KEEP IT SHORT AND SWEET

You ever just sit down and ask yourself if we got this life thing all mixed up. There are days we feel like we are on track achieving goals ,making money, working hard,staying out of trouble. And then there are days we think to ourselves is this all life is supposed to be.

I remember a story I was told about death . 

A man dies and goes up to find neither heaven nor hell. Just a place with souls walking around with no freedom. 

When he looked back down on earth he finally understood that he was given a chance to be free to be who he wanted to be,to explore ,to love ,to live and to learn and all he did was do what was expected like a slave of the system. He had wasted his one shot.

It resonated with me deeply so I thought I would share and ask you. What aspects of your current life do you feel you would regret of you where looking down on yourself and why aren't you doing anything to ensure you don't waste this one shot at life.. . . . . 

LIFE IS THE DANCER AND YOU ARE THE DANCE

Growing older has made me alot calmer because I've learnt that life has a way of reminding you that some things are out of your own control. 

You can't fight it.

 You just have to find a way of allowing life to do what it needs to do . Because what doesn't kill you makes you stronger and wiser.

The same way when you are sitting still in meditation taking a deep breath in and out aware of your surroundings present in the moment and just taking in everything in and releasing everything that causes you stress,discomfort, unhappiness,tension is the same way you have to take on life .

Whatever was destined to happen will happen . The best you can do is give yourself a fighting chance by learning from your failures and those that have come before you. By being patient. By learning and being open to new possibilities and by dreaming because without our dreams . We would have no motivation to keep going or get things done.

So when you get to a point where you feel as though you don't want to keep going or feel overwhelmed and drained or just unhappy take a moment. Pause take a deep breath in feel life flow through you. All around you and realise that whatever it is going on there is more to life and it is just a small fraction of it

Live ,Love,Learn,Laugh, Breaty and never stop dreaming.

CREATE ONE INCREDIBLE MEMORY FOR YOURSELF AND OR SOMEBODY ELSE

A MOMENT LASTS FOR A SECOND, BUT THE MEMORY LIVES ON FOREVER

Life brings tears, smiles, and memories. All of which we carry with us for eternity.
Sometimes it even feels like a figment of imagination .

However the only thing that makes it magical.Is when you share a special moment with someone else and that memory becomes something you both share for eternity.

During these tough times across the world. It is important to show compassion to those we know and to those we encounter along the way. 

It doesn't have to be a grand gesture it can be as simple as a smile. 

All you have to do is show them you see them /see their struggle and show them that you care for them.

Live, Laugh ,Love ,Learn and Lend a  helping hand to someone who needs it the most.

Happy New Month.....

WHEN DID YOUR CHILDHOOD /INNOCENCE END?

A TRIBUTE TO SONS WHO GREW UP WITHOUT THEIR MOTHERS

See my posts on :letting go of your daddy issues/mummy issues and prison of the mind 

I was watching an  interview with Dr edith eger a holocaust survivor and she said something that paused me and allowed me to truly ask myself a question and answer it as honestly as i possibly could.  She said"When did your childhood/ your innocence end?What did you see? hear? experience? That changed you forever?"

When  you look in  the mirror . Do you recogise the person looking back at you? Is that person staring back at you free or is that person a wounded soul . The outcome of a past trauma magnified.

(Short story)

Standing in the hallway clutching onto a blanket slightly shielding his face from the yelling coming from his parents room . Holding back tears he stands their comforting himself and gathers enough strength to say " mummy daddy stop fighting!" He is then carried back to his room the door locked and he is told to sleep. 

Hoping all will be well when he wakes up he does as he is told. 

In the morning he wakes up to find his father on the floor crying his mother had packed her bags and left.

He didn't understand why she would leave and leave him behind. Isn't family forever? Didnt she love them?

All he knew was that she chose to leave. He resented her for it and resented her for not fighting hard enough

His life changed and the his description of what a mother is was forever changed........

Today I asked myself,what about sons?” 

As a culture, we tend to look at the mother’s influence on the daughter and the father’s effect on the son, thinking that each provides the mirror to either the feminine or masculine self. When a man tells a woman his life story, he’ll more than likely start by telling you about his father.

It might even be  harder if the son suffered at the hands of an unloving mother? Does criticizing his mother, or even admitting the emotional pain he has suffered, fit within the narrow definitions of masculine behavior? 

The answer is probably “not.”

Does the legacy of an unloving mother spill over into a man’s psyche and his ability to connect to women in ways that are unique? What happens to a man whose understanding of women is shaped by the first woman he encounters—a damaged  mother?

Insecure attachment starts at the very beginning of life but the realization of being unloved unfolds over time. 

As they get older insecurely attached children show a significant increase in negative emotions or a decrease in positive emotions. Triggering fear,anger distress and avoidance.

Think for a moment about how boys are socialized in this culture and taught to show less emotion as proof of their masculinity sending them the subliminal message that it is dangerous or shameful to manifest such feelings and that these feelings do not have an important place within their relationships.

Think about how confusing it must be for a man in this culture to assess a mother’s lovingness. When she scolds for being a “crybaby,” when he speaks up . Is she being cruel, or just enforcing the masculine code? 

It then creates a lack of confidence; a lack of trust; trouble setting boundaries; difficulty seeing the self accurately; avoiding connection; overreacting; and replicating the bond in other relationships—other lasting effects appear to be gender-specific. 

Numerous studies, including a meta-analysis by R.P. Fearon and others, showed that insecure attachment in boys is linked to externalizing behavior—aggression, hostility, and acting out in social settings—which it isn’t in girls. No one knows precisely why this is so gender-specific; it may simply be that girls internalize these emotions more effectively or engage in less obvious forms of hostility like relational aggression. since anger in men is culturally acceptable, if often unproductive and sometimes self-destructive.

Sons clearly suffer as much as daughters do and, in some way, perhaps even more deeply because they tend to suffer alone and in silence.
So, if you are a son of an unloving mother, perhaps the gift you should give next Mother’s Day is one to yourself: Take a deep breath and begin the journey of healing. No matter what the culture says, acknowledging the pain will make you a better, stronger man, lover, husband, friend, and father.

At one point in our lives . We have all blamed someone be it our parents ,friends or people we admired for doing things a certain way. Please remember that In life it's always easier to judge someone however if you where given their shoes to walk in you might have done the same thing . its always much harder to deal with things on the inside than it is to do so on the outside looking in

THE BEST PART OF GROWING UP IS THAT YOU GET TO BE A MATURE VERSION OF YOUR TRUE SELF

GROWING UP IS TAKING WHAT YOU HAVE LEARNT AND MOVING FORWARD SHEDDING AWAY WHAT IS NOT IMPORTANT AND NOT TAKING IT TO HEART.
see my post on prison of the mind

Sometimes when you go through life in a hurry all you do is miss moments and its only after they pass that you see the importance they had .You will never know the value of a moment until it becomes a memory.

As we  grow up we realise that it is less important to have many friends and more important to have real friends, because now you know better and you choose what is best for you.

You become less concerned with trying to make a momentary impression and become more focused on making a lasting impression.
You arrive at this point in life after you stop cairing about , what other people have to say about you and start cairing for how you feel and what is fulfilling.

As i continue to grow up i see more and more of my younger  self come out the parts of me that i held back or was ashamed of because of what i was told or what people said or felt .Start to come out again and that to me is beautiful because when you watch a child do things they are confident.
Nothing holds them back because they believe in themselves and they are always cheered on.
So i challenge you to do the same. Set yourself free from that prison that you created in your mind based on the opinion of others and your own insecurities.
Cheer yourself on
.Be like that child free to be who they want to be . Unapologetically .

LETTING GO OF YOUR DADDY ISSUES / MUMMY ISSUES

 A CHILD SHOULD NEVER HAVE TO BEG THEIR PARENTS FOR ATTENTION.
Love is seen and kindness is felt.and that's what the world needs the most.
Pure love and pure kindness.

There are three kinds of people.
Those that grew up with the best dad in their homes and took it for granted.
The ones that grew up without a father in their home envying those that where lucky enough to have one.
Lastly those that grew up wishing they didn't have their father around  but feel that their life would have been better without him in it.

However what they will all have in common  is that they  will all share the pain of a fathers abscence at one point .
I say all that to say that it is in human nature to only appreciate what we have after the loss of it.

I like a quote that says,''you can not change a person who doesnt see the error in  their actions''because we spend  alot of time trying to correct people or change people and all we do is end up hurting ourselves and  those around us in the process.
People are the way they are because that is who they choose to be.
Their is nothing you can do to change someone unless they want the help.One thing i learnt when i became a parent is that , Being a parent  is  a series of conscious decisions  made every single day to  choose to BE THERE FOR YOUR CHILD.

As kids we expect that our  parents to have all the answers and when they dont its almost offensive to us. What we forget is that, You can't  give a solution to a problem  if you havent  figured it out yourself.
You can't  allow yourself to damage your own life as a result of someone elses actions.
You also cant choose to play the victim for the rest of your life .
Your life turned out the way it is because that was a lesson for you to learn and it had to be  apart of your history.

What you have to do is accept that it happend because looking  for someone to blame can't undo what was done. It will not change your situation. Only make it worse.
Nobody can can heal you . Nobody can complete you or fill the void that was left as a result.
The only way you heal is by you dealing with the harsh reality .
The actual truth.
Otherwise the rejection or pain you  went through or continue to go through will only make it difficult for you and  those who choose to be around you.

You also cant hide behind being  tough or looking tough because that shell does crack.
Pretending to be a savage will not heal that hole in your heart. Trying to be tough in the name of protecting yourself you only drive people that are trying to help you away, and guess what no man is an  island.  If you choose to be one  just know it is a very lonely place to be.

THIS THING CALLED LIFE...

IF YOU DON'T LIKE THE ROAD YOU ARE WALKING DOWN PAVE A NEW ONE

'Everyday is a new beginning.'Cliche quote ..I know However let's look at it another way. If you have 365 days in a year . How many of those 365 days can you actually account for?
If every day is a new beginning why does your year look exactly as it did last year?

 If from the day you are born you are a day closer to your death. (I know it might sound pessimistic. However it is the truth.)
Unfortunately , in this thing called life . Non of us know's when we will die .The few of us lucky enough to wake up every other morning in good health often take that for granted .
We wake up get to work, or we go through the day doing the things we need to do . Some days letting some things fall to the bottom of the list (out right procrastination)

So let me ask you this if you started to view your time as precious and wouldn't want to waste a minute of it, what would you change about your life if you actually knew the exact day you will die ?
would you tolerate the things that you do? will you be better?will you do more ?will you still be the same person you are now?

I was having a conversation with my mum about life and this is what she shared with me, "the fig tree grows its fruit even before the leaves open. That is why in the parable of the fig tree in the bible. Jesus cursed the fig tree because this specific fig tree's leaves had opened and had not allowed the most important part of the tree(the fruit) to grow."

Which brings me to the question, what areas in your life have you invested so much energy however all the time you invested hasn't bore you any fruit that benefits you?
How much time have you wasted? Just because you spend a lot of time making a mistake doesn't mean you can't stop !
If you where actually told exactly when you where going to die. What would you change?
What would you improve on?
What would you get rid of?
From the answers you have given write a list of what is important. Cut off what is not important ,and stop worrying about the what ifs and start doing and being you.
Make your 365days you have work for you .

Also accept you for you.look your self in the mirror and see yourself as vulnerable as you are accept you can't be perfect and improve on what can be improved on. Where there is a will a way will always be provided....I know another cliche quote but they carry the most weight.
Stop being your own obstacle.

CORRECT IN LOVE AND ELIMINATE THE REBELLIOUSNESS PROCESS.

 HOLDING ONTO ANGER IS LIKE DRINKING POISON AND EXPECTING THE OTHER PERSON TO DIE
As a mom i have learnt patience in a way i never thought possible, and applying it to everyday life has become a slightly easier task.
For those that cant relate with that let me give you an example.

When you find a child making a mess or doing something wrong.They are the hardest to correct because, you dont want to scar them,traumatise them or even say the wrong thing because ,you have to correct them with love and in gentleness.
In order for them to know that what they are doing is wrong, and that you want to put them on the right path.

It occured to me that when it comes to correcting anybody. Irrgardless of age ,we should correct them the same way we would correct a child.

When correcting someone the goal is to apply light and not heat.
We correct them because we want them to change and for change to be effective it has to be willing.
With that in mind below is a list of things to avoid to effectively guide someone in the right direction.
The three things you should avoid are;

• Shouting.(which feels like attacking the person)
• Manipulation.
• Commanding  (That is Dictating what to do or Forcing someone to do something.).

 SHOUTING

I want you to think back to the last time someone shouted at you to do something and you actually did it with a good heart ? Personally, i can tell you that shouting may get the job done but, the outcome isnt permanent and it isnt done whole heartedly. 

Inorder to have permanent change of attitude. The person must see that what they are doing is wrong and they must see that it must be corrected. 

The way you approach every situation determines the outcome.So before you shout and raise both your voice and their anger think wisely of what kind of result you are chasing.

MANIPULATION

Can be defined as, exerting shrewd or devious influence especially for ones own advantage. Or as, the skillful handling controlling or using of something or someone.

With that in mind although you can easily achieve the outcome you hope for 

.Remember that we are all intelligent beings and when we eventually realise that we have been manipulated into doing something.

 Resentment and even hate can surface and when it does you might end up loosing that person so evaluate and see if it is worth the risk.

COMMANDING/DICTATING/FORCING 

Nobody likes being forced into doing anything and more importantly note that God himself gives you a choice and even though he knows the right path you should take he lets you find your own way.Even though he could easily get mad and wipe you from existance he ic loving he is kind and he is patient with us above all he never stops believing in us thats why he sent his son to save us

When correcting some one correct them in love and kindness that way they dont get mad and rebel or even do things half heartedly.Politeness always goes a long way even if they are in the wrong 
Live ,Laugh ,Love ,Learn and remember, 'FROM THE ERRORS OF OTHERS A WISE MAN CORRECTS HIS OWN'.

EVERYBODY DIES BUT NOT EVERYBODY LIVES

LIVE LIFE

Do you want to spend your last moments regretting the things you never did .
Life is short.
Go out and do what you want to do
not everyone has the same chances but everyone has the same amount of time and the ability to go out and achieve .
Greatness is what you set your mind to doing and actually doing it.
It doesnt matter how many times you fail all that matters is that you keep on going even at the worst of times.
Failure  will never hinder your success if you are determined to succeed.
Don't be a slave to life. Dont settle for normal . Aim for great.People fought hard to achieve the freedom we have right now.
If u want to make it to the top there are sharp ridges you will have to step over you might get bruised along the way but that is the cost of living . Scars are lessons and from those lessons we will achieve what we hope to because .What doesn't break you strengthens you.
Struggles are the prerequisites to greatness and no one escapes it.
Pain is part of life, but u can choose what pain either the pain of  regret or the pain of going after success.
You are not defined by your past but with each moment you live learn and work towards being great.
Don't spend your last moments  wishing spend your last moments reliving the life you lived with a smile on your face.
Everybody dies, so choose to live your life, or you wouldn't have truly lived .

YOUR LIFE! SO MAKE IT YOUR OWN

YOU ALWAYS HAVE A CHOICE

In my hand I hold the key to unlocking my aspirations,you might look at my hand and not see it but that doesn't mean it's not there

Faith is believing in things unseen,seen and that which is yet to come
Over the last few months l've come to realise that there is more to our words than we think.

If you take a moment to reflect on the power of words over time you will realise that most great actions came from a spoken Word.
 The world was formed When God spoke things into being with the Exception where he took the time to create us human beings out of his OWN IMAGE AND LIKENESS.The lesson I have come to learn from this is not only did he take his time to create us but he gave us part of him when he breathed in us the breath of life  he created us and gave us dominion over all beings he gave us priority over all things on earth especially the things that happen in and around our lives.

 Before we do anything. we think about it and then decide to make it an action the power comes in the decision to do it or not to do it. That's something we do every day we take it for granted and sometimes feel we don't have an option and the reality that is an option on its own you have the power to do great be great or the option to do nothing at all and live with the consequences but above all we ask the Lord to “let your will be done in your life" do we really understand what it means to actually live a life in that way.i believe the Lord God knows the intentions of your heart he knows your needs,hopes and aspirations in life and in our quest of pursuing these things we have to go out and live the life We hope to achieve, be the change you hope to see,in order for his guiding hand to be in your life. You always have a choice that's why he gave us free will.

Everyday we make decisions and we loose. The reasons as to why we began doing the things we started doing. if in a moment you never woke up think about all the things you would regret and all  the things you wish you had done and decide to start doing things that purely matter to yourself realise the power you have within yourself and remind yourself how important you are in this life to your creator

Don't give in to the pressures around you by letting all the negatives consume you. Remember the positives and all those around you who wish you well and are helping you get to where you want to be be your motivation to always chose hope instead of hopelessness

NEW JOURNEYS

WHAT NEXT!

When starting a new journey learn from the past and strive for the future you never know what s waiting for you at the finish line

There lessons to be learnt in life that just have to be experienced the hard way there is no two ways about it and those lessons are the ones that carry us the furthest,and make us wiser than we were before.The beauty of it all is seen when you smile at the end of it all when the realization of the lesson occurs and you never stop smiling because you are ready to face the next task wiser than you once where.

The lovely thing about being alive is with each breath you still have a chance to write a new chapter in your life,you have the chance to correct a wrong,the chance to be better and not for anyone else but just for yourself,for YOU because for you to be a light to the rest of the world, the light from within you has to begin to shine on the form that is you.


Don't cry that it's over smile that it happened

Over the past year I've pushed myself to limits I never thought I could and I've done things I never thought I could do and all of that because of the risks I was willing to take to achieve my dreams and although there were a few tears shed I can tell you now the sense of fulfillment and sheer joy I feel tells me each tear was worth persevering through because the laws of nature don't change

It doesn't matter how hard the rain pours,the rainbow is sure to appear.

APPRECIATING THE NOW

HAPPINESS ISNT ABOUT GETTING WHAT YOU WANT ITS ABOUT APPRECIATING WHAT YOU HAVE

A lot of the time we go through life's medleys and ,we start to take our eyes off what we envisioned for our life .the things we hope to achieve .the things we have achieved. the customs and traditions we hold dear to ourselves and would like to see them being carried on in future generations.

The one thing I have realized is the more you do things like clock work.out of obligation,like a chore /daily routine you loose passion for it you don't appreciate the mere fact that you have the ability to do it, you forget the joy certain things brought in the pursuit of bigger and better,and  you take it for granted and eventually end up looking for other ways to make you fill that emptyness that has been created as a result

I love change and I do agree that it has to occur however at what cost are you willing to risk it all for something that your not sure about

Sometimes the things we search for the most are the things that are right infront of us the things we have ignored or taken for granted And they say you never truly know the value of something until you loose it

It doesn't cost a thing to take a pause in your own life and appreciate what you have love what you have who you are and stay true to yourself sometimes all it really takes is for you to really open your eyes and see the many blessings in disguise right around you

STANDING UP FOR WHAT YOU BELIEVE IN

I've always been the kind of person that puts other people's interests before my own,telling myself don't worry you can always figure it out. So just let them win this battle your better than this and most times I'd end up upset with myself and I'd take out my frustration out on that person

when the Reality was I was upset with myself because I didn't stand up for what I believed in Most. all to make the other person happy when I would be hurting deep down with no one to comfort me because even when I had a chance to fix the issue I silenced myself

I realized that standing up for what you believe in isn't something wrong it's an expression of how you feel and if you keep silencing your inner voice it only leads to your unhappiness

Taking a pause in the middle of a tough situation to come up with the best situation only happens on telly.

The reality is u can only make the best decision for that moment,and the decision you make then is what will determine your level of happiness until you decide to reevaluate the situation

The truth of the matter is simple where all brought up to be free willed individuals we all go through life and pick up survival skills and when push comes to shove that's exactly what happens we fight for what we consider acceptable and although love sometimes blinds us it gets to a point when u have to realize there is absolutely nothing wrong with loving yourself more.because although people occupy the space around you when you close your eyes at night it's just you and if your not happy with you you can't be truly happy.