INTRO

Untold lives of woman, is a woman's journey on the path life has set her on.
A blog about factors that affect the lives of women and where you can find inspiration.
The Un edited side of "life ".Where there is beauty in imperfection and knowing that through the support and wisdom we share with each other .We will help improve not only our own lives but the lives of generations to come.

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Friday, May 31, 2019

THE LOUD SILENCE OF SEXUAL ABUSE /ASSAULT......

WILL THEY BELIEVE ME OR WILL THEY BLAME ME.

She ran to her room and tried to lock the door.

She crawled her way to the darkest corner and hid .

Trying to breath calmly and not too loud lest he hear her and find her hiding place.

Her life felt like a unending death sentence.
Sitting there feeling as though her life was draining into the earth beneath where she sat.

She heard his steps getting closer.
Slowly her place of safety turned into a trap .
Like a mouse cornered with no place of escape .
Nothing could convince her in that moment that her life had a meaning.

Pain was all she new how to consume and it darkened every aspect of life .
She regreted her birth because since the day she was born she could feel herself die.

The sound of her l heart racing and the sick feeling sank to her stomach leaving her hollow.
Brought herback to reality.
Hoplessnes filled her and corroded any fiber she hadleft to live.

Nothing could be done.

He came in bare chested with his unbuttoned pants hanging low .
The way he smelt made her nauseous.

He dragged her out by her ankle.
Trying to scream would only leave her worse off .
He was bigger.
He was stronger.
He was like an animal.
When he got like this she could swear she could see the devil in his eyes. He was what nightmares where made of.

She had to die.
She had to be numb .
She had to escape.
So with a blank stare the only words that could come out where ,"DONT!!!!!PLEASE YOU'VE ALREADY TAKEN TOO MUCH FROM ME".

All she saw next was his fist rise and the pain that followed that knocked her out.

.....She woke up from the nightmare only to see him leave the room with a smile on his face and thelow rumble of laughter and satisfaction. He got what he wanted.

The comfort from not witnessing it and the flashbacks of his inhumane act non existant caused a slight relief.
Re living it in her nightmares was too much to bare.
For this one time she would have no memory of it all.
She could convince herself it was a nightmare.
Although.

Looking around she knew and could feel what he did .
It wasnt a nightmare she tried to sit up and fell back to the floor.
All she wanted to do was get up and wash off his dirt as if it could wash it all out .But her body lacked the strength to do so .

So she lay there blank as blank could be .
Blank was all she felt and it felt better than feeling.
She swore she would escape forever .
But until then she allowed her brain to shut down ..............................

It is always in silence that wecome to truth of that moment.where we lost apart of ourselves .
Where we mourn the death of innocence from the hands of a friend, loved one or a family relative .
It is the hardest place to be because you choose to feel and instead of pushing those feelings down and surpressing them to a point of non-existance .
We choose to accept it happened

In the deepest part of your memory where you hide the ugly truth .The truth struggles to get heard.
The harshness of reality.

The shadows of that moment where you where too helpless to fight or too young to know what was happening.

You knew it was wrong but the strength to stop it couldnt bear roots. And it slowly manifests in your everyday life. Makes you become something less of who you where ment to be, because you couldnt say it because you where affraid of the consequences of speaking your truth. Of giving life to the darkness.
For there is power in the words and sometimes we may not have the strengthto deal with it.
You where affraid of the punishment without knowing you already have been punished for something you had no control over. You feel subject to the situation and who you have become is a result of what you have been through .

Not knowing that with each wrong that happens nature and God has a way of turning it into more positives and even though it may not feel like that right now .You need to know for every wrong done to you .

God sees it and although you may feel a silence from him he is working for your good or for the good of someone you may meet that will need your help healing from the same and you will empathise with them because you know what it feels like to be trapped and isolated , for that moment you realise you are not alone and all it takes is a voice to speak up to set so many other people free.

The actions of another person in your life have a way of haunting us and they do alot of damage until you find rest and a pause enough to reconsile the pain and the trauma caused to you.

It is not your fault for you where vulnerable you where innocent and now you cant get back that life.
Because that wasnt your life to live maybe your life had to have pain to make you into a better version of yourself.

You have to heal it on your own ,healing starts from self acceptance and its a journey of self discovery you have to find on your own .
You just need to have the strength to do it and seek the help needed to restore your peace of mind.

For help send us a message in our contact form or if you know someone suffering share this with them and let them know we are here to help.
Live Learn and allow yourself to fall apart.

Saturday, April 13, 2019

FREEDOM

CUT THE ROPES AND SET YOURSELF FREE

Freedom is knowing that you have a choice.

Its knowing that you have one life to live and you have to live it to the your best ability before your time runs out.

Freedom is your ability to choose the path you are on and to either choose to put up a fight or give up.

Freedom is what our ancestors faught hard for.
Inorder for us to have the ability to choose,to be what we want to be and to live, a life that we can look back at and be proud of.

Freedom is choosing who you love and loving them irregardless of what obstacles you face.

Freedom is your ability to be free to be who you are without restrictions. To be unapologetically you and loving who you are and allowing the light within you to shine.

Freedom is choosing to fly and not crawl all your life.

Freedom is living and speaking your truth without worrying what people will perceive of you. Without allowing their judgements of you .   Change you .

Freedom is your ability to choose different to carve out your own path .

Freedom is a hard earned gift that we get to enjoy now .where many died trying to attain . Dont allow your mind to create restrictions. 

Live , Love ,Learn , Laugh and never stop dreaming. For it is in our dreams that we first see what we want to become.

Freedom is your right.Dont allow the world to hold you back because at the end of the day it is your journey in this life and  the accomlshments and the legacy you leave behind will be the mark you leave behind.

Friday, March 22, 2019

WE PLAN MORE FOR THE WEDDING THAN WE DO FOR THE ACTUAL MARRIAGE.

MARRIAGE IS A LIFETIME COMMITMENT DONT JUST FOCUS ON THE WEDDING DAY IT ONLY LASTS 1 DAY BUT THE MARRIAGE IS FOR A LIFETIME

As women we have been fed the narrative ,"Finish school,get a job ,find a husband and live happily ever after......."

We have been conditioned to think that the single most important moment in our lives is walking down the isle to our prince charming who will save us from all our worries and be our knight and shining armour.

So from a young age we think about the details of how we would like the magical day to look ,what we will wear ,what colours we will have ,what shoes and how our hair will look.
Every so often we add more details to the day inorder to ensure that nothing messes up that special day.

Every detail is carefully picked out with the aim of bringing the day as close to perfection as possible.

Then the day comes and goes and you realize, you lived a day to fulfill expectations and spend more money than necessary just to achieve a milestone imposed on you. Which leaves you thinking,".....so what next??????".

So here you are sitting across the room from someone you where supposed to be living happily ever after with but instead all you can think is .....who is this stranger i married?, 
How come nobody told me it was going to be this difficult and did i make the biggest mistake of my life?"

The thing about love is once you open your heart up to someone its hard to shut them out. 
Sometimes in marriage and also in long term relationships we go through obstacles and we tend to build walls or in some cases we choose to create an illusion of who the perfect person is suppoaed to be and we have unrealistic expectations of our spouses and it leads to resentment .

Time goes by and we find we know nothing about the person we married.

The thing is thats exactly what marriage we marry the person we want to spend the rest of our lives with and that in itself is a gift but we focus on everything else but ensuring we get to spend the rest of our Live happily with that person.
What i loved about old love (our grandparents kind of love) is that they understood it they accepted the traditional parts of what a union is and they also grew into what love and family threw their way and thats why we can sit around during family holidays and see how their love inspired generations .

Love needs to be patient and love needs to be kind even when there is no reason to be kind.
Now we allow everyone tell us what love is supposed to be instead of creating and working hard to create the kind of love we dreamt of in our homes.

Most people can be envious and give advise just to see you miserable and some just cannot understand the dynamics of your relationship and will give one sided advise. 
So my advise for you is plan for the future plan for the problems and plan to stick it out so you can have an always and forever.

If you would like to talk send us a message by leaving your name email and message  in the section on the right hand side
To see similar posts click on one of the labels below.

Thursday, February 14, 2019

MISUNDERSTOOD. (depression and anxiety)



She spends her days in bed and escapes the world by living through the novelas she watches.

Isolated in her fantasies. Closed off from the reality of the daily happenings of the world.

Alone and isolated.

The warmth she gets from her blankets holding on to them tight for they alone give her solace.

She is trapped in her thoughts of hopelessness and the loudness of the silence adds to her anxiety.

This is not where she thought she would be when she graduated.

This is not the life she envisioned.

Scrolling through her phone seeing the picture perfect  lives  of those she knew go by .

She cant help but ask herself why they get to live their dreams while she rots away in disparity.

Shes been in her bed living day to day.
Living each minute as the last wondering when it will change.

Hoping for that call that will change her life but she knows deep within her that its unlikely .

She has no strength to try she has no strength to give because all the world seems to do is take from her

Her family has stopped trying her friends have all let her slip through the cracks.

So she sits there. In silence wondering what she did wrong to deserve the life she got .
What unending punishment and torture is this.
And how and when will it stop.

From outside she can hear people ushering in a new year .
Its been 10 years of this repetitive cycle and nothing has changed.

She slips into the blankets again and noticed the hole and it dawns on her that soon enough all that will be left of her comforter will be shreds ......

Just like her heart .
Just like her life .
A void of holes and lost memories.

IF YOU KNOW SOMEONE SUFFERING FROM DEPRESSION SEND US A MESSAGE OR AN EMAIL WITH THEIR DETAILS WE WILL ASSIST THEM. AND IF THIS DESCRIBES YOU DON'T WORRY WE ARE HERE TO HELP 

Saturday, February 2, 2019

CLOSURE

YOU ARE BETTER OFF LETTING IT LOOSE THAN HOLDING IT IN AND IT CORRUPTING YOU

Have you ever been so mad at someone for so long , that you forget you still have unresolved issues with them .
Until you meet with them or hear from them that you realise you where still hurt and upset from something that happened ages ago.
And at the instant that they apologize you can literally feel the wall break and you are flooded by the realisation that a situation had held you captive .
Or even if they havent and might not apologize the fact that you still carry the trauma or the pain shows that in that situation you are held hostage to truly being free because their is something that denies you the true joy you would have if it didnt exist.
The thing with pain or hurt is that it digs a hole and that void created spreads and you eventually are overwhelmed with the thoughts of what you are lacking that you forget to acknowledge what you have.
Two people coming from a point of pain can never see eye to eye because each person believes that their pain is bigger than the other person that they miss to realise that they are the only two people directly affected

The pain directed at eachother only makes the situation worse.

No resolve can be reached because each individual feels wronged and each individual feels they are justified in their anger.
The truth is two wrongs can never make a right and if you dont feel that you are mature enough to be the better person it just means that you should because .In that moment your hurt is speaking louder than logic.
Closure means:   an act or process of closing something,
;closing down
;a procedure for ending a debate and taking a vote.
;a sense of resolution or conclusion at the end of something.
That said to give closure you must first accept that you are in need of coming to positive conclusion that will enable you to move forward without denying yourself true growth.
Live ,Love, Learn ,Laugh and heal all the invisible scars and rise above them like a phoenix from the ashes.

Sunday, January 6, 2019

THE IMAGE OF THE BLACK WOMAN

See my posts on .the right hand side under the label women empowerment , modern woman and self worth. 
Picture of  Tanzanian beauty Zakia
She is strong  however .
She is still human
She is not immune to pain in all her strength.
She is angry I'll tempered and  ready to pick a fight
And to that i respond with a question.
Who goes to disturb a lioness in rest????????
She is curves .
She is thee reference of beauty.
What they forget to mention is that she comes in different shapes, shades and sizes .
Irregardless .
She is perfect in the form she is.
She is a masterpiece of the creator. 
A unique masterpiece. Unmatched and unlike anything on this earth.
She is unique .
Dont try make her a copy of your own delusions.


We walk around with an invisible armour being a mother ,being a daughter, being a child ,being persceptions that are expected of us.

That we loose who we are .,we loose our essence. 
We get corrupted with thoughts of what we lack .
What we are not overshadows what we are . That we believe we have little or nothing to offer.

We have been told what we are supposed to be. 
We have been denied the freedom and the space to be ourselves.
Because the image of us has already been painted.
We are subject to their beliefs .
We have been shamed for who we are and when we decided to embrace our true nature. They say it is too much or sometimes say it is too little .
They have critisisized our hair our skin and our ways. They have cursed us and denied us and now you want to look like us?

I think it is time to cut the black woman some slack because at the end of the day you only hate because you lack what we have and it bothers you.

Saturday, January 5, 2019

10 THINGS A WOMAN WILL LIE ABOUT AND WHY




See my posts on relationships on the rights hand side uner labels

1.AGE

I can literally count the number of times i actually told the truth when someone asked me my age and thats mostly because. As women you never want to be too old and neither do you want to be to young . Age is a number but sometimes its taken as more.
For that reason let our age be a mystery unless you need to know if shes legal.

2.INCOME

This ones simple a woman makes enough money to take care of what she wants and what she needs.Her money is non of your business unless she wants you involved.
Or sometimes she might make more money than you and doesnt want to hurt your ego.
Or simply becuse she doesnt like talking about money

3.RELATIONSHIP STATUS

Women are territorial and unless she knows she is yours and you are hers there is no way she will invest too much into a basket she isnt sure where its going. And if a woman lies about her status just know that relationship is as good as over. Because a woman knows what she wants.

4.WEIGHT

We live at a time where too much emphasis is put on looks .sometimes all a woman needs is to hear that she is perfect as she is and if she really isnt dont tell her help her loose the weight.


5.My skin/hair is just natural i dont have a routeen

This has to be one of the buggest lies .Women can be very competitive and most of the time they want to be one step ahead of the other woman.So very few times will a woman actually share in depth her beauty /skin/hair routeen. And thats just the simple truth.

6.The "I M GOOD"

If you hear this you have two options take it as it is and run with the flow or actually find out what is wrong and in most cases its not going to be a walk in the park. But you will always get extra points for being caring and showing concern and if possible solving the situation. Everyone loves a problem solver.

7.The "OMG BABE I LOVE IT.

Before you buy a woman a gift find out what she likes that way she actually loves it. When she doesnt like it and gives that fake omg i love it make sure you have a back up because she doesnt want to hurt your feelings but she is bummed.

8.I WILL BE THERE IN 30 MIN

If you are among the few who get places on time cheers.
If not and you use that lie often because you dont want to upset or disapoint the person waiting start getting ready early or just be straight up. Because by the time your actually getting ready you will need an extra 30 min.

9.I AM NOT JEALOUS

Dont believe this one at all. If she wasnt jealous she wouldnt be bothered.

10. WHATS HER BODY COUNT

This goes back to that statement the more women a man sleeps with he is a hero and if a woman does the same she is a whore.
However we are at a point where women own their sexuality and if it bothers you.Invent a time machine and go back in time.