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Untold lives of woman, is a woman's journey on the path life has set her on.
A blog about factors that affect the lives of women and where you can find inspiration.
The Un edited side of "life ".Where there is beauty in imperfection and knowing that through the support and wisdom we share with each other .We will help improve not only our own lives but the lives of generations to come.

Tuesday, November 24, 2020


Victim-blaming is the attitude which suggests that the victim rather than the perpetrator bears responsibility for the assault. 

Victim-blaming occurs when it is assumed that an individual did something to provoke the violence by actions, words, or dress. 
Many people would rather believe that someone caused their own misfortune because it makes the world seem a safer place, but victim-blaming is a major reason that survivors of sexual and domestic violence do not report their assaults. While some suffer from depression and even become suicidal.

We tend to attribute other people’s behaviors to internal, personal characteristics while ignoring external forces and variables that also might have played a role.
When we look at an event that happened in the past, we have a tendency to believe that we should have been able to see the signs and predict the outcome.

This hindsight makes it seem like the victims of a crime, accident, or another form of misfortune should have been able to predict and prevent whatever problem might have befallen them.

This line of reasoning completely triggers me . Why? Why is it ok to be raped because of what you wear,what you said,how you acted ,how you sat or even what colour your inner garments are!

How have we gotten to a point where find it normal to assume something bad will always happen. That we should be ready to fight our way out of a situation and if we fail to it's still our fault.

We excuse abusers behaviours more often than we support the victim. The person that will be left with those scars for life. The person that will have to re-live that nightmare, that encounter  over and over until they heal. While the abuser walks away with a slap on the wrist and the probability of them doing it again doubling with each time they get away with it.

Whether or not the survivors story makes sense to you. You should always see the weight of the situation and see, how hard it is to even speak up to begin with.
What joy does a person get from making a claim as serious as rape or abuse ?

Dear survivor,
I want you to know. Although you have lost a part of you. Know that it is not all of you.
Speak up and don't be affair to speak your truth.
Free yourself and don't let them silence you .Don't let them sentence you to the prison of your mind and soul.
Don't let them take any more than they already have. You are loved.
You are worthy.
The abuse/assault you went through. is not your fault.
See my previous post on abusive relationships , rape , gender based violence

Wednesday, November 4, 2020


Coming across a story on the news about 5 girls being arrested after undergoing female genital mutilation today. Showed me how detached we are from the issue that is female genital mutilation and how deep it runs..

Let me give you a quick story," A couple of years ago i witnessed a bunch of  girls sitting combing each others hair under a tree . On a scorching hot , saturday afternoon. I remember the details so clearly because what I heard shook me to my core.
These girls where from a region that still practices FGM.

They where discussing female circumcision and one of the older girls was describing what happens . She was talking about it bold and proudly.. she said, "I am a woman now. I am clean and will get a husband soon."
The smile on her face and the look in her eyes giving two very contradicting stories.
The girls around her sat in awe .That's when I noticed a much older from the group started crying, saying,"  I haven't been circumcised, my parents have refused for me to go through it. (One of the blessings of coming from Nairobi is that some parents have turned down the custom) She had tears in her eyes. She felt like it was irrational and wrong of them to want to deny her womanhood. She felt betrayed. She wanted to be like her peers.
Not knowing that her parents loved her enough to say No.

What does this have in common with the story on the news is simple. 
When you have been brought up knowing 1+1  equals two 1's. It's hard for someone to come along and tell you you where wrong all along that 1+1 is actually 2.

How do we expect young girls who are brought up in these practices to see it as wrong?

How can a girl who is seen as weak stand up and say No? 

How can a practice that is considered crucial end yet we are surrounded with ignorant ,self serving ,money minded police? 

How does arresting a girl who has gone through the cut stop it from happening ?
Fear of arrest? No when something is deeply rooted within you it is impossible to have it stopped.

I feel like you have to go directly to those that still preach its importance.



Happier new month.

We have all had a difficult time this year,and looking at some of your emails and questions . Made me realise how important it is to share more about the types of depression.

You might be wondering why you have changed so much. Why you are withdrawn , constantly sad and your just wondering what's going on with you both physically and emotionally. 

Depression affects everyone differently, and you might only have some of these symptoms. You may also have other symptoms that aren’t listed here. Keep in mind that it’s also normal to have some of these symptoms from time to time without having depression.

But if they start to impact your day-to-day life, they may be the result of depression.

So here are some of the common symptoms of depression:

  • deep feelings of sadness
  • dark moods
  • feelings of worthlessness or hopelessness
  • appetite changes
  • sleep changes
  • lack of energy
  • inability to concentrate
  • difficulty getting through your normal activities
  • lack of interest in things you used to enjoy
  • withdrawing from friends
  • preoccupation with death or thoughts of self-harm

There are many types of depression. While they share some common symptoms, they also have some key differences.

Here’s a look at nine types of depression

Major depression

Major depression is also known as​ major depressive disorder, classic depression, or unipolar depression. 

People with major depression experience symptoms most of the day, every day. Like many mental health conditions, it has little to do with what’s happening around you. You can have a loving family, tons of friends, and a dream job. You can have the kind of life that others envy and still have depression.

Even if there’s no obvious reason for your depression, that doesn’t mean it’s not real or that you can simply tough it out.

It’s a severe form of depression that causes symptoms such as:

  • despondency, gloom, or grief
  • difficulty sleeping or sleeping too much
  • lack of energy and fatigue
  • loss of appetite or overeating
  • unexplained aches and pains
  • loss of interest in formerly pleasurable activities
  • lack of concentration, memory problems, and inability to make decisions
  • feelings of worthlessness or hopelessness
  • constant worry and anxiety
  • thoughts of death, self-harm, or suicide

These symptoms can last weeks or even months. Some people might have a single episode of major depression, while others experience it throughout their life. Regardless of how long its symptoms last, major depression can cause problems in your relationships and daily activities.

 Persistent depression

Persistent depressive disorder​ is depression that lasts for two years or more. It’s also called dysthymia or chronic depression. Persistent depression might not feel as intense as major depression, but it can still strain relationships and make daily tasks difficult.

Some symptoms of persistent depression include:

  • deep sadness or hopelessness
  • low self-esteem or feelings of inadequacy
  • lack of interest in things you once enjoyed
  • appetite changes
  • changes to sleep patterns or low energy
  • concentration and memory problems
  • difficulty functioning at school or work
  • inability to feel joy, even at happy occasions
  • social withdrawal

Though it’s a long-term type of depression, the severity of symptoms can become less intense for months at a time before worsening again. Some people also have episodes of major depression before or while they have persistent depressive disorder. This is called double depression.

Persistent depression lasts for years at a time, so people with this type of depression may start to feel like their symptoms are just part of their normal outlook on life.

Manic depression, or bipolar disorder

Manic depression consists of periods of mania or hypomania, where you feel very happy, alternating with episodes of depression. Manic depression is an outdated name for​ bipolar disorder.

In order to be diagnosed with bipolar I disorder, you have to experience an episode of​ mania​ that lasts for seven days, or less if hospitalization is required. You may experience a depressive episode before or following the manic episode.

Depressive episodes have the same symptoms as major depression, including:

  • feelings of sadness or emptiness
  • lack of energy
  • fatigue
  • sleep problems
  • trouble concentrating
  • decreased activity
  • loss of interest in formerly enjoyable activities
  • suicidal thoughts
  • Signs of a manic phase include:
  • high energy
  • reduced sleep
  • irritability
  • racing thoughts and speech
  • grandiose thinking
  • increased self-esteem and confidence
  • unusual, risky, and self-destructive behavior
  • feeling elated, “high,” or euphoric

In severe cases, episodes can include hallucinations and delusions. Hypomania is a less severe form of mania. You can also have mixed episodes in which you have symptoms of g mania and depression.

Depressive psychosis

Some people with major depression also go through periods of losing touch with reality. This is known as​ psychosis, which can involve hallucinations and delusions. Experiencing both of these together is known clinically as major depressive disorder with psychotic features. However, some providers still refer to this phenomenon as​ depressive psychosis​ or psychotic depression.

Hallucinations are when you see, hear, smell, taste, or feel things that aren’t really there. An example of this would be hearing voices or seeing people who aren’t present. A delusion is a closely held belief that’s clearly false or doesn’t make sense. But to someone experiencing psychosis, all of these things are very real and true.

Depression with psychosis can cause physical symptoms as well, including problems sitting still or slowed physical movements.

Perinatal depression

Perinatal depression, which is clinically known as major depressive disorder with peripartum onset, occurs during pregnancy or within four weeks of childbirth. It’s often called postpartum depression. But that term only applies to depression after giving birth. Perinatal depression can occur while you’re pregnant.

Hormonal changes that happen during pregnancy and childbirth can trigger changes in the brain that lead to mood swings. The lack of sleep and physical discomfort that often accompanies pregnancy and having a newborn doesn’t help, either.

Symptoms of perinatal depression can be as severe as those of major depression and include:

  • sadness
  • anxiety
  • anger or rage
  • exhaustion
  • extreme worry about the baby‘s health and safety
  • difficulty caring for yourself or the new baby
  • thoughts of self-harm or harming the baby

Women who lack support or have had depression before are at increased risk of developing perinatal depression, but it can happen to anyone.

Premenstrual dysphoric disorder

Premenstrual dysphoric disorder (PMDD) is a severe form of​ premenstrual syndrome (PMS). While PMS symptoms can be both physical and psychological, PMDD symptoms tend to be mostly psychological.

These psychological symptoms are more severe than those associated with PMS. For example, some women might feel more emotional in the days leading up to their period. But someone with PMDD might experience a level of depression and sadness that gets in the way of day-to-day functions.

Other possible symptoms of PMDD include:

  • cramps, bloating, and breast tenderness
  • headaches
  • joint and muscle pain
  • sadness and despair
  • irritability and anger
  • extreme mood swings
  • food cravings or binge eating
  • panic attacks or anxiety
  • lack of energy
  • trouble focusing
  • sleep problems

Similarly to perinatal depression, PMDD is believed to be related to hormonal changes. Its symptoms often begin just after ovulation and start to ease up once you get your period.

Some women dismiss PMDD as just a bad case of PMS, but PMDD can become very severe and include thoughts of suicide.

 Seasonal depression

Seasonal depression, also called​ seasonal affective disorder​ and clinically known as major depressive disorder with seasonal pattern, is depression that’s related to certain seasons. For most people, it tends to happen during the winter months.

Symptoms often begin in the fall, as days start to get shorter, and continue through the winter. They include:

  • social withdrawal
  • increased need for sleep
  • weight gain
  • daily feelings of sadness, hopelessness, or unworthiness

Seasonal depression may get worse as the season progresses and can lead to suicidal thoughts. Once spring rolls around, symptoms tend to improve. This might be related to changes in your bodily rhythms in response to the increase in natural light.

Situational depression

Situational depression, clinically known as adjustment disorder with depressed mood, looks like major depression in many respects.

But it’s brought on by specific events or situations, such as:

  • the death of a loved one
  • a serious illness or other life-threatening event
  • going through divorce or child custody issues
  • being in emotionally or physically abusive relationships
  • being unemployed or facing serious financial difficulties
  • facing extensive legal troubles

Of course, it’s normal to feel sad and anxious during events like these — even to withdraw from others for a bit. But situational depression happens when these feelings start to feel out of proportion with the triggering event and interfere with your daily life.

Situational depression symptoms tend to start within three months of the initial event and can include:

  • frequent crying
  • sadness and hopelessness
  • anxiety
  • appetite changes
  • difficulty sleeping
  • aches and pains
  • lack of energy and fatigue
  • inability to concentrate
  • social withdrawal

Atypical depression

Atypical depression​ refers to depression that temporarily goes away in response to positive events. Your doctor might refer to it as major depressive disorder with atypical features.

Despite its name, atypical depression isn’t unusual or rare. It also doesn’t mean that it’s more or less serious than other types of depression.

Having atypical depression can be particularly challenging because you may not always “seem” depressed to others (or yourself). But it can also happen during an episode of major depression. It can occur with persistent depression as well.

Other symptoms of atypical depression can include:

  • increased appetite and weight gain
  • disordered eating
  • poor body image
  • sleeping much more than usual
  • insomnia
  • heaviness in your arms or legs that lasts an hour or more a day
  • feelings of rejection and sensitivity to criticism
  • assorted aches and pains

How do I know which type I have?

If you think you might have any type of depression, it’s important to follow up with a doctor. All depression types discussed in this article are treatable, though it might take some time to find the right treatment for you.

If you’ve had a previous bout of depression and think it may be happening again, see your psychiatrist or other mental health professional right away.

If you’ve never had depression before, start with your primary care physician. Some symptoms of depression can be related to an underlying physical condition that should be addressed.

Try to give your doctor as much information about your symptoms as you can. If possible, mention:

  • when you first noticed them
  • how they’ve affected your daily life
  • any other mental health conditions you have
  • any information about a history of mental illness in your family
  • all prescription and over-the-counter medications you take, including supplements and herbs

It might feel uncomfortable, but try to tell your doctor everything. This will help them give you a more accurate diagnosis and refer you to the right type of mental health professional

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