She crawled her way to the darkest corner and hid .
Trying to breath calmly and not too loud lest he hear her and find her hiding place.
Her life felt like a unending death sentence.
Sitting there feeling as though her life was draining into the earth beneath where she sat.
Slowly her place of safety turned into a trap .
Like a mouse cornered with no place of escape .
Nothing could convince her in that moment that her life had a meaning.
Pain was all she new how to consume and it darkened every aspect of life .
She regreted her birth because since the day she was born she could feel herself die.
Brought herback to reality.
Hoplessnes filled her and corroded any fiber she hadleft to live.
He came in bare chested with his unbuttoned pants hanging low .
The way he smelt made her nauseous.
He dragged her out by her ankle.
Trying to scream would only leave her worse off .
He was bigger.
He was stronger.
He was like an animal.
When he got like this she could swear she could see the devil in his eyes. He was what nightmares where made of.
She had to die.
She had to be numb .
She had to escape.
So with a blank stare the only words that could come out where ,"DONT!!!!!PLEASE YOU'VE ALREADY TAKEN TOO MUCH FROM ME".
All she saw next was his fist rise and the pain that followed that knocked her out.
The comfort from not witnessing it and the flashbacks of his inhumane act non existant caused a slight relief.
Re living it in her nightmares was too much to bare.
For this one time she would have no memory of it all.
She could convince herself it was a nightmare.
Looking around she knew and could feel what he did .
It wasnt a nightmare she tried to sit up and fell back to the floor.
So she lay there blank as blank could be .
Blank was all she felt and it felt better than feeling.
She swore she would escape forever .
But until then she allowed her brain to shut down ..............................
Where we mourn the death of innocence from the hands of a friend, loved one or a family relative .
It is the hardest place to be because you choose to feel and instead of pushing those feelings down and surpressing them to a point of non-existance .
We choose to accept it happened
In the deepest part of your memory where you hide the ugly truth .The truth struggles to get heard.
The harshness of reality.
The shadows of that moment where you where too helpless to fight or too young to know what was happening.
For there is power in the words and sometimes we may not have the strengthto deal with it.
God sees it and although you may feel a silence from him he is working for your good or for the good of someone you may meet that will need your help healing from the same and you will empathise with them because you know what it feels like to be trapped and isolated , for that moment you realise you are not alone and all it takes is a voice to speak up to set so many other people free.
Because that wasnt your life to live maybe your life had to have pain to make you into a better version of yourself.
You have to heal it on your own ,healing starts from self acceptance and its a journey of self discovery you have to find on your own .
You just need to have the strength to do it and seek the help needed to restore your peace of mind.
For help send us a message in our contact form or if you know someone suffering share this with them and let them know we are here to help.
Live Learn and allow yourself to fall apart.