INTRO

Untold lives of woman, is a woman's journey on the path life has set her on.
A blog about factors that affect the lives of women and where you can find inspiration.
The Un edited side of "life ".Where there is beauty in imperfection and knowing that through the support and wisdom we share with each other .We will help improve not only our own lives but the lives of generations to come.

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Tuesday, November 24, 2020

#ENDVICTIMSHAMING NO IS NO CONSENT IS KEY.

DONT BE ASHAMED TO SPEAK YOUR TRUTH IRREGARDLESS OF WHAT PEOPLE SAY.
Victim-blaming is the attitude which suggests that the victim rather than the perpetrator bears responsibility for the assault. 

Victim-blaming occurs when it is assumed that an individual did something to provoke the violence by actions, words, or dress. 
Many people would rather believe that someone caused their own misfortune because it makes the world seem a safer place, but victim-blaming is a major reason that survivors of sexual and domestic violence do not report their assaults. While some suffer from depression and even become suicidal.

We tend to attribute other people’s behaviors to internal, personal characteristics while ignoring external forces and variables that also might have played a role.
When we look at an event that happened in the past, we have a tendency to believe that we should have been able to see the signs and predict the outcome.

This hindsight makes it seem like the victims of a crime, accident, or another form of misfortune should have been able to predict and prevent whatever problem might have befallen them.

This line of reasoning completely triggers me . Why? Why is it ok to be raped because of what you wear,what you said,how you acted ,how you sat or even what colour your inner garments are!

How have we gotten to a point where find it normal to assume something bad will always happen. That we should be ready to fight our way out of a situation and if we fail to it's still our fault.

We excuse abusers behaviours more often than we support the victim. The person that will be left with those scars for life. The person that will have to re-live that nightmare, that encounter  over and over until they heal. While the abuser walks away with a slap on the wrist and the probability of them doing it again doubling with each time they get away with it.

Whether or not the survivors story makes sense to you. You should always see the weight of the situation and see, how hard it is to even speak up to begin with.
What joy does a person get from making a claim as serious as rape or abuse ?

Dear survivor,
I want you to know. Although you have lost a part of you. Know that it is not all of you.
Speak up and don't be affair to speak your truth.
Free yourself and don't let them silence you .Don't let them sentence you to the prison of your mind and soul.
Don't let them take any more than they already have. You are loved.
You are worthy.
The abuse/assault you went through. is not your fault.
See my previous post on abusive relationships , rape , gender based violence

Wednesday, November 4, 2020

FEMALE GENITAL MUTILATION


Coming across a story on the news about 5 girls being arrested after undergoing female genital mutilation today. Showed me how detached we are from the issue that is female genital mutilation and how deep it runs..

Let me give you a quick story," A couple of years ago i witnessed a bunch of  girls sitting combing each others hair under a tree . On a scorching hot , saturday afternoon. I remember the details so clearly because what I heard shook me to my core.
These girls where from a region that still practices FGM.

They where discussing female circumcision and one of the older girls was describing what happens . She was talking about it bold and proudly.. she said, "I am a woman now. I am clean and will get a husband soon."
The smile on her face and the look in her eyes giving two very contradicting stories.
The girls around her sat in awe .That's when I noticed a much older from the group started crying, saying,"  I haven't been circumcised, my parents have refused for me to go through it. (One of the blessings of coming from Nairobi is that some parents have turned down the custom) She had tears in her eyes. She felt like it was irrational and wrong of them to want to deny her womanhood. She felt betrayed. She wanted to be like her peers.
Not knowing that her parents loved her enough to say No.


What does this have in common with the story on the news is simple. 
When you have been brought up knowing 1+1  equals two 1's. It's hard for someone to come along and tell you you where wrong all along that 1+1 is actually 2.

How do we expect young girls who are brought up in these practices to see it as wrong?

How can a girl who is seen as weak stand up and say No? 

How can a practice that is considered crucial end yet we are surrounded with ignorant ,self serving ,money minded police? 

How does arresting a girl who has gone through the cut stop it from happening ?
Fear of arrest? No when something is deeply rooted within you it is impossible to have it stopped.

I feel like you have to go directly to those that still preach its importance.


TYPES OF DEPRESSION & SYMPTOMS #mentalhealth

WHEN WE DONT HEAL FROM OUR SCARS THEY END UP INFECTING US AND WE PROJECT THE PAIN TO THOSE AROUND US.

Happier new month.

We have all had a difficult time this year,and looking at some of your emails and questions . Made me realise how important it is to share more about the types of depression.

You might be wondering why you have changed so much. Why you are withdrawn , constantly sad and your just wondering what's going on with you both physically and emotionally. 

Depression affects everyone differently, and you might only have some of these symptoms. You may also have other symptoms that aren’t listed here. Keep in mind that it’s also normal to have some of these symptoms from time to time without having depression.

But if they start to impact your day-to-day life, they may be the result of depression.

So here are some of the common symptoms of depression:

  • deep feelings of sadness
  • dark moods
  • feelings of worthlessness or hopelessness
  • appetite changes
  • sleep changes
  • lack of energy
  • inability to concentrate
  • difficulty getting through your normal activities
  • lack of interest in things you used to enjoy
  • withdrawing from friends
  • preoccupation with death or thoughts of self-harm

There are many types of depression. While they share some common symptoms, they also have some key differences.

Here’s a look at nine types of depression

Major depression

Major depression is also known as​ major depressive disorder, classic depression, or unipolar depression. 

People with major depression experience symptoms most of the day, every day. Like many mental health conditions, it has little to do with what’s happening around you. You can have a loving family, tons of friends, and a dream job. You can have the kind of life that others envy and still have depression.

Even if there’s no obvious reason for your depression, that doesn’t mean it’s not real or that you can simply tough it out.

It’s a severe form of depression that causes symptoms such as:

  • despondency, gloom, or grief
  • difficulty sleeping or sleeping too much
  • lack of energy and fatigue
  • loss of appetite or overeating
  • unexplained aches and pains
  • loss of interest in formerly pleasurable activities
  • lack of concentration, memory problems, and inability to make decisions
  • feelings of worthlessness or hopelessness
  • constant worry and anxiety
  • thoughts of death, self-harm, or suicide

These symptoms can last weeks or even months. Some people might have a single episode of major depression, while others experience it throughout their life. Regardless of how long its symptoms last, major depression can cause problems in your relationships and daily activities.

 Persistent depression

Persistent depressive disorder​ is depression that lasts for two years or more. It’s also called dysthymia or chronic depression. Persistent depression might not feel as intense as major depression, but it can still strain relationships and make daily tasks difficult.

Some symptoms of persistent depression include:

  • deep sadness or hopelessness
  • low self-esteem or feelings of inadequacy
  • lack of interest in things you once enjoyed
  • appetite changes
  • changes to sleep patterns or low energy
  • concentration and memory problems
  • difficulty functioning at school or work
  • inability to feel joy, even at happy occasions
  • social withdrawal

Though it’s a long-term type of depression, the severity of symptoms can become less intense for months at a time before worsening again. Some people also have episodes of major depression before or while they have persistent depressive disorder. This is called double depression.

Persistent depression lasts for years at a time, so people with this type of depression may start to feel like their symptoms are just part of their normal outlook on life.

Manic depression, or bipolar disorder

Manic depression consists of periods of mania or hypomania, where you feel very happy, alternating with episodes of depression. Manic depression is an outdated name for​ bipolar disorder.

In order to be diagnosed with bipolar I disorder, you have to experience an episode of​ mania​ that lasts for seven days, or less if hospitalization is required. You may experience a depressive episode before or following the manic episode.

Depressive episodes have the same symptoms as major depression, including:

  • feelings of sadness or emptiness
  • lack of energy
  • fatigue
  • sleep problems
  • trouble concentrating
  • decreased activity
  • loss of interest in formerly enjoyable activities
  • suicidal thoughts
  • Signs of a manic phase include:
  • high energy
  • reduced sleep
  • irritability
  • racing thoughts and speech
  • grandiose thinking
  • increased self-esteem and confidence
  • unusual, risky, and self-destructive behavior
  • feeling elated, “high,” or euphoric

In severe cases, episodes can include hallucinations and delusions. Hypomania is a less severe form of mania. You can also have mixed episodes in which you have symptoms of g mania and depression.

Depressive psychosis

Some people with major depression also go through periods of losing touch with reality. This is known as​ psychosis, which can involve hallucinations and delusions. Experiencing both of these together is known clinically as major depressive disorder with psychotic features. However, some providers still refer to this phenomenon as​ depressive psychosis​ or psychotic depression.

Hallucinations are when you see, hear, smell, taste, or feel things that aren’t really there. An example of this would be hearing voices or seeing people who aren’t present. A delusion is a closely held belief that’s clearly false or doesn’t make sense. But to someone experiencing psychosis, all of these things are very real and true.

Depression with psychosis can cause physical symptoms as well, including problems sitting still or slowed physical movements.


Perinatal depression

Perinatal depression, which is clinically known as major depressive disorder with peripartum onset, occurs during pregnancy or within four weeks of childbirth. It’s often called postpartum depression. But that term only applies to depression after giving birth. Perinatal depression can occur while you’re pregnant.

Hormonal changes that happen during pregnancy and childbirth can trigger changes in the brain that lead to mood swings. The lack of sleep and physical discomfort that often accompanies pregnancy and having a newborn doesn’t help, either.

Symptoms of perinatal depression can be as severe as those of major depression and include:

  • sadness
  • anxiety
  • anger or rage
  • exhaustion
  • extreme worry about the baby‘s health and safety
  • difficulty caring for yourself or the new baby
  • thoughts of self-harm or harming the baby

Women who lack support or have had depression before are at increased risk of developing perinatal depression, but it can happen to anyone.

Premenstrual dysphoric disorder

Premenstrual dysphoric disorder (PMDD) is a severe form of​ premenstrual syndrome (PMS). While PMS symptoms can be both physical and psychological, PMDD symptoms tend to be mostly psychological.

These psychological symptoms are more severe than those associated with PMS. For example, some women might feel more emotional in the days leading up to their period. But someone with PMDD might experience a level of depression and sadness that gets in the way of day-to-day functions.

Other possible symptoms of PMDD include:

  • cramps, bloating, and breast tenderness
  • headaches
  • joint and muscle pain
  • sadness and despair
  • irritability and anger
  • extreme mood swings
  • food cravings or binge eating
  • panic attacks or anxiety
  • lack of energy
  • trouble focusing
  • sleep problems

Similarly to perinatal depression, PMDD is believed to be related to hormonal changes. Its symptoms often begin just after ovulation and start to ease up once you get your period.

Some women dismiss PMDD as just a bad case of PMS, but PMDD can become very severe and include thoughts of suicide.

 Seasonal depression

Seasonal depression, also called​ seasonal affective disorder​ and clinically known as major depressive disorder with seasonal pattern, is depression that’s related to certain seasons. For most people, it tends to happen during the winter months.

Symptoms often begin in the fall, as days start to get shorter, and continue through the winter. They include:

  • social withdrawal
  • increased need for sleep
  • weight gain
  • daily feelings of sadness, hopelessness, or unworthiness

Seasonal depression may get worse as the season progresses and can lead to suicidal thoughts. Once spring rolls around, symptoms tend to improve. This might be related to changes in your bodily rhythms in response to the increase in natural light.

Situational depression

Situational depression, clinically known as adjustment disorder with depressed mood, looks like major depression in many respects.

But it’s brought on by specific events or situations, such as:

  • the death of a loved one
  • a serious illness or other life-threatening event
  • going through divorce or child custody issues
  • being in emotionally or physically abusive relationships
  • being unemployed or facing serious financial difficulties
  • facing extensive legal troubles

Of course, it’s normal to feel sad and anxious during events like these — even to withdraw from others for a bit. But situational depression happens when these feelings start to feel out of proportion with the triggering event and interfere with your daily life.

Situational depression symptoms tend to start within three months of the initial event and can include:

  • frequent crying
  • sadness and hopelessness
  • anxiety
  • appetite changes
  • difficulty sleeping
  • aches and pains
  • lack of energy and fatigue
  • inability to concentrate
  • social withdrawal

Atypical depression

Atypical depression​ refers to depression that temporarily goes away in response to positive events. Your doctor might refer to it as major depressive disorder with atypical features.

Despite its name, atypical depression isn’t unusual or rare. It also doesn’t mean that it’s more or less serious than other types of depression.

Having atypical depression can be particularly challenging because you may not always “seem” depressed to others (or yourself). But it can also happen during an episode of major depression. It can occur with persistent depression as well.

Other symptoms of atypical depression can include:

  • increased appetite and weight gain
  • disordered eating
  • poor body image
  • sleeping much more than usual
  • insomnia
  • heaviness in your arms or legs that lasts an hour or more a day
  • feelings of rejection and sensitivity to criticism
  • assorted aches and pains

How do I know which type I have?

If you think you might have any type of depression, it’s important to follow up with a doctor. All depression types discussed in this article are treatable, though it might take some time to find the right treatment for you.

If you’ve had a previous bout of depression and think it may be happening again, see your psychiatrist or other mental health professional right away.

If you’ve never had depression before, start with your primary care physician. Some symptoms of depression can be related to an underlying physical condition that should be addressed.

Try to give your doctor as much information about your symptoms as you can. If possible, mention:

  • when you first noticed them
  • how they’ve affected your daily life
  • any other mental health conditions you have
  • any information about a history of mental illness in your family
  • all prescription and over-the-counter medications you take, including supplements and herbs

It might feel uncomfortable, but try to tell your doctor everything. This will help them give you a more accurate diagnosis and refer you to the right type of mental health professional


For more info visit https://www.healthline.com

Tuesday, September 1, 2020

YOUR LIFE HAS MEANING DONT GIVE UP JUST YET

NO MATTER HOW HARD IT GETS NEVER GIVE UP BECAUSE THATS WHEN A MIRACLE IS ABOUT TO HAPPEN
One thing that this pandemic has shown us is that at any moment your life can be changed forever and what you thought would last forever can be gone in a moment. So it's important that we cherish every moment and everyone we hold dear because nothing in this life is guaranteed.

Over the past few months we have all been vulnerable in one way or the other. My favorite lesson in all of this has been what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. Alot of the times when we go through a tough patch it becomes harder to see the light at the end of the tunnel when everything around us seems to crumble.

So many lives have been shattered during this time and what has kept alot of us going has been the love and kindness of friends, family and even strangers. We have found comfort in the simple pleasures of life. The things we take so often for granted.

To an extent problems seem to strip us bare and leave us exposed to the unknown and that's a tough place to be without a doubt . However,not knowing what will happen tomorrow, leaves room for the emergence of faith . The possibility that irregardless of what is happening now will only last for a season and when that season is over. The grass will start to grow again.

That is why it's so important to never give up because if you look back at various points in your life where you thought you will never laugh again life surprised you and you find your happiness again. Don't give up yet because you are a unique individual and what you have to offer the rest of those around you is endless and can only come to pass if you keep going.

It's important to find the reason as to why you are still alive and why God still wants you to wake up and see another day.
Find inspiration in the little joys of life . The people around you and in all the things you hope to achieve.
Don't allow yourself to only see what is going wrong. Look around house and find your reason because that is what will give you strength to keep going . Life is short and unpredictable. 
With what you have make lemonade and make it taste like the best lemonade you have ever made because that is the only important job you have.

Live life truly with optimism. Find love and  laughter in the simple pleasures of life and learn from your stumbling blocks. 
Above all never stop dreaming and turn those dreams into a reality because it is possible.






Thursday, July 30, 2020

LESSONS LEARNT AND SHARED

YOU ARE STRONG ENOUGH TO FACE IT ALL. EVEN IF IT DOESNT FEEL LIKE IT NOW.

We all go through ups and downs in life and the greatest gift we can give is to share those lessons with someone else

Take a deep breath and pause it's never that serious.when everything seems to be going wrong, and it makes you feel like you can't go on. Allow yourself time to process things . It's a teachable moment and one day you will be telling the story of how you made it through.


It might not happen now but it will happen at the right time.sometimes we want something so bad and most of the time it won't happen when you want. Things happen when it's supposed to happen & when it does happy it will make sense why the wait was worth it.

It's better to try and fail than regret not starting. Procrastination and fear have robbed many of success.

If you have doubts it's because you have been given a reason to doubt.

Not all friendships are good friendships.Some want to watch you fail. Some want to use you. Some are full of envy. Some will be the reason for your downfall

Choose to be around people who help improve your life. Not friends who are comfortable with things as they are. If you surround yourself with people who are constantly aiming to improve their lives they will encourage you to do the same. If you surround yourself with bummers you will just bum .lol


You can fall in love over and over again . One heart break is not the end. It may feel like it but just know that love has different levels and you can only experience them if you keep at it. Remember your true love ,your first love and your soul mate are almost never the same person.

Fear is what hinders your success.

Charity begins at home. Before you can impact the world you have to first impact the lives of those around you.

Love heals .sometimes all the scars you have can be healed when you find the right person who will walk with you side by side with you until you overcome them

Show those you love you care while you still can. Life is short  Don't let those you love go to their graves not knowing how much they ment to you. It will haunt you long after they are gone.

Trust in God and don't doubt him. He is good.he is faithful he loves you, he is always with you, he knows you and he will never leave you nor forsake you.

Pray often. Staying close to God is food for the soul ,mind and body.

Do your best and you will walk away with no regrets. Nobody who ever did their best has ever had regrets.

Save your money and have multiple streams of income. So that you don't drown in debt when your salary stops coming in

You don't need money to make money.  That's just a lie to keep you poor.

Motherhood is  hard be kind to your mother.They will never tell you how hard it is .How much you will sacrifice . It's a journey of it's own kind it can be very rewarding and very draining it is ok to be imperfect .it's ok to struggle on some days . We are not gods we are humans that carry other humans.

Never doubt your instincts.

Be kind to people you never know what they are going through. Alot of us know how to put on a very convincing happy face even through the worst of times. Be kind your kindness might be the reason someone doesn't give up.

Give without expectations. Nobody can live upto your expectations . Expecting too much can give you sleepless nights for nothing.

That which you judge you become.

Get out of your comfort zone. Whatever gives you comfort can also be the reason for your downfall . Everything in moderation.

Enjoy your youth and never be in a hurry to grow up. It comes with its own problems.

Don't give up easily.Nothing great comes without difficulty. Persistence does pay keep at it.

Fight for what is yours. But also be wise enough to know when you are fighting in vain.

Never loose your financial independence after marriage or in a relationship.It may sound like a good idea to have someone take care of you. But later that turns to resentment and can be the reason you are forced to stay in a bad situation

Sacrifice early and work hard so when your old you can rest.


Don't be a snitch. Know when to open your mouth and when to stay quiet. Sometimes it's better to let them find out on their own

That void you can't seem to fill . That emptiness that led to addiction can only be filled with Jesus.

Never be rude to someone you think of is beneath you one day they will surpass you and you will need them.

Pride comes before a fall.

Family is the most important gift you will ever receive.

Never let yourself believe the negative things your abusive partner says about you. And don't stay out of fear.

When someone shows you their true colours don't doubt them. Our brain gives us reasons as to why they can't be that bad or that maybe it was because of the situation.The fact is they are showing you who they are.

Learning never stops. Even in old age.

Live life to the fullest. Love with all your heart . Learn and then take a moment to Laugh even when it hurts and above all never stop dreaming.

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Wednesday, July 1, 2020

CREATE ONE INCREDIBLE MEMORY FOR YOURSELF AND OR SOMEBODY ELSE

A MOMENT LASTS FOR A SECOND, BUT THE MEMORY LIVES ON FOREVER

Life brings tears, smiles, and memories. All of which we carry with us for eternity.
Sometimes it even feels like a figment of imagination .

However the only thing that makes it magical.Is when you share a special moment with someone else and that memory becomes something you both share for eternity.

During these tough times across the world. It is important to show compassion to those we know and to those we encounter along the way. 
It doesn't have to be a grand gesture it can be as simple as a smile. 
All you have to do is show them you see them /see their struggle and show them that you care for them.

Live, Laugh ,Love ,Learn and Lend a  helping hand to someone who needs it the most.
Happy New Month.....

Saturday, May 30, 2020

I CANT BREATH !!!


BLACK POWER IS GIVING THE POWER BACK TO PEOPLE WHO HAVE NOT HAD POWER OVER THEIR OWN LIVES .

We have all been guilty at one point or the other of , ignoring or silencing that voice in our head that said, "speak up" or "help that person "or that voice that said, "that is not right stop it from happening".

Maybe it was out of fear ,maybe we where too preoccupied with our own problems or in other cases , maybe we chose to mind our own business.

Well now more than ever we are all aware of it. We have seen what keeping quiet ,doing nothing, avoiding confrontation results in . 
It is a hard pill to swallow when you actually see how people with African decent / people of colour are treated.

Even here in our own country and continent . We see how the government and our own police forces treat us. Like the case of one Samuel Maina who was brutally  beaten by police and when he went to report the matter at the police station nothing was done. If we as Africans truly knew the greatness we come from we would not treat eachother the way we do. 

It is even harder to believe that so many people have been conditioned to think that black people are the problem.
That black people are not human.
To think that it is a norm that so many peoples lives suffer because of the colour of their skin is heart breaking and gut wrenching.

I have always believed that you should always treat people the way you want to be treated or even better. However at a time where our compliance has been taken for granted our silence has been taken for weakness it's just too much to bare.

My heart aches for the memory of George Floyd and all the countless number of people who have suffered because, they where taught that human rights where not written for anyone with African descent but only those of pale/ lighter skin.

I see the pain in all our eyes. The pain in all those protesters who are asking,
"How long will this go on?"
"Why do they hate us so much?"
The frustration as of not getting justice. The frustration that so many black lives get ruined because of racism but nothing is being done.
Do you really blame them for saying enough is enough!

The spirit within us is strong and over the years whatever they have done to us hasn't broken us. Right from the beginning of slavery, colonialism where theys stole our land , abused us , sold us tortured us, locked us up and dehumanized us .

They think we are inhuman because we can survive and have survived and continue to survive despite all they put us through and that is what threatens them. The fact that we continue fighting . The fact that we continue to rise .
They see the power within us and they know that's something they will never have.
#blackpower
#blacklivesmatter
#blackexcellence
#african

Tuesday, May 5, 2020

WHEN DID YOUR CHILDHOOD /INNOCENCE END?

A TRIBUTE TO SONS WHO GREW UP WITHOUT THEIR MOTHERS
See my posts on :letting go of your daddy issues/mummy issues and prison of the mind 

I was watching an  interview with Dr edith eger a holocaust survivor and she said something that paused me and allowed me to truly ask myself a question and answer it as honestly as i possibly could.  She said"When did your childhood/ your innocence end?What did you see? hear? experience? That changed you forever?"

When  you look in  the mirror . Do you recogise the person looking back at you? Is that person staring back at you free or is that person a wounded soul . The outcome of a past trauma magnified.

(Short story)
Standing in the hallway clutching onto a blanket slightly shielding his face from the yelling coming from his parents room . Holding back tears he stands their comforting himself and gathers enough strength to say " mummy daddy stop fighting!" He is then carried back to his room the door locked and he is told to sleep. 
Hoping all will be well when he wakes up he does as he is told. 
In the morning he wakes up to find his father on the floor crying his mother had packed her bags and left.
He didn't understand why she would leave and leave him behind. Isn't family forever? Didnt she love them?
All he knew was that she chose to leave. He resented her for it and resented her for not fighting hard enough
His life changed and the his description of what a mother is was forever changed........

Today I asked myself,what about sons?” 

As a culture, we tend to look at the mother’s influence on the daughter and the father’s effect on the son, thinking that each provides the mirror to either the feminine or masculine self. When a man tells a woman his life story, he’ll more than likely start by telling you about his father.

It might even be  harder if the son suffered at the hands of an unloving mother? Does criticizing his mother, or even admitting the emotional pain he has suffered, fit within the narrow definitions of masculine behavior? 
The answer is probably “not.”

Does the legacy of an unloving mother spill over into a man’s psyche and his ability to connect to women in ways that are unique? What happens to a man whose understanding of women is shaped by the first woman he encounters—a damaged  mother?

Insecure attachment starts at the very beginning of life but the realization of being unloved unfolds over time. 
As they get older insecurely attached children show a significant increase in negative emotions or a decrease in positive emotions. Triggering fear,anger distress and avoidance.

Think for a moment about how boys are socialized in this culture and taught to show less emotion as proof of their masculinity sending them the subliminal message that it is dangerous or shameful to manifest such feelings and that these feelings do not have an important place within their relationships.

Think about how confusing it must be for a man in this culture to assess a mother’s lovingness. When she scolds for being a “crybaby,” when he speaks up . Is she being cruel, or just enforcing the masculine code? 
It then creates a lack of confidence; a lack of trust; trouble setting boundaries; difficulty seeing the self accurately; avoiding connection; overreacting; and replicating the bond in other relationships—other lasting effects appear to be gender-specific. 

Numerous studies, including a meta-analysis by R.P. Fearon and others, showed that insecure attachment in boys is linked to externalizing behavior—aggression, hostility, and acting out in social settings—which it isn’t in girls. No one knows precisely why this is so gender-specific; it may simply be that girls internalize these emotions more effectively or engage in less obvious forms of hostility like relational aggression. since anger in men is culturally acceptable, if often unproductive and sometimes self-destructive.

Sons clearly suffer as much as daughters do and, in some way, perhaps even more deeply because they tend to suffer alone and in silence.
So, if you are a son of an unloving mother, perhaps the gift you should give next Mother’s Day is one to yourself: Take a deep breath and begin the journey of healing. No matter what the culture says, acknowledging the pain will make you a better, stronger man, lover, husband, friend, and father.

At one point in our lives . We have all blamed someone be it our parents ,friends or people we admired for doing things a certain way. Please remember that In life it's always easier to judge someone however if you where given their shoes to walk in you might have done the same thing . its always much harder to deal with things on the inside than it is to do so on the outside looking in

Sunday, April 26, 2020

DUST TO DUST AND ASHES TO ASHES

WHEN YOU LAY ME DOWN TO REST AND THE BODY THAT HOUSED MY SOUL LIES LIFELESS. CELEBRATE MY LIFE

In this moment in time .we are all in a place we never thought we would ever be in . We have all seen countless of movies and in our own way hoped that it would be years before the human race gets to be in a situation like this.


Yet here we are witnessing the lives of many countries with millions of people suffer tremendous loss. My heart aches because those people get to die alone and their families don't get to say fairwell to them.

These last few weeks we have gotten to see what and who is really important to us. We have gotten to enjoy the little pleasures of life. We have gotten to spend quality time with those closest to us and that in itself is a gift. 

We have gotten to see how fragile life is and we can now see that irregardless of race, religion and economic status. We are here only by the grace of God and the life force he allows to run through us with each breath. 

I finally deal like I understand the meaning of ,"This world is not your home". The amount of negativity the horrendous crimes against humanity,the people in power that abuse their power and those that wish depopulation against all those they don't consider of value . (Like who are they to make such a judgement when we  were all created perfect in love by God. )

We need to remember that we are only here for a short time. We may not know what happens next or know where we are going. But God knows it all and in him we should know that once this part of our lives is over greater things we can't even begin to imagine will happen.


RUNNING AWAY FROM YOUR PROBLEMS IS A RACE YOU CAN NEVER WIN.

YOU CAN NOT RUN AWAY FROM YOUR OWN THOUGHTS

 As humans we are automatically inclined to want to fix things that we consider broken in our lives, and in the lives of those around us. 
We are conditioned to be free so when we get to a point where we feel broken or hurt it consumes us until we deal with the issue at hand.

Sometimes we try to numb the pain or hide the parts of us that are broken and the truth is that only works for a short period of time. Surpressing and avoidance is never the solution because,you can't run away from yourself. You can't silence your thoughts .You can't run away from your own thoughts.

This life is proving to be difficult for alot of us .We are all battling various demons of this life and sometimes we feel stuck in situations because ,we do not know or see how it is possible to overcome the situation. we feel stuck in .
But that is where faith comes in .
Look back in your life to the times you felt stuck but through the grace of God he opened the door and sent someone to help you in a way you didn't think possible or gave you peace and restored your belief in him.

I want you to know that although it feels like your alone . Know that you are not alone .Your creator knows what you are going through. 
He has his perfect timing He knows the beginning and the end and he doesn't intend you to stay as you are forever. 
He is preparing you to come out of this situation better than you where. Turn your burdens to him ask him to give you peace and rest and he will. 

Don't allow the world to make you feel trapped,because there is more to you and your purpose will reveal itself during your hard times.
 Just trust in him and he will give you rest.Dont try to run away just be present in the moment and see that nothing is permanent.
Live , love ,laugh ,learn and never forget that. It's better to have a rough beginning so you can have a happy ending.

Saturday, March 28, 2020

WHAT TO DO DURING QUARANTINE #COVID19 #CORONAVIRUS


We can look at 2020 and say it has been the worst because it does feel and look like that.Our lives have been flipped around and for most of us life as we have known will never be the same.

We have become aware of how fragile the earth is and how much damage we as humans have  caused  to it .

We have become aware of how fragile life is and how much time we have wasted on things that we thought where important / could not live without .

We have seen beyond race and borders that all blood is red and nobody is better than the other.

We have a refound value for family and  love .

We have seen how much our governments actually care about us.(or don't)

We have become more compassionate and caring towards each other.

We have found value in the simple pleasures of life.

We have learnt the importance of working together.

We have learnt that we are only here not because we wake up every morning. But by the grace of God and at any moment you can be gone. No amount of working out staying and eating healthy can stop that.

So if your still wondering what to do during this pandemic the answer is simple .You are already doing the most important thing you could be doing you are learning and re-training your mind to find value in what truly matters .

Love ,learn, laugh and live your dreams while you still can.

Sunday, March 22, 2020

BIBLE PRAYER FOR PROTECTION


Psalm 91
1
He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty. [1]
2
I will say [2] of the LORD, "He is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust."
3
Surely he will save you from the fowler's snare and from the deadly pestilence.
4
He will cover you with his feathers, and under his wings you will find refuge; his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart.
5
You will not fear the terror of night, nor the arrow that flies by day,
6
nor the pestilence that stalks in the darkness, nor the plague that destroys at midday.
7
A thousand may fall at your side, ten thousand at your right hand, but it will not come near you.
8
You will only observe with your eyes and see the punishment of the wicked.
9
If you make the Most High your dwelling-- even the LORD, who is my refuge--
10
then no harm will befall you, no disaster will come near your tent.
11
For he will command his angels concerning you to guard you in all your ways;
12
they will lift you up in their hands, so that you will not strike your foot against a stone.
13
You will tread upon the lion and the cobra; you will trample the great lion and the serpent.
14
"Because he loves me," says the LORD, "I will rescue him; I will protect him, for he acknowledges my name.
15
He will call upon me, and I will answer him; I will be with him in trouble, I will deliver him and honor him.
16
With long life will I satisfy him and show him my salvation."
  1. [1] Hebrew Shaddai
  2. [2] Or He says

Thursday, March 19, 2020

CORONA VIRUS #COVID19 SYMPTOMS AND PREVENTATIVE MEASURES

 SOURCE W.H.O
 
 Coronaviruses are a large family of viruses which may cause illness in animals or humans.  In humans, several coronaviruses are known to cause respiratory infections ranging from the common cold to more severe diseases such as Middle East Respiratory Syndrome (MERS) and Severe Acute Respiratory Syndrome (SARS). 
The most recently discovered coronavirus causes coronavirus disease COVID-19.
 
People may be sick with the virus for 1 to 14 days before developing symptoms. The most common symptoms of coronavirus disease (COVID-19) are fever, tiredness, and dry cough. Most people (about 80%) recover from the disease without needing special treatment.
More rarely, the disease can be serious and even fatal. Older people, and people with other medical conditions (such as asthma, diabetes, or heart disease), may be more vulnerable to becoming severely ill

 The most common symptoms of COVID-19 are fever, tiredness, and dry cough. Some patients may have aches and pains, nasal congestion, runny nose, sore throat or diarrhea. These symptoms are usually mild and begin gradually. Some people become infected but don’t develop any symptoms and don't feel unwell. Most people (about 80%) recover from the disease without needing special treatment. Around 1 out of every 6 people who gets COVID-19 becomes seriously ill and develops difficulty breathing. Older people, and those with underlying medical problems like high blood pressure, heart problems or diabetes, are more likely to develop serious illness. People with fever, cough and difficulty breathing should seek medical attention.

You can reduce your chances of being infected or spreading COVID-19 by taking some simple precautions:
  • Regularly and thoroughly clean your hands with an alcohol-based hand rub or wash them with soap and water.
    Why? Washing your hands with soap and water or using alcohol-based hand rub kills viruses that may be on your hands.
  • Maintain at least 1 metre (3 feet) distance between yourself and anyone who is coughing or sneezing.
    Why? When someone coughs or sneezes they spray small liquid droplets from their nose or mouth which may contain virus. If you are too close, you can breathe in the droplets, including the COVID-19 virus if the person coughing has the disease.
  • Avoid touching eyes, nose and mouth.
    Why? Hands touch many surfaces and can pick up viruses. Once contaminated, hands can transfer the virus to your eyes, nose or mouth. From there, the virus can enter your body and can make you sick.
  • Make sure you, and the people around you, follow good respiratory hygiene. This means covering your mouth and nose with your bent elbow or tissue when you cough or sneeze. Then dispose of the used tissue immediately.
    Why? Droplets spread virus. By following good respiratory hygiene you protect the people around you from viruses such as cold, flu and COVID-19.
  • Stay home if you feel unwell. If you have a fever, cough and difficulty breathing, seek medical attention and call in advance. Follow the directions of your local health authority.
    Why? National and local authorities will have the most up to date information on the situation in your area. Calling in advance will allow your health care provider to quickly direct you to the right health facility. This will also protect you and help prevent spread of viruses and other infections.
  • Keep up to date on the latest COVID-19 hotspots (cities or local areas where COVID-19 is spreading widely). If possible, avoid traveling to places  – especially if you are an older person or have diabetes, heart or lung disease.
    Why? You have a higher chance of catching COVID-19 in one of these areas.


Protection measures for persons who are in or have recently visited (past 14 days) areas where COVID-19 is spreading

  • Follow the guidance outlined above (Protection measures for everyone)
  • Self-isolate by staying at home if you begin to feel unwell, even with mild symptoms such as headache, low grade fever (37.3 C or above) and slight runny nose, until you recover. If it is essential for you to have someone bring you supplies or to go out, e.g. to buy food, then wear a mask to avoid infecting other people.
    Why? Avoiding contact with others and visits to medical facilities will allow these facilities to operate more effectively and help protect you and others from possible COVID-19 and other viruses.
  • If you develop fever, cough and difficulty breathing, seek medical advice promptly as this may be due to a respiratory infection or other serious condition. Call in advance and tell your provider of any recent travel or contact with travelers.
    Why? Calling in advance will allow your health care provider to quickly direct you to the right health facility. This will also help to prevent possible spread of COVID-19 and other viruses.

Tuesday, February 25, 2020

RACISM

I AM OF ONE RACE AND IT IS THE HUMAN RACE

Racism is a product of the complex interaction in a given society of a race-based worldview with prejudice, stereotyping, and discrimination

The UN describes the term "racial discrimination "as any distinction, exclusion, restriction, or preference based on race, colour, descent, or national or ethnic origin that has the purpose or effect of nullifying or impairing the recognition, enjoyment or exercise, on an equal footing, of human rights and fundamental freedoms in the political, economic, social, cultural or any other field of public life.

Nobody on this earth got to choose what colour ,what country or family they where born into .How can you take pride in something you had no control over .What makes you think you are better for being a certain skin tone?Its not enough that you have to be either white or black, but we have to compare  how black or rather how much lighter  you are from being black or from being closer to being white .
Being light skin you are better than a black person ,but still you are beneath a person with white skin .So you cant really fit in anywhere.


William lynch in 1721 wrote a letter to slave owners saying,"divide blacks by the tone and you will control them for 300+ years." here we are 295 years later. We should open our eyes and see how we are being fooled!How we are being duped into falling for everything we are told that we stop seeing the truth .Are we really that far gone that we no longer know a truth from fiction.
.
Over the last few months .It has become clear that, racism is still very much alive and its getting to a point where  more and more people .No longer feel the need to pretend anymore.To be honest nobody is born a racist .We are born unaware of the differences.When we reach the age of  2 and start self discovering and being aware of the things round us and start to ask questions. The answers we get on that journey are what base our decisions our ethics and ultimately who we are.
Anyone in a position to help change this world view on skin tone to the next generation needs to be the change they hope to see .

The realization is that we are all made up of the same features the main difference is the origin of a person  and that's something you cant change .so lets put our energy into fighting what we can change or help improve the quality of life in this world that seems to be spinning out of control. You need to be able to accept people as they are and stop letting the headlines fool you into fighting and taking up a cause while they intentionally don't tell you the real issues because that's what the media does and that's what it is for ,because the people at the top control what you get to hear.

Monday, February 24, 2020

THE BEST PART OF GROWING UP IS THAT YOU GET TO BE A MATURE VERSION OF YOUR TRUE SELF

GROWING UP IS TAKING WHAT YOU HAVE LEARNT AND MOVING FORWARD SHEDDING AWAY WHAT IS NOT IMPORTANT AND NOT TAKING IT TO HEART.
see my post on prison of the mind

Sometimes when you go through life in a hurry all you do is miss moments and its only after they pass that you see the importance they had .You will never know the value of a moment until it becomes a memory.

As we  grow up we realise that it is less important to have many friends and more important to have real friends, because now you know better and you choose what is best for you.

You become less concerned with trying to make a momentary impression and become more focused on making a lasting impression.
You arrive at this point in life after you stop cairing about , what other people have to say about you and start cairing for how you feel and what is fulfilling.

As i continue to grow up i see more and more of my younger  self come out the parts of me that i held back or was ashamed of because of what i was told or what people said or felt .Start to come out again and that to me is beautiful because when you watch a child do things they are confident.
Nothing holds them back because they believe in themselves and they are always cheered on.
So i challenge you to do the same. Set yourself free from that prison that you created in your mind based on the opinion of others and your own insecurities.
Cheer yourself on
.Be like that child free to be who they want to be . Unapologetically .