INTRO

Untold lives of woman, is a woman's journey on the path life has set her on.
A blog about factors that affect the lives of women and where you can find inspiration.
The Un edited side of "life ".Where there is beauty in imperfection and knowing that through the support and wisdom we share with each other .We will help improve not only our own lives but the lives of generations to come.

Search This Blog

Tuesday, February 25, 2020

RACISM

I AM OF ONE RACE AND IT IS THE HUMAN RACE

Racism is a product of the complex interaction in a given society of a race-based worldview with prejudice, stereotyping, and discrimination

The UN describes the term "racial discrimination "as any distinction, exclusion, restriction, or preference based on race, colour, descent, or national or ethnic origin that has the purpose or effect of nullifying or impairing the recognition, enjoyment or exercise, on an equal footing, of human rights and fundamental freedoms in the political, economic, social, cultural or any other field of public life.

Nobody on this earth got to choose what colour ,what country or family they where born into .How can you take pride in something you had no control over .What makes you think you are better for being a certain skin tone?Its not enough that you have to be either white or black, but we have to compare  how black or rather how much lighter  you are from being black or from being closer to being white .
Being light skin you are better than a black person ,but still you are beneath a person with white skin .So you cant really fit in anywhere.


William lynch in 1721 wrote a letter to slave owners saying,"divide blacks by the tone and you will control them for 300+ years." here we are 295 years later. We should open our eyes and see how we are being fooled!How we are being duped into falling for everything we are told that we stop seeing the truth .Are we really that far gone that we no longer know a truth from fiction.
.
Over the last few months .It has become clear that, racism is still very much alive and its getting to a point where  more and more people .No longer feel the need to pretend anymore.To be honest nobody is born a racist .We are born unaware of the differences.When we reach the age of  2 and start self discovering and being aware of the things round us and start to ask questions. The answers we get on that journey are what base our decisions our ethics and ultimately who we are.
Anyone in a position to help change this world view on skin tone to the next generation needs to be the change they hope to see .

The realization is that we are all made up of the same features the main difference is the origin of a person  and that's something you cant change .so lets put our energy into fighting what we can change or help improve the quality of life in this world that seems to be spinning out of control. You need to be able to accept people as they are and stop letting the headlines fool you into fighting and taking up a cause while they intentionally don't tell you the real issues because that's what the media does and that's what it is for ,because the people at the top control what you get to hear.

Monday, February 24, 2020

THE BEST PART OF GROWING UP IS THAT YOU GET TO BE A MATURE VERSION OF YOUR TRUE SELF

GROWING UP IS TAKING WHAT YOU HAVE LEARNT AND MOVING FORWARD SHEDDING AWAY WHAT IS NOT IMPORTANT AND NOT TAKING IT TO HEART.
see my post on prison of the mind

Sometimes when you go through life in a hurry all you do is miss moments and its only after they pass that you see the importance they had .You will never know the value of a moment until it becomes a memory.

As we  grow up we realise that it is less important to have many friends and more important to have real friends, because now you know better and you choose what is best for you.

You become less concerned with trying to make a momentary impression and become more focused on making a lasting impression.
You arrive at this point in life after you stop cairing about , what other people have to say about you and start cairing for how you feel and what is fulfilling.

As i continue to grow up i see more and more of my younger  self come out the parts of me that i held back or was ashamed of because of what i was told or what people said or felt .Start to come out again and that to me is beautiful because when you watch a child do things they are confident.
Nothing holds them back because they believe in themselves and they are always cheered on.
So i challenge you to do the same. Set yourself free from that prison that you created in your mind based on the opinion of others and your own insecurities.
Cheer yourself on
.Be like that child free to be who they want to be . Unapologetically .


LETTING GO OF YOUR DADDY ISSUES / MUMMY ISSUES

 A CHILD SHOULD NEVER HAVE TO BEG THEIR PARENTS FOR ATTENTION.
Love is seen and kindness is felt.and that's what the world needs the most.
Pure love and pure kindness.
There are three kinds of people.
Those that grew up with the best dad in their homes and took it for granted.
The ones that grew up without a father in their home envying those that where lucky enough to have one.
Lastly those that grew up wishing they didn't have their father around  but feel that their life would have been better without him in it.

However what they will all have in common  is that they  will all share the pain of a fathers abscence at one point .
I say all that to say that it is in human nature to only appreciate what we have after the loss of it.

I like a quote that says,''you can not change a person who doesnt see the error in  their actions''because we spend  alot of time trying to correct people or change people and all we do is end up hurting ourselves and  those around us in the process.
People are the way they are because that is who they choose to be.
Their is nothing you can do to change someone unless they want the help.One thing i learnt when i became a parent is that , Being a parent  is  a series of conscious decisions  made every single day to  choose to BE THERE FOR YOUR CHILD.

As kids we expect that our  parents to have all the answers and when they dont its almost offensive to us. What we forget is that, You can't  give a solution to a problem  if you havent  figured it out yourself.
You can't  allow yourself to damage your own life as a result of someone elses actions.
You also cant choose to play the victim for the rest of your life .
Your life turned out the way it is because that was a lesson for you to learn and it had to be  apart of your history.

What you have to do is accept that it happend because looking  for someone to blame can't undo what was done. It will not change your situation. Only make it worse.
Nobody can can heal you . Nobody can complete you or fill the void that was left as a result.
The only way you heal is by you dealing with the harsh reality .
The actual truth.
Otherwise the rejection or pain you  went through or continue to go through will only make it difficult for you and  those who choose to be around you.

You also cant hide behind being  tough or looking tough because that shell does crack.
Pretending to be a savage will not heal that hole in your heart. Trying to be tough in the name of protecting yourself you only drive people that are trying to help you away, and guess what no man is an  island.  If you choose to be one  just know it is a very lonely place to be.


Wednesday, February 12, 2020

PEOPLE WHO ARE DIFFICULT TO LOVE.

WHEN THE WALLS YOU HAVE BUILT TO PROTECT YOURSELF FROM PAIN CAUSE YOU PAIN INSTEAD.
See part 1 Women who are difficult to love

The reason we close our eyes before something traumatic happens is because we don't want to see the pain occur. Its the bodies way of protecting itself.

Now translate that into everyday life. Where we go through problems, learn lessons and overcome them.

Our mind also does the same thing especially when it comes to human relationships. We build walls to protect ourselves from being hurt. We do so in different ways.

Sometimes we do so by pushing people away because, they make us feel/experience things in a way we have never felt before which makes us feel uncomfortable. 
Almost like it is a bitter pill to swallow. 
To think that someone could actually love them and their imperfections. 
Can make you wonder how can somebody love me if we don't love myself.

Withholding love is a form of self sabotage .As what we withhold from others we are withholding from ourselves.
We need to remember that one can only give as much love as they have within themselves and which means if you don't have a lot to give .Giving becomes a task .

Sometimes we try so hard to place the blame on everyone/everything else yet we still can't seem to find the enemy. And the truth is simply because we haven't looked deep within ourselves

We sabotage things in our own lives because deep down we feel like we don't deserve them. Which is a result of living a life where you are constantly criticized or a life where you are constantly made to feel less of what you are.
This is where it gets tricky because breaking patterns that have been with you and have seen from those around you is hard.

We sometimes we try avoid making mistakes we see others making and without knowing walk ourselves into the same troubles.
Because avoiding something and dealing with it are two different things.

Live your life truly dont be affraid to feel because emotional suffering is just your body's way of letting you know you are not living your truth.

Live, Love ,Learn ,and please  don't stand in your own way.

Friday, January 24, 2020

A MOTHERS LOVE

NOBODY IS BORN PERFECT. ITS HOW WE DEAL WITH OUR IMPERFECTIONS THAT SETS US APART.

I always ask, what was the first thing that came to your mind. when you held your baby for the first time?majority of the answers I've gotten are "I will protect you and love you always and I will give you more than I ever got because I want to be the best mother I can be."

Every mother is different and we all have different goals but above all I believe the human aspect in us makes us want the best for our children some of us persevere through all the hardships to achieve our goals and i salute you because it's a hard task. Some of us get side tracked and eventually overwhelmed by the task that we often choose the easy way out and that too still scars.

I begin to write this post ,feeling confident that anyone who is reading it. Knows what a mothers love is and knows,what a mother is capable of doing because of the love she has for her child.

To the mothers.
You have a calling from God. Who entrusts you with a life. To give a future. A piece of what the world is to become. You are either part of the solution or part of the problem we face today.

Let me give a few incidents,

  • A young girl/boy ends their first day of school, parent/parents are waiting for them excited to hear and learn about their first day. With open arms they embrace the child and enter the house
  • A young child is brought into an emergency room he/she had been assaulted by a parent so bad they need medical attention.one parent covers up and says "he fell off a bicycle and into a ditch."
  • A young girl beginning her teens sneaks out of the house to elope with a boy who she thinks loves her because She doesn't know what love is and is looking for the attention of a male figure she lacked growing up as a child
  • A young boy/girl sits at home waiting for the day their parent will return, "it's been 3 months since you left ,saying your going to work. why did you leave me here instead of taking me with you?" the question he/she keeps asking themselves
  • Lastly, a child who has been forced to grow up too soon is fixing a meal to eat because nobody is there to do it for them they wash and clean the house.sitting in the house alone double locked doors. Entertaining themselves. Counting down the minutes for their mummy or daddy to come home from work.
These are all real life situations I think we can relate to in one way or another. The question would be. Are the choices your making for your family the right choices for you or for them?

I write to women, because we have the power to create the most change and I am one so it's easy to relate. As women we have the moral compass and the gift of being a mother. We are tasked with bringing up our children ,to be the future of tomorrow. If we fail at it we can't blame society for the number of delinquents out on the streets. We have to instill the values in our children, and where the men fail we have to take up their load as well. You may ask where is the equality in all this. Well as a mother ,you know we are at a point where. We have to take the lead because at the end of the day our children/family's success is our success and Where they fail we fail too. A child will always go back to there mothers/fathers for advise and we need to create a conducive environment for that to happen and do so in the right manner other wise we are at risk of being our children's downfall.

A quote I once read that had always stuck with me is, "Truly one learns only by sorrow ;its a terrible education the soul gets,and it requires a terrible grief that shakes the very foundation of one's being to bring the soul into its own." I think a lot of us can relate with it.

Being a mother doesn't give you superpowers it just Enhances the powers that where dormant within you because now there is a lot at stake. We become mothers, not knowing what to do but it becomes natural as our maternal instincts kick in .That doesn't mean we are always right it just means we begin an endless cycle of learning and we often do What we think is best . To some our best is not sufficient to others it is and that should challenge you positively because out of the negative something beautiful is formed just like a diamond.

Motherhood changes us in ways only another mother can understand. It's that way so we can support each other because that is where even the impossible is attainable.We hold the power to impact the world in ways we dream about and the only way we can do that is by being a support system for each other not the force that brings down a family out of pure selfishness!

To the child.
Being apart of a family you know what it feels like to have a mothers love and seen what she is willing to do to make ends meet. Or you know what the absence of a mothers love feels like. And as a mother and a child. I write you this, knowing that although we expect our parents to solve every issue we have, and be wise enough to make the absolute best decision when it comes to our lives. You may not understand now but your own experience the day you become a parent, will make you understand.

Until then you may hold grudges or not understand why parents are the way they are. However you should never fail to appreciate the work and sacrifices parents go through to give you all you have.
To those who lack that parental love. Although times get hard and you wish you were like that perfect family you see next door. Nothing is ever as perfect as it looks. You have a life to live and the choices you make now determine will determine if you end up with that family or not another quote I love is,"We are in our own jail until we free ourselves to begin to live again."
Stop wishing and start living you are where you are now for a reason and only you can save you so always choose hope even when hopelessness , overwhelm's the lessons you have had to learn make you a better person if you choose hope.

To the fathers
Be the father's you wish you had or be better than the parents you had. When you bring down a home you bring yourself down as well. The world is round.what goes around,comes around .
Live,Learn and never stop dreaming #wisewordsfromthenairobifeminist


If you love my posts and would like to be notified when a new article is posted subscribe via email or click on the join this site link. Thank you for your support.



Wednesday, January 22, 2020

UNCRUSHABLE SPIRIT

YOU BECOME UNSTOPPABLE WHEN YOU REALIZE THAT THE ONLY PERSON HOLDING YOU BACK WAS YOU.
The moments in my life that have brought me the most joy,are the moments where I took a chance on myself and preserved long enough to reap the rewards.

Nobody just wakes up one day and says ,"let me do something risky."
 Everything has its own build up and by the time your getting to the point where you want to step out of your comfort zone. Its at the point where you feel that you want more for yourself\more out of yourself.

A lot of the time we live life not utilizing our full potential . For some they find a sweet spot and stick to it,because they are Okay. For others fear holds them back .The fear of failing themselves however what they don't realize is by doing nothing you have already failed.

The biggest rewards in life happen when you take a risk and the only way that happens is by you agreeing that irregardless of what happens on that journey you will be persistent and will patiently persevere as you earn your stripes.
Life is a learning experience and as long as you believe in yourself the highs and lows will be worth it in the long run.


Saturday, January 18, 2020

CULTURE DOESN'T MAKE PEOPLE;PEOPLE MAKE CULTURE

WALK IN ANOTHER WOMANS SHOES

Every day most of us wake up go through our
daily chores,work and family lives and are privileged enough to wear clothes that can protect us from all the elements and we don't worry about these things because it's a norm.

Today I wake up in thought of the Women I have met who didn't have the privilege of waking up to the most basic of things.

Women who Woke up and never thought they would live through the day.

Women who lost loved ones in horrendous circumstances.

Women whose families were displaced little or no food or water.

Women who had lost all hope of a better tomorrow.

Women who were broken down but could still see a future for themselves even though they didn't know how they would get a step ahead .
They knew that there disparity would lead them to greater places than there current situations.

Here in Kenya we have seen or heard of all these things.
Over the last few years,we have seen our beautiful country been rocked on the lines of tribalism,terrorism and abject poverty.

Although we know of what happens and the media does cover such situations it later fades away and becomes part of a memory to those of us who are not directly affected.

However those who have lived it have to relive those gruesome moments over and over they have to deal with the loss of loved ones,the loss of places they made homes,the visible scars of nights of terror. Mental scars of not being able to live life as they once knew.

I have met brilliant Women who have suffered from domestic violence young girls who had to run away from home to avoid being married off.

We have opened our home to girls who didn't have a home and young girls whose families practiced Female Genital Mutilation and had to go through it because they didn't know how to get out of it.

Women who were sexually abused by relatives at a young age.
Women who were gang raped.
Women who turned to drinking to drown there sorrows to forget there pain just for a few moments.

We all know women whose lives have been anything but easy,some of us are living those lives.Meeting these women.

I lived those moments with them through their words.
I Witnessed the hardships they endure daily.
 I became part of their story and I am grateful to them.In life.

 If you become so focused on self fulfillment there is little to gain.

 Our individual lives are hectic however as humans we should be different we should be able to too see the pain in someone else and want better for them .

Help them through whatever they are going through not avoid them like they have the plague or talk about them behind there backs feeling for them but doing nothing to help them in whatever capacity we can.

Nobody likes to feel alone sometimes being there for them is all they need to get the strength they need to get through .

Today I would like to challenge you reader to walk in someone's shoes you don't have to go far out and visit the various centres to volunteer charity begins at home look in your life and see where you can help someone who you can see or know needs your help and do it not for You but for the betterment of their lives.

And if you are living that life listen to that voice from within telling you not to give up as long as you are still breathing you have the chance to be better to achieve the dreams hopes and goals you have.

Live,love.laugh,Learn and share with those you care about


Sunday, January 12, 2020

EMPOWERING THE WOMAN IS EMPOWERING THE NATION.

PASSING DOWN WISDOM

Looking at the structure of the family unit all over the world one thing is still very evident.The woman is in charge of the home. She has the responsibility to ensure that regardless of what happens the home still run's efficiently.

Mother's raising children as single parents are the soul providers to all their children's needs and will often do all it takes to ensure their children get all they need.
Mother's who have been bereft have to take up the role played by the diseased partner.
Women whose spouses who do not take care of their family responsibilities often end up being the bread winners of the family.

 This can easily be seen around us and that's why many women organisations or locally known chamas have increased to help women achieve their goals, get educated and start saving plans that help all the members involved to build a better tomorrow for their families.

The children that come out of these homes(me and you) more often than not will still need the help of their mothers because motherhood is a lifetime job . Examine your own life and see your own need for your mother or for a person who you consider a mother figure and see that at the end of the day as long as she is able she will do what it takes to ensure her family is ok.

Over the past few years, there has been an upsurge in high level political will .
Evidenced most recently in the United Nations Secretary General’s Global Strategy for Women’s and Children’s Health. Use of services, especially those for sexual and reproductive health, has increased in some countries.
Two important factors that influence women’s health  namely, school enrolment rates for girls and greater political participation of women - have risen in many parts of the world.
But we are not there yet. In too many countries, “women’s empowerment” remains a pipe dream  little more than a rhetorical flourish added to a politician’s speech. Too many women are still missing out on the opportunity to get educated, support themselves, and obtain the health services they need, when they need them.

Most organisations, politicians  and people in general feel the minimum they do is sufficient as long as they write a few empty cheques to support woman and children they have done their good deed for the year.What happens the rest of the year? Needs don't change!

When I lie awake thinking of women and their health globally, I remind myself: the world has made a lot of progress in recent years. We know more, and we are getting better at applying our knowledge. At providing young girls a good start in life.

Writing this post as a daughter, a woman and most importantly a mother to a daughter. I am clearly aware of the factors that affect women.

Major life events such as pregnancy, motherhood and menopause can create major stresses for some women.
 Negative life experiences such as poverty, discrimination, violence, unemployment and isolation can also impact on women's mental health and well-being.
Gender roles and unequal economic and social relations between men and women in our community may also contribute to women's higher risk of depression.
 Research shows that men tend to talk more in meetings, while women are interrupted more, given less credit for their ideas, and have less overall influence.yet the best thinking doesn’t always come from those who talk the most in meetings. It’s been shown that the smartest teams are the ones that know how to draw out the value and voices of everyone in the room. The quietest person might have the breakthrough answer.

The secret to change is not fighting the old but building on the new and with this kind of mind set we will create new customs that help empower uplift and build a world with infinite possibilities
Same-sex attraction is still a very huge factor...(see my post on lgbt community in kenya)

Maternal health: Many women are now benefitting from massive improvements in care during pregnancy and childbirth introduced in the last century. But those benefits do not extend everywhere women die from complications in pregnancy and childbirth. Most of these deaths could have been prevented, had access to family planning and to some quite basic services been in place. Worst cases doctors and hospitals/clinics charge high rates where as the government ensures funding to these institutions to ensure it to be a free service.

HIV: Three decades into the AIDS epidemic, it is young women who bear the brunt of new HIV infections. Too many young women still struggle to protect themselves against sexual transmission of HIV and to get the treatment they require. This also leaves them particularly vulnerable to tuberculosis - one of the leading causes of death in low-income countries of women 20–59 years.

Sexually transmitted infections: like gonorrhoea, chlamydia and syphilis. Untreated syphilis is responsible for more than 200,000 stillbirths and early foetal deaths every year, and for the deaths of over 90 000 newborns.

Violence against women: Women can be subject to a range of different forms of violence, but physical and sexual violence  either by a partner or someone else  is particularly invidious. Today, one in three women under 50 has experienced physical and/or sexual violence by a partner, or non-partner sexual violence  violence which affects their physical and mental health in the short and long-term. It’s important for health workers to be alert to violence so they can help prevent it, as well as provide support to people who experience it.(see my post on gender based violence)

Mental health: Evidence suggests that women are more prone than men to experience anxiety, depression, and somatic complaints  physical symptoms that cannot be explained medically. Depression is the most common mental health problem for women and suicide a leading cause of death for women under 60 (see my post on suicide). Helping sensitize women to mental health issues, and giving them the confidence to seek assistance, is vital.

Noncommunicable diseases: In 2012, some 4.7 million women died from noncommunicable diseases before they reached the age of 70 most of them in low- and middle-income countries. They died as a result of road traffic accidents, harmful use of tobacco, abuse of alcohol, drugs and substances, and obesity more than 50% of women are overweight Helping girls and women adopt healthy lifestyles early on is key to a long and healthy life
Getting older: Older women may have fewer pensions and benefits, less access to health care and social services than their male counterparts. Combine the greater risk of poverty with other conditions of old age, like dementia, and older women also have a higher risk of abuse and generally, poor health.
We need to raise Strong girls and equip them well for this hard world.A woman has the ability to build a foundation that creates change and it's about time we take this issue as serious as it is and help improve on it.To educate girls is to reduce poverty.
 I will end this post with a quote that says "To succeed the desire to succeed should over weigh one own's fear of failure."



Saturday, January 11, 2020

FALL DOWN 9 TIMES AND GET UP 10 MORE

THE GIFT OF LIFE IS THAT YOU HAVE TIME TO ENSURE YOU GET WHAT YOU WANT OUT OF IT.
What I love about reading is that  books are shortened versions of peoples life experiences.
To me books are life cheat codes.
You have the beginning
The climax and the conclusion \end.

The places that hold the story together are all the little things that happen in between .
In our own lives that would be the not so glamourous moments the ones that don't get posted on social media. The moments where there is the most growth.

Truth be told those are the mo.ents that shape you into the person you need to become in order to accomplish what you need to accomplish .

Never think for a moment that whatever your going through in life is happening without a reason .Most of the time its happening  for your betterment. To strengthen uplifts and show you that every time you feel like you could have broken you never did means there is still a lot more you can take because you don't have an option its what you where made for.

So that by the time you get to where you can begin to write your own story . You will have accumilated enough wisdom to encourage someone younger or even older than you .Who feels that they are at the end of the rope and can't take anymore.

And in that moment you will know that your ups and downs where worth it and you will be able to show them that .Their rough start at life is only a setback for an even bigger come back.