WE PLAN MORE FOR THE WEDDING THAN WE DO FOR THE ACTUAL MARRIAGE.

MARRIAGE IS A LIFETIME COMMITMENT DONT JUST FOCUS ON THE WEDDING DAY IT ONLY LASTS 1 DAY BUT THE MARRIAGE IS FOR A LIFETIME

As women we have been fed the narrative ,"Finish school,get a job ,find a husband and live happily ever after......."

We have been conditioned to think that the single most important moment in our lives is walking down the isle to our prince charming who will save us from all our worries and be our knight and shining armour.

So from a young age we think about the details of how we would like the magical day to look ,what we will wear ,what colours we will have ,what shoes and how our hair will look.
Every so often we add more details to the day inorder to ensure that nothing messes up that special day.

Every detail is carefully picked out with the aim of bringing the day as close to perfection as possible.

Then the day comes and goes and you realize, you lived a day to fulfill expectations and spend more money than necessary just to achieve a milestone imposed on you. Which leaves you thinking,".....so what next??????".

So here you are sitting across the room from someone you where supposed to be living happily ever after with but instead all you can think is .....who is this stranger i married?, 

How come nobody told me it was going to be this difficult and did i make the biggest mistake of my life?"

The thing about love is once you open your heart up to someone its hard to shut them out. 

Sometimes in marriage and also in long term relationships we go through obstacles and we tend to build walls or in some cases we choose to create an illusion of who the perfect person is suppoaed to be and we have unrealistic expectations of our spouses and it leads to resentment .

Time goes by and we find we know nothing about the person we married.

The thing is thats exactly what marriage we marry the person we want to spend the rest of our lives with and that in itself is a gift but we focus on everything else but ensuring we get to spend the rest of our Live happily with that person.

What i loved about old love (our grandparents kind of love) is that they understood it they accepted the traditional parts of what a union is and they also grew into what love and family threw their way and thats why we can sit around during family holidays and see how their love inspired generations .

Love needs to be patient and love needs to be kind even when there is no reason to be kind.

Now we allow everyone tell us what love is supposed to be instead of creating and working hard to create the kind of love we dreamt of in our homes.

Most people can be envious and give advise just to see you miserable and some just cannot understand the dynamics of your relationship and will give one sided advise. 

So my advise for you is plan for the future plan for the problems and plan to stick it out so you can have an always and forever.

If you would like to talk send us a message by leaving your name email and message  in the section on the right hand side

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10 THINGS A WOMAN WILL LIE ABOUT AND WHY

See my posts on relationships on the rights hand side uner labels

1.AGE

I can literally count the number of times i actually told the truth when someone asked me my age and thats mostly because. As women you never want to be too old and neither do you want to be to young . Age is a number but sometimes its taken as more.
For that reason let our age be a mystery unless you need to know if shes legal.

2.INCOME

This ones simple a woman makes enough money to take care of what she wants and what she needs.Her money is non of your business unless she wants you involved.
Or sometimes she might make more money than you and doesnt want to hurt your ego.
Or simply becuse she doesnt like talking about money

3.RELATIONSHIP STATUS

Women are territorial and unless she knows she is yours and you are hers there is no way she will invest too much into a basket she isnt sure where its going. And if a woman lies about her status just know that relationship is as good as over. Because a woman knows what she wants.

4.WEIGHT

We live at a time where too much emphasis is put on looks .sometimes all a woman needs is to hear that she is perfect as she is and if she really isnt dont tell her help her loose the weight.

5.My skin/hair is just natural i dont have a routeen

This has to be one of the buggest lies .Women can be very competitive and most of the time they want to be one step ahead of the other woman.So very few times will a woman actually share in depth her beauty /skin/hair routeen. And thats just the simple truth.

6.The "I M GOOD"

If you hear this you have two options take it as it is and run with the flow or actually find out what is wrong and in most cases its not going to be a walk in the park. But you will always get extra points for being caring and showing concern and if possible solving the situation. Everyone loves a problem solver.

7.The "OMG BABE I LOVE IT.

Before you buy a woman a gift find out what she likes that way she actually loves it. When she doesnt like it and gives that fake omg i love it make sure you have a back up because she doesnt want to hurt your feelings but she is bummed.

8.I WILL BE THERE IN 30 MIN

If you are among the few who get places on time cheers.
If not and you use that lie often because you dont want to upset or disapoint the person waiting start getting ready early or just be straight up. Because by the time your actually getting ready you will need an extra 30 min.

9.I AM NOT JEALOUS

Dont believe this one at all. If she wasnt jealous she wouldnt be bothered.

10. WHATS HER BODY COUNT

This goes back to that statement the more women a man sleeps with he is a hero and if a woman does the same she is a whore.
However we are at a point where women own their sexuality and if it bothers you.Invent a time machine and go back in time.

YOU ME AND THE STARS

Looking up, at the stars. 
On those late night's.
Where my early mornings, bring me longings.
For those late nights, holding you by side.
The sound of your voice ,echoing across the open space.
 
Where my longing turns to belonging.
Free of the past .Free in the present .
Free to have a future.
No longer held back .
Free to be.

For near or far the stars remain.
Under the stars we shall remain.
 
Just as the sun comes up to shine and the stars take a rest.
Your beauty remains even in absence.

So as the mornings ,bring me longings of those late nights . 
I shall remember ,"The beauty of the stars is that although they are far away they can still be felt" 

TREAT ME RIGHT

I AM WOMAN,I AM HUMAN.

I am beautiful in my skin.No matter the tone.

I have dreams hopes and aspirations.

I am vulnerable it is the mark of my existence

Look into my eyes and see me for who I am.Not who you want me to be.

Faults and all accept me.

I am fragile, love me and protect me.

Don't break me. Support and

encourage me.

Give me love and I will show you love in the pure form it is meant to be.

You admire who I am, I did not get this way laying in a bed of roses.

There are days I got pricked by thorns.

I am not immune to fear ,but I don't let it cripple me.

My love is unconditional.

I brought you into this world, I carried you.

We made a bond you and I , in those 9 months we shared this body.

I held you nurtured you and cared for you as best as I knew how.

My back tells a story not many writers have the spine to write about. .

The unsung hero. A true hero non the less.

I smile even when I feel like screaming.

My face wears many masks . To conceal my many thoughts.

 You may wonder what parts are truly real.

I may act strong,but that only works for so long.

My true strength lays in my passion.

I will do anything it takes to get what I want.

I may forget my true worth when my journey clouds my vision.

Don't hit me when i am already on the floor.

Remember, When you break me, you break you.

For all you do. You do for me.

And what you do,you do because I taught it to you.

A COUPLES TAKE ON LOVE

RIDE OR DIE LOVE

 

The woman
You hear about love. You know each and every fairy tale love story by heart and it gets to a time when you want love for yourself.
Each and every person you cry over thinking they where the one. A stepping stone on your pursuit of your one true love.
And then you fall in love
The  butterflies in your tummy begin and the smiles that  make your cheeks ache become apart of the routeen. Endless  hours on the phone .hours together seem like minuites it even seems like time is ripping you off.
 Two hearts merge as one something you both feel a level of completeness you feel in each others embrace .
As a woman its everything you hope for to meet and fall in love  with the man you want to spend the rest of your life with.
A man to love you, hold you, assure you. laugh at your silly jokes and most importantly listen to you  .
Thats what attracts you at first then you realise that its not just what love exerts in a relationship.
You then fall in love with the subtle looks he gives and can tell exactly what he is thinking. You love the smile he gives you when you make his day and you begin to want to make that smile permanent and you begin giving bits and pieces of yourself.
NOt because you feel you need to but because you want to . This is where you discover the parts of love that nobody tells you about
The part where you now have to embody the WOMAN ROLE  just as Adam couldnt live alone the reasons for eve being his support system .
Something different from what you expected  so different from all you hear.
The most important lesson you learn that hardness we are made to think men are built of and then you realise that men are fragile not the image of composure we are led to believe ..
You then realise that you hold the keys and you have to be patient and loving and kind in the way you mould him and bring out all the greatness that is in him.
That's when you understand the phrase Behind every great man is a woman" something you cant understand until you experience its no longer a competition you no longer need to be at the same level
You are ok giving your all behind the scenes to ensure he embodies the level of greatness he is

The man
Love defined itself to me
And unwrapped itself to ambiguity
Only to reveal itself again in a more profound way
Let's be clear I live in a third world country with a 1st world mentality....this is the medium through which I experience life
I believed love to be all around me, displayed in the affections projected towards me and in turn I experienced and replicated
It was something to be shown in my understanding
As I grew older I begun to understand the selflessness on love in my sacrifices and the sacrifices others made for me, but still this relegated me to a place where I felt I owed someone for so selflessly loving me, leaving me to realise that there was more to it.
Thing about love is it sets u free rather than binds u.
It transforms for the better
It has sacrifice but also bestows gifts
It is a journey through a dreamy garden
That has intense fears and unbelievable hopes
Has both Gouls and angels
A place that will break your spirit and build your vision
The apex of interpersonal interaction
To fall in love
With the ugly and the beautiful in a person
To journey the unknown together
To be able close the world to the attention of two
An abstract man and a complex woman
Finally finding common ground
In the eye of a storm
And never giving up holding on to each other because they are all they have got and they are all they need

Both of them to you

Finding love is not easy ,neither is keeping love . A relationship is hard but finding the right person is a gift. When you find a person that fills the gap and you complete each other. Keep working at it don't be fooled to give up and later regret.
Think of love as a safety belt and then buckle up its going to be a wild ride.
 Fight for what is worth fighting and you will be that couple in there 60's looking back more in love than they were day one because the journey brought them closer. Don't wait for things to get worse to start fixing them start now.

STARTING OVER

BREAK-AWAY AND BE FREE

Photography by the amazing josemarie nyagah IG mis_amethyst

 A caged bird sings on the grave of dreams. His shadow shouts on a nightmare scream,his wings are clipped and his feet are tied. So he opens his throat to sing a fearful thrill, of things unknown but longed for. His tune is heard on the distant hill, for the caged bird sings of freedom ,but a free bird,leaps on the back of the wind and dips it's wings in the orange sun rays and dares to claim the sky."Maya angelou -Cage Bird

We go through life searching for  Purpose trying to achieve the goals which have been subconsciously embedded in us. Ambition grows and the lives we want to live begin to appear within our reach.it becomes the reason for our existence. We never want to be anything less than great.we don't want to fall short.Then you realize you have been basing your life on what people think.

And sometimes it seems like nobody  cares. All the good times start to weigh heavily. Tomorrow comes, and goes,nothing can ever be the same.

I understand now that I'm pretty much on my own,And a lot of what I do will never be known. And everything I endure I will have to keep in which only causes me to retreat inwards as I evolve in my new skin

It dawns on me now that I have fought to become who I am and what I want to be.

I have to remind myself I am free,i am no longer a child. Nothing is mild. Nothing is fair.

 I no longer expect the unrealistic, I let go of what I knew yesterday.

For what I know now is the truth, no longer a misconception of this reality but my reality .

I open my ears,my heart and my head for the first time in a long time .

I then free my soul .

I refuse to be like the cage bird. No longer will I wish for. I will go out and get.

I then spread out my arms and with a loud sigh I release it all and vow to be like a free bird and soar high in th sky under the  beauty of the sun's ray's