LOVE YOURSELF THE WAY YOU WANT TO BE LOVED.

As we begin the new year we all have ideas of what we would like to accomplish before the year ends . Some of us chose not to have resolutions because by March we have already gone back to old ways so we ask what's the point of writing any. But the thing we should tell ourselves instead of what is the point is..... I really want to get this and this done but if I don't . I forgive myself and as long as I have breath in me I have a chance to get it done. That is why I felt like self love should be the first thing I write about this year. What is self love you may ask?

Self-love is defined as a state of appreciation for oneself that grows from actions that support our physical, psychological and spiritual growth. Self-love means having a high regard for your own well-being and happiness. Self-love means taking care of your own needs and not sacrificing your well-being to please others.

My journey into self love began 9 years ago . I knew I needed to put more emphasis on self love when I got to a point in my life where I wasn't where I wanted to be and was unhappy with my choices that got me to where I was. I couldn't stand to see my own reflection in the mirror for more than 10 seconds because all I could see was the face of the person that let me down and that person was myself. I could see the unhappiness in my own eyes and I was soley responsible for my own unhappiness.

Getting myself to where I am today has been a journey of self discovery. I have had to see my own pain and make peace within myself. Forgive myself and others and let go of the pain so that I could find healing. I had to learn how to love myself. How to accept myself for all that I am an all that I am not. Above all I had to learn that if I don't make myself happy I shouldn't expect other people to do it for me.

I read a quote that said you are the most important person in your life . Everyone is responsible for themselves. TBH when I understood that I felt Abit lighter.

So I would like to share with you some of the things I learnt and continue to learn and apply in my own life to date. My hope is that you learn to love yourself and to heal so that you can grow and be who you want to be.

1) Get to know yourself. Who you are .what you like .What you hate .What makes you happy and where you want to go.

2) Learn to say no . Don't over extend yourself . Do what you are comfortable with doing and that should be enough .Don't take on more than you can handle.

3)Be present in the moment. Time flys and we will never get to go back in time all we will have is our memories so make many and be fully present in each moment.You won't get it back.

4)Don't compare yourself to other people. Life is a journey and not a race be you at your own pace.

5)Forgive yourself for your shortcomings.

If you can't forgive yourself who will.

6) Accept yourself for who you are and what you are not.

7)Be kind to yourself and spoil yourself . Show yourself love for all you have been through and reward your body spirit and soul for the fact that you keep going. And prioritize me time by doing something you enjoy doing.

8) Celebrate your triumphs allow yourself to grieve and heal from your losses . Lastly allow yourself to feel your feeling.

9)Stand up for yourself.

10)Know that it is perfectly okay to ask for help .It takes a village to go through life.

11) know that not everybody will like you and it's not your job to please them. Just be you and do you 

12)Practice gratitude and thanks giving.

13)Take care of your body so that it can take care of you.

14)Be kind to yourself.

15) Surround yourself with positive energy . Leave what is negative and toxic behind.

16)Heal from all the scars you have gotten along the way

17) Be kind to yourself and others.

18) Show love and compassion. Do unto others as you would have them do unto you 

19) Choose YOU.

20) Perfom an act of kindness to someone less fortunate it will always fill your heart to see someone else happy .

Those have been some of the areas I have focused don and I hope they help you on your journey of self love . 

LIVE LAUGH LOVE LEARN AND NEVER STOP DREAMING.  For more check out and. Subscribe to my podcast http://linktr.ee/nairobifeminist

Speaking out against molestation in kibera #nairobifeminist

We all have our lives to live but let us also learn to help those that need help even when they don't ask . Let us learn to be our brother's keeper.

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WHY SHOULD A WOMANS SUCCESS BE A THREAT

WE SHOULD ALL SEE INEQUALITY AND WANT TO SAY NO THAT IS NOT RIGHT. LETS PUT AN END TO IT....

Book to read we should all be feminists by chimamanda adichie

'....We teach boys to be afraid of fear ,of weakness, and vulnerability. We teach them to mask their true selves because they have to be " a hard man".... we end up leaving them with fragile egos. And we raise girls to cater to those fragile egos.

We teach girls to shrink themselves make themselves smaller. We say to girls you can have ambition but not too much .You should aim to be successful but not too successful otherwise you will threaten the man.

If you are the bread winner in your relationship with a man act like you are not. Especially in public otherwise you will emasculate him. But what if we question the premise itself? " (Extract from we should all be feminists by chimamanda adichie )

To be honest the way in which she put this book together and specific these words is just truthin itself.  Why can't it simply be , the person with more money or more financial capability pay? Why can't it be. We spend the same amount of time at work doing the same job we should be paid equally? Why does It have to be because he is male  and you are female a good enough answer?

Why does it have to be based on size and physical build that shows ability instead of what we bring to the table?

Gender equality simply asks that we are given the same opportunities Based on our capabilities and not as a result of a role that has been forced on us.

Equality is to eliminate the notion that one is better than the other and allow for all to exist and fill the same space for a free exchange. 

A woman's success should be a success for all . It shouldn't be seen as something that makes her unruly ,undesirable and difficult. As compared to  a man's success which shows his capabilities, his hard work ,his determination, which automatically makes him a good man and husband.

If we all have a brain why should women be only allowed to use parts of it and selectively know when to show intelligence and men can be themselves at all times. Why is it ok for a man to question a zig zag line and a problem for a woman to question the same line? Is it so absurd the feminine perspective is just as equally deserving of observation and  opportunity? Why does respect have to be something a woman shows a man and not necessarily something that a man shows a woman? Why should one be the sacrificial lamb inorder to help the other achieve their best instead of allowing both to enable each other to be successful and grow together?  We need to see gender as who we are and allow for us all  to be free and not just what we have been taught to be because what we have been taught to be has caused more harm than good. More insecurities.

YOU ARE EITHER A BLESSING OR A LESSON IN LIFE

 LIVE LIFE, LOVE, LEARN AND DONT FORGET TO LAUGH 

I've always been the type of person that wants to learn as many lessons as I can from those around me or even books . I don't like learning the hard way because I feel like it takes longer and you loose alot more time in the process.

Unfortunately it can't always be that way and in all honesty the best lessons are always the ones you have to learn the hard way. 

I read a quote that said you only go through it because you needed to know about it inorder to help yourself and someone else. That's the essence of this blog share what you learn so that someone else knows they are not alone .

With every bad comes some good and with every good thing comes some bad.  Just because we constantly go through rough spots doesn't mean it's because of something bad we have done it happens because there was some good we where trying to hold on to longer than we should have . Inorder for growth to occur we have to be put out of our comfort  zone for expansion to occur. 

You learnt a lesson to be blessed and to be a blessing to someone else. You are better off for your experience today than you where a year ago so take what you learn and keep going. Don't be afraid of the hard times sail through them and the more you do that the better off you will be in the long-run.

HELPING YOUR CHILD UNDERSTAND PARENTAL SEPERATION/ DIVORCE OR SEPERATE LIVING CONDITIONS

BEING A PARENT CAN BE TOUGH. THERE IS NO MANUAL SO AS LONG AS YOU ARE DOING YOUR ABSOLUTE BEST THATS ALL YOU CAN DO...

Book to readMoms house dad's house 

You don't love me!

I don't want to live with you!

Your not nice to me!

I want mom /dad!

Words that every parent will hear at least once. Doesn't mean that it gets easier it just means there is room for things to get better.

Separation or divorce! Can be icky. Those words just carry such negativity and can make anyone cringe.

I  always thought that I would have a perfect family and that would never happen to me. I witnessed it as an adolescent and  for those reasons never wanted it for myself . I guess nobody does and for those reasons when it happens it makes it even harder. 

Meaning there is more reason for things to workout so that you can put your kids first.

I'm saying this not because there is a majic solution that can make everything better . If you are just starting out it's most probably things will get worse before they get better. But the fact that you are reading this means you want the best for your child and that means half of the work has been done.

Kids are smarter than we think. They have watched and felt our reactions since they were in our stomach. So trust me when I say they can read you like a book.So don't lie to them or manipulate them otherwise they will end up hating you for it.

That being said let's get into it as I share with you what I have learnt. 

FOR YOU

1.Accept that it is over.

2. Give yourself time to mourn the loss of what you thought was permanent.

3. Learn to separate your pain ,anger, frustration and jealousy from situations.

4. Have an honest conversation about the way forward and responsibilities 

5.Have a legally binding agreement .document.

6.  Respect eachother .

.

FOR THE KIDS

1.Reassure them that you will always be there for them and remind them daily or even hourly that they are loved 

2.Allow your child to express how they feel 

3.Don't force them to pick a side or guilt them into feeling sorry for you.

4.Don't use your kids as pawns or as messengers.

5. Be honest with them but gently.

6. Listen to them genuinely.

7. Allow them to act out don't address things in the heat of the moment wait till they are back to normal.

I GIVE UP

THE POWER LIES  IN KNOWING WHEN TO GIVE UP AND KNOWING WHEN TO STAY.

I give up.

Not because I am giving in , but because I'm giving away.

Giving away what doesn't serve me. What doesn't bring me joy.

Giving away what has caused me so much pain.

Giving up on an image I clung onto because at one point I thought it was all I needed.

Giving up on something that constricts me, something that suffocates me.

Giving up on striving for perfection.

Giving up on you.

Giving you away so I can be free .

Giving it away because i don't need it anymore.

Letting it all go and Freeing myself .have all

So that I can be more of me and less like you.

We all get to a point in life where holding on causes us more pain than joy. However I am sure if you look back in your life and see  the points where you let go . You can now see how that moment improved your quality of life. There is power in giving up.There is strength. There is courage . 

Give your best. Give it your all and when the time comes know that it is ok to also let go so that you can be happier.

SOMETIMES LIFE COMES AROUND AND IT KNOCKS YOU DOWN.JUST GET BACK UP

What if I told you the whole purpose of life is to go through the highs and lows.

What would you do different? What would you keep doing? Who would you have in your life and who would you leave out of it.

We've all been conditioned to think that life needs to have an order of events and once you get to a certain point success is what is expected. 

We want to show the highs on our socials and hide the lows. We've been conditioned to think that failure,loss and lows in general should never be part of the equation.

While the reality is that life is a series of highs and lows and what determines your ultimate success of the game of life is how you choose to keep going when you go through successive lows.

What makes the man/woman isn't how much you succeed but what you learn when you stumble and fall. Because it is when we are at our lowest that we can truly evolve. Just as a diamond can only be a diamond once it goes though intense heat and fire.

Live, Learn, Love Share and never stop dreaming.