPONTANEOUS MARILYN MONROE

IN THE BEGINNING

We played with barbie and left out ken.
So on that day  we both played barbie
She kissed my lips and we giggled after.
She was my first.
She was a girl ! could i like a girl?
We swore not to talk about it and let it fade away........
HALFWAY THERE 
It was summer break .
He was cool and i was shy .
He was older and much taller.
He held my hand it made me blush .
On the night we met out late .
He held my hand and led me down the lane.
Butterfly's in my tummy that ran down my Spine to my legs .
A feeling that i had never experienced .
He held me close and with  a gaze so intense it drew me in.
I closed my eyes and inhaled his scent a scent i Love to this very day.
His warm lips and the caress of his tongue 
I felt  a heat i never knew existed.
His touch warmed me and consumed me .
I craved it.
He too was my first......

UNEXPECTED ENCOUNTER
I met her the first day of collage .
we became friends and even started to share a room..
She liked girls.
She ignited a spark i had left to lay dormant.
She was the feeling of ice on a hot summer s day
She quenched my thirst and held my hand .
In her i felt safe and secure
She was like me.
She knew what it was like to be a female and she understood me.
She knew i liked boys but she didnt mind .
 When i felt conflicted .
She said it was ok to be with her and be with him as well.
That's how its been all these years



Thursday, July 12, 2018

SUMMER STARS

IT IS WITHIN HERSELF SHE WILL FIND THE STRENGTH SHE NEEDS

You can never keep a good woman down
Fires on her hilltop, Rings of thorns surrounding her
Sharp eyes and a sharper mind that clocks
Her time the world’s place, her body deemed for seasonal changes
She nestles the quiet in the raging storms
Dances in the rain to the whistle of the drizzle
Swiftly beating into thundering rain drops
Still, her movements casting shadows
She is elated for the fresh breath of air, Lucky Lucy
Little is her luck, the residue of her diligence,
Kindred to a pound of gold
The gods must be smiling down at her
See, it’s been a dry March, a harsh April and a cold May
But this woman’s work was never done
Her toils now reaping bounty
Yet her loaded wagon makes no noise.
While one swallow does not make the summer
She is ecstatic that she can make out the constellations
Her time is now
You could never keep her down

Written by Mercy Eni Wandera http://mercyonmeweb.com

Wednesday, July 11, 2018

PERINATAL LOSS / LOSS OF A CHILD

 CHILD LOSS IS NOT A N EVENT IT IS AN INDESCRIBABLE JOURNEY OF SURVIVAL
see my post on it-is-ok-to-cry
 dealing-with-loss. 

You felt me before i knew you.
I loved you when i felt you.
You changed my life and gave me a new tittle.
Being your mother is truly a gift 

You became a part of me and will always be.
You comforted me when i was sad and moved to show your concern.
You danced when i laughed .
We shared this body and in you i learnt to love.

A love i cannot describe .
A feeling i cannot express
I dreamt of the day i would meet you.
I made plans for you .
Not knowing God had different plans for you. 

Our journey was cut short 
I had to let you go .
I carried you for every second of your life and i will carry you for the rest of mine.

Nobody will ever understand the feelings i have 
Nobody will understand our connection  but i feel you .
I love you 
I think about you 

Although it hurts  and most days i find myself crying .
At the sight of other children playing .
I know you are playing with the angels .
One day i will be able to play with you .

The looks of pity.
The silent whispers.
The false understanding those saying sorry seem to have.
Nobody truly knows what it is like 
and i pray that they never do,
So as the days go by and the pain fades away.
Watch over me and be my little angel as you have always been
I will always be your mum and i will always be a mom even when they say i am  not.
TSM

Monday, July 9, 2018

YOU ME AND THE STARS




Looking up, at the stars. 
On those late night's.
Where my early mornings, bring me longings.
For those late nights, holding you by side.
The sound of your voice ,echoing across the open space.

 
Where my longing turns to belonging.
Free of the past .Free in the present .
Free to have a future.
No longer held back .
Free to be.

For near or far the stars remain.

Under the stars we shall remain.

 
Just as the sun comes up to shine and the stars take a rest.
Your beauty remains even in absence.

So as the mornings ,bring me longings of those late nights . 
I shall remember ,"The beauty of the stars is that although they are far away they can still be felt"