INTRO

Untold lives of woman, is a woman's journey on the path life has set her on.
A blog about factors that affect the lives of women and where you can find inspiration.
The Un edited side of "life ".Where there is beauty in imperfection and knowing that through the support and wisdom we share with each other .We will help improve not only our own lives but the lives of generations to come.

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Friday, January 24, 2020

A MOTHERS LOVE

NOBODY IS BORN PERFECT. ITS HOW WE DEAL WITH OUR IMPERFECTIONS THAT SETS US APART.

I always ask, what was the first thing that came to your mind. when you held your baby for the first time?majority of the answers I've gotten are "I will protect you and love you always and I will give you more than I ever got because I want to be the best mother I can be."

Every mother is different and we all have different goals but above all I believe the human aspect in us makes us want the best for our children some of us persevere through all the hardships to achieve our goals and i salute you because it's a hard task. Some of us get side tracked and eventually overwhelmed by the task that we often choose the easy way out and that too still scars.

I begin to write this post ,feeling confident that anyone who is reading it. Knows what a mothers love is and knows,what a mother is capable of doing because of the love she has for her child.

To the mothers.
You have a calling from God. Who entrusts you with a life. To give a future. A piece of what the world is to become. You are either part of the solution or part of the problem we face today.

Let me give a few incidents,

  • A young girl/boy ends their first day of school, parent/parents are waiting for them excited to hear and learn about their first day. With open arms they embrace the child and enter the house
  • A young child is brought into an emergency room he/she had been assaulted by a parent so bad they need medical attention.one parent covers up and says "he fell off a bicycle and into a ditch."
  • A young girl beginning her teens sneaks out of the house to elope with a boy who she thinks loves her because She doesn't know what love is and is looking for the attention of a male figure she lacked growing up as a child
  • A young boy/girl sits at home waiting for the day their parent will return, "it's been 3 months since you left ,saying your going to work. why did you leave me here instead of taking me with you?" the question he/she keeps asking themselves
  • Lastly, a child who has been forced to grow up too soon is fixing a meal to eat because nobody is there to do it for them they wash and clean the house.sitting in the house alone double locked doors. Entertaining themselves. Counting down the minutes for their mummy or daddy to come home from work.
These are all real life situations I think we can relate to in one way or another. The question would be. Are the choices your making for your family the right choices for you or for them?

I write to women, because we have the power to create the most change and I am one so it's easy to relate. As women we have the moral compass and the gift of being a mother. We are tasked with bringing up our children ,to be the future of tomorrow. If we fail at it we can't blame society for the number of delinquents out on the streets. We have to instill the values in our children, and where the men fail we have to take up their load as well. You may ask where is the equality in all this. Well as a mother ,you know we are at a point where. We have to take the lead because at the end of the day our children/family's success is our success and Where they fail we fail too. A child will always go back to there mothers/fathers for advise and we need to create a conducive environment for that to happen and do so in the right manner other wise we are at risk of being our children's downfall.

A quote I once read that had always stuck with me is, "Truly one learns only by sorrow ;its a terrible education the soul gets,and it requires a terrible grief that shakes the very foundation of one's being to bring the soul into its own." I think a lot of us can relate with it.

Being a mother doesn't give you superpowers it just Enhances the powers that where dormant within you because now there is a lot at stake. We become mothers, not knowing what to do but it becomes natural as our maternal instincts kick in .That doesn't mean we are always right it just means we begin an endless cycle of learning and we often do What we think is best . To some our best is not sufficient to others it is and that should challenge you positively because out of the negative something beautiful is formed just like a diamond.

Motherhood changes us in ways only another mother can understand. It's that way so we can support each other because that is where even the impossible is attainable.We hold the power to impact the world in ways we dream about and the only way we can do that is by being a support system for each other not the force that brings down a family out of pure selfishness!

To the child.
Being apart of a family you know what it feels like to have a mothers love and seen what she is willing to do to make ends meet. Or you know what the absence of a mothers love feels like. And as a mother and a child. I write you this, knowing that although we expect our parents to solve every issue we have, and be wise enough to make the absolute best decision when it comes to our lives. You may not understand now but your own experience the day you become a parent, will make you understand.

Until then you may hold grudges or not understand why parents are the way they are. However you should never fail to appreciate the work and sacrifices parents go through to give you all you have.
To those who lack that parental love. Although times get hard and you wish you were like that perfect family you see next door. Nothing is ever as perfect as it looks. You have a life to live and the choices you make now determine will determine if you end up with that family or not another quote I love is,"We are in our own jail until we free ourselves to begin to live again."
Stop wishing and start living you are where you are now for a reason and only you can save you so always choose hope even when hopelessness , overwhelm's the lessons you have had to learn make you a better person if you choose hope.

To the fathers
Be the father's you wish you had or be better than the parents you had. When you bring down a home you bring yourself down as well. The world is round.what goes around,comes around .
Live,Learn and never stop dreaming #wisewordsfromthenairobifeminist


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Wednesday, January 22, 2020

UNCRUSHABLE SPIRIT

YOU BECOME UNSTOPPABLE WHEN YOU REALIZE THAT THE ONLY PERSON HOLDING YOU BACK WAS YOU.
The moments in my life that have brought me the most joy,are the moments where I took a chance on myself and preserved long enough to reap the rewards.

Nobody just wakes up one day and says ,"let me do something risky."
 Everything has its own build up and by the time your getting to the point where you want to step out of your comfort zone. Its at the point where you feel that you want more for yourself\more out of yourself.

A lot of the time we live life not utilizing our full potential . For some they find a sweet spot and stick to it,because they are Okay. For others fear holds them back .The fear of failing themselves however what they don't realize is by doing nothing you have already failed.

The biggest rewards in life happen when you take a risk and the only way that happens is by you agreeing that irregardless of what happens on that journey you will be persistent and will patiently persevere as you earn your stripes.
Life is a learning experience and as long as you believe in yourself the highs and lows will be worth it in the long run.


Saturday, January 18, 2020

CULTURE DOESN'T MAKE PEOPLE;PEOPLE MAKE CULTURE

WALK IN ANOTHER WOMANS SHOES

Every day most of us wake up go through our
daily chores,work and family lives and are privileged enough to wear clothes that can protect us from all the elements and we don't worry about these things because it's a norm.

Today I wake up in thought of the Women I have met who didn't have the privilege of waking up to the most basic of things.

Women who Woke up and never thought they would live through the day.

Women who lost loved ones in horrendous circumstances.

Women whose families were displaced little or no food or water.

Women who had lost all hope of a better tomorrow.

Women who were broken down but could still see a future for themselves even though they didn't know how they would get a step ahead .
They knew that there disparity would lead them to greater places than there current situations.

Here in Kenya we have seen or heard of all these things.
Over the last few years,we have seen our beautiful country been rocked on the lines of tribalism,terrorism and abject poverty.

Although we know of what happens and the media does cover such situations it later fades away and becomes part of a memory to those of us who are not directly affected.

However those who have lived it have to relive those gruesome moments over and over they have to deal with the loss of loved ones,the loss of places they made homes,the visible scars of nights of terror. Mental scars of not being able to live life as they once knew.

I have met brilliant Women who have suffered from domestic violence young girls who had to run away from home to avoid being married off.

We have opened our home to girls who didn't have a home and young girls whose families practiced Female Genital Mutilation and had to go through it because they didn't know how to get out of it.

Women who were sexually abused by relatives at a young age.
Women who were gang raped.
Women who turned to drinking to drown there sorrows to forget there pain just for a few moments.

We all know women whose lives have been anything but easy,some of us are living those lives.Meeting these women.

I lived those moments with them through their words.
I Witnessed the hardships they endure daily.
 I became part of their story and I am grateful to them.In life.

 If you become so focused on self fulfillment there is little to gain.

 Our individual lives are hectic however as humans we should be different we should be able to too see the pain in someone else and want better for them .

Help them through whatever they are going through not avoid them like they have the plague or talk about them behind there backs feeling for them but doing nothing to help them in whatever capacity we can.

Nobody likes to feel alone sometimes being there for them is all they need to get the strength they need to get through .

Today I would like to challenge you reader to walk in someone's shoes you don't have to go far out and visit the various centres to volunteer charity begins at home look in your life and see where you can help someone who you can see or know needs your help and do it not for You but for the betterment of their lives.

And if you are living that life listen to that voice from within telling you not to give up as long as you are still breathing you have the chance to be better to achieve the dreams hopes and goals you have.

Live,love.laugh,Learn and share with those you care about


Sunday, January 12, 2020

EMPOWERING THE WOMAN IS EMPOWERING THE NATION.

PASSING DOWN WISDOM

Looking at the structure of the family unit all over the world one thing is still very evident.The woman is in charge of the home. She has the responsibility to ensure that regardless of what happens the home still run's efficiently.

Mother's raising children as single parents are the soul providers to all their children's needs and will often do all it takes to ensure their children get all they need.
Mother's who have been bereft have to take up the role played by the diseased partner.
Women whose spouses who do not take care of their family responsibilities often end up being the bread winners of the family.

 This can easily be seen around us and that's why many women organisations or locally known chamas have increased to help women achieve their goals, get educated and start saving plans that help all the members involved to build a better tomorrow for their families.

The children that come out of these homes(me and you) more often than not will still need the help of their mothers because motherhood is a lifetime job . Examine your own life and see your own need for your mother or for a person who you consider a mother figure and see that at the end of the day as long as she is able she will do what it takes to ensure her family is ok.

Over the past few years, there has been an upsurge in high level political will .
Evidenced most recently in the United Nations Secretary General’s Global Strategy for Women’s and Children’s Health. Use of services, especially those for sexual and reproductive health, has increased in some countries.
Two important factors that influence women’s health  namely, school enrolment rates for girls and greater political participation of women - have risen in many parts of the world.
But we are not there yet. In too many countries, “women’s empowerment” remains a pipe dream  little more than a rhetorical flourish added to a politician’s speech. Too many women are still missing out on the opportunity to get educated, support themselves, and obtain the health services they need, when they need them.

Most organisations, politicians  and people in general feel the minimum they do is sufficient as long as they write a few empty cheques to support woman and children they have done their good deed for the year.What happens the rest of the year? Needs don't change!

When I lie awake thinking of women and their health globally, I remind myself: the world has made a lot of progress in recent years. We know more, and we are getting better at applying our knowledge. At providing young girls a good start in life.

Writing this post as a daughter, a woman and most importantly a mother to a daughter. I am clearly aware of the factors that affect women.

Major life events such as pregnancy, motherhood and menopause can create major stresses for some women.
 Negative life experiences such as poverty, discrimination, violence, unemployment and isolation can also impact on women's mental health and well-being.
Gender roles and unequal economic and social relations between men and women in our community may also contribute to women's higher risk of depression.
 Research shows that men tend to talk more in meetings, while women are interrupted more, given less credit for their ideas, and have less overall influence.yet the best thinking doesn’t always come from those who talk the most in meetings. It’s been shown that the smartest teams are the ones that know how to draw out the value and voices of everyone in the room. The quietest person might have the breakthrough answer.

The secret to change is not fighting the old but building on the new and with this kind of mind set we will create new customs that help empower uplift and build a world with infinite possibilities
Same-sex attraction is still a very huge factor...(see my post on lgbt community in kenya)

Maternal health: Many women are now benefitting from massive improvements in care during pregnancy and childbirth introduced in the last century. But those benefits do not extend everywhere women die from complications in pregnancy and childbirth. Most of these deaths could have been prevented, had access to family planning and to some quite basic services been in place. Worst cases doctors and hospitals/clinics charge high rates where as the government ensures funding to these institutions to ensure it to be a free service.

HIV: Three decades into the AIDS epidemic, it is young women who bear the brunt of new HIV infections. Too many young women still struggle to protect themselves against sexual transmission of HIV and to get the treatment they require. This also leaves them particularly vulnerable to tuberculosis - one of the leading causes of death in low-income countries of women 20–59 years.

Sexually transmitted infections: like gonorrhoea, chlamydia and syphilis. Untreated syphilis is responsible for more than 200,000 stillbirths and early foetal deaths every year, and for the deaths of over 90 000 newborns.

Violence against women: Women can be subject to a range of different forms of violence, but physical and sexual violence  either by a partner or someone else  is particularly invidious. Today, one in three women under 50 has experienced physical and/or sexual violence by a partner, or non-partner sexual violence  violence which affects their physical and mental health in the short and long-term. It’s important for health workers to be alert to violence so they can help prevent it, as well as provide support to people who experience it.(see my post on gender based violence)

Mental health: Evidence suggests that women are more prone than men to experience anxiety, depression, and somatic complaints  physical symptoms that cannot be explained medically. Depression is the most common mental health problem for women and suicide a leading cause of death for women under 60 (see my post on suicide). Helping sensitize women to mental health issues, and giving them the confidence to seek assistance, is vital.

Noncommunicable diseases: In 2012, some 4.7 million women died from noncommunicable diseases before they reached the age of 70 most of them in low- and middle-income countries. They died as a result of road traffic accidents, harmful use of tobacco, abuse of alcohol, drugs and substances, and obesity more than 50% of women are overweight Helping girls and women adopt healthy lifestyles early on is key to a long and healthy life
Getting older: Older women may have fewer pensions and benefits, less access to health care and social services than their male counterparts. Combine the greater risk of poverty with other conditions of old age, like dementia, and older women also have a higher risk of abuse and generally, poor health.
We need to raise Strong girls and equip them well for this hard world.A woman has the ability to build a foundation that creates change and it's about time we take this issue as serious as it is and help improve on it.To educate girls is to reduce poverty.
 I will end this post with a quote that says "To succeed the desire to succeed should over weigh one own's fear of failure."



Saturday, January 11, 2020

FALL DOWN 9 TIMES AND GET UP 10 MORE

THE GIFT OF LIFE IS THAT YOU HAVE TIME TO ENSURE YOU GET WHAT YOU WANT OUT OF IT.
What I love about reading is that  books are shortened versions of peoples life experiences.
To me books are life cheat codes.
You have the beginning
The climax and the conclusion \end.

The places that hold the story together are all the little things that happen in between .
In our own lives that would be the not so glamourous moments the ones that don't get posted on social media. The moments where there is the most growth.

Truth be told those are the mo.ents that shape you into the person you need to become in order to accomplish what you need to accomplish .

Never think for a moment that whatever your going through in life is happening without a reason .Most of the time its happening  for your betterment. To strengthen uplifts and show you that every time you feel like you could have broken you never did means there is still a lot more you can take because you don't have an option its what you where made for.

So that by the time you get to where you can begin to write your own story . You will have accumilated enough wisdom to encourage someone younger or even older than you .Who feels that they are at the end of the rope and can't take anymore.

And in that moment you will know that your ups and downs where worth it and you will be able to show them that .Their rough start at life is only a setback for an even bigger come back.