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Untold lives of woman, is a woman's journey on the path life has set her on.
A blog about factors that affect the lives of women and where you can find inspiration.
The Un edited side of "life ".Where there is beauty in imperfection and knowing that through the support and wisdom we share with each other .We will help improve not only our own lives but the lives of generations to come.

Tuesday, June 14, 2016


BEING A PARENT vs Having a child

Reflecting in your own life, I am sure we have that couple or that one person we think about as being the most amazing mum/dad/family . If not our own parents, because you have seen/witnessed the love,sacrifice and time they have invested in their children.

That being said I am sure you also know of a person male or female that has a child and that's pretty much about it.

Here is one of the definitions available parent and parenthood.

  • Parent-A female person whose egg unites with a sperm or a male person whose sperm unites with an egg, resulting in the conception of a child or the birth of a child. Or a person that adopts a child
  • Parenthood-the state of being a parent and the responsibilities involved.

At the end of the day, regardless of whether or not someone is a dead beat or not a child biologically originates from two people,and the child deserves the love, support and security of those around them and especially the two that helped conceive him/her.

Too many children are being brought up by single parents, and I salute them all because it is a tough job. Some of the main reasons I have found are

  •  They are unable to provide for them financially .Those who therefore could not provide shy away from their responsibilities and their children.
  •  Some are barred from seeing them, or because the relationship with their mother/father floundered and in turn severed their relationship. 
  • Some cases gender based violence causes a parents rights to the child to be revoked.
  •  Some parents struggle to get access to them because their mothers are now involved in a new relationship.
  • Some parents who were able to pay maintenance but defaulted on these payments as they just neglect the fact that they are some innocent child's mother or father.

A survey done by Dr Eddy Mavungu from south africa found that fathers who had some emotional contact with their children were more likely to support their children,The fathers thrived on the emotional support and they were more motivated than those who had no contact.

That emotional support is very important.Valuing a father’s /mothers emotional connection with the child may be, in some circumstances, the most effective way to promote their economic contribution“The relationship between a father/mother and child cannot be put down to money.
However, realistically a child cannot survive on just love . That is where each individual needs to do their absolute best, and do whatever is necessary to provide financially,and where one is not able they should take up other roles to ensure it balances out.If both men and women did this, it was likely to result in greater involvement of fathers in their children’s lives.

Children from single homes have the perception that they were missing out,. “In some severe cases, they even have the feeling of being abandoned,” What many did not realise, was that the relationship between a father and child was not only beneficial to the child, but the positive value of the interaction also benefited the father.

Some fathers say that they feel like women ignored other functions that they could play in a child’s life, practically and emotionally.It was important to move beyond the role of being a provider and also being the moral teacher and having an emotional connection to their children. Mothers need to be encouraged to include fathers in their child’s life, as barring the child from their father could cause unnecessary damage to a child.

Some parents many of whom had fathers/mothers absent from their own lives blamed failure and misfortune in their lives on not having them around and are concerned that their children would end up in a similar predicament as it can be a viscous cycle. Half of them did not have daily contact with them and many end up struggling in the role of a father because they never had this role model growing up. Thus acknowledging that their absence had a negative impact on their ability to relate with their own children.

It is desirable to have both parents in a child’s life, there are more benefits attached . It produces the type of socialization which is important for a child. It helps improve life skills and levels of emotional stability. It helps them normalise perspectives of life.

Ask yourself this!I'm sure the answers will surprise you.

  • What contributions to your child's physical emotional spiritual have you made
  • If you died today what would your child remember you for

How has parenting changed you
The whole purpose of being involved in your child’s life is about attachment and the bonding that takes place

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Saturday, June 11, 2016


I am going to start this post by saying this "Everyone has a choice to make  and a life to live. I am not judging anyone's lifestyle choices, we all do what we think is best. I am only asking you to ask yourself

  • Am I doing this for myself or just to be seen?
  • Will I regret this?
  • If given a chance would I still do the same thing again?
  • Do I deserve better?
  • Is their another solution to my current dilemma?

"For the love of money is the root of all kinds of evil. " Over the last few years ,the numbers of young girls/boys looking to older men/women for financial support .As a means to an end has risen at an alarming rate that, it has become a norm. So much so that having a "sponsor" as they are now called is a trend.Young boys and girls are willing to do anything these men and women ask in exchange for gifts,treats and money.

Peer pressure, is a factor that contributes hugely so many young girls/boys have been talked into trying it by people who they call friends.
The answers I got from some of the men and women who proudly flaunt their young acquaintances,where an eye opener
 "money is a very small price to pay for a good time ." so what do you think a person that thinks that thinks of you."
" There is always someone willing so I can have up to 5  on speed dial." what I'm trying to show you by these examples is that although it may seem like a small price to give up. It takes away much more from you.

 This is a huge step backwards as we are slowly going back to primitive traditions. Where, young girls have been sold of to older men in the past ,and the tradition still goes on today .With hundreds of organisations trying to put an end to it .Yet here we are in a situation where people are doing so willingly and society accepts it. Our society has become so corrupted that young girls/boys loose their youth and wake up in a bed of doom

If you think this generation is rotten wait till you see the next one seeing as nobody is willing to teach them right from wrong in an age socialites/celebrities flaunt often fake/borrowed  wealth and young people do whatever it takes to keep up With current trends.
Life has lessons and most often, loosing everything brings you more .As it is the lack of. That brings you closer to your creator and  your reality all this to equip you with skills you will need in the future.

Giving up morals for money and luxuries you can live without won't take away the truth of the situation and it's the guilt that will later tear or damage your own future. The thing about us humans is that we think as long as I am getting away with something all is well. However that's far from the truth. One lie or one bad decision can cost you more than you stand to gain when karma steps in.

Especially where you end up getting sexually transmitted diseases on that quest for money. Children are being brought up in broken homes where fathers/mothers forsake their roles as providers in search of a young toy to splurge on. 5 years back walking into a restaurant and finding a young girl/boy seated with someone old enough to be your parent or grand parent was a rare and most often someone would speak up on it. However having a younger fling is like an accessory. We see it and say #sponsorthings shrug our shoulders and carry on.

We all have choices to make and we all want that happy ending. I was once told "it's better to have a tough beginning and a happy ending than a happy and smooth beginning but a bad ending." Choose wisely.
You may be able to fool everyone for now and even yourself but what happens when your all alone left to deal with the consequences of your actions. Who will be there to talk you from falling off the ledge. Nobody will ever love/value you more than you love and value  you.
So don't Trade your happiness for money today in hopes that you will get it back tomorrow. It's not a guarantee you will get it back

Saturday, June 4, 2016



If their is one thing I would go back and tell my younger self . It would be to slow down,and enjoy each moment as if it was my last. As each moment you have is your last and you won't be able to go back in time to get a do over.

Most of us are hurrying through life trying to achieve our goals and that. Is the world we are in everyone is chasing something that few of us are truly happy or are actually enjoying the fact that we are alive.

Each second that passes is a second that brings you closer to your last breath. Taking control of your life is important after all we come into this world alone and will leave alone. Allow yourself to be the writer of your story and learn to be ok with the things you don't have control over."let go and let God mentality."

Don't let the images the media or the lives of other people influence your life because they are living their lives as they are and by you trying to imitate you rob yourself of your true destiny. I believe we all have a beginning and an end to this journey called life and what determines how hard or easy the road will be, is the choices we make or our lack of choice when we allow people to dictate our choices to us.

The lives we live are a direct result of the choices we have made and those we didn't make. Our path is a direct reflection of our actions and in that we live as a result of our past decisions.our future is what will determine, if it was all worth it.
Live.Love.Laugh.Learn and have fun.

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