BEING SINGLE ISNT THE CAUSE OF LONELINESS,AND MARRIAGE IS NOT NECESSARILY THE CURE.THEIR ARE SO MANY LONELY MARRIED PEOPLE AS WELL.
BOOK TO READ marriage as God intended by Sewyn Hughes
(see my posts on embrace-glorious-mess-that-you-are. marriagelove-is-not-bed-of-roses.html
couples-take-on-love
It's one thing to be lonely when you are single, wondering if and when God will ever bring the right guy. It's another matter for your heart to ache with loneliness when the "right guy" is living in your home and sleeping in your bed. If this is your reality, please know that you are not alone. Behind the facade of family life, many married men and women are lonely.
Being married offers no protection from the dangers of loneliness .
Studies indicate that roughly 20% of the general population suffers from chronic loneliness at any given time, and in one recent study of older adults, 62.5% of people who reported being lonely were married and living with their partner.
Although we might believe marriage can insulate us from the ravages of loneliness, which is not the case. Loneliness is determined by the quality of our relationships not their just by whether we happen to be living with a spouse. Loneliness in marriage often happens slowly, as the disconnection we feel from our spouse gradually increases over years.
At some point, discussions about mutual interests, and goals and dreams cease entirely and conversations become purely transnational“ We need milk,” “Your mother called,” or “Did you remember to pay the this or that bill?”or focused exclusively on parenting .We also fall into daily routines that foster emotional distance .
One person watches television in the evening while the other is on the computer, or one goes to bed at 9 pm and wakes at 5 am while the other goes to bed at midnight and wakes at 8 am. In short, we lose the love and the affection but stay in the marriage; ironically, often out of a fear of being lonely, although by doing so, we potentially doom ourselves to the very loneliness we were trying to avoid
Loneliness is the deepest ache our souls can experience. The grief of losing a loved one, the fear of abandonment, and the sting of rejected love all tap into the same bedrock (fear): I am all alone.
Feeling lonely in marriage allows for doubt and subtle lies we've believed—lies like: If only you find "Prince Charming," you'll never have to be alone.
If you are in this place of marital loneliness, then you are facing a fork in the road. Before you is a choice: What will you do with your sadness, disillusionment, and fear? Will you run away from God or run to him? My advice to you is ,know that he is always there for us .Run to him and asks him for the strength to whether the storm
Marriage books are filled with advice on how to bridge the chasm between you and your spouse. Working to resolve conflicts, finding common interests, and learning to date your husband are all practical suggestions that can make a difference in your marriage. However, there are some situations which no strategies appear to make a difference. It may even seem like you are destined to merely share space and live as distant roommates.
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Loneliness distorts how we see the other person and makes us devalue our relationships. We perceive others as less caring, less interested, and less committed than they actually are, and we judge our relationships to be weaker and less satisfying than it is.
In an effort to protect ourselves from even further emotional hurt, we become hyper-alert to any signs of rejection we read into everything the other person does or says .As a result—and often without realizing we’re doing it, become overly defensive and come across as detached, aloof, or even hostile, which only pushes them further away
We typically wouldn’t think that loneliness is a condition that requires urgent intervention, but we should. In addition to the emotional anguish loneliness creates, it puts us at risk for depression and anxiety and causes us to distort our perceptions such that we view ourselves, our lives, and our relationships more negatively
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How to Combat Loneliness
1. Take the initiative. If you’re lonely, chances are your partner is, too. But they are also probably trapped in a cycle of emotional disconnection and feel helpless to break it. Try to initiate conversations. (See "How to Validate Someone’s Emotions.") Don’t expect them to reciprocate right away, as habits take time to change, but after a few gestures of goodwill they will likely return the favor.
2. Create shared experiences. If your spouse is in the other room watching their favorite show, sit next to them .They may be confused, suspicious, or both, but just be sincere and try to see the show through their eyes, even if it’s not your thing You can also suggest certain activities that require little effort such as walks, cooking a meal together, watching old videos .Reminding yourselves of more connected times), or writing a letter.
3. Practice taking their perspective. The longer you have been in a relationship the more we tend to assume we know what the other person is thinking. But it is not so. We actually have to close our eyes and focus for a few minutes (not seconds) on the other person’s perspective, imagining their world and their point of view within it. Gaining a greater understanding of their thoughts and feelings this allows you to express more sympathy and understanding toward them—in turn, deepening your mutual bond
4 .Re-create moments. Nothing can bring sparks back in a relationship like e-living a moment ir going back to a place where you had an amazing experience, where the love and passion was alive. Relationships are an investment and you need to keep investing time and effort to ensure its longevity
5.Create new memories. Memories last a lifetime don’t miss out on the new just because your in a bd place make every moment memorable.
IN ALL THINGS LIVE LIFE TO THE FULLEST ,LEARN , LOVE AND NEVER STOP DREAMING.
