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Untold lives of woman, is a woman's journey on the path life has set her on.
A blog about factors that affect the lives of women and where you can find inspiration.
The Un edited side of "life ".Where there is beauty in imperfection and knowing that through the support and wisdom we share with each other .We will help improve not only our own lives but the lives of generations to come.

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Monday, September 18, 2017

DATING A SINGLE PARENT

TO LOVE IS TO ACCEPT WHAT YOU CANNOT CHANGE


Here are some things you need to know about dating a single parent that lives 
with and takes care of his/her child.

1. The kids will always come first—no matter what. That means that if you have plans with the woman or man you are dating and their child decides he or she needs some mommy or daddy time and so they cancel the date with you, you have to accept it, be OK with it, not resent him or her, AND even respect the fact that he/she is there for the child.

2. The relationship might go slower than you want. Jumping into a serious relationship is a lot easier for those who have never been married and/or who don’t have kids. It’s not easy, but you have to be patient. You are dating a person who has been through all the waves and probably understands more because of their experiences. Before they can take you seriously and ,meet your needs you have to show them ,that you understand what they need .You understand that they have a mini family .If you want to be a part of it , it requires you to be understanding and fully committed otherwise don’t waste your time or theirs if you are not ready.

3. If the divorce/separation is recent or going on, he or she might seem distant at times. No one understands the impact of going through a divorce/separation except for those who have gone through it. It can be draining, frustrating, upsetting, and infuriating, and cause intense anxiety, stress, depression, rage, or sadness. And if someone is going through it, and are still hurting they sometimes want to be left alone. They want to just sit in a room and cry or hug their kids all night while watching TV. It is an extremely emotional time and that person needs to heal. Have respect for that and do not take it personally. The only thing you can do is just be there for them, Time heals all wounds and you will see the benefits of all you have done with time

4. He or She is busy. I know. I know...everyone is busy. But he/she is really busy. When someone is juggling a job, kids, and a social life, they don’t have the time to be on the phone with a new love for hours, and making plans is difficult. The best time to make plans is when the kids are away or when the kids are at school or even when they are asleep. Again, don’t take it personally if they seem distant.

5. His or her self-esteem isn’t the greatest. Maybe her husband left her. Maybe he had to move back home with his parents. Maybe her ex-husband was abusive. There are so many factors that could cause hat person to have low self-esteem, and therefore be holding back a bit. Realize that it’s not you and they have to learn that they age worthy of the best. They will need time to heal past wounds and find themselves again. A lot of patience is the key here.

6. be willing to play things by ear a lot. Dating someone with kids requires a person to be flexible and not have to make plans 10 days in advance. Because, any single parent can tell you things can change at any moment. 

7. Getting involved in his or her separation/divorce is a huge mistake. If he/she vents about her ex or cries or tells you what a jerk he is, don’t make the mistake of hating the ex, too. Just try to be supportive of feelings and be there for the person in any way you can. Give advice, but be careful. You don’t know the whole situation. At the end of the day they still have a kid to raise and will see each other at some point.

8. If you love him or her, you have to love the children, too. It’s a package deal. You really have to want to be a stepmom or dad or you shouldn’t be with that person.
Some men and women can’t handle these things, which is understandable. Just be honest with yourself and make a decision. Sure there is room for a little compromise, but for the most part, the single parent is a parent who needs to be there for his or her children. Accept it or break up. If you can be patient, I think you will enjoy dating a single parent!


Dating a single parent with kids isn't right for everyone. No matter how much chemistry you share, or how much you value your relationship, there will be times when the kids will interrupt your flow. You'll plan a special outing and—boom—someone gets sick. Or you've had a long day and just want to unwind, only to find the kids home. Dating into a larger family has its perks, but it's also a challenge—especially for first timers.
So how can you know up front whether dating a single parent is right for you? Here are several reasons why it might not be a good fit:

TO BE HONEST DON’T DATE A SINGLE PARENT IF

1.You're jealous of her kids   
Okay, let's face it. No one really likes sharing their mate. Jealousy is in our nature as human beings. But when you're dating a single parent, being jealous of her kids will get you nowhere. (Well, that's not quite true; it will send you out the front door—quickly!) While there aren't many dating issues that are black-and-white, this is one of them. If you're jealous of her kids, you're setting your relationship up for failure. There's no gray area here. Being jealous puts her in the middle, which leads to more tension than most relationships can handle. So what are you supposed to do? When you experience jealousy, stop and acknowledge the emotion you're feeling. If, after giving it some thought, you think the issue is worth bringing up with your mate, find some time when the two of you can talk quietly (maybe after  the kids are in bed). Let her know how you're feeling and talk about what you both value in your relationship and why it's important to you. Then, explore how you might be able to share little 'reminders' of how much you each value your relationship in the hectic mix of your everyday lives. 

2. You’re looking for spontaneity
If you've never dated a single parent before, you may be used to some degree of spontaneity in your romantic relationships—especially in the beginning. There's just something about being able to drop everything and go off by yourselves that helps to cement your bond. Or maybe you love to travel and can't wait to surprise her with tickets to London or Rome. While that's a beautiful gesture, it may not be possible for a single mom who's parenting entirely on her own, with no co-parent,, and no stand by nanny. If that would be a dating deal-breaker for you, then you probably won't do well dating a single parent. 
3. You resent biting your tongue and letting her parent. 
Especially in the beginning, you should anticipate biting your tongue a lot. Your mate has been parenting on her own for years already, and she's probably not interested in having you step in and critique her parenting style or discipline tactics  The best thing you can do? Wait for her to ask for it before sharing your opinion. (Unless, of course, you're telling her that she's doing a great job with her kids!) Remember, too, that even newly married couples who live with their step-children often hold off on disciplining one another's kids until they've had sufficient time to 'earn the right' to be a co-disciplinarian.

    4. You want to control the timing. 
 Speaking of timing … When you're dating a single parent, you have to respect his or her timing when it comes to introducing the kids and taking your relationship to the next level. One issue, in particular, that many new couples argue about is showing affection in front of the kids. It can be downright hard to hold off on taking her hand, draping an arm over her shoulder, or kissing her when and how you want—whether the kids might walk in or not. But until she is comfortable, you have to respect her timing. To push her is to make her feel like she's caught in the middle of doing what's right for your relationship and what's right for her kids. And that's a position you may not want to be in for long.

5. You don't like kids. 
 This should be a no-brainer, but you'd be surprised how many people (men and women, alike) think they'll get over it in time.. only to rediscover later that they never wanted to live with or help raise someone else's children. If you feel this way, own up to it from the start and avoid investing your time and your heart in a relationship that will fail. A similar issue is wanting children of your own when your mate has expressed that she (or he) doesn't want more children. While either of you could change your mind down the road, there's no guarantee that you will. And that puts a lot of pressure on both of you.
Only you can truly know if you're up for dating a single parent. While there are a million bonuses that come with dating into a family, there are some challenges that can be hard to overcome—especially if this is your first time . So above all else, be respectful of your mate. If it's time to say goodbye, do so lovingly and without dragging it on or assuming things will change.


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THE STORY OF A LIFETIME


(Book to read secrets about life every woman should know by Barbara de Angelis)
When you go through life expecting what is happening outside to make you happy.
You are setting yourself up for failure. You are setting yourself up for misery.
You make yourself a victim of circumstances you cannot control and you become dependent on others for your own state of joy and contentment.

Today I would like to share this story with you .It’s a story from ancient India.
In the beginning god created the universe and all the people in it so that everyone was aware of his or her true oneness with god and the great love within themselves.
These were the secrets of life, and after all, god loved everyone so why not give them the greatest gift he could think of.
He then sat down and watched the play of life with all of its dramas unfold,
But as he watched he realized something was very wrong. Whenever a human being met with a challenge or went through tough times the person would say to themselves. ‘’This is aweful.why should I go through this? I am one with god so I will just drop this human form and merge back into him.’’
And that’s exactly what happened one by one each human would remember his true self and be unwilling to play the game of life.
God was very disturbed by this dilemma. The purpose of life was to learn grow not to bailout when the going got rough. So he called an emergency meeting with his divine beings.
‘’after much consideration,’’ god began, ‘’I have decided that we are going to have to hide the secret of life ,the secret of happiness from these humans. If they remember it they have no interest in living an earthly life.’’
‘’But where will we hide it? ‘’one divine being asked. ‘’Let’s hide it at the top of the highest mountain on earth .’’someone suggested.
‘’No that won’t work.’’ god replied shaking his head. ‘’Human beings are resourceful they will find ways to climb up there and discover it.’’
‘’What about at the bottom of the ocean .they will never go there another one offered.’’
‘’Oh yes they will .’’god interjected “they will invent submarines. The bottom of the ocean won’t do.’’
Someone else said,’’ lets hide it in outer space.  Surely it will be impossible for them to locate it.’’
God said ,’’that won’t do either they will invent space ships and travel in space’’.
None of these suggestions will work .There has got to be somewhere we can hide the secret of happiness where human will not find it.
I know where e can hide it” a soft voice spoke. ‘HIDE IT DEEP WITHIN THE HUMAN HEART THEY WILL NEVER LOOK THERE’’.
God smiled he knew he had found the answer and then he made it so and that’s where it has been ever since.
I think this is the kind of story that should last a lifetime. The kind of story you go to sleep thinking about. It is truth in itself as humans we always look externally to understand things or blame external factors in our life but we seldom look within ourselves.
Our mind, body, spirit and soul are the most powerful things in the universe. Yet we don’t even realize it.