I HAVE NOTHING TO OFFER BUT BLOOD TEARS TOIL AND SWEAT.
Laying on my back wide awake in my camp bed.
A Million thoughts racing through my mind.
As the night covers the once bright sky
Fear sets in
The smell of my bandaged leg makes me gag
Afraid to close my eyes lest the enemy attack .
but at the same time too afraid to fall a sleep.
Its one thing to live a nightmare during the day.
Its pure torture to re-live your day in your dream.
The only peace of mind i get is when exhaustion consumes me and i black out
Or when i have reached my body's alcohol limit .
Which i seem to do often.
Looking back,
If i knew this job would take this much away from me,
I would have not signed up.
By the time i made the realization it was already to late to turn back.
So i accept my mission and carry out my orders.
Some days i wish to be in a different body .
So that i am free of the pain and free of my actions.
Some days i wish to be happy and when i am.
Something inside me screams you don't deserve it.
My road feels unbearably lonely.
Those that know what it is like are fighting their own demons .
Those i love Only scratch the surface .
For if i gave them the details they might hate me for my actions.
Often i wonder if you think about me when i am all alone.
The lack of communication means your better off with out me.
Some days i laugh it off and allow the darkness to consume me.
Ashamed that i have acquired a taste for the rush of it all .
I am not who i once was .
I barely recognize myself
I am a shell filled with DARKNESS.
I need your love.
I need your help but where do i begin.
SK
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