INTRO

Untold lives of woman, is a woman's journey on the path life has set her on.
A blog about factors that affect the lives of women and where you can find inspiration.
The Un edited side of "life ".Where there is beauty in imperfection and knowing that through the support and wisdom we share with each other .We will help improve not only our own lives but the lives of generations to come.

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Thursday, July 30, 2020

LESSONS LEARNT AND SHARED

YOU ARE STRONG ENOUGH TO FACE IT ALL. EVEN IF IT DOESNT FEEL LIKE IT NOW.

We all go through ups and downs in life and the greatest gift we can give is to share those lessons with someone else

Take a deep breath and pause it's never that serious.when everything seems to be going wrong, and it makes you feel like you can't go on. Allow yourself time to process things . It's a teachable moment and one day you will be telling the story of how you made it through.


It might not happen now but it will happen at the right time.sometimes we want something so bad and most of the time it won't happen when you want. Things happen when it's supposed to happen & when it does happy it will make sense why the wait was worth it.

It's better to try and fail than regret not starting. Procrastination and fear have robbed many of success.

If you have doubts it's because you have been given a reason to doubt.

Not all friendships are good friendships.Some want to watch you fail. Some want to use you. Some are full of envy. Some will be the reason for your downfall

Choose to be around people who help improve your life. Not friends who are comfortable with things as they are. If you surround yourself with people who are constantly aiming to improve their lives they will encourage you to do the same. If you surround yourself with bummers you will just bum .lol


You can fall in love over and over again . One heart break is not the end. It may feel like it but just know that love has different levels and you can only experience them if you keep at it. Remember your true love ,your first love and your soul mate are almost never the same person.

Fear is what hinders your success.

Charity begins at home. Before you can impact the world you have to first impact the lives of those around you.

Love heals .sometimes all the scars you have can be healed when you find the right person who will walk with you side by side with you until you overcome them

Show those you love you care while you still can. Life is short  Don't let those you love go to their graves not knowing how much they ment to you. It will haunt you long after they are gone.

Trust in God and don't doubt him. He is good.he is faithful he loves you, he is always with you, he knows you and he will never leave you nor forsake you.

Pray often. Staying close to God is food for the soul ,mind and body.

Do your best and you will walk away with no regrets. Nobody who ever did their best has ever had regrets.

Save your money and have multiple streams of income. So that you don't drown in debt when your salary stops coming in

You don't need money to make money.  That's just a lie to keep you poor.

Motherhood is  hard be kind to your mother.They will never tell you how hard it is .How much you will sacrifice . It's a journey of it's own kind it can be very rewarding and very draining it is ok to be imperfect .it's ok to struggle on some days . We are not gods we are humans that carry other humans.

Never doubt your instincts.

Be kind to people you never know what they are going through. Alot of us know how to put on a very convincing happy face even through the worst of times. Be kind your kindness might be the reason someone doesn't give up.

Give without expectations. Nobody can live upto your expectations . Expecting too much can give you sleepless nights for nothing.

That which you judge you become.

Get out of your comfort zone. Whatever gives you comfort can also be the reason for your downfall . Everything in moderation.

Enjoy your youth and never be in a hurry to grow up. It comes with its own problems.

Don't give up easily.Nothing great comes without difficulty. Persistence does pay keep at it.

Fight for what is yours. But also be wise enough to know when you are fighting in vain.

Never loose your financial independence after marriage or in a relationship.It may sound like a good idea to have someone take care of you. But later that turns to resentment and can be the reason you are forced to stay in a bad situation

Sacrifice early and work hard so when your old you can rest.


Don't be a snitch. Know when to open your mouth and when to stay quiet. Sometimes it's better to let them find out on their own

That void you can't seem to fill . That emptiness that led to addiction can only be filled with Jesus.

Never be rude to someone you think of is beneath you one day they will surpass you and you will need them.

Pride comes before a fall.

Family is the most important gift you will ever receive.

Never let yourself believe the negative things your abusive partner says about you. And don't stay out of fear.

When someone shows you their true colours don't doubt them. Our brain gives us reasons as to why they can't be that bad or that maybe it was because of the situation.The fact is they are showing you who they are.

Learning never stops. Even in old age.

Live life to the fullest. Love with all your heart . Learn and then take a moment to Laugh even when it hurts and above all never stop dreaming.

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Wednesday, July 1, 2020

CREATE ONE INCREDIBLE MEMORY FOR YOURSELF AND OR SOMEBODY ELSE

A MOMENT LASTS FOR A SECOND, BUT THE MEMORY LIVES ON FOREVER

Life brings tears, smiles, and memories. All of which we carry with us for eternity.
Sometimes it even feels like a figment of imagination .

However the only thing that makes it magical.Is when you share a special moment with someone else and that memory becomes something you both share for eternity.

During these tough times across the world. It is important to show compassion to those we know and to those we encounter along the way. 
It doesn't have to be a grand gesture it can be as simple as a smile. 
All you have to do is show them you see them /see their struggle and show them that you care for them.

Live, Laugh ,Love ,Learn and Lend a  helping hand to someone who needs it the most.
Happy New Month.....

Saturday, May 30, 2020

I CANT BREATH !!!


BLACK POWER IS GIVING THE POWER BACK TO PEOPLE WHO HAVE NOT HAD POWER OVER THEIR OWN LIVES .

We have all been guilty at one point or the other of , ignoring or silencing that voice in our head that said, "speak up" or "help that person "or that voice that said, "that is not right stop it from happening".

Maybe it was out of fear ,maybe we where too preoccupied with our own problems or in other cases , maybe we chose to mind our own business.

Well now more than ever we are all aware of it. We have seen what keeping quiet ,doing nothing, avoiding confrontation results in . 
It is a hard pill to swallow when you actually see how people with African decent / people of colour are treated.

Even here in our own country and continent . We see how the government and our own police forces treat us. Like the case of one Samuel Maina who was brutally  beaten by police and when he went to report the matter at the police station nothing was done. If we as Africans truly knew the greatness we come from we would not treat eachother the way we do. 

It is even harder to believe that so many people have been conditioned to think that black people are the problem.
That black people are not human.
To think that it is a norm that so many peoples lives suffer because of the colour of their skin is heart breaking and gut wrenching.

I have always believed that you should always treat people the way you want to be treated or even better. However at a time where our compliance has been taken for granted our silence has been taken for weakness it's just too much to bare.

My heart aches for the memory of George Floyd and all the countless number of people who have suffered because, they where taught that human rights where not written for anyone with African descent but only those of pale/ lighter skin.

I see the pain in all our eyes. The pain in all those protesters who are asking,
"How long will this go on?"
"Why do they hate us so much?"
The frustration as of not getting justice. The frustration that so many black lives get ruined because of racism but nothing is being done.
Do you really blame them for saying enough is enough!

The spirit within us is strong and over the years whatever they have done to us hasn't broken us. Right from the beginning of slavery, colonialism where theys stole our land , abused us , sold us tortured us, locked us up and dehumanized us .

They think we are inhuman because we can survive and have survived and continue to survive despite all they put us through and that is what threatens them. The fact that we continue fighting . The fact that we continue to rise .
They see the power within us and they know that's something they will never have.
#blackpower
#blacklivesmatter
#blackexcellence
#african

Tuesday, May 5, 2020

WHEN DID YOUR CHILDHOOD /INNOCENCE END?

A TRIBUTE TO SONS WHO GREW UP WITHOUT THEIR MOTHERS
See my posts on :letting go of your daddy issues/mummy issues and prison of the mind 

I was watching an  interview with Dr edith eger a holocaust survivor and she said something that paused me and allowed me to truly ask myself a question and answer it as honestly as i possibly could.  She said"When did your childhood/ your innocence end?What did you see? hear? experience? That changed you forever?"

When  you look in  the mirror . Do you recogise the person looking back at you? Is that person staring back at you free or is that person a wounded soul . The outcome of a past trauma magnified.

(Short story)
Standing in the hallway clutching onto a blanket slightly shielding his face from the yelling coming from his parents room . Holding back tears he stands their comforting himself and gathers enough strength to say " mummy daddy stop fighting!" He is then carried back to his room the door locked and he is told to sleep. 
Hoping all will be well when he wakes up he does as he is told. 
In the morning he wakes up to find his father on the floor crying his mother had packed her bags and left.
He didn't understand why she would leave and leave him behind. Isn't family forever? Didnt she love them?
All he knew was that she chose to leave. He resented her for it and resented her for not fighting hard enough
His life changed and the his description of what a mother is was forever changed........

Today I asked myself,what about sons?” 

As a culture, we tend to look at the mother’s influence on the daughter and the father’s effect on the son, thinking that each provides the mirror to either the feminine or masculine self. When a man tells a woman his life story, he’ll more than likely start by telling you about his father.

It might even be  harder if the son suffered at the hands of an unloving mother? Does criticizing his mother, or even admitting the emotional pain he has suffered, fit within the narrow definitions of masculine behavior? 
The answer is probably “not.”

Does the legacy of an unloving mother spill over into a man’s psyche and his ability to connect to women in ways that are unique? What happens to a man whose understanding of women is shaped by the first woman he encounters—a damaged  mother?

Insecure attachment starts at the very beginning of life but the realization of being unloved unfolds over time. 
As they get older insecurely attached children show a significant increase in negative emotions or a decrease in positive emotions. Triggering fear,anger distress and avoidance.

Think for a moment about how boys are socialized in this culture and taught to show less emotion as proof of their masculinity sending them the subliminal message that it is dangerous or shameful to manifest such feelings and that these feelings do not have an important place within their relationships.

Think about how confusing it must be for a man in this culture to assess a mother’s lovingness. When she scolds for being a “crybaby,” when he speaks up . Is she being cruel, or just enforcing the masculine code? 
It then creates a lack of confidence; a lack of trust; trouble setting boundaries; difficulty seeing the self accurately; avoiding connection; overreacting; and replicating the bond in other relationships—other lasting effects appear to be gender-specific. 

Numerous studies, including a meta-analysis by R.P. Fearon and others, showed that insecure attachment in boys is linked to externalizing behavior—aggression, hostility, and acting out in social settings—which it isn’t in girls. No one knows precisely why this is so gender-specific; it may simply be that girls internalize these emotions more effectively or engage in less obvious forms of hostility like relational aggression. since anger in men is culturally acceptable, if often unproductive and sometimes self-destructive.

Sons clearly suffer as much as daughters do and, in some way, perhaps even more deeply because they tend to suffer alone and in silence.
So, if you are a son of an unloving mother, perhaps the gift you should give next Mother’s Day is one to yourself: Take a deep breath and begin the journey of healing. No matter what the culture says, acknowledging the pain will make you a better, stronger man, lover, husband, friend, and father.

At one point in our lives . We have all blamed someone be it our parents ,friends or people we admired for doing things a certain way. Please remember that In life it's always easier to judge someone however if you where given their shoes to walk in you might have done the same thing . its always much harder to deal with things on the inside than it is to do so on the outside looking in

Sunday, April 26, 2020

DUST TO DUST AND ASHES TO ASHES

WHEN YOU LAY ME DOWN TO REST AND THE BODY THAT HOUSED MY SOUL LIES LIFELESS. CELEBRATE MY LIFE

In this moment in time .we are all in a place we never thought we would ever be in . We have all seen countless of movies and in our own way hoped that it would be years before the human race gets to be in a situation like this.


Yet here we are witnessing the lives of many countries with millions of people suffer tremendous loss. My heart aches because those people get to die alone and their families don't get to say fairwell to them.

These last few weeks we have gotten to see what and who is really important to us. We have gotten to enjoy the little pleasures of life. We have gotten to spend quality time with those closest to us and that in itself is a gift. 

We have gotten to see how fragile life is and we can now see that irregardless of race, religion and economic status. We are here only by the grace of God and the life force he allows to run through us with each breath. 

I finally deal like I understand the meaning of ,"This world is not your home". The amount of negativity the horrendous crimes against humanity,the people in power that abuse their power and those that wish depopulation against all those they don't consider of value . (Like who are they to make such a judgement when we  were all created perfect in love by God. )

We need to remember that we are only here for a short time. We may not know what happens next or know where we are going. But God knows it all and in him we should know that once this part of our lives is over greater things we can't even begin to imagine will happen.


RUNNING AWAY FROM YOUR PROBLEMS IS A RACE YOU CAN NEVER WIN.

YOU CAN NOT RUN AWAY FROM YOUR OWN THOUGHTS

 As humans we are automatically inclined to want to fix things that we consider broken in our lives, and in the lives of those around us. 
We are conditioned to be free so when we get to a point where we feel broken or hurt it consumes us until we deal with the issue at hand.

Sometimes we try to numb the pain or hide the parts of us that are broken and the truth is that only works for a short period of time. Surpressing and avoidance is never the solution because,you can't run away from yourself. You can't silence your thoughts .You can't run away from your own thoughts.

This life is proving to be difficult for alot of us .We are all battling various demons of this life and sometimes we feel stuck in situations because ,we do not know or see how it is possible to overcome the situation. we feel stuck in .
But that is where faith comes in .
Look back in your life to the times you felt stuck but through the grace of God he opened the door and sent someone to help you in a way you didn't think possible or gave you peace and restored your belief in him.

I want you to know that although it feels like your alone . Know that you are not alone .Your creator knows what you are going through. 
He has his perfect timing He knows the beginning and the end and he doesn't intend you to stay as you are forever. 
He is preparing you to come out of this situation better than you where. Turn your burdens to him ask him to give you peace and rest and he will. 

Don't allow the world to make you feel trapped,because there is more to you and your purpose will reveal itself during your hard times.
 Just trust in him and he will give you rest.Dont try to run away just be present in the moment and see that nothing is permanent.
Live , love ,laugh ,learn and never forget that. It's better to have a rough beginning so you can have a happy ending.

Saturday, March 28, 2020

WHAT TO DO DURING QUARANTINE #COVID19 #CORONAVIRUS


We can look at 2020 and say it has been the worst because it does feel and look like that.Our lives have been flipped around and for most of us life as we have known will never be the same.

We have become aware of how fragile the earth is and how much damage we as humans have  caused  to it .

We have become aware of how fragile life is and how much time we have wasted on things that we thought where important / could not live without .

We have seen beyond race and borders that all blood is red and nobody is better than the other.

We have a refound value for family and  love .

We have seen how much our governments actually care about us.(or don't)

We have become more compassionate and caring towards each other.

We have found value in the simple pleasures of life.

We have learnt the importance of working together.

We have learnt that we are only here not because we wake up every morning. But by the grace of God and at any moment you can be gone. No amount of working out staying and eating healthy can stop that.

So if your still wondering what to do during this pandemic the answer is simple .You are already doing the most important thing you could be doing you are learning and re-training your mind to find value in what truly matters .

Love ,learn, laugh and live your dreams while you still can.

Sunday, March 22, 2020

BIBLE PRAYER FOR PROTECTION


Psalm 91
1
He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty. [1]
2
I will say [2] of the LORD, "He is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust."
3
Surely he will save you from the fowler's snare and from the deadly pestilence.
4
He will cover you with his feathers, and under his wings you will find refuge; his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart.
5
You will not fear the terror of night, nor the arrow that flies by day,
6
nor the pestilence that stalks in the darkness, nor the plague that destroys at midday.
7
A thousand may fall at your side, ten thousand at your right hand, but it will not come near you.
8
You will only observe with your eyes and see the punishment of the wicked.
9
If you make the Most High your dwelling-- even the LORD, who is my refuge--
10
then no harm will befall you, no disaster will come near your tent.
11
For he will command his angels concerning you to guard you in all your ways;
12
they will lift you up in their hands, so that you will not strike your foot against a stone.
13
You will tread upon the lion and the cobra; you will trample the great lion and the serpent.
14
"Because he loves me," says the LORD, "I will rescue him; I will protect him, for he acknowledges my name.
15
He will call upon me, and I will answer him; I will be with him in trouble, I will deliver him and honor him.
16
With long life will I satisfy him and show him my salvation."
  1. [1] Hebrew Shaddai
  2. [2] Or He says

Thursday, March 19, 2020

CORONA VIRUS #COVID19 SYMPTOMS AND PREVENTATIVE MEASURES

 SOURCE W.H.O
 
 Coronaviruses are a large family of viruses which may cause illness in animals or humans.  In humans, several coronaviruses are known to cause respiratory infections ranging from the common cold to more severe diseases such as Middle East Respiratory Syndrome (MERS) and Severe Acute Respiratory Syndrome (SARS). 
The most recently discovered coronavirus causes coronavirus disease COVID-19.
 
People may be sick with the virus for 1 to 14 days before developing symptoms. The most common symptoms of coronavirus disease (COVID-19) are fever, tiredness, and dry cough. Most people (about 80%) recover from the disease without needing special treatment.
More rarely, the disease can be serious and even fatal. Older people, and people with other medical conditions (such as asthma, diabetes, or heart disease), may be more vulnerable to becoming severely ill

 The most common symptoms of COVID-19 are fever, tiredness, and dry cough. Some patients may have aches and pains, nasal congestion, runny nose, sore throat or diarrhea. These symptoms are usually mild and begin gradually. Some people become infected but don’t develop any symptoms and don't feel unwell. Most people (about 80%) recover from the disease without needing special treatment. Around 1 out of every 6 people who gets COVID-19 becomes seriously ill and develops difficulty breathing. Older people, and those with underlying medical problems like high blood pressure, heart problems or diabetes, are more likely to develop serious illness. People with fever, cough and difficulty breathing should seek medical attention.

You can reduce your chances of being infected or spreading COVID-19 by taking some simple precautions:
  • Regularly and thoroughly clean your hands with an alcohol-based hand rub or wash them with soap and water.
    Why? Washing your hands with soap and water or using alcohol-based hand rub kills viruses that may be on your hands.
  • Maintain at least 1 metre (3 feet) distance between yourself and anyone who is coughing or sneezing.
    Why? When someone coughs or sneezes they spray small liquid droplets from their nose or mouth which may contain virus. If you are too close, you can breathe in the droplets, including the COVID-19 virus if the person coughing has the disease.
  • Avoid touching eyes, nose and mouth.
    Why? Hands touch many surfaces and can pick up viruses. Once contaminated, hands can transfer the virus to your eyes, nose or mouth. From there, the virus can enter your body and can make you sick.
  • Make sure you, and the people around you, follow good respiratory hygiene. This means covering your mouth and nose with your bent elbow or tissue when you cough or sneeze. Then dispose of the used tissue immediately.
    Why? Droplets spread virus. By following good respiratory hygiene you protect the people around you from viruses such as cold, flu and COVID-19.
  • Stay home if you feel unwell. If you have a fever, cough and difficulty breathing, seek medical attention and call in advance. Follow the directions of your local health authority.
    Why? National and local authorities will have the most up to date information on the situation in your area. Calling in advance will allow your health care provider to quickly direct you to the right health facility. This will also protect you and help prevent spread of viruses and other infections.
  • Keep up to date on the latest COVID-19 hotspots (cities or local areas where COVID-19 is spreading widely). If possible, avoid traveling to places  – especially if you are an older person or have diabetes, heart or lung disease.
    Why? You have a higher chance of catching COVID-19 in one of these areas.


Protection measures for persons who are in or have recently visited (past 14 days) areas where COVID-19 is spreading

  • Follow the guidance outlined above (Protection measures for everyone)
  • Self-isolate by staying at home if you begin to feel unwell, even with mild symptoms such as headache, low grade fever (37.3 C or above) and slight runny nose, until you recover. If it is essential for you to have someone bring you supplies or to go out, e.g. to buy food, then wear a mask to avoid infecting other people.
    Why? Avoiding contact with others and visits to medical facilities will allow these facilities to operate more effectively and help protect you and others from possible COVID-19 and other viruses.
  • If you develop fever, cough and difficulty breathing, seek medical advice promptly as this may be due to a respiratory infection or other serious condition. Call in advance and tell your provider of any recent travel or contact with travelers.
    Why? Calling in advance will allow your health care provider to quickly direct you to the right health facility. This will also help to prevent possible spread of COVID-19 and other viruses.

Tuesday, February 25, 2020

RACISM

I AM OF ONE RACE AND IT IS THE HUMAN RACE

Racism is a product of the complex interaction in a given society of a race-based worldview with prejudice, stereotyping, and discrimination

The UN describes the term "racial discrimination "as any distinction, exclusion, restriction, or preference based on race, colour, descent, or national or ethnic origin that has the purpose or effect of nullifying or impairing the recognition, enjoyment or exercise, on an equal footing, of human rights and fundamental freedoms in the political, economic, social, cultural or any other field of public life.

Nobody on this earth got to choose what colour ,what country or family they where born into .How can you take pride in something you had no control over .What makes you think you are better for being a certain skin tone?Its not enough that you have to be either white or black, but we have to compare  how black or rather how much lighter  you are from being black or from being closer to being white .
Being light skin you are better than a black person ,but still you are beneath a person with white skin .So you cant really fit in anywhere.


William lynch in 1721 wrote a letter to slave owners saying,"divide blacks by the tone and you will control them for 300+ years." here we are 295 years later. We should open our eyes and see how we are being fooled!How we are being duped into falling for everything we are told that we stop seeing the truth .Are we really that far gone that we no longer know a truth from fiction.
.
Over the last few months .It has become clear that, racism is still very much alive and its getting to a point where  more and more people .No longer feel the need to pretend anymore.To be honest nobody is born a racist .We are born unaware of the differences.When we reach the age of  2 and start self discovering and being aware of the things round us and start to ask questions. The answers we get on that journey are what base our decisions our ethics and ultimately who we are.
Anyone in a position to help change this world view on skin tone to the next generation needs to be the change they hope to see .

The realization is that we are all made up of the same features the main difference is the origin of a person  and that's something you cant change .so lets put our energy into fighting what we can change or help improve the quality of life in this world that seems to be spinning out of control. You need to be able to accept people as they are and stop letting the headlines fool you into fighting and taking up a cause while they intentionally don't tell you the real issues because that's what the media does and that's what it is for ,because the people at the top control what you get to hear.

Monday, February 24, 2020

THE BEST PART OF GROWING UP IS THAT YOU GET TO BE A MATURE VERSION OF YOUR TRUE SELF

GROWING UP IS TAKING WHAT YOU HAVE LEARNT AND MOVING FORWARD SHEDDING AWAY WHAT IS NOT IMPORTANT AND NOT TAKING IT TO HEART.
see my post on prison of the mind

Sometimes when you go through life in a hurry all you do is miss moments and its only after they pass that you see the importance they had .You will never know the value of a moment until it becomes a memory.

As we  grow up we realise that it is less important to have many friends and more important to have real friends, because now you know better and you choose what is best for you.

You become less concerned with trying to make a momentary impression and become more focused on making a lasting impression.
You arrive at this point in life after you stop cairing about , what other people have to say about you and start cairing for how you feel and what is fulfilling.

As i continue to grow up i see more and more of my younger  self come out the parts of me that i held back or was ashamed of because of what i was told or what people said or felt .Start to come out again and that to me is beautiful because when you watch a child do things they are confident.
Nothing holds them back because they believe in themselves and they are always cheered on.
So i challenge you to do the same. Set yourself free from that prison that you created in your mind based on the opinion of others and your own insecurities.
Cheer yourself on
.Be like that child free to be who they want to be . Unapologetically .


LETTING GO OF YOUR DADDY ISSUES / MUMMY ISSUES

 A CHILD SHOULD NEVER HAVE TO BEG THEIR PARENTS FOR ATTENTION.
Love is seen and kindness is felt.and that's what the world needs the most.
Pure love and pure kindness.
There are three kinds of people.
Those that grew up with the best dad in their homes and took it for granted.
The ones that grew up without a father in their home envying those that where lucky enough to have one.
Lastly those that grew up wishing they didn't have their father around  but feel that their life would have been better without him in it.

However what they will all have in common  is that they  will all share the pain of a fathers abscence at one point .
I say all that to say that it is in human nature to only appreciate what we have after the loss of it.

I like a quote that says,''you can not change a person who doesnt see the error in  their actions''because we spend  alot of time trying to correct people or change people and all we do is end up hurting ourselves and  those around us in the process.
People are the way they are because that is who they choose to be.
Their is nothing you can do to change someone unless they want the help.One thing i learnt when i became a parent is that , Being a parent  is  a series of conscious decisions  made every single day to  choose to BE THERE FOR YOUR CHILD.

As kids we expect that our  parents to have all the answers and when they dont its almost offensive to us. What we forget is that, You can't  give a solution to a problem  if you havent  figured it out yourself.
You can't  allow yourself to damage your own life as a result of someone elses actions.
You also cant choose to play the victim for the rest of your life .
Your life turned out the way it is because that was a lesson for you to learn and it had to be  apart of your history.

What you have to do is accept that it happend because looking  for someone to blame can't undo what was done. It will not change your situation. Only make it worse.
Nobody can can heal you . Nobody can complete you or fill the void that was left as a result.
The only way you heal is by you dealing with the harsh reality .
The actual truth.
Otherwise the rejection or pain you  went through or continue to go through will only make it difficult for you and  those who choose to be around you.

You also cant hide behind being  tough or looking tough because that shell does crack.
Pretending to be a savage will not heal that hole in your heart. Trying to be tough in the name of protecting yourself you only drive people that are trying to help you away, and guess what no man is an  island.  If you choose to be one  just know it is a very lonely place to be.


Wednesday, February 12, 2020

PEOPLE WHO ARE DIFFICULT TO LOVE.

WHEN THE WALLS YOU HAVE BUILT TO PROTECT YOURSELF FROM PAIN CAUSE YOU PAIN INSTEAD.
See part 1 Women who are difficult to love

The reason we close our eyes before something traumatic happens is because we don't want to see the pain occur. Its the bodies way of protecting itself.

Now translate that into everyday life. Where we go through problems, learn lessons and overcome them.

Our mind also does the same thing especially when it comes to human relationships. We build walls to protect ourselves from being hurt. We do so in different ways.

Sometimes we do so by pushing people away because, they make us feel/experience things in a way we have never felt before which makes us feel uncomfortable. 
Almost like it is a bitter pill to swallow. 
To think that someone could actually love them and their imperfections. 
Can make you wonder how can somebody love me if we don't love myself.

Withholding love is a form of self sabotage .As what we withhold from others we are withholding from ourselves.
We need to remember that one can only give as much love as they have within themselves and which means if you don't have a lot to give .Giving becomes a task .

Sometimes we try so hard to place the blame on everyone/everything else yet we still can't seem to find the enemy. And the truth is simply because we haven't looked deep within ourselves

We sabotage things in our own lives because deep down we feel like we don't deserve them. Which is a result of living a life where you are constantly criticized or a life where you are constantly made to feel less of what you are.
This is where it gets tricky because breaking patterns that have been with you and have seen from those around you is hard.

We sometimes we try avoid making mistakes we see others making and without knowing walk ourselves into the same troubles.
Because avoiding something and dealing with it are two different things.

Live your life truly dont be affraid to feel because emotional suffering is just your body's way of letting you know you are not living your truth.

Live, Love ,Learn ,and please  don't stand in your own way.

Friday, January 24, 2020

A MOTHERS LOVE

NOBODY IS BORN PERFECT. ITS HOW WE DEAL WITH OUR IMPERFECTIONS THAT SETS US APART.

I always ask, what was the first thing that came to your mind. when you held your baby for the first time?majority of the answers I've gotten are "I will protect you and love you always and I will give you more than I ever got because I want to be the best mother I can be."

Every mother is different and we all have different goals but above all I believe the human aspect in us makes us want the best for our children some of us persevere through all the hardships to achieve our goals and i salute you because it's a hard task. Some of us get side tracked and eventually overwhelmed by the task that we often choose the easy way out and that too still scars.

I begin to write this post ,feeling confident that anyone who is reading it. Knows what a mothers love is and knows,what a mother is capable of doing because of the love she has for her child.

To the mothers.
You have a calling from God. Who entrusts you with a life. To give a future. A piece of what the world is to become. You are either part of the solution or part of the problem we face today.

Let me give a few incidents,

  • A young girl/boy ends their first day of school, parent/parents are waiting for them excited to hear and learn about their first day. With open arms they embrace the child and enter the house
  • A young child is brought into an emergency room he/she had been assaulted by a parent so bad they need medical attention.one parent covers up and says "he fell off a bicycle and into a ditch."
  • A young girl beginning her teens sneaks out of the house to elope with a boy who she thinks loves her because She doesn't know what love is and is looking for the attention of a male figure she lacked growing up as a child
  • A young boy/girl sits at home waiting for the day their parent will return, "it's been 3 months since you left ,saying your going to work. why did you leave me here instead of taking me with you?" the question he/she keeps asking themselves
  • Lastly, a child who has been forced to grow up too soon is fixing a meal to eat because nobody is there to do it for them they wash and clean the house.sitting in the house alone double locked doors. Entertaining themselves. Counting down the minutes for their mummy or daddy to come home from work.
These are all real life situations I think we can relate to in one way or another. The question would be. Are the choices your making for your family the right choices for you or for them?

I write to women, because we have the power to create the most change and I am one so it's easy to relate. As women we have the moral compass and the gift of being a mother. We are tasked with bringing up our children ,to be the future of tomorrow. If we fail at it we can't blame society for the number of delinquents out on the streets. We have to instill the values in our children, and where the men fail we have to take up their load as well. You may ask where is the equality in all this. Well as a mother ,you know we are at a point where. We have to take the lead because at the end of the day our children/family's success is our success and Where they fail we fail too. A child will always go back to there mothers/fathers for advise and we need to create a conducive environment for that to happen and do so in the right manner other wise we are at risk of being our children's downfall.

A quote I once read that had always stuck with me is, "Truly one learns only by sorrow ;its a terrible education the soul gets,and it requires a terrible grief that shakes the very foundation of one's being to bring the soul into its own." I think a lot of us can relate with it.

Being a mother doesn't give you superpowers it just Enhances the powers that where dormant within you because now there is a lot at stake. We become mothers, not knowing what to do but it becomes natural as our maternal instincts kick in .That doesn't mean we are always right it just means we begin an endless cycle of learning and we often do What we think is best . To some our best is not sufficient to others it is and that should challenge you positively because out of the negative something beautiful is formed just like a diamond.

Motherhood changes us in ways only another mother can understand. It's that way so we can support each other because that is where even the impossible is attainable.We hold the power to impact the world in ways we dream about and the only way we can do that is by being a support system for each other not the force that brings down a family out of pure selfishness!

To the child.
Being apart of a family you know what it feels like to have a mothers love and seen what she is willing to do to make ends meet. Or you know what the absence of a mothers love feels like. And as a mother and a child. I write you this, knowing that although we expect our parents to solve every issue we have, and be wise enough to make the absolute best decision when it comes to our lives. You may not understand now but your own experience the day you become a parent, will make you understand.

Until then you may hold grudges or not understand why parents are the way they are. However you should never fail to appreciate the work and sacrifices parents go through to give you all you have.
To those who lack that parental love. Although times get hard and you wish you were like that perfect family you see next door. Nothing is ever as perfect as it looks. You have a life to live and the choices you make now determine will determine if you end up with that family or not another quote I love is,"We are in our own jail until we free ourselves to begin to live again."
Stop wishing and start living you are where you are now for a reason and only you can save you so always choose hope even when hopelessness , overwhelm's the lessons you have had to learn make you a better person if you choose hope.

To the fathers
Be the father's you wish you had or be better than the parents you had. When you bring down a home you bring yourself down as well. The world is round.what goes around,comes around .
Live,Learn and never stop dreaming #wisewordsfromthenairobifeminist


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Wednesday, January 22, 2020

UNCRUSHABLE SPIRIT

YOU BECOME UNSTOPPABLE WHEN YOU REALIZE THAT THE ONLY PERSON HOLDING YOU BACK WAS YOU.
The moments in my life that have brought me the most joy,are the moments where I took a chance on myself and preserved long enough to reap the rewards.

Nobody just wakes up one day and says ,"let me do something risky."
 Everything has its own build up and by the time your getting to the point where you want to step out of your comfort zone. Its at the point where you feel that you want more for yourself\more out of yourself.

A lot of the time we live life not utilizing our full potential . For some they find a sweet spot and stick to it,because they are Okay. For others fear holds them back .The fear of failing themselves however what they don't realize is by doing nothing you have already failed.

The biggest rewards in life happen when you take a risk and the only way that happens is by you agreeing that irregardless of what happens on that journey you will be persistent and will patiently persevere as you earn your stripes.
Life is a learning experience and as long as you believe in yourself the highs and lows will be worth it in the long run.


Saturday, January 18, 2020

CULTURE DOESN'T MAKE PEOPLE;PEOPLE MAKE CULTURE

WALK IN ANOTHER WOMANS SHOES

Every day most of us wake up go through our
daily chores,work and family lives and are privileged enough to wear clothes that can protect us from all the elements and we don't worry about these things because it's a norm.

Today I wake up in thought of the Women I have met who didn't have the privilege of waking up to the most basic of things.

Women who Woke up and never thought they would live through the day.

Women who lost loved ones in horrendous circumstances.

Women whose families were displaced little or no food or water.

Women who had lost all hope of a better tomorrow.

Women who were broken down but could still see a future for themselves even though they didn't know how they would get a step ahead .
They knew that there disparity would lead them to greater places than there current situations.

Here in Kenya we have seen or heard of all these things.
Over the last few years,we have seen our beautiful country been rocked on the lines of tribalism,terrorism and abject poverty.

Although we know of what happens and the media does cover such situations it later fades away and becomes part of a memory to those of us who are not directly affected.

However those who have lived it have to relive those gruesome moments over and over they have to deal with the loss of loved ones,the loss of places they made homes,the visible scars of nights of terror. Mental scars of not being able to live life as they once knew.

I have met brilliant Women who have suffered from domestic violence young girls who had to run away from home to avoid being married off.

We have opened our home to girls who didn't have a home and young girls whose families practiced Female Genital Mutilation and had to go through it because they didn't know how to get out of it.

Women who were sexually abused by relatives at a young age.
Women who were gang raped.
Women who turned to drinking to drown there sorrows to forget there pain just for a few moments.

We all know women whose lives have been anything but easy,some of us are living those lives.Meeting these women.

I lived those moments with them through their words.
I Witnessed the hardships they endure daily.
 I became part of their story and I am grateful to them.In life.

 If you become so focused on self fulfillment there is little to gain.

 Our individual lives are hectic however as humans we should be different we should be able to too see the pain in someone else and want better for them .

Help them through whatever they are going through not avoid them like they have the plague or talk about them behind there backs feeling for them but doing nothing to help them in whatever capacity we can.

Nobody likes to feel alone sometimes being there for them is all they need to get the strength they need to get through .

Today I would like to challenge you reader to walk in someone's shoes you don't have to go far out and visit the various centres to volunteer charity begins at home look in your life and see where you can help someone who you can see or know needs your help and do it not for You but for the betterment of their lives.

And if you are living that life listen to that voice from within telling you not to give up as long as you are still breathing you have the chance to be better to achieve the dreams hopes and goals you have.

Live,love.laugh,Learn and share with those you care about


Sunday, January 12, 2020

EMPOWERING THE WOMAN IS EMPOWERING THE NATION.

PASSING DOWN WISDOM

Looking at the structure of the family unit all over the world one thing is still very evident.The woman is in charge of the home. She has the responsibility to ensure that regardless of what happens the home still run's efficiently.

Mother's raising children as single parents are the soul providers to all their children's needs and will often do all it takes to ensure their children get all they need.
Mother's who have been bereft have to take up the role played by the diseased partner.
Women whose spouses who do not take care of their family responsibilities often end up being the bread winners of the family.

 This can easily be seen around us and that's why many women organisations or locally known chamas have increased to help women achieve their goals, get educated and start saving plans that help all the members involved to build a better tomorrow for their families.

The children that come out of these homes(me and you) more often than not will still need the help of their mothers because motherhood is a lifetime job . Examine your own life and see your own need for your mother or for a person who you consider a mother figure and see that at the end of the day as long as she is able she will do what it takes to ensure her family is ok.

Over the past few years, there has been an upsurge in high level political will .
Evidenced most recently in the United Nations Secretary General’s Global Strategy for Women’s and Children’s Health. Use of services, especially those for sexual and reproductive health, has increased in some countries.
Two important factors that influence women’s health  namely, school enrolment rates for girls and greater political participation of women - have risen in many parts of the world.
But we are not there yet. In too many countries, “women’s empowerment” remains a pipe dream  little more than a rhetorical flourish added to a politician’s speech. Too many women are still missing out on the opportunity to get educated, support themselves, and obtain the health services they need, when they need them.

Most organisations, politicians  and people in general feel the minimum they do is sufficient as long as they write a few empty cheques to support woman and children they have done their good deed for the year.What happens the rest of the year? Needs don't change!

When I lie awake thinking of women and their health globally, I remind myself: the world has made a lot of progress in recent years. We know more, and we are getting better at applying our knowledge. At providing young girls a good start in life.

Writing this post as a daughter, a woman and most importantly a mother to a daughter. I am clearly aware of the factors that affect women.

Major life events such as pregnancy, motherhood and menopause can create major stresses for some women.
 Negative life experiences such as poverty, discrimination, violence, unemployment and isolation can also impact on women's mental health and well-being.
Gender roles and unequal economic and social relations between men and women in our community may also contribute to women's higher risk of depression.
 Research shows that men tend to talk more in meetings, while women are interrupted more, given less credit for their ideas, and have less overall influence.yet the best thinking doesn’t always come from those who talk the most in meetings. It’s been shown that the smartest teams are the ones that know how to draw out the value and voices of everyone in the room. The quietest person might have the breakthrough answer.

The secret to change is not fighting the old but building on the new and with this kind of mind set we will create new customs that help empower uplift and build a world with infinite possibilities
Same-sex attraction is still a very huge factor...(see my post on lgbt community in kenya)

Maternal health: Many women are now benefitting from massive improvements in care during pregnancy and childbirth introduced in the last century. But those benefits do not extend everywhere women die from complications in pregnancy and childbirth. Most of these deaths could have been prevented, had access to family planning and to some quite basic services been in place. Worst cases doctors and hospitals/clinics charge high rates where as the government ensures funding to these institutions to ensure it to be a free service.

HIV: Three decades into the AIDS epidemic, it is young women who bear the brunt of new HIV infections. Too many young women still struggle to protect themselves against sexual transmission of HIV and to get the treatment they require. This also leaves them particularly vulnerable to tuberculosis - one of the leading causes of death in low-income countries of women 20–59 years.

Sexually transmitted infections: like gonorrhoea, chlamydia and syphilis. Untreated syphilis is responsible for more than 200,000 stillbirths and early foetal deaths every year, and for the deaths of over 90 000 newborns.

Violence against women: Women can be subject to a range of different forms of violence, but physical and sexual violence  either by a partner or someone else  is particularly invidious. Today, one in three women under 50 has experienced physical and/or sexual violence by a partner, or non-partner sexual violence  violence which affects their physical and mental health in the short and long-term. It’s important for health workers to be alert to violence so they can help prevent it, as well as provide support to people who experience it.(see my post on gender based violence)

Mental health: Evidence suggests that women are more prone than men to experience anxiety, depression, and somatic complaints  physical symptoms that cannot be explained medically. Depression is the most common mental health problem for women and suicide a leading cause of death for women under 60 (see my post on suicide). Helping sensitize women to mental health issues, and giving them the confidence to seek assistance, is vital.

Noncommunicable diseases: In 2012, some 4.7 million women died from noncommunicable diseases before they reached the age of 70 most of them in low- and middle-income countries. They died as a result of road traffic accidents, harmful use of tobacco, abuse of alcohol, drugs and substances, and obesity more than 50% of women are overweight Helping girls and women adopt healthy lifestyles early on is key to a long and healthy life
Getting older: Older women may have fewer pensions and benefits, less access to health care and social services than their male counterparts. Combine the greater risk of poverty with other conditions of old age, like dementia, and older women also have a higher risk of abuse and generally, poor health.
We need to raise Strong girls and equip them well for this hard world.A woman has the ability to build a foundation that creates change and it's about time we take this issue as serious as it is and help improve on it.To educate girls is to reduce poverty.
 I will end this post with a quote that says "To succeed the desire to succeed should over weigh one own's fear of failure."



Saturday, January 11, 2020

FALL DOWN 9 TIMES AND GET UP 10 MORE

THE GIFT OF LIFE IS THAT YOU HAVE TIME TO ENSURE YOU GET WHAT YOU WANT OUT OF IT.
What I love about reading is that  books are shortened versions of peoples life experiences.
To me books are life cheat codes.
You have the beginning
The climax and the conclusion \end.

The places that hold the story together are all the little things that happen in between .
In our own lives that would be the not so glamourous moments the ones that don't get posted on social media. The moments where there is the most growth.

Truth be told those are the mo.ents that shape you into the person you need to become in order to accomplish what you need to accomplish .

Never think for a moment that whatever your going through in life is happening without a reason .Most of the time its happening  for your betterment. To strengthen uplifts and show you that every time you feel like you could have broken you never did means there is still a lot more you can take because you don't have an option its what you where made for.

So that by the time you get to where you can begin to write your own story . You will have accumilated enough wisdom to encourage someone younger or even older than you .Who feels that they are at the end of the rope and can't take anymore.

And in that moment you will know that your ups and downs where worth it and you will be able to show them that .Their rough start at life is only a setback for an even bigger come back.