THE HAPPILY EVER AFTER DISASTER
The both learnt about love at an early age she idealized Cinderella and he watched how his parent's treated each other .
Along the way their friends influenced their decision on what love was .Music and movies gave them the illusion of what was acceptable and what was normal.
All the while carrying ,what was traditionally accepted .Not forgetting the lessons they learnt from passed relationships
However at this time. They found each other and decided they had met their soul mates. Their better half. Like a fairy tale she wore white and walked down the isle and they exchanged vows.
Perfectly safe in there own bubble of love .
All they saw was each other .
All that mattered was that they had each other.
The days past and the feelings settled.They found comfort in the flow of things.
Until the morning they woke up on separate sides of the bed .
With a thick wall of ice between them and they realized that this was what the rest of there life would be and Realized it was the biggest mistake of their life.
People assume the best and over look the human aspect of flaw. We are all human and it is UN realistic to expect that marriage means that you will spend the rest of your life in bliss and happiness
- People change after marriage.
Marriage is not a cure for behavior. if anything marriage highlights behavior as the vows show permanence in most cases people stop pretending and show you who they really are
Once you love someone you will always love them. However over time the question becomes i love them but to what degree ? what am i willing to give up without expecting anything in return?
and as time goes although you may love them the feeling either grows or diminishes based on how you treat each other. So many people leave relationships not because they hate each other but because love was not the only thing needed
- Marriage makes you closer to your partner
The permanence of marriage doesn't mean
you will automatically become close. Especially if one person is used to more independence than the other and they may feel suffocated and want more space and time to themselves
- You and your partner are now a unit and not individuals.
Being married doesn't men that you have to forget who you are and choose to be someone different . If anything loosing your identity and giving up too much can lead to resentment . Be a united front where it matters but allow yourselves to be free to be individuals.
- Getting married will solve issues of trust and insecurity.
You have no business getting married if this is one of the reasons why you are
getting married. pre-marital counseling is key . build on trust and ease all insecurities before you make the decision to marry
Kids change the whole dynamic of a marriage .it does bring you closer.
However having kids is to create a family and not to solve a problem
- Your partners job is to make you happy
You are in charge of your own happiness . Depending on someone else to make you happy will only make you more depressed.
- You can continue your social life as is
Going out till three in the morning . having people over whenever you want. Are some of the things that should change first because now you have to adjust your social life in a way hat accommodate your partner . by doing this you allow for both of you to co exist as a unit but are both free to be your own people.
- Submission and power struggles
Every man hides behind submission however not everyone understands the kind of submission needed and instructed of married people. most people us e submission as a key to dominate oppress and justify actions . The bibles clearly states that a woman is a mans helper and that she was created out of mans rib .We live at a time where both man and woman have to carry their own weight to help bring up a family and as a result we have to understand a womans role in submission
- Marriage is easy and doesn't need work.
Marriage is the hardest job you will sign up for . However it has the most rewards .Nothing meaningful comes without trouble its your job to ensure the trouble doesn't sink your boat
- Your spouse should automatically be your best friend
Expecting your spouse to be your best friend is expected however their is a difference . because ether occupy a space in your life that is like no other however counting on them to fulfill their role s partner and meet your every need is impossible and is asking too much of them
- Getting to know your spouse happens before marriage.
While dating we present our best behaviors and over time we stop pretending and show our true selves . That aside marriage brings new dynamics and we adjust ti new problems and solve new situations and this is where we learn lot more. never think you know it all.
Take your time . There is no rush When the time comes do your best get enough help and do what you vowed to do .