INTRO

Untold lives of woman, is a woman's journey on the path life has set her on.
A blog about factors that affect the lives of women and where you can find inspiration.
The Un edited side of "life ".Where there is beauty in imperfection and knowing that through the support and wisdom we share with each other .We will help improve not only our own lives but the lives of generations to come.

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Tuesday, January 23, 2018

THE BEST WORD FOR A FOOL IS SILENCE

IN LIFE YOU NEED TO LEARN TO BE OK WITH GIVING AND NOT RECEIVING  ANYTHING BACK IN RETURN
See my post on:
/it-is-ok-to-cry../=when-burdens-become-to-heavy...the-heart-keeps-mind-sane.
 
To be completely honest I love words and i struggle through silence but over time I've become an expert on silence. Sometimes when the people you love hurt you the most it's better to stay quiet.because if your love wasn't enough what makes you think your words will matter.

Martin Luther King said ,"in the end we will not remember the words of our enemies but the silence of our friends." if you don't think so try remember a situation where you expected someone to react to something you did but instead they just stayed quiet or said,"it's ok." hahaha those words can drive you insane . 

I d like to think that a wise woman knows when to avoid drama because she knows her time is precious and She is not going to waste it on unimportant things. Some battles are not worth fighting and if you keep going you will only regret it.Think back to a time you where mad and said some things but after you cooled down you came up with wiser words you could have said. Now imagine if you just walked away how much better it would have been.

Sometimes it's better to remain silent and let people think you are a FOOL than to speak and to eliminate all doubt that you are one..I've had to deal with snakes disguised as friends.and loved ones that just couldn't be helped at all .Although it hurt at that moment.You need to let people make a FOOL of themselves and let karma catch up with them.

One thing I've learnt is if you speak when you are upset/angry you will make the best speech you will regret. 
So please don't act in the spur of the moment. Scream out all you have to say to yourself. Then tell God I'm not going to deal with this.This one is all yours. Then distract yourself as best as you can until you heal .

Live , learn ,love yourself and know one day the situation your stuck in will make for a good laugh.

If you can't stay quiet make sure that come back line is much more beautiful than silence.😉
(Click here to read a story that will inspire you LINK)

Thankyou for your continued loyalty I appreciate each and every reader that visits this blog. 

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Sunday, January 21, 2018

WHEN A WOMAN CUTS HER HAIR ,SHE IS CUTTING OFF MUCH MORE

See my post on:
i-hold-world-in-my-hands.
Acceptance of ones self
/loving-each-stage-of-life
As a woman hair is part of our definition of beauty. Its something thats been rooted in us since childhood. Our mothers did our hair or would take us to get our hair done and the reason was to make us look beautiful.

Our hair became our identity and different hair styles make us feel different .However we can all agree a good hair day or just getting a new hair style workes wonders on our confidence levels.
Our hair tells the world who we are without us even uttering a word. A good example is how people sterio-type. Dreadlocks with rebels or blonds as being blond.which isn't necessarily true however the assumption doesn't go away.

When a woman takes a moment to reflect back on the colourful story of her life each chapter is defined by the diverse hairstyles she rocked.be it a passionate relationship or straight on depression.

Hair holds so much more energy than most of us are aware of. there is usually a direct correlation between what's happening on our heads and what's happening in our lives. That's why the hair industry does so well.


However, there comes a point in every womans life where, the urge to cut your hair gets really loud and that's often the beginning of something, new and exciting.

Here are a few reasons as to why women cut there hair

1.Haircuts are a symbol of change (saying goodye to the past and hallo to a new beginning)
Sometimes the fastest way to create a new and better version of yourself is to cut your hair. You say good bye to a part of you and embrace new change. I.e if you dyed your hair red for a person you were dating, and you broke up the sight of your own hair can disgust. You so the new change dis engages you from, then and puts you in a healing path through change.


2.A haircut allows you to rediscover yourself.
Hair is a woman veil and if it's long enough you hide behind your hair with long fringes , style your hair to flow around your face and hair hides a lot .From shyness to insecurities of your facial features.
When you cut it off you strip yourself of the false sense of safety it provides ,and when you look in the mirror. You are forced to see you. For who you are and in that you get a chance to, redefine what beauty means to you.

3.Sometimes a woman just wants to try out something different.

4.Cutting hair is freeing.
If you calculate the amount of money and time  spent doing hair . Its ridiculous and sometimes you just need to be able to wake up and leave the house without the hustle of it all. Without the weight of it all. Feel free and care free 

5.Cutting hair is a way of letting go off fear and finding strength in the unknown.
When you get the courage to cut your hair you are aware of yourself. You are aware of what you are and what you are not. You own who You are and you cut away the preconceived notions of who you are supposed to be.

6.Sometimes you just need to cut off all the damage caused by over heating and straining from styling and go back to your natural hair.

Personally, i have cut my hair way too many times for all the reasons ive stated. It feels good at the moment and it is a constant reminder of the new change. 

However, what i have learnt is. For true change to occur you dont need to cut your hair the change hapoens from within and when it does you will not need a physical reminder .you will be 100%Sure . Anything that needs constant reminder means that you are not convinced it was a good idea to begin with. As women we feel strongly about something one minute the next we don't .So don't act on impulse .
Your hair has nothing to do with what you are feeling inside.

I love the song by india arie that says i am not my hair. I am not my skin . l am not your expectations. I am that soul that lives within it all .(The song)

Live, learn, laugh ,heal and never stop dreaming .
Everything has its season and yours is just beginning. 
XOXO

Wednesday, January 3, 2018

PUTTING AN END TO GENDER BASED VIOLENCE (GBV)

THE CURE TO GBV IS TO STOP TREATING IT AS JUST A WOMANS ISSUE


GBV can fit into several broad categories. These include violence carried out by "individuals" as well as "states".
Some of the forms of violence perpetrated by individuals are: rapedomestic violencesexual harassmentreproductive coercionfemale infanticideprenatal sex selection, obstetric violence, and mob violence; as well as harmful customary or traditional practices such as honor killingsdowry violencefemale genital mutilationmarriage by abduction and forced marriage.

 Some forms of violence are perpetrated or condoned by the state such as war rapesexual violence and sexual slavery during conflict; forced sterilizationforced abortion; violence by the police and authoritative personnel; stoning and flogging.

trafficking in women and forced prostitution are often perpetrated by organized criminal networks.


violence against women (VAW) " is understood as a violation of human rights and a form of discrimination against women and shall mean all acts of gender-based violence that result in, or are likely to result in, physical, sexual, psychological or economic harm or suffering to women, including threats of such acts, coercion into sex or arbitrary deprivation of liberty . whether occuring in public or in private life.

Violence against women and girls is one of the most prevalent human rights violations in the world. It knows no social, economic or national boundaries. Worldwide, an estimated one in three women will experience physical or sexual abuse in her lifetime.
That statistic in itself is alarming. Translate that into your friends and family and you can imagine .Someone has either gone through it and suffers in silence or the person that has gone through it and is yet to heal from the ordeal.
However this doesnt mean that gender based violence doesnt occur towards men.
Violence against men (VAM), consists of violent acts  that are disproportionately or exclusively committed against men. Men are over represented as both victims and perpetrators of violence.
Sexual violence against men is treated differently in any given society from that committed against women and may be unrecognized by international law.
Studies of social attitudes show violence is perceived as more or less serious depending on the gender of victim and perpetrator.
According to a study in the publication,"Aggressive Behavior", violence against women was about a third more likely to be reported by third parties to the police regardless of the gender of the attacker,although the most likely to be reported gender combination was a male perpetrator and female victim.
The use of stereotypes by law enforcement is a recognised issue,and international law scholar Solange Mouthaan argues that, in conflict scenarios, sexual violence against men has been ignored in favor of a focus on sexual violence against women and children.
A good example are the stories we hear about in male prisons (dont drop the soap).However nothing is done about it. How can the place where one is to be refomed and re introduced into society be the source of  more trauma. This just means we are re introducing troubled men back to the society.
One explanation for the difference in focus is the physical power that men hold over women making people more likely to condemn men than women.The concept of male survivors of violence go against social perceptions of the male gender role, leading to low recognition and few legal provisions.
Often there is no legal framework for a woman to be prosecuted when committing violent offenses against a man.
Violence against women is not different from violence against men. The same motives play a role in almost all violence
Gender-based violence undermines the health, dignity, security and autonomy of its victims, yet it remains shrouded in a culture of silence. 
A silence that is killing many and destroying lives.
Here in our country. If your daughter or son  gets raped/molested  or abused ."Yes you take them to hospital and ensure all protocals are observed.However few times any cases are forwarded to the police . 
After ,it becomes a secret to be kept and talked about in hushed tones. In many cases the families of the victims assume that it is forgotten and all is well and the survivor is left to deal with the psychological damage on their own.
Victims of violence can suffer sexual and reproductive health consequences, including forced and unwanted pregnancies, unsafe abortions, traumatic fistula, sexually transmitted infections including HIV, and even death. However if non of that happens we assume psycological trauma is not a big deal.
The issue of gender based violence is a serious issue yet it is not treated with the urgency and seriousness it deserves.
In my own experience our GBV centers are a disgrace and clearly show how the people left in charge take the matter lightly. Dont get me wrong they do alot and help thousands of men and women annually with the work they do. However there is room for improvement.
Gender Based Violence ,needs to be an issue that is drilled into peoples conscious. So that the awareness is so loud . It sticks out like a sore thumb. If we did it with the ban of plastic bags we can do it.
If we were to begin creating awareness on the scale the issue deserves the first people to be stream lined would be those incharge of the current recovery centers offered to the public .
Online and offline campaigns to create awareness that it is not just a female issue and get more men involved in the discussion . 
We would also need to create institutions for The perpetrators to under go genuine  rehabilitation . and create more centers where survivors (not victim's) can come together and help eachother. 
Because the only people that understand the depth of the situation are people. Who have gone through it.
After all the best way to stop it from happening is to prevent it from happening.

CHILD MARRIAGE #ENDchildMarriage


An estimated 23% of girls are married before their 18th birthday in Kenya.

Child marriage rates vary across regions, with the North Eastern and Coast regions having the highest rates, while the Central region and Nairobi have the lowest rates.

Many girls in rural parts of Kenya are often perceived by their families as either an economic burden or valued as capital for their exchange value in terms of goods, money and livestock.

To justify these economic transactions, a combination of cultural, traditional and religious arguments are often employed.

 However it doesnt change the fact that young girls are viewed as a means to an end. Poverty as well as lack of education remain the highest factors contributing to child marriage
.
As 67% of women aged 20-24 with no education married as a child, in comparison to 6% of women with secondary education or higher.

Women living in rural areas are twice as likely to be married under age 18 than women living in urban areas. This urban-rural divide has increased by 36% since 2003.

LEGAL AGE OF MARRIAGE
In March 2014, the parliament adopted the Marriage Act 2014 which introduces a uniform minimum age of marriage, set at 18 for both women and men.
Importantly, the new legislation applies to all forms of marriage including Islamic and customary marriages.

if current trends in child marriage continue, the number of girls under 15 years giving birth in Africa is expected to rise from 2 million to 3 million a year by 2030. “If we do nothing, in the next decade over 14 million girls under 18 years will be married every year,” she said.
  
Human rights violations
FGM and child marriage are human rights violations as they deprive girls and women of the right to decide their own futures and control their own bodies and their sexuality.

FGM (female genital mutilation) and child marriage are health issues. Child marriage results in teenage pregnancy; the leading causes of maternal deaths and injuries for girls aged 15 to 19 are pregnancy and childbirth. It also contributes to high rates of obstetric fistula, premature births, sexually transmitted diseases (including cervical cancer), HIV and domestic violence..


With the rife of HIV in Kenya . It  means that young married girls are particularly at risk. As majority of them are married off to men older than them . Who often die before they know it is HIV/AIDS. Robbing them of their lives .Robbing the country of talent and skill.

Although we live at a time we can openly talk about this and more and more awareness is being created it is still a big problem as .The practice os still carried out in secret . Young girls are robbed of a future and forced to accept traditional roles. 

Their voices are silenced and their freedoms taken away from them. Young girls become mothers .Young women become wives before they are ready for it.

As a result of being stripped of their rights and freedoms. They are forced into accepting a life they have not chosen and often end up being abused .As they have no where to turn to..These young girls often feel trapped without any education they cant stand on their own. Without support they are left to deal with the scars that remain on their own.
It is our job to ensure that they get to choose what happens to them.
.........continued in my next post 

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