DISCOVERING MY SEXUALITY. (PART 1 the bisexual)

SEXUALITY IS ONLY ATTRACTIVE WHEN ITS NATURAL AND SPONTANEOUS MARILYN MONROE

IN THE BEGINNING

We played with barbie and left out ken.

So on that day  we both played barbie
She kissed my lips and we giggled after.

She was my first.

She was a girl ! could i like a girl?

We swore not to talk about it and let it fade away........

HALFWAY THERE 

It was summer break .

He was cool and i was shy .

He was older and much taller.

He held my hand it made me blush .

On the night we met out late .

He held my hand and led me down the lane.

Butterfly's in my tummy that ran down my Spine to my legs .

A feeling that i had never experienced .

He held me close and with  a gaze so intense it drew me in.

I closed my eyes and inhaled his scent a scent i Love to this very day.

His warm lips and the caress of his tongue 

I felt  a heat i never knew existed.

His touch warmed me and consumed me .

I craved it.

He too was my first......

UNEXPECTED ENCOUNTER

I met her the first day of collage .
we became friends and even started to share a room..

She liked girls.
She ignited a spark i had left to lay dormant.
She was the feeling of ice on a hot summer s day
She quenched my thirst and held my hand .
In her i felt safe and secure
She was like me.
She knew what it was like to be a female and she understood me.

She knew i liked boys but she didnt mind .
 When i felt conflicted .
She said it was ok to be with her and be with him as well.
That's how its been all these years

SUMMER STARS

IT IS WITHIN HERSELF SHE WILL FIND THE STRENGTH SHE NEEDS

You can never keep a good woman down

Fires on her hilltop, Rings of thorns surrounding her

Sharp eyes and a sharper mind that clocks

Her time the world’s place, her body deemed for seasonal changes

She nestles the quiet in the raging storms

Dances in the rain to the whistle of the drizzle

Swiftly beating into thundering rain drops

Still, her movements casting shadows

She is elated for the fresh breath of air, Lucky Lucy

Little is her luck, the residue of her diligence,

Kindred to a pound of gold

The gods must be smiling down at her

See, it’s been a dry March, a harsh April and a cold May

But this woman’s work was never done

Her toils now reaping bounty

Yet her loaded wagon makes no noise.

While one swallow does not make the summer

She is ecstatic that she can make out the constellations

Her time is now

You could never keep her down

Written by Mercy Eni Wandera http://mercyonmeweb.com

PERINATAL LOSS / LOSS OF A CHILD

 CHILD LOSS IS NOT A N EVENT IT IS AN INDESCRIBABLE JOURNEY OF SURVIVAL
see my post on it-is-ok-to-cry
 dealing-with-loss. 

You felt me before i knew you.

I loved you when i felt you.

You changed my life and gave me a new tittle.

Being your mother is truly a gift 

You became a part of me and will always be.

You comforted me when i was sad and moved to show your concern.

You danced when i laughed .

We shared this body and in you i learnt to love.

A love i cannot describe .

A feeling i cannot express

I dreamt of the day i would meet you.

I made plans for you .

Not knowing God had different plans for you. 

Our journey was cut short 

I had to let you go .

I carried you for every second of your life and i will carry you for the rest of mine.

Nobody will ever understand the feelings i have 

Nobody will understand our connection  but i feel you .

I love you 

I think about you 

Although it hurts  and most days i find myself crying .

At the sight of other children playing .

I know you are playing with the angels .

One day i will be able to play with you .

The looks of pity.

The silent whispers.

The false understanding those saying sorry seem to have.

Nobody truly knows what it is like 

and i pray that they never do,

So as the days go by and the pain fades away.

Watch over me and be my little angel as you have always been

I will always be your mum and i will always be a mom even when they say i am  not.

TSM

YOU ME AND THE STARS

Looking up, at the stars. 
On those late night's.
Where my early mornings, bring me longings.
For those late nights, holding you by side.
The sound of your voice ,echoing across the open space.
 
Where my longing turns to belonging.
Free of the past .Free in the present .
Free to have a future.
No longer held back .
Free to be.

For near or far the stars remain.
Under the stars we shall remain.
 
Just as the sun comes up to shine and the stars take a rest.
Your beauty remains even in absence.

So as the mornings ,bring me longings of those late nights . 
I shall remember ,"The beauty of the stars is that although they are far away they can still be felt" 

BEING STRONG DOESNT MEAN THE ABSENCE OF VULNERABILITY

SEE MY POST ON:
when-burdens-become-to-heavy.
Depression

Easy to judge a book by its cover, And miss the essence beneth its cover.

They say ,"the prettiest smile hides the most secrets.

The prettiest eyes have shed the most tears.

The kindest hearts have felt the most pain.

And those that appear to have it all, lack what they need most".

Strength is defined as the ability of a substance or object to withstand great force and pressure.

As humans we have the ability to withstand a lot. However that doesnt mean that it doesnt affect us or doesnt have an effect on us.

8 out of 10 times someone tells you "you are so strong ." They mean your ability for you to go through discomfort and not give up . Most times it is not ment
As a compliment but to pacify.

We live at a time where if you say you need help .your told to deal with it on your own. And when you make it public that you are suffering .people say you are seeking attention. We are too pre-occupied with ourown struggles that we do not see those around us are barely ok.

We are ok with fake smiles .We prefer the simplicity of the surface . Than to acknowledge the complexities of dealing with the actual depth of life and living.

Majority of the people that are hurting look as though they are fine. They are the ones that carry everyones problems and have nobody to carry their own .

Just because someone goes through struggles and you think they are strong doesnt mean that they are ok.
It doesnt mean that they are better off on their own . because they are "strong".

Beimg strong doesnt make you immume to pain and hurt .It just means you have the will power to overcome what life throws your way because it is the only solution .

RAISING YOUR CHILD ON YOUR OWN.

SEE MY POSTS ON:
Single parenting 

When im asked about parenthood i always say,
"Becoming a parent doesnt mean you have all the skills to be the best parent .
It just means that you will have to do your best for your child and be their rock during all kinds of storms in your life and theirs."

Absolutely nothing is easy about being a parent.From the day you find out you are going to be a parent . The struggle begins .

 Although you have an idea of what sacrifices will be required .It doesnt prepare you for what is actually involved.

We live at a time where single parenthood is at an all time high. Inability to parent your own child does bare its own weight .

In my opinion. I think, it is easier for an individual to realise they cannot be an adequate parent and leave than to have. A parent that isnt fully invested in their childs life.
A parent that will bring disappointment and cause the child emotional baggage. As a result of indecision.

At the same time . We should understand that children dont bring themselves into this world and ,
That you have to adapt to the role because it is a very fulfilling role.

The innocence and purity of the child and the childs journey brings lessons that make the journey easier. Where there is a will their is a way.

The rewards of being a parent is a gift from God and he doesnt give you something you cannot handle.

We do try to shield our children from alot that goes on around them. However with age they start to understand things better. They make their own realizations and as parents the best thing to do is to tell them the truth when the time comes.

The fact that you chose to be the best for your child says more about your character than the person that chose to leave selfishly. Dont be ashamed that you are alone . Dont allow self pitty and doubt take control .

Every life is a blessing from God and he watches over his own.
In all things ,take each day as it comes. Learn. Love your angel and know that, the grass does get greener with time just be patient.

Bad boys Vs THE GENTLEMAN

 LOVE YOU A GOOD BOY IT'S JUST WHAT THE DOCTOR PRESCRIBED

She thought she was the one that would cause his heart to change."i know he is a player but I'm going to be the one to make him hang up his Jersey and settle down."

Words that led many women to an early grave.
Against all warning she dove into the ice water and swam in it till she drowned.

He opened the door for her. He was the first voice she heard when she woke up and the last voice she heard before she slept.He was a sweetheart .

He was a dear .A friend what a zone.

 He made her laugh when she cried.
He comforted her even when it hurt him.because he knew he would give up the world for her.
Yet she couldn't see it ...and if she did she chose to ignore it he was almost too good for her.

He was her drug and she was blindly addicted.
He was a bad boy with sweet lips He knew exactly what to say and when to say it ..His words charmed her like a serpent tightening its grip around its victim ,slowly until its too late.

He remembered her birthday. And always gave her chocolates on valentines.He gave her his jacket when she got cold and sat with her when she had a cold.He was everything on her checklist but she stayed away because he wasn't wild enough. She believed good boys where no fun.What she didn't know was ,"there is always a wild side to an innocent face."

She was looking for love.He just wanted to have fun.

So he stringed her along looking for his next muse.

He made her feel small. Nothing she did was good enough.

He disliked this he disliked that .Now she wasn't even sure of her abilities anymore .She forgot  her worth.

When he praised her. She doubted it and responded dismissively.All she wanted was to fade away and he could see it too so he made it his mission to make her blossom again .whether or not she would notice him . He refused to leave her side. He stayed long enough .Just enough . In time for her to notice him, and accept her fate.

.

The devil gives you what you want but takes away what belongs to you .

While God gives you what you need and prepares you for what belongs to you.

Live . Laugh .Learn and Love wisely before its too late