INTRO

Untold lives of woman, is a woman's journey on the path life has set her on.
A blog about factors that affect the lives of women and where you can find inspiration.
The Un edited side of "life ".Where there is beauty in imperfection and knowing that through the support and wisdom we share with each other .We will help improve not only our own lives but the lives of generations to come.

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Tuesday, May 5, 2020

WHEN DID YOUR CHILDHOOD /INNOCENCE END?

A TRIBUTE TO SONS WHO GREW UP WITHOUT THEIR MOTHERS
See my posts on :letting go of your daddy issues/mummy issues and prison of the mind 

I was watching an  interview with Dr edith eger a holocaust survivor and she said something that paused me and allowed me to truly ask myself a question and answer it as honestly as i possibly could.  She said"When did your childhood/ your innocence end?What did you see? hear? experience? That changed you forever?"

When  you look in  the mirror . Do you recogise the person looking back at you? Is that person staring back at you free or is that person a wounded soul . The outcome of a past trauma magnified.

(Short story)
Standing in the hallway clutching onto a blanket slightly shielding his face from the yelling coming from his parents room . Holding back tears he stands their comforting himself and gathers enough strength to say " mummy daddy stop fighting!" He is then carried back to his room the door locked and he is told to sleep. 
Hoping all will be well when he wakes up he does as he is told. 
In the morning he wakes up to find his father on the floor crying his mother had packed her bags and left.
He didn't understand why she would leave and leave him behind. Isn't family forever? Didnt she love them?
All he knew was that she chose to leave. He resented her for it and resented her for not fighting hard enough
His life changed and the his description of what a mother is was forever changed........

Today I asked myself,what about sons?” 

As a culture, we tend to look at the mother’s influence on the daughter and the father’s effect on the son, thinking that each provides the mirror to either the feminine or masculine self. When a man tells a woman his life story, he’ll more than likely start by telling you about his father.

It might even be  harder if the son suffered at the hands of an unloving mother? Does criticizing his mother, or even admitting the emotional pain he has suffered, fit within the narrow definitions of masculine behavior? 
The answer is probably “not.”

Does the legacy of an unloving mother spill over into a man’s psyche and his ability to connect to women in ways that are unique? What happens to a man whose understanding of women is shaped by the first woman he encounters—a damaged  mother?

Insecure attachment starts at the very beginning of life but the realization of being unloved unfolds over time. 
As they get older insecurely attached children show a significant increase in negative emotions or a decrease in positive emotions. Triggering fear,anger distress and avoidance.

Think for a moment about how boys are socialized in this culture and taught to show less emotion as proof of their masculinity sending them the subliminal message that it is dangerous or shameful to manifest such feelings and that these feelings do not have an important place within their relationships.

Think about how confusing it must be for a man in this culture to assess a mother’s lovingness. When she scolds for being a “crybaby,” when he speaks up . Is she being cruel, or just enforcing the masculine code? 
It then creates a lack of confidence; a lack of trust; trouble setting boundaries; difficulty seeing the self accurately; avoiding connection; overreacting; and replicating the bond in other relationships—other lasting effects appear to be gender-specific. 

Numerous studies, including a meta-analysis by R.P. Fearon and others, showed that insecure attachment in boys is linked to externalizing behavior—aggression, hostility, and acting out in social settings—which it isn’t in girls. No one knows precisely why this is so gender-specific; it may simply be that girls internalize these emotions more effectively or engage in less obvious forms of hostility like relational aggression. since anger in men is culturally acceptable, if often unproductive and sometimes self-destructive.

Sons clearly suffer as much as daughters do and, in some way, perhaps even more deeply because they tend to suffer alone and in silence.
So, if you are a son of an unloving mother, perhaps the gift you should give next Mother’s Day is one to yourself: Take a deep breath and begin the journey of healing. No matter what the culture says, acknowledging the pain will make you a better, stronger man, lover, husband, friend, and father.

At one point in our lives . We have all blamed someone be it our parents ,friends or people we admired for doing things a certain way. Please remember that In life it's always easier to judge someone however if you where given their shoes to walk in you might have done the same thing . its always much harder to deal with things on the inside than it is to do so on the outside looking in

Sunday, April 26, 2020

DUST TO DUST AND ASHES TO ASHES

WHEN YOU LAY ME DOWN TO REST AND THE BODY THAT HOUSED MY SOUL LIES LIFELESS. CELEBRATE MY LIFE

In this moment in time .we are all in a place we never thought we would ever be in . We have all seen countless of movies and in our own way hoped that it would be years before the human race gets to be in a situation like this.


Yet here we are witnessing the lives of many countries with millions of people suffer tremendous loss. My heart aches because those people get to die alone and their families don't get to say fairwell to them.

These last few weeks we have gotten to see what and who is really important to us. We have gotten to enjoy the little pleasures of life. We have gotten to spend quality time with those closest to us and that in itself is a gift. 

We have gotten to see how fragile life is and we can now see that irregardless of race, religion and economic status. We are here only by the grace of God and the life force he allows to run through us with each breath. 

I finally deal like I understand the meaning of ,"This world is not your home". The amount of negativity the horrendous crimes against humanity,the people in power that abuse their power and those that wish depopulation against all those they don't consider of value . (Like who are they to make such a judgement when we  were all created perfect in love by God. )

We need to remember that we are only here for a short time. We may not know what happens next or know where we are going. But God knows it all and in him we should know that once this part of our lives is over greater things we can't even begin to imagine will happen.


RUNNING AWAY FROM YOUR PROBLEMS IS A RACE YOU CAN NEVER WIN.

YOU CAN NOT RUN AWAY FROM YOUR OWN THOUGHTS

 As humans we are automatically inclined to want to fix things that we consider broken in our lives, and in the lives of those around us. 
We are conditioned to be free so when we get to a point where we feel broken or hurt it consumes us until we deal with the issue at hand.

Sometimes we try to numb the pain or hide the parts of us that are broken and the truth is that only works for a short period of time. Surpressing and avoidance is never the solution because,you can't run away from yourself. You can't silence your thoughts .You can't run away from your own thoughts.

This life is proving to be difficult for alot of us .We are all battling various demons of this life and sometimes we feel stuck in situations because ,we do not know or see how it is possible to overcome the situation. we feel stuck in .
But that is where faith comes in .
Look back in your life to the times you felt stuck but through the grace of God he opened the door and sent someone to help you in a way you didn't think possible or gave you peace and restored your belief in him.

I want you to know that although it feels like your alone . Know that you are not alone .Your creator knows what you are going through. 
He has his perfect timing He knows the beginning and the end and he doesn't intend you to stay as you are forever. 
He is preparing you to come out of this situation better than you where. Turn your burdens to him ask him to give you peace and rest and he will. 

Don't allow the world to make you feel trapped,because there is more to you and your purpose will reveal itself during your hard times.
 Just trust in him and he will give you rest.Dont try to run away just be present in the moment and see that nothing is permanent.
Live , love ,laugh ,learn and never forget that. It's better to have a rough beginning so you can have a happy ending.

Saturday, March 28, 2020

WHAT TO DO DURING QUARANTINE #COVID19 #CORONAVIRUS


We can look at 2020 and say it has been the worst because it does feel and look like that.Our lives have been flipped around and for most of us life as we have known will never be the same.

We have become aware of how fragile the earth is and how much damage we as humans have  caused  to it .

We have become aware of how fragile life is and how much time we have wasted on things that we thought where important / could not live without .

We have seen beyond race and borders that all blood is red and nobody is better than the other.

We have a refound value for family and  love .

We have seen how much our governments actually care about us.(or don't)

We have become more compassionate and caring towards each other.

We have found value in the simple pleasures of life.

We have learnt the importance of working together.

We have learnt that we are only here not because we wake up every morning. But by the grace of God and at any moment you can be gone. No amount of working out staying and eating healthy can stop that.

So if your still wondering what to do during this pandemic the answer is simple .You are already doing the most important thing you could be doing you are learning and re-training your mind to find value in what truly matters .

Love ,learn, laugh and live your dreams while you still can.

Sunday, March 22, 2020

BIBLE PRAYER FOR PROTECTION


Psalm 91
1
He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty. [1]
2
I will say [2] of the LORD, "He is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust."
3
Surely he will save you from the fowler's snare and from the deadly pestilence.
4
He will cover you with his feathers, and under his wings you will find refuge; his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart.
5
You will not fear the terror of night, nor the arrow that flies by day,
6
nor the pestilence that stalks in the darkness, nor the plague that destroys at midday.
7
A thousand may fall at your side, ten thousand at your right hand, but it will not come near you.
8
You will only observe with your eyes and see the punishment of the wicked.
9
If you make the Most High your dwelling-- even the LORD, who is my refuge--
10
then no harm will befall you, no disaster will come near your tent.
11
For he will command his angels concerning you to guard you in all your ways;
12
they will lift you up in their hands, so that you will not strike your foot against a stone.
13
You will tread upon the lion and the cobra; you will trample the great lion and the serpent.
14
"Because he loves me," says the LORD, "I will rescue him; I will protect him, for he acknowledges my name.
15
He will call upon me, and I will answer him; I will be with him in trouble, I will deliver him and honor him.
16
With long life will I satisfy him and show him my salvation."
  1. [1] Hebrew Shaddai
  2. [2] Or He says

Thursday, March 19, 2020

CORONA VIRUS #COVID19 SYMPTOMS AND PREVENTATIVE MEASURES

 SOURCE W.H.O
 
 Coronaviruses are a large family of viruses which may cause illness in animals or humans.  In humans, several coronaviruses are known to cause respiratory infections ranging from the common cold to more severe diseases such as Middle East Respiratory Syndrome (MERS) and Severe Acute Respiratory Syndrome (SARS). 
The most recently discovered coronavirus causes coronavirus disease COVID-19.
 
People may be sick with the virus for 1 to 14 days before developing symptoms. The most common symptoms of coronavirus disease (COVID-19) are fever, tiredness, and dry cough. Most people (about 80%) recover from the disease without needing special treatment.
More rarely, the disease can be serious and even fatal. Older people, and people with other medical conditions (such as asthma, diabetes, or heart disease), may be more vulnerable to becoming severely ill

 The most common symptoms of COVID-19 are fever, tiredness, and dry cough. Some patients may have aches and pains, nasal congestion, runny nose, sore throat or diarrhea. These symptoms are usually mild and begin gradually. Some people become infected but don’t develop any symptoms and don't feel unwell. Most people (about 80%) recover from the disease without needing special treatment. Around 1 out of every 6 people who gets COVID-19 becomes seriously ill and develops difficulty breathing. Older people, and those with underlying medical problems like high blood pressure, heart problems or diabetes, are more likely to develop serious illness. People with fever, cough and difficulty breathing should seek medical attention.

You can reduce your chances of being infected or spreading COVID-19 by taking some simple precautions:
  • Regularly and thoroughly clean your hands with an alcohol-based hand rub or wash them with soap and water.
    Why? Washing your hands with soap and water or using alcohol-based hand rub kills viruses that may be on your hands.
  • Maintain at least 1 metre (3 feet) distance between yourself and anyone who is coughing or sneezing.
    Why? When someone coughs or sneezes they spray small liquid droplets from their nose or mouth which may contain virus. If you are too close, you can breathe in the droplets, including the COVID-19 virus if the person coughing has the disease.
  • Avoid touching eyes, nose and mouth.
    Why? Hands touch many surfaces and can pick up viruses. Once contaminated, hands can transfer the virus to your eyes, nose or mouth. From there, the virus can enter your body and can make you sick.
  • Make sure you, and the people around you, follow good respiratory hygiene. This means covering your mouth and nose with your bent elbow or tissue when you cough or sneeze. Then dispose of the used tissue immediately.
    Why? Droplets spread virus. By following good respiratory hygiene you protect the people around you from viruses such as cold, flu and COVID-19.
  • Stay home if you feel unwell. If you have a fever, cough and difficulty breathing, seek medical attention and call in advance. Follow the directions of your local health authority.
    Why? National and local authorities will have the most up to date information on the situation in your area. Calling in advance will allow your health care provider to quickly direct you to the right health facility. This will also protect you and help prevent spread of viruses and other infections.
  • Keep up to date on the latest COVID-19 hotspots (cities or local areas where COVID-19 is spreading widely). If possible, avoid traveling to places  – especially if you are an older person or have diabetes, heart or lung disease.
    Why? You have a higher chance of catching COVID-19 in one of these areas.


Protection measures for persons who are in or have recently visited (past 14 days) areas where COVID-19 is spreading

  • Follow the guidance outlined above (Protection measures for everyone)
  • Self-isolate by staying at home if you begin to feel unwell, even with mild symptoms such as headache, low grade fever (37.3 C or above) and slight runny nose, until you recover. If it is essential for you to have someone bring you supplies or to go out, e.g. to buy food, then wear a mask to avoid infecting other people.
    Why? Avoiding contact with others and visits to medical facilities will allow these facilities to operate more effectively and help protect you and others from possible COVID-19 and other viruses.
  • If you develop fever, cough and difficulty breathing, seek medical advice promptly as this may be due to a respiratory infection or other serious condition. Call in advance and tell your provider of any recent travel or contact with travelers.
    Why? Calling in advance will allow your health care provider to quickly direct you to the right health facility. This will also help to prevent possible spread of COVID-19 and other viruses.

Wednesday, March 11, 2020

SEXUAL ORIENTATION: TYPES OF SEXUALITY.


DISCOVERING MY SEXUALITY PART 4
click the link to see PART 1,2 and 3

Sexual orientation is an enduring pattern of romantic or sexual attraction (or a combination of these) to persons of the opposite sex or gender, the same sex or gender, or to both sexes or more than one gender (Wikipedia)
 Everyone  has their own identity some struggle with and to some it comes naturally. So today i would like to create awareness of the various  sexual orientations and help give voice to those who cant speak freely.
Rememer we are one. and we should all be able to live ad speak our truth.
Allosexual
 word and category describing those who experience sexual attraction. Use of this term helps to normalize the experience of being asexual and provides a more specific label to describe those who aren’t part of the asexual community.

Allosexism
This refers to norms, stereotypes, and practices in society that operate under the assumption that all human beings experience, or should experience, sexual attraction.
Allosexism grants privilege to those who experience attraction and leads to prejudice against and erasure of asexual people.

Androsexual
A term used to communicate sexual or romantic attraction to men, males, or masculinity. This term intentionally includes attraction to those who identify as men, male, or masculine, regardless of biology, anatomy, or sex assigned at birth.

Asexual
Asexual identity or orientation includes individuals who don’t experience sexual attraction to others of any gender.
Also referred to as “aces,” some people who are asexual do experience romantic attraction to people of one or multiple genders.

Aromantic
A romantic orientation the describes people who experience little or no romantic attraction, regardless of sex or gender.

Autosexual
A person who’s sexually attracted to themselves. Someone’s desire to engage in sexual behavior such as masturbation doesn’t determine whether they’re autosexual.

Autoromatic
A romantic orientation that describes a person who’s romantically attracted to themselves. Those who identify as autoromatic often report experiencing the relationship they have with themselves as romantic.

Bicurious
This refers to people who are questioning or exploring bisexuality, which typically includes curiosity about one’s romantic or sexual attraction to people of the same or different genders.

Bisexual
A sexual orientation that describes those who experience sexual, romantic, or emotional attractions to people of more than one gender.
Also referred to as “bi,” bisexual typically includes individuals who are attracted to a variety of people, with genders that are similar to and different than their own.

Biromantic
Those who experience romantic attraction, but not sexual attraction, to individuals of more than one gender.

Closeted
Closeted, also referred to as “in the closet,” describes people in the LGBTQIA+ community who don’t publicly or openly share their sexual identity, sexual attraction, sexual behavior, gender expression, or gender identity.
Closeted is often understood as the opposite of “out,” and refers to the metaphorical hidden or private place a LBGTQIA+ person comes from in the process of making decisions about disclosing gender and sexuality.
Some individuals may be out in certain communities but closeted in others, due to fear of discrimination, mistreatment, rejection, or violence.

Coming out
A phrase that refers to the process of being open about one’s sexuality and gender. For many LGBTQIA+ people, “coming out” isn’t a one-time event, but a process and series of moments and conversations.
Also described as coming out of the closet, this process can include:
· sharing about a same-gender or similar gender sexual or romantic attraction or experience
· identifying as LGBTQIA+
· disclosing one’s specific gender identity, gender expression, or sexual or romantic orientation
Some LGBTQIA+ people decide to keep their sexuality, gender, or intersex status private, while others decide to share these things with loved ones, acquaintances, or the public.
The process of coming out or the state of being out is a source of self-acceptance and pride for many (but not all) LGBTQIA+ individuals.
However, it’s important to remember that each person’s coming out experience is different, and the act of coming out can be hard and emotional.
The decision to come out is deeply personal. Each person should make decisions about disclosing sexuality and gender in their own time and manner.

Cupiosexual
Cupiosexual describes asexual people who don’t experience sexual attraction but still have the desire to engage in sexual behavior or a sexual relationship.

Demisexual
On the asexual spectrum, this sexual orientation describes individuals who experience sexual attraction only under specific circumstances, such as after building a romantic or emotional relationship with a person.

Demiromantic
This romantic orientation describes individuals who experience romantic attraction only under specific circumstances, such as after building an emotional relationship with a person.

Fluid
This terms refers to the fact that sexuality, sexual attraction, and sexual behavior can change over time and be dependent on the situation.
It’s used to describe those who experience shifts in their sexuality, sexual attraction, or sexual behavior in different situations or throughout the course of their lifetime. You may hear someone describe their sexuality as “fluid.”

Gay
A term that describes individuals who experience sexual, romantic, or emotional attraction to people of the same or a similar gender.
Some gay-identified women prefer the term lesbian, while others prefer queer or gay. It’s also best to ask which word or term someone uses to describe themselves.
The fields of medicine and psychology previously referred to this sexual orientation as homosexual. Homosexual is now viewed as an outdated and offensive term and shouldn’t be used to refer to LGBTQIA+ individuals.

Graysexual
Graysexual is a term used to acknowledge the gray area on the sexuality spectrum for people who don’t explicitly and exclusively identify as asexual or aromantic.
Many people who identify as graysexual do experience some sexual attraction or desire, but perhaps not at the same level or frequency as those who identify their sexuality as being completely outside of the asexual spectrum.

Grayromantic
A romantic orientation that describes individuals whose romantic attraction exists in the gray area between romantic and aromantic.
Many people who identify as grayromantic do experience some romantic attraction, but perhaps not at the same level or frequency as those who identify their sexuality or romantic orientation as something other than asexual.

Gynesexual
A term used to communicate sexual or romantic attraction to women, females, or femininity.
This term intentionally includes attraction to those who identify as women, female, or feminine, regardless of biology, anatomy, or the sex assigned at birth.

Heterosexual
A term that describes people who experience sexual, romantic, or emotional attraction to people of the “opposite” gender (e.g. male vs. female, man vs. woman) or a different gender.
Both cisgender and transgender identified people can be heterosexual. This sexual orientation category is commonly described as straight.

Homosexual
An outdated term rooted in the fields of medicine and psychology that refers to individuals who experience sexual, romantic, or emotional attraction to people of the same or a similar gender.

Lesbian
A woman or female-identified person who experiences sexual, romantic, or emotional attraction to people of the same or a similar gender.
Some women who are lesbians may also refer to themselves as gay or queer, while others prefer the label lesbian.

LGBTQIA+
The acronym that often describes individuals who don’t identify as exclusively heterosexual or exclusively cisgender.
The letters in the LGBTQIA+ acronym stand for lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer or questioning, intersex, and asexual.
The + symbol in LGBTQIA+ refers to the fact that there are many sexual orientations and gender identities that are part of the broader LGBTQIA community, but aren’t included as part of the acronym.

Libidoist asexual
A term used to describe an asexual person who experiences sexual feelings that are satisfied through self-stimulation or masturbation.
This label acknowledges that, for some people, acting on libido or sexual feelings doesn’t necessarily involve sexual behavior with others.

Monosexual
A broad sexual orientation category that includes people who experience romantic or sexual attraction to people of one sex or gender. Monosexuality typically includes those who are exclusively heterosexual, gay, or lesbian.

Non-libidoist asexual
Referring to an identity on the asexuality spectrum, a non-libidoist asexual is someone who doesn’t experience any sexual feelings or have an active sex drive.

Omnisexual
Omnisexual is similar to pansexual and can be used to describe individuals whose sexuality isn’t limited to people of a particular gender, sex, or sexual orientation.

Pansexual 
A term that describes individuals who can experience sexual, romantic, or emotional attraction to any person, regardless of that person’s gender, sex, or sexuality.

Panromantic
A term that describes individuals who can experience romantic, or emotional (but not sexual) attraction to any person, regardless of that person’s gender, sex, or sexuality.

Polysexual
A term that describes individuals with a sexual orientation that involves sexual or romantic attraction to people with varying genders. Polysexual orientations include bisexualitypansexuality, omnisexuality, and queer, among many others.

Pomosexual
A term (not necessarily an identity) used to refer to those who reject sexuality labels or don’t identify with any of them.

Passing
Passing refers to society’s perceptions and assumptions of someone’s sexuality or gender.
Specifically, this term is most commonly used to discuss the frequency and extent to which an LGBTQIA+ person is perceived as or assumed to be straight or cisgender.
It’s important to note that some LGBTQIA+ people have the desire to pass while others do not. In fact, the act of being perceived as straight or cisgender can be a source of discomfort and discrimination for some in the LGBTQIA+ community.

Queer
An umbrella term that describes individuals who aren’t exclusively heterosexual. The term queer (the Q in LBGTQIA+), acknowledges that sexuality is a spectrum as opposed to a collection of independent and mutually exclusive categories.
Use of the word queer opens up options beyond lesbian, gay, and bisexual to individuals who don’t fit neatly into these categories or prefer a category that isn’t dependent on sex and gender.
While this term once had negative and derogatory connotations, queer has resurfaced as a common and socially acceptable way for LGBTQIA+ individuals to refer to themselves and their community.
Despite its growing use, some people still have negative associations with the word queer and don’t like to be referred to in this way. Queer, like all terms describing sexuality, should be used sensitively and respectfully.

Questioning
The process of being curious about or exploring some aspect of sexuality or gender. Questioning can also be used as an adjective to describe someone who’s currently exploring their sexuality or gender.

Romantic attraction
The experience of having an emotional response that results in the desire for a romantic, but not necessarily sexual, relationship or interaction with another person or oneself.
Some people experience romantic attraction but don’t experience sexual attraction.

Romantic orientation
Romantic orientation is an aspect of self and identity that involves:
· how you identify
· the way you experience romantic desire (if you do)
· the gender(s) or sex(es) of the people who someone engages in romantic relationships with (if any)
· the gender(s) or sex(es) of the people someone is romantically attracted to (if any)

Sapiosexual
A word used to describe those who experience attraction based on intelligence, rather than sex or gender.

Sexual attraction
Sexual attraction refers to experiencing sexual desire or arousal in relation to another person or group of people.

Sex-averse
Sex-averse describes those who are asexual and are averse to or extremely disinterested in sex or sexual behavior.

Sex-favorable
On the spectrum of asexuality, sex-favorable is viewed as the “opposite” of sex-repulsed and describes those who are asexual, and in certain situations can have favorable or positive feelings toward sex.

Sex-indifferent
Sex-indifferent describes those who are asexual and feel indifferent or neutral about sex or sexual behavior.

Sexual orientation or sexuality
Sexual orientation or sexuality is an aspect of self that involves:
· how you identify
· the way you experience sexual or romantic desire (if you do)
· the gender(s) or sex(es) of the people who someone engages in sexual or romantic activity with (if any)
· the gender(s) or sex(es) of the people someone is attracted to (if any)
Sexuality can change over the course of someone’s life and in different situations. It’s understood to be a spectrum instead of a series of mutually exclusive categories.

Sex-repulsed
Similar to sex-averse, sex-repulsed is on the spectrum of asexuality and describes those who are asexual and are repulsed by or extremely disinterested in sex or sexual behavior.

Skoliosexual
A sexual orientation that describes those who are sexually attracted to people with non-cisgender gender identities, such as people who are nonbinarygenderqueer, or trans.

Spectrasexual
A term that describes people who are sexually or romantically attracted to multiple or varied sexes, genders, and gender identities — but not necessarily all or any.

Straight
Also known as heterosexual, straight describes people who experience sexual, romantic, or emotional attraction to individuals of the “opposite” gender (e.g. malkje vs. female, man vs. woman) or a different gender.
People who identify as cisgender and transgender can be straight.

 Article  by https://www.healthline.com