DONT AGREE TO BECOME A STATISTIC

STOP IT BEFORE ITS TOO LATE
(GVRC) Gender Violence Recovery Center, Nairobi hospital branch adams arcade ,kirichwa rd off ngong rd +254721696214/0721760146 gvrc@nwch.co.ke

 Photography by josemarie nyagah IG mis_amethyst

There is a fine between knowing what people (women and men, young boys and girls )are going through and actually experiencing it first hand.

We all know of the immense sadness, harsh conditions and even trauma, that people are going through in terms of Rape, Domestic, emotional and physical violence.Empathy is felt but that's as far as it goes.As long as you are not directly affected it's not a a major concern.To me I think to overlook these experiences is to flatten our existence and to overlook the very lives we live that form us into who we are.

It saddens me, to see how although there are institutions that have been established, to create awareness and ensure that survivors get the help needed. To get their lives back on track and although we know about it and awareness has been created a lot is yet to be done because people are still living these lives in complete silence . Facing the truth is hard because it does hurt to acknowledge ,that you are suffering from the very symptoms. The signs are all there and although you may not be physically scared that doesn't mean you are not suffering. In most cases where there is no physical mark ,people assume they are ok they feel they are still in a safe environment, but as long as all the symptoms are there.It might only be a matter of time before it gets out of control and at that point it could end up tragically.

Many people are living in these conditions right under our noses ,and unless we identify the symptoms we will not be able to stop the re-occurring  cycle.  Women and men alike young boys and girls are struggling through these issues and  they need to deal with the issues that are affecting them. If they don't deal with them they hinder their own progress depriving the society of economic growth.we need to adopt the mentality of if i rise, u rise, we rise together.


http://abusesanctuary.blogspot.co.ke/2008/08/28-signs-of-abuser.html?m=1

I AM MORE THAN JUST THE COLOUR OF MY SKIN

I AM BLACK AND I AM BEAUTIFUL

Anyone can make themselves have a lighter complexion ,but nobody can become black.

we are unique we are special why would we want to take that away. why are we robbing ourselves of our rich heritage.

I am proud to be of African decent. I love my curly hair .I love the colour of my skin .I love the beauty that is Africa home to the the most beautiful natural resources ,animals, diamonds, gold ,and other gems.the cradle of man kind the first civilization.We Are undoubtedly blessed.

Writing this post has given me the opportunity to retrace our history and remind myself how far we have come,the sacrifice, the loss of lives,the journey black people have been on from slavery ,to colonization,to apartheid and fighting for our God given rights that where taken from us leaving us to wonder if we are any lesser than the rest of the world.fighting for independence and equality.
A fight that still goes on today.

Yet here we are in the 21st century we've lost our roots,our identity is slowly fading away. this generation is absorbing so much the western world is feeding us. Blindly accepting and not seeing that we are robbing our selves of our true identity

Over time the world has defined what physical beauty is. And more and more women have started to conform to those standards.it eludes me how We have let society dictate what we should consider beauty.
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder there is no way we can give a standard look to equate to beauty.beauty is all around us look at our rich culture, and history the beauty in Egypt the most civilized people are of African roots.the wisdom from our forefathers the beautiful golden skin of the Khoisan is southern Africa our Rich culture from the coastal regions endless resources in central and western Africa. Rwanda s beautiful faces the Masai whose traditional blankets where used on the runway . We don't get to appreciate what we have we don't get to enjoy our own gems my heart breaks knowing how quick we are to violence how we are supplied with arms, corrupt officials to hinder our own progress. We are all human so when does this all end when will I be treated as a human being.

I am not my skin ,I am the soul that lives within ,and if the vessel that carries me happens to be black. Then I will wear my skin as proud as my creator was ,when he created me because he is perfection and doesn't make mistakes.

We need to look back at our history and see the path we have walked. We need to OPEN our eyes and see what filth we are being fed just because they took off the chains doesn't mean we are free.i am not being sadistic and taking us back to the past is repeating itself in the most unexpected manner subtly and We are embracing it all the work our forefathers fought for is fading away.
We are enclosing ourselves in a box and before we realize it will be too late there Will be no where out.

LIVING AS A WOMEN IN A CHAUVINISTIC SOCIETY

I woke Up this morning to the sound of a beautiful tune. One id heard of but never experienced .
A sight that warmed the coldest day a dream coming true right before my eyes tears fall from my eyes as I saw the smiles of strong ,beautiful,women who have come from all over the world to empower, support  and mentor those in need. ideas and dreams becoming a reality.
 Too good to imagine women putting all there experience to benefit each other to build from  what was broken to create greatness.

We are far from this being a permanent state of consciousness, feminism itself is seen with negative eyes. The moment you call yourself a feminist, you are looked upon as a woman with no family values and no respect ,tradition and in short, you are not a typical woman who will give up certain things for the so-called sake of family. Though younger generation definitely is getting better in treating women however  today's youth have  completely misguided norms brought upon by years of watching the people around them treating women as property belonging to men,whose rights aren't as important as the opposite sex  almost treating women as children.

 Being non-chauvinist requires little more than courtesy. A man could easily be non-chauvinist but extremely sexist. He could believe in a natural role for women ( biologically determined or as part of the necessary structure of society) and expect that women who did not play that role would be unhappy. This is sexist, but if he accepted a woman's right to decide for herself whether or not to play that role he would not be chauvinist Yet, female equality still has problems to face.

As an example lets take an IT organization where a female gets promoted sooner than other peers. Even if the female is a geek, chances are really high that the women is going to be called arrogant, overbearing, boot licker and has ass kissed her way up. All this, just because men find it difficult to accept that a woman has just shown that she is capable of getting a promotion sooner than her peers by means of hard work. Or in the case where organizations fire women for being pregnant because they say it reflects badly on them to have a woman who is carrying another life in her Which should be a joy turns into something to be ashamed of and how nobody in those organizations can stand up and say no on behalf of their colleague it saddens me how far off we are in the 21 century Where  .Almost all chauvinist behavior consists of treating women as if they were things or animals . I read on another blog which talks about about female chauvinism gets triggered when there is excessive male chauvinism.

 After all we are all human beings. But feminists being misunderstood to be female chauvinists is completely unfair. Is it wrong if a woman prefers to be herself, prefers to have her own identity and not to change her identity after a so-called marriage, prefers to have dreams, goals, ambitions and to work towards them, prefers to be treated fairly. Feminists advocate equality of men and women not superiority of women over men. But I feel that society puts more and more pressure on achieving women and they feel compelled to turn towards female chauvinism. I mean if for a woman, standing up for herself against atrocities and retaliating back is going to considered female chauvinism, which by the way it is really not, then women are better off being female chauvinists.all I want is that women be treated equally as  human beings and that I don't want to beg for rights from men,i do not aim at putting men down, but they like to live their lives as they want of course keeping in mind their responsibilities as men i do not want to be treated inferior because of being women.

I want to end this post by urging you to be part of the change you hope to see. Stop treating women as second class citizens Just because something is part of your past doesn’t make it right. We have evolved from tradition. Our place in taking care of the home has Evolved into supporting economic political and social growth because we are capable of it all and by supporting each other we will get there.

DEALING WITH LOSS

We were created to live for eternity that's why death shakes us to the core

From my own experience of loss and from being there for those I care about or even those I've seen hurting. I've come to understand that In our hearts, we all know that death is a part of life. It gives meaning to our existence because it reminds us how precious life is as were only here for a short period of time.

The loss of a loved one is shattering and can cause a major emotional crisis. You experience bereavement, which literally means "to be deprived by death."

You then begin to experience a wide range of emotions, even when the death is expected. Some people feel numbness after first learning of a death, or go into denial,disbelief,confusion,shock Sadness,yearning,anger,humiliation,despair,guilt,worry. Feelings that are a natural response. nobody is ever prepared for the intensity and duration of these emotions or how swiftly your moods may change. Sometimes you may even begin to doubt your own sanity But be assured that these feelings are healthy and appropriate and will help you come to terms with your loss. As It takes time to fully absorb the impact of a major loss. You never stop missing your loved one,tears will still flow.just as the memories live on but the pain eases after time and allows you to go on but that doesn't mean it will go away completely.
Nothing is ever easy you will mourn and grieve which is natural and you do so to accept the loss. friends and family to share your loss and will support you as best as they can although some people become nervous around you doesn't mean they don't care just means they don't know how to be there.

We express loss physically, emotionally, and psychologically. For instance, crying is a physical expression, while depression is a psychological expression. It is very important to allow yourself to express these feelings. Often, death is a subject that is avoided, ignored or denied. At first it may seem helpful to separate yourself from the pain, but you cannot avoid grieving forever. You can hide the truth but just as the sun is sure to rise so is the truth bound to come out.Someday those feelings will need to be resolved or they may cause physical or emotional illness. Such as stomach pain, loss of appetite, intestinal upsets, sleep disturbances and loss of energy the loss of a loved one can seriously test your natural defence systems. Existing illnesses may worsen or new conditions may develop. Like anxiety attacks, chronic fatigue, depression and thoughts of suicide.

What I've come to learn when dealing with a Loss of a loved one is always difficult. Your reactions are influenced by the circumstances of a death, particularly when it is sudden or accidental. Your reactions are also influenced by your relationship with the person who died.

A child's death arouses a sense of injustice for lost potential, unfulfilled dreams and senseless suffering. Parents may feel responsible for the child's death, no matter how irrational that may seem they may also feel that they have lost a vital part of their own identity.

A spouse's death is very traumatic. In addition to the severe emotional shock, the death may cause a potential financial crisis The death may necessitate major social adjustments requiring the surviving spouse to parent alone, adjust to single life and maybe even return to work.

Children who experience a major loss may grieve differently than adults. A parent's death can be particularly difficult for small children, affecting their sense of security or survival. Often, they are confused about the changes they see taking place around them, particularly if well-meaning adults try to protect them from the truth or from their surviving parent's display of grief.

Limited understanding and an inability to express feelings puts very young children at a special disadvantage. Young children may revert to earlier behaviors (such as bed-wetting), ask questions about the deceased that seem insensitive, invent games about dying or pretend that the death never happened.

Coping with a child's grief puts added strain on a bereaved parent. However, angry outbursts or criticism only deepen a child's anxiety and delays recovery. Instead, talk honestly with children, in terms they can understand. Take extra time to talk with them about death and the person who has died. Help them work through their feelings and remember that they are looking to adults for suitable behavior.

Elderly people may be especially vulnerable when they lose a spouse because it means losing a lifetime of shared experiences. At this time, feelings of loneliness may be compounded by the death of close friends.
A loss due to suicide can be among the most difficult losses to bear. Those left may feel a tremendous burden of guilt, anger and shame. Survivors may even feel responsible for the death.Coping with death is vital to your mental health. Seek out caring people. Find relatives and friends who can understand your feelings of loss. Join support groups with others who are experiencing similar losses.
 Express your feelings. Tell others how you are feeling; it will help you to work through the grieving process.
Take care of your health. Maintain regular contact with your family
Accept that life is for the living. It takes effort to begin to live again in the present and not dwell on the past.
Try to hold off on making any major changes, give yourself time to adjust to your loss.Be patient. It can take months or even years to absorb a major loss and accept your changed life.

If someone you care about has lost a loved one, you can help them by being there for them
Share the sorrow. Allow them — even encourage them — to talk about their feelings of loss and share memories of the deceased.
 Don't offer false comfort. It doesn't help the grieving person when you say "it was for the best" or "you'll get over it in time." Instead, offer a simple expression of sorrow and take time to listen.
Be patient. Remember that it can take a long time to recover from a major loss. Make yourself available to talk.Look forward to the future.this too shall pass and Some day the pain will lessen, leaving you with cherished memories of your loved one.

OBSTACLES ARE THE THINGS WE SEE WHEN WE TAKE OUR EYES OFF THE PRIZE

 EVERY LESSON IS A GIFT

Just like a caterpillar grows into a butterfly so does your story.we all know where we want our stories to End, Although we aren't sure about how we will get there ,everyday we see a bit of the future. That doesn't mean we stop when we see something we don't agree with otherwise we'd fulfil what we set out to do. When you want something you put up with the weather for however long it takes till you get what you want.

There's nothing certain about tomorrow the path your on may be the one u think your destined to be on. That is; until you see something that makes you re-think your original decision and adjust your life accordingly ,and to me that's what life is.
Theirs no right path we are all in a maze some roads don't bear fruit some come with a lovely gift at the end some are just dead ends but most importantly no matter what road you take there's always a lesson to be learned. Every experience you go through gifts you with skills you had to learn and that was the only way you would learn. sometimes the roads u thought were dead ends turn out to be new destinations to new beginnings.
Nothing happens without a reason everyone has an important role to play in this life and the people they get to interact with.Everything we do impacts our lives and the lives of those around us we unknowingly change the moods,feelings,thoughts and even dreams of people around us because our lessons,mistakes,pain,highs and lows aren't just our own.
 There's always someone who will be there to share it With just as there is someone to gloat when u take a tumble.we are each others inspiration in life positive or negative we shape not only our lives but those around us.
When you loose sight of your vision for yourself, your dreams feel un achievable. The path your have been on seems to consume you, that you loose sight of where u were going and in that moment you want to give up. Don't. Remind yourself where u want to be and don't let your story end before it begins.for obstacles will forever be what we see when we take our eyes off the prize

ACCEPTANCE OF ONES SELF IS THE ESSENCE OF THE MORAL PROBLEM

A LETTER TO WOMEN PART 2

As a middle child in a family of 5 girls where my father was Muslim, my mother a Christian. We were told to choose which faith we wanted to follow.
I later chose Christianity and accepted the Lord as my Savior. However I always wanted to be different I wanted to be glamorous  and enjoy the perks of going out partying,traveling and living the life I .saw and wanted to have for myself and over the years I lived that life thinking it was something I really wanted however it wasn't fulfilling it wasn't everything It was painted out to be.
 Deep down I knew I was going to do big things I was going to do something I loved doing and I was going to be successful at it. however choosing the right path to get to where I wanted to be was harder than I anticipated and still is nothing comes easy you have to know what you want and constantly work your way up that path and still believing that even in the wake of all disaster it will happen.

There is a constant battle between knowing who you are and living who you are and that is something I think a lot of women young or old live with.
I recently read that "acceptance of one's self is the essence of the moral problem and the acid test of one's whole outlook on life. That I feel the beggar, that I forgive the insult that I love an enemy in Christ's name. And all of these are great virtues but what if I should discover. That the least among them all, the purest of the beggars,the most impudent of all the offenders that these all are in me and I myself stand in need of my own kindness that I myself are in need of my own kindness that I myself am the enemy that must be loved? What then?" take sometime and understand what you've just read.

Psychologists say that we form opinions of ourselves early in our lives.and our opinions are developed from both positive and negative experiences by others. Comments about us or by our perception of ourselves our society has given us role models in movie stars,fashion models we compare ourselves by world standards. Photo shop to enhance your beauty,hours of make up sessions to hide ourselves because we feel inadequate,  plastic surgery which in most occasions ends up botched. Yet the world cannot maintain its own standards of beauty what we have perceived as beauty is an illusion. A facade! Yet we try attain it because we look at. Our selves through the eyes of a secular society,not through the eyes of our loving creator.

The truth is you cannot be happy nor get where you want to be until you accept your self as who you really are flaws and all and that's something you will deal with for the rest of your life until look at yourself in the mirror and say
"I am beautiful inside and out I love me for who I am and I Would not want to be anyone else I am a diamond in the ruff and I accept myself for who I am and what I am not."
Our insecurities manifest themselves in many forms,inferiority,inadequacy,guilt,rejection, and un worthiness .  these feelings manifest into characteristics

That are undesirable they breed contempt, jealousy,gossip,hatred,self harm, anger issues and even hatred all these things are the reasons we fail to appreciate who we are.love ourselves.
 Because we can't fool ourselves no amount of makeup can make you forget your inner struggles and all of this is something, I have dealt with maybe not as a wider scale as you, but you might be surprised.

 when I began walking down a path that I knew I was destined to walk not based on earthly standards but standards I knew were acceptable to all were realistic where a path that would please my creator,my mentor,myself where I don't have to throw myself under a bus to be happy, but would be willing to do and still look myself in the mirror and still be pleased just as God was pleased When he created me to do things no body else could do because we all have a purpose which is to benefit the greater good.

Sometimes we have to stop seeing ourselves through the unrealistic eyes of society but through the accepting,loving and fulfilling eyes of our creator and allow him to guide us down a path that he is in control of that way we won't have to rely on our own understanding for we fall short.

Ever since I discovered what I love doing and I accepted myself for who I am and what I am not living my life feels more fulfilling it's not any easier but I know I am at peace with myself and I am free to live a life I choose because I know there's more to life then the complex things of this earth

YOUR LIFE! SO MAKE IT YOUR OWN

YOU ALWAYS HAVE A CHOICE

In my hand I hold the key to unlocking my aspirations,you might look at my hand and not see it but that doesn't mean it's not there

Faith is believing in things unseen,seen and that which is yet to come
Over the last few months l've come to realise that there is more to our words than we think.

If you take a moment to reflect on the power of words over time you will realise that most great actions came from a spoken Word.
 The world was formed When God spoke things into being with the Exception where he took the time to create us human beings out of his OWN IMAGE AND LIKENESS.The lesson I have come to learn from this is not only did he take his time to create us but he gave us part of him when he breathed in us the breath of life  he created us and gave us dominion over all beings he gave us priority over all things on earth especially the things that happen in and around our lives.

 Before we do anything. we think about it and then decide to make it an action the power comes in the decision to do it or not to do it. That's something we do every day we take it for granted and sometimes feel we don't have an option and the reality that is an option on its own you have the power to do great be great or the option to do nothing at all and live with the consequences but above all we ask the Lord to “let your will be done in your life" do we really understand what it means to actually live a life in that way.i believe the Lord God knows the intentions of your heart he knows your needs,hopes and aspirations in life and in our quest of pursuing these things we have to go out and live the life We hope to achieve, be the change you hope to see,in order for his guiding hand to be in your life. You always have a choice that's why he gave us free will.

Everyday we make decisions and we loose. The reasons as to why we began doing the things we started doing. if in a moment you never woke up think about all the things you would regret and all  the things you wish you had done and decide to start doing things that purely matter to yourself realise the power you have within yourself and remind yourself how important you are in this life to your creator

Don't give in to the pressures around you by letting all the negatives consume you. Remember the positives and all those around you who wish you well and are helping you get to where you want to be be your motivation to always chose hope instead of hopelessness