A COUPLES TAKE ON LOVE

RIDE OR DIE LOVE

 

The woman
You hear about love. You know each and every fairy tale love story by heart and it gets to a time when you want love for yourself.
Each and every person you cry over thinking they where the one. A stepping stone on your pursuit of your one true love.
And then you fall in love
The  butterflies in your tummy begin and the smiles that  make your cheeks ache become apart of the routeen. Endless  hours on the phone .hours together seem like minuites it even seems like time is ripping you off.
 Two hearts merge as one something you both feel a level of completeness you feel in each others embrace .
As a woman its everything you hope for to meet and fall in love  with the man you want to spend the rest of your life with.
A man to love you, hold you, assure you. laugh at your silly jokes and most importantly listen to you  .
Thats what attracts you at first then you realise that its not just what love exerts in a relationship.
You then fall in love with the subtle looks he gives and can tell exactly what he is thinking. You love the smile he gives you when you make his day and you begin to want to make that smile permanent and you begin giving bits and pieces of yourself.
NOt because you feel you need to but because you want to . This is where you discover the parts of love that nobody tells you about
The part where you now have to embody the WOMAN ROLE  just as Adam couldnt live alone the reasons for eve being his support system .
Something different from what you expected  so different from all you hear.
The most important lesson you learn that hardness we are made to think men are built of and then you realise that men are fragile not the image of composure we are led to believe ..
You then realise that you hold the keys and you have to be patient and loving and kind in the way you mould him and bring out all the greatness that is in him.
That's when you understand the phrase Behind every great man is a woman" something you cant understand until you experience its no longer a competition you no longer need to be at the same level
You are ok giving your all behind the scenes to ensure he embodies the level of greatness he is

The man
Love defined itself to me
And unwrapped itself to ambiguity
Only to reveal itself again in a more profound way
Let's be clear I live in a third world country with a 1st world mentality....this is the medium through which I experience life
I believed love to be all around me, displayed in the affections projected towards me and in turn I experienced and replicated
It was something to be shown in my understanding
As I grew older I begun to understand the selflessness on love in my sacrifices and the sacrifices others made for me, but still this relegated me to a place where I felt I owed someone for so selflessly loving me, leaving me to realise that there was more to it.
Thing about love is it sets u free rather than binds u.
It transforms for the better
It has sacrifice but also bestows gifts
It is a journey through a dreamy garden
That has intense fears and unbelievable hopes
Has both Gouls and angels
A place that will break your spirit and build your vision
The apex of interpersonal interaction
To fall in love
With the ugly and the beautiful in a person
To journey the unknown together
To be able close the world to the attention of two
An abstract man and a complex woman
Finally finding common ground
In the eye of a storm
And never giving up holding on to each other because they are all they have got and they are all they need

Both of them to you

Finding love is not easy ,neither is keeping love . A relationship is hard but finding the right person is a gift. When you find a person that fills the gap and you complete each other. Keep working at it don't be fooled to give up and later regret.
Think of love as a safety belt and then buckle up its going to be a wild ride.
 Fight for what is worth fighting and you will be that couple in there 60's looking back more in love than they were day one because the journey brought them closer. Don't wait for things to get worse to start fixing them start now.

I NO LONGER CARE WHAT YOU THINK! I AM DOING ME NO REGRETS.

I AM DOING ME WITH NO REGRETS

Nothing in life comes easy,and that's the price life exerts.We spend alot of time trying to make our lives better and on that path we tend to form bonds .Some longer than others .As a result we tend to involve people in our activities and slowly by slowly some of those people start to have an opinion on how we should live and what is best for us .The fact that the media also has a big role to play is undisputed.
 When you came into this earth you pushed your way out on your own and when you later have  to fight death you do so on your own and more often than not you cant cheat death.
So seeing as we can not fight natures ways why do we spend our lives concerned  with what other people have to say about the decisions we make. limiting ourselves and encaging ourselves in a self created prison.
Being you is what is normal  flaws and all there is nobody like you on this earth .What people think of you is just their opinion, and people will always have an opinion to give. Not everybody will love you and thats ok. Be true to yourself dont change for anyone but yourself. When you are sitting alone unhappy because of external pressures nobody is there with you so dont let them cause you unhappiness. Be a rebel for you.

INFERTILITY IN WOMEN

sources options available
obstetrician/gynaecologist kenya
kenyan doctors
Its hard to wait around for something you know might never happen;But its even harder to give up when you know its everything you want.
                                           unknown.
Infertility affects both men and women .Today i write about women'
. Infertility can be caused by many different things.Approximately 20 per cent of couples experience fertility difficulties. In most cases, the couple can be helped with assisted reproductive technologies. No cause is found in around one in 10 couples investigated for infertility. This is called ‘unexplained’ or ‘idiopathic’ infertility. A couple is considered to have fertility problems when they have tried and failed to conceive for one year.

The pressure to raise a family can be enormous, and the thought of not being able to have children can make many people feel something is wrong with them.
Recognize that a fertility problem is a crisis. A fertility problem may be one of the most difficult challenges you'll ever face. Acknowledging this is a key to coping,
 Don't punish yourself for feeling this way. Facing and accepting your emotions can help you move beyond them.Don't blame yourself. Resist the temptation to get angry at yourself or to listen to the little voice in your head that's saying, "I shouldn't have waited; I'm being punished for having that abortion; I should have lost more weight or taken better care of my health; I shouldn't have assumed that I could have children when I wanted" or whatever negative thoughts you may be having.
People can get caught in negative thinking patterns that only make matters worse,
Instead of berating yourself, look forward to how you and your partner are going to manage the situation and accept it and then when you are ready  to look at your different choices available. Go into it with open arms both the good and bad. nothing is easy and being a parent is even harder but the sacrifice is  the end is worth it.

Most importantly ,Work as a team with your partner. You and your mate should help each other through this time and definitely not blame each other for your difficulty getting pregnant.This doesn't mean you need to feel the same thing at the same time everyone comes to terms differently the most important hing is to give space then come together and fight together .Thats what marriage or partnership is about.Work together. Educate yourself. Set limits on how long you're willing to try.
Decide how much you're willing to pay. Then always have a plan B.Get support from professionals

Causes of infertility

• Ovulation disordersInfertility is most commonly caused by problems with ovulation (the monthly release of an egg). Some problems stop women releasing eggs at all, and some cause an egg to be released during some cycles, but not others.Ovulation problems can occur as a result of many conditions, such as:polycystic ovary syndrome (PCOS) – a condition that makes it more difficult for your ovaries to produce an eggthyroid problems – both an overactive thyroid gland (hyperthyroidism) and an underactive thyroid gland (hypothyroidism) can prevent ovulationpremature ovarian failure – where a woman’s ovaries stop working before she is 40
• Damage to your fallopian tubes. These structures carry eggs from your ovaries, which produce eggs, to the uterus, where the baby develops. They can get damaged when scars form after pelvic infections, endometriosis, and pelvic surgery. That can prevent sperm from reaching an egg.
• Hormonal problems. You may not be getting pregnant because your body isn't going through the usual hormone changes that lead to the release of an egg from the ovary and the thickening of the lining of the uterus.
• Cervical issues. Some women have a condition that prevents sperm from passing through the cervical canal.
• Uterine trouble. You may have polyps and fibroids that interfere with getting pregnant. Uterine polyps and fibroids happen when too many cells grow in the endometrium, the lining of the uterus.
• Unexplained" infertility. For about 20% of couples who have infertility problems, the exact causes are never pinpointed.
• Scarring from surgery Pelvic surgery can sometimes cause damage and scarring to the fallopian tubes.Cervical surgery can also sometimes cause scarring, or shorten the cervix (the neck of the womb).
• Cervical mucus defect When you are ovulating, mucus in your cervix becomes thinner so that sperm can swim through it more easily. If there is a problem with your mucus, it can make it harder to conceive.
• Submucosal fibroids Fibroid s are benign (non-cancerous) tumours that grow in, or around, the womb. Submucosal fibroids develop in the muscle beneath the inner lining of the womb wall and grow into the middle of the womb.Submucosal fibroids can reduce fertility, although exactly how they do this is not yet known. It is possible that a fibroid may prevent an embryo from implanting itself into your womb.
• Endometriosis is a condition where small pieces of the womb lining, known as the endometrium, start growing in other places, such as the ovaries.This can cause infertility because the new growths form adhesions (sticky areas of tissue) or cysts (fluid-filled sacs) that can block or distort the pelvis. These make it difficult for an egg to be released and become implanted into the womb.It can disturb the way that a follicle (fluid-filled space in which an egg develops) matures and releases an egg.
• Pelvic inflammatory disease (PID) is an infection of the upper female genital tract, which includes the womb, fallopian tubes and ovaries. It is often the result of a sexually transmitted infection (STI). PID can damage and scar the fallopian tubes, making it virtually impossible for an egg to travel down into the womb.
• SterilisationSome women choose to be sterilised if they do not wish to have any more children.Sterilisation involves blocking the fallopian tubes to make it impossible for an egg to travel to the womb. This process is rarely reversible, and if you do have a sterilisation reversed, it will not necessarily mean that you will become fertile again.
• Medicines and drugsThe side effects of some types of medication and drugs can affect your fertility. These medicines are outlined below.Non-steroidal anti-inflammatory drugs (NSAIDs). Long-term use or a high dosage of NSAIDs, such as ibuprofen or aspirin, can make it more difficult for you to conceive.Chemotherapy. Medicines used for chemotherapy (a treatment for cancer) can sometimes cause ovarian failure, which means your ovaries will no longer be able to function properly. Ovarian failure can be permanent.Neuroleptic medicines are antipsychotic medicines often used to treat psychosis. They can sometimes cause missed periods or infertility.Spironolactone – this is a type of medicine used to treat fluid retention (oedema). Fertility should recover around two months after you stop taking spironolactone.Illegal drugs such as marijuana and cocaine can seriously affect fertility, making ovulation (the monthly cycle where an egg is released from the ovaries) more difficult.
• Age Infertility in women is also linked to age. The biggest decrease in fertility begins during the mid-thirties. Among women who are 35, 95% will get pregnant after three years of having regular unprotected sex. For women who are 38, only 75% will get pregnant after three years of having regular unprotected sex.

Infertility in both men and women
There are many factors that can affect fertility in both men and women. These are outlined below.

• Weight Being overweight or obese reduces both male and female fertility. 
• Sexually transmitted infections (STIs)  There are several STIs that can cause infertility. For example, chlamydia can damage the fallopian tubes in women, and cause swelling and tenderness of the scrotum (the pouch containing the testes) in men.
• Smoking As well as affecting your general and long-term health, smoking can also adversely affect fertility. Read more information about quitting smoking.
• Occupational and environmental factors Exposure to certain pesticides, metals and solvents can affect fertility in both men and women.
• Stress If either you or your partner are stressed, it may affect your relationship. Stress can contribute to a loss of libido (sex drive), which in turn can reduce the frequency of sexual intercourse. Severe stress may also affect female ovulation and limit sperm production.

Options available for couples with infertility
After various tests have been done by a professional doctor to find the cause you can now decide the best way forward which include

• In Virtro Fertilisation(IVF)
• Fertility drugs
• Artificial insemination
• Sperm donation
• Egg donation
• Surrogacy
• Donor Embryos
• Reproductive surgery
• Intra Cytoplasmic Sperm Injections (ICSI)
• Gamete Intra Fallopian Transfer (GIFT)
• Zygote Intra Fallopian Transfer (ZIFT)
• Adoption

In summery i would like to state the importance of seeking out to professional help  and join a support group with couples going through the same, and when the time comes love the child and give the child your absolute best  .

WOMEN MOVING MOUNTAINS BY SUPPORTING EACH OTHER #AWLS

AFRICAN WOMEN LEADERS SYMPOSIUM 
click here to view the AWLS website to read more

African women have always played a significant role in shaping the social, political and economic spheres in the continent .Despite the lack of equality ,the high levels of male chauvinism and traditions that have threatened to hinder access to the girl child because'' a woman's place has always been inferior to the average man''
The African woman has fought and is still fighting. For her seat at the table. At a time when more and more women are stepping out of the shadows to say enough is enough . Inorder to create an Africa that will empower,help and guide the future young generation of girls in the continent to show them they can do anything they want to do and they can be anything they want to be.

 The African Union (AU) launched Agenda 2063 in 2013 as a ‘call for action to all segments of African society to work together to build a prosperous and united Africa.
Agenda 2063 outlines the plan for structural transformation and a shared strategic framework for inclusive growth and sustainable development. One of the aspirations articulated in Agenda 2063 is to realize An Africa whose development is people driven, especially relying on the potential offered by its Youth and Women’. Under this umbrella, Goal 15 specifically refers to the need to achieve full gender equality in all spheres of life.

The African Women’s Leadership Symposium is a regional platform that brings together women of power and influence occupying various decision-making positions. A first of its kind, will give opportunity to deliberate how to leverage their leadership, power, influence and access for the development and progress of the African continent in general and the advancement of women and girls’ rights in particular.
Women in leadership from all sectors of society, at varying levels, be it political, corporate, development, arts, sciences and beyond will converge to deliberate on how to best actualize trans formative leadership in their respective contexts and for the greater benefit of the continent.

It will be a vibrant space for animated interactions and discussions on factors that support and those that hinder women’s access to power, influence and resources in society and will also be an opportunity to reflect on how to best collaborate inter-sect-orally so as to further the agenda of women and girls rights in Africa.

 This Symposium is also intended to be a space where women leaders can share experiences and find support from each other, and foster linkages; thereby attaining heightened visibility in order to utilize their positions to positively impact on the status of women and girls in the continent.


AWLS will connect African women of power and influence from different regions of the continent to celebrate the contribution of African women towards transformative leadership while building solidarity and collective action. Specifically the objectives are to:

• Mobilise African Women Leaders to buy-in to the concept of transformative leadership for women’s rights 
• Create a multi-sectoral space for women leaders from the various sectors of politics, corporate, business, the arts etc in order to strengthen and amplify the call for greater opportunities for women in the continent. 
• . Mobilise commitment from participants to adopt deliberate actions, initiatives, projects, approaches, strategies that create space for women and advance women’s rights. 
•  To promote and enhance inter-sectoral collaboration in championing an initiative that touches at least 1 million women in Africa in the year 2016/17

WOMEN WHO ARE DIFFICULT TO LOVE by Warsan Shire

POEM BY
 WARSAN SHIRE

 For Women Who Are Difficult To Love(the Somali born Kenyan woman  who;s poetry inspired Beyonce;s lemonade album)
warsanshire blog

You are a horse running alone and he tries to tame you
compares you to an impossible highway
To a burning house
says ,you are blinding him
that he could never leave you
forget you
 want anything but you
you dizzy him,
you are unbearable
every woman before or after you
is doused in your name
you fill his mouth
his teeth ache with memory of taste
his body just a long shadow seeking yours
but you are always too intense
frightening in the way you want him
unashamed and sacrificial
he tells you that no man can live up to the one who
lives in your head
and you tried to change didn't you?
closed your mouth more
tried to be softer
prettier
less volatile, less awake
but even when sleeping you could feel
him travelling away from you in his dreams
so what did you want to do, love
split his head open?
you can't make homes out of human beings
someone should have already told you that
and if he wants to leave
then let him leave
you are terrifying
and strange and beautiful
something not everyone knows how to love.

SUICIDE

REACH OUT AND SAVE ME !!!

support organisation befrienders kenya (suicide hotline)

I sit on the floor unaware of the cold.

Overwhelmed by pain,hurt hate anger and envy.

It consumes me and covers me like a blanket of numbness .

My heavy body starts to feel lighter.

I know i am close to the end.

A new beginning .

Alone i sit .

Just as i feel

Nobody can understand what i feel ,and if they did they would see me different.

They would treat me different.

They would love me different.

The voices in my head are getting louder and louder, they give me no peace.

I seek release .

I long to smile again,

I long to escape this pain ,

I long to be free of this thing that weighs me down.

I hear the voices louder than ever.

''You are worthless! You are nothing! Nobody loves you! Nobody cares about you!You are like scum You add no value to this life! You are a cowered! Do us all a  favor and leave this world!"

How can i hold on any longer! when i feel so alone and the voices in my own head fight me ?

How can i see beyond this point?

My eyes, my mind and my heart are shut.

My body is weak.

My soul is drowning.

The voices go and i feel numb again.

I love this feeling .

Nothing  i know now comes close to this feeling

The feeling of nothing!

.

I open my eyes one more time to say goodbye to myself.

The image in the mirror is of someone i no longer recognise.

My over cried eyes catch a glimpse of my lips and i smile for i feel release.

I fill my cup one more time with my last cocktail and ready to lay myself down like Juliet.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I hear a voice i hadnt heard in a long time and it was as clear as day,

It cant be but it was

YOU ARE NOT ALONE !

I hear it again and "YOU ARE NOT ALONE I AM STILL HERE."

I sit up and for the first time i am able to silence the voices, because i finally heard my own voice.

The me i knew from so many years ago before i was corrupted.

The me i recognise.

I saw a glimpse of who I was .

Where I have been and What i am about to accomplish .

I am stronger than the now .

I am beautiful

My journey hasnt been easy but the person I am destined to be, is going to achieve greater heights than i could without these experiences .

I am all i have and the only me in this world.

Im not going to rob myself of my destiny.

Instead im going to soar higher than an eagle.

One day at a time, i will now live

I am not alone and now i need help

support organisation befrienders kenya (suicide hotline)