INTRO

Untold lives of woman, is a woman's journey on the path life has set her on.
A blog about factors that affect the lives of women and where you can find inspiration.
The Un edited side of "life ".Where there is beauty in imperfection and knowing that through the support and wisdom we share with each other .We will help improve not only our own lives but the lives of generations to come.

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Sunday, April 24, 2016

IT IS OK TO CRY

PEOPLE DON'T CRY BECAUSE THEY ARE WEAK THEY CRY BECAUSE THEY HAVE BEEN STRONG TOO LONG.

In that moment of complete dis-pare. When the sunlight fades away, and all that is left is a grey cloud of sorrow, and a fog, that hinders your vision from the road ahead.A tear isn't so far behind! and its OK to cry .It is release.

We go through the high's and low's of life because we don't know what will happen tomorrow.
 Sometimes the bad moments tend to overshadow the good ones, because we are temporarily robbed of happiness and getting back to level ground is usually a steep climb.

In my own experience. I  have realised that "The places you have the biggest challenge in your life, is the place you have to give the most." Coincidentally 7 out of 10 of those moments  will break you to the core ,that is where the biggest lessons are learnt and from those lessons come wisdom.

We live our lives as pawns as part of a bigger picture with which we are short sighted ,because most of what we think about . Revolves around ourselves or those closest  to us and  that limits our scope.

Our lives are not our own whatever we do will automatically affect someone else and it's a ripple effect. The dilemmas of life will continue to weigh heavily on us be it loss of a loved one, a relationship gone wrong or a trauma in our own lives that threaten to render us crippled with pain and hurt. The thing about life is, time doesn't stand still when we hit rock bottom. It goes on and that's a blessing we have each minute of everyday as an opportunity to make a positive out of all the negative, we have to go through. We have to choose to rise up. Cry for an hour if need be .Allow yourself to be completely vulnerable  but when that hour is up and you have poured out your hearts burdens it's time to fill your heart with hope and build towards your dreams.

Light tomorrow with today because courage is the price that life exacts for granting peace.A soul that knows no peace has no release







Monday, April 18, 2016

FATHERHOOD

ONE DAY YOUR CHILD WILL FOLLOW YOUR EXAMPLE INSTEAD OF YOUR ADVICE!
Photo by the amazing  Brian Bellamore aka Belly




I decided to write about fatherhood because its an aspect of life, most if not all men will become,and I wanted to bring out the realistic aspect of it all, because just like motherhood .Nobody is born prepared with the skill yes it is an instinct. However parenthood is a journey of lessons a continuous learning process.

That was the first lesson I learned the day I became a mother. I remember thinking what do I possibly know about being a mother,what if I drop my baby!I have never had to take care of a child let alone know how to change a diaper! But with time I have learned that as a parent your child looks up to you and expects you to have an answer for every question a solution for every problem. And it's your job to figure it all out even if you have no clue.

I asked people what fatherhood meant to them and most of the answers I got were the character traits ,a leader,a provider,a protector,a pillar of strength,a teacher. Let's begin from the past. Before the industrial revolution(or here in Africa colonialism) , fathers worked side by side with their sons and instructed their children in spiritual and physical values.
When industrialization/colonialism took over the men who were the head of the home had to leave there families in search of better sources of livelihood .Which fathers over time have become  regarded as merely breadwinners who fulfilled their paternal duties by providing.

Our fathers carry half of our genetic makeup. Our relationship with our father plays a huge part of who we will become. In many segments of society, people grow up without ever knowing their fathers.
 This is unfortunate because fathers should play as important a role in raising their children as mothers in some cases. A father is the model of a man for his daughter and she will choose a man who is either like him or look for a man who is nothing like him.
 A father is the model for his son as well as they learn what being a man is about.

 Fortunately, there is a trend for fathers to be more active in their children's lives.
Involved fathers find the time to attend their children's games .As well as play with them. They pull themselves away from the TV to be more active in their children\s lives and show them that they are more important than the things of this earth.As they know the importance of the power in there presence.
They set firm limits and encourage their kids to do their best even when they fail. "The greatest gift you can give your child is believing in them."
 Research shows that tween's(twenties) and teens need the firm leadership a father provides. A child performs better in school, if his father takes an interest in his education. Children have more confidence when their fathers spend time with them and show them affection. Kids learn from watching their fathers' decisions and listening to logical explanations that they give.

It doesn't matter who my father was," Anne Sexton once wrote, "it matters who I remember he was."
That statement in its self is an absolute.If you look back at your childhood and identify both the happiest and sad moments you will realize a lot of those moments evolve around what your parents did for you.Or what they didn't do for you and you will see that a lot of the decisions you now make stem from those instances.Without forgetting the relationships we have reflect upon the relationship we have with our self.For you to be the best for someone else you have to reconcile with yourself  first.

Take a look at these questions
  • What did you need from your father that he gave you?
  • What did you need but didn't receive?
  • How did his positive input help you to succeed?
  • How did the negative aspects possibly set a series of consequences into motion that you may still experience?
The answers to these questions may reveal what your children desperately long for. Now it's up to you to provide it. It may make your wallet  a little thinner, but the benefits could be priceless. After all as a parent our goal is  to provide for our children the best.

A 2002 study found that men born after 1965 spent 50 percent more time per workday with their children than boomer fathers (an average of 3.4 hours, versus 2.2 hours). That same year a workplace survey conducted by the Society of Human Resource Management discovered that men ranked the need to balance work and home life higher than their female colleagues.The sad part is that when you sit with your grandparents you treasure the lessons they give you and that becomes part of the treasured memories of them when they are away .Why cant we learn from them and spend quality time with our children creating memories that will last more than our lifetime.

Wanting a family and having a family are two VERY different things the sacrifice involved is what determines the long term effect

Thursday, April 14, 2016

A WOMAN IS UNSTOPABLE ONCE SHE REALISES SHE DESERVES BETTER

IF YOU WONDER IF YOU DESERVE BETTER ITS BECAUSE YOU PROBABLY DO


At one point or another, we have all gotten to a point in our lives where we have said "Enough is Enough" and focused on what needed to be done and never looked back.
I believe that the beginning of a self realization (knowing who you are,what you represent,what you have to offer,what you are worth) is the start of a journey With unlimited possibilities Because you are nolonger held back by doubt. You know that you deserve Nothing but the best and won't settle for anything less.
You stop getting upset with people or situations because you now know that both are situational and powerless ,without your reaction.
Acknowledging that ,Will help you begin to thrive, and truly live because then you know that although there is very little you can control in this life you will allow yourself  to be grateful for all you have been through because in life everything is a lesson that strengthens your character.

When it all boils down you realize that, "Your past doesn't define you, its what you do in that situation. At that given moment in time that brings you to where you are now. And who you are now is all that matters".


Monday, April 4, 2016

ROBBING CHILDREN OF A CHILDHOOD

DONT TAKE MY INNOCENCE

Childhood used to be a precious time, for fun .Time for day dreaming, time alone to use imagination, time to play; time to just be a kid. That we had before we became teenagers and began preparing for our lives as adults.

Innocence rightfully belongs to children. The love of play. the love of learning. the trust of loving adults should be the whole world for the children in our care.
Unfortunately in this precious time ,One feature of our very modern world is our inability to retain a hold on innocence for children. We are quickly losing the warmth and security of the childhood years,
childhood is in danger of being lost as more and more parents are creating killer schedules that keep the child busy intentionally for them to be able to focus on their jobs or other aspects of their lives. Children are quickly taking second place in their parents lives

Is it possible for the boundaries between adulthood and childhood be once again restored? Can parents today, sensing uneasily that something is missing, try to recreate the different sort of childhood that they themselves once were granted? In an Age of Preparation, can individual parents hope to bring their children up protectively?changes in family stability and employment patterns, most notably, along with the increasing dominance of television in children's lives cannot be reversed. We will never return to the oldstyle family with the bread-earning father and the childlike, stay-at-home mother minding the house and kids. Nor would we desire such a step backward. alyhough it cannot be reversed, it may indeed be modified and made to work better for families.

An understanding of the irreversible consequences of family on children's lives will cause parents to readjust some of their original goals for marriage, and to focus greater attention on their children's well being than on those ambitions, desires and dreams of personal fulfilment they had when they were single. The future holds the possibility of a variety of partnerships for both men and women, only some of which will be seen as conducive to the raising of children.

Perhaps an understanding that children and adults are not equal, and that children do not prosper when treated as equal, will encourage parents to take a more authoritative position in the family.

If you are given the heavy burden of knowledge before you have the capacity to deal with it ,it becomes burdensome, because it requires mental and psychological work to deal with it the results may be those distressing signs parents and teachers are observing among children today: confusion, fear, feelings of incompetence. Children grow up not really able to deal with difficulties, and they learn that the best way to deal with problems is to escape, through drugs or drink or whatever.''

Because of the knowledge, independence, ''adultness'' that characterise so many children today especially, it appears, those who have had to ''grow up faster'' because their parents have divorced or are both absorbed in their careers, it is easy to get the impression that children are also more mature these days. Indeed, the child growing up under more protective, old-fashioned circumstances may seem more ''bratty,'' more ''spoiled,'' more demanding than the hardy, self-sufficient child of absent parents. But while a certain level of independence achieved when a child is forced to take care of himself much of the time, it is not the same thing as maturity. As the child grows older, true maturity, defined by an ability to share, to sacrifice, to be generous, to love unselfishly, and to nurture and care for children of his own, may prove elusive, and in its place, attention-seeking and narcissism become the characteristics that define his adult life. While those children whose childhoods are enriched by a bounty of adult experiences end up the poorer for it, those ''poor'' protected children have received a treasure in disguise - one, however, that will reveal itself only when they have grown up.
Perhaps the recognition that we are denying our children a real childhood will restore how we relate to the children of coming generations.