GIVE YOURSELF TIME
I must say it has been a while since I wrote anything. To be honest I didn't see the point at which I would begin to write again .
For me it's not just about churning out content for you to consume it's about speaking to you from my soul. For a while my soul was silent . It was learning, healing living and experiencing what it was meant to experience .
What a year it has been so much growth . So many lessons. Healing, falling apart,loss and finally I arrive at the point where I can share with you .
For a time the phrase,"die of self kept ringing" in my mind . I was troubled what did it mean! What was on the other side of that! How do I get there, without taking too much a beating and,could I just wakeup . Having miraculously learnt a lesson the easy way.
Well that didn't happen . Last year the essence of who I am was stretched beyond what I new possible. (Podcast episodes loading so subscribe...) I learnt valuable lessons in motherhood, love,family ,my own strength. But most importantly I learnt resilience. The importance and the beauty of persistence.
Imagine waking up. Getting dressed, leaving the house and not knowing where you are going,but you just keep walking .
Uncertain about who you are . What is important and what isn't. Trying to find meaning and not finding anything. You look at yourself in the mirror and can't recognise who you are. Can't recognise who the person you have been is .
You even don't know what to expect on the other side or if you will make it to the other side of what it is your going through.I went through a shedding of habits,thoughts,patterns,relationships and breaking of the ego.
It's one thing to be able to share a lesson after you have gone through it but as you are deep in the thick of growth it's hard . When you are the source of strength and can't find the strength that you need!
Well here I am now. Standing after a full season of shedding. A season where I didn't see how I could get to the other side because my own mind couldn't give me the peace I needed . Because I was fighting against the growing pains instead of going through .
In life the only way out is through ...
A lesson that was hit hard and allowed me to see things I have been refusing to see . When the biggest supporter of untold lives of women passed away . A woman who cheered me on. Kept asking when I will release new content. The woman who gave me hope when I couldn't see a way through. The woman sho showed me you can raise your child on your own and succeed. A woman who loved my daughter like her own . A woman who listened to me rant and cry on her dining room table . A woman who genuinely cared .
You know it's easy to be the bad guy in other people's stories . It's also easy to recieve. But giving of yourself selflessly is the toughest thing you can ever do. It is thankless . But because it's who you are programmed to be it's what you must do.
It's even harder when there's no one there on the other side to help you through but yourself. However if you can be a light to someone else . Do it because that's the light that will allow them to be an even bigger light to someone else . For me her light allowed me to shine.
Don't fear change .Don't fight change. Allow yourself to go through it so that you can be the butterfly you are meant to be .