THE BEST WORD FOR A FOOL IS SILENCE

IN LIFE YOU NEED TO LEARN TO BE OK WITH GIVING AND NOT RECEIVING  ANYTHING BACK IN RETURN
See my post on:
/it-is-ok-to-cry../=when-burdens-become-to-heavy...the-heart-keeps-mind-sane.

 

To be completely honest I love words and i struggle through silence but over time I've become an expert on silence. Sometimes when the people you love hurt you the most it's better to stay quiet.because if your love wasn't enough what makes you think your words will matter.

Martin Luther King said ,"in the end we will not remember the words of our enemies but the silence of our friends." if you don't think so try remember a situation where you expected someone to react to something you did but instead they just stayed quiet or said,"it's ok." hahaha those words can drive you insane . 

I d like to think that a wise woman knows when to avoid drama because she knows her time is precious and She is not going to waste it on unimportant things. Some battles are not worth fighting and if you keep going you will only regret it.Think back to a time you where mad and said some things but after you cooled down you came up with wiser words you could have said. Now imagine if you just walked away how much better it would have been.

Sometimes it's better to remain silent and let people think you are a FOOL than to speak and to eliminate all doubt that you are one..I've had to deal with snakes disguised as friends.and loved ones that just couldn't be helped at all .Although it hurt at that moment.You need to let people make a FOOL of themselves and let karma catch up with them.

One thing I've learnt is if you speak when you are upset/angry you will make the best speech you will regret. 

So please don't act in the spur of the moment. Scream out all you have to say to yourself. Then tell God I'm not going to deal with this.This one is all yours. Then distract yourself as best as you can until you heal .

Live , learn ,love yourself and know one day the situation your stuck in will make for a good laugh.

If you can't stay quiet make sure that come back line is much more beautiful than silence.😉

(Click here to read a story that will inspire you LINK)

Thankyou for your continued loyalty I appreciate each and every reader that visits this blog. 

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WHEN A WOMAN CUTS HER HAIR ,SHE IS CUTTING OFF MUCH MORE

See my post on:
i-hold-world-in-my-hands.
Acceptance of ones self
/loving-each-stage-of-life
As a woman hair is part of our definition of beauty. Its something thats been rooted in us since childhood. Our mothers did our hair or would take us to get our hair done and the reason was to make us look beautiful.

Our hair became our identity and different hair styles make us feel different .However we can all agree a good hair day or just getting a new hair style workes wonders on our confidence levels.

Our hair tells the world who we are without us even uttering a word. A good example is how people sterio-type. Dreadlocks with rebels or blonds as being blond.which isn't necessarily true however the assumption doesn't go away.

When a woman takes a moment to reflect back on the colourful story of her life each chapter is defined by the diverse hairstyles she rocked.be it a passionate relationship or straight on depression.

Hair holds so much more energy than most of us are aware of. there is usually a direct correlation between what's happening on our heads and what's happening in our lives. That's why the hair industry does so well.

However, there comes a point in every womans life where, the urge to cut your hair gets really loud and that's often the beginning of something, new and exciting.

Here are a few reasons as to why women cut there hair

1.Haircuts are a symbol of change (saying goodye to the past and hallo to a new beginning)

Sometimes the fastest way to create a new and better version of yourself is to cut your hair. You say good bye to a part of you and embrace new change. I.e if you dyed your hair red for a person you were dating, and you broke up the sight of your own hair can disgust. You so the new change dis engages you from, then and puts you in a healing path through change.

2.A haircut allows you to rediscover yourself.

Hair is a woman veil and if it's long enough you hide behind your hair with long fringes , style your hair to flow around your face and hair hides a lot .From shyness to insecurities of your facial features.

When you cut it off you strip yourself of the false sense of safety it provides ,and when you look in the mirror. You are forced to see you. For who you are and in that you get a chance to, redefine what beauty means to you.

3.Sometimes a woman just wants to try out something different.

4.Cutting hair is freeing.

If you calculate the amount of money and time  spent doing hair . Its ridiculous and sometimes you just need to be able to wake up and leave the house without the hustle of it all. Without the weight of it all. Feel free and care free 

5.Cutting hair is a way of letting go off fear and finding strength in the unknown.

When you get the courage to cut your hair you are aware of yourself. You are aware of what you are and what you are not. You own who You are and you cut away the preconceived notions of who you are supposed to be.

6.Sometimes you just need to cut off all the damage caused by over heating and straining from styling and go back to your natural hair.

Personally, i have cut my hair way too many times for all the reasons ive stated. It feels good at the moment and it is a constant reminder of the new change. 

However, what i have learnt is. For true change to occur you dont need to cut your hair the change hapoens from within and when it does you will not need a physical reminder .you will be 100%Sure . Anything that needs constant reminder means that you are not convinced it was a good idea to begin with. As women we feel strongly about something one minute the next we don't .So don't act on impulse .

Your hair has nothing to do with what you are feeling inside.

I love the song by india arie that says i am not my hair. I am not my skin . l am not your expectations. I am that soul that lives within it all .(The song)

Live, learn, laugh ,heal and never stop dreaming .

Everything has its season and yours is just beginning. 

XOXO

CHILD MARRIAGE #ENDchildMarriage

See my  post on female-genital-mutilation-kenya the-traditional-role-of-woman-in-modern.society empowering-woman-is-empowering-nation.

An estimated 23% of girls are married before their 18th birthday in Kenya.

Child marriage rates vary across regions, with the North Eastern and Coast regions having the highest rates, while the Central region and Nairobi have the lowest rates.

Many girls in rural parts of Kenya are often perceived by their families as either an economic burden or valued as capital for their exchange value in terms of goods, money and livestock.

To justify these economic transactions, a combination of cultural, traditional and religious arguments are often employed.

 However it doesnt change the fact that young girls are viewed as a means to an end. Poverty as well as lack of education remain the highest factors contributing to child marriage

.
As 67% of women aged 20-24 with no education married as a child, in comparison to 6% of women with secondary education or higher.

Women living in rural areas are twice as likely to be married under age 18 than women living in urban areas. This urban-rural divide has increased by 36% since 2003.

LEGAL AGE OF MARRIAGE

In March 2014, the parliament adopted the Marriage Act 2014 which introduces a uniform minimum age of marriage, set at 18 for both women and men.

Importantly, the new legislation applies to all forms of marriage including Islamic and customary marriages.

if current trends in child marriage continue, the number of girls under 15 years giving birth in Africa is expected to rise from 2 million to 3 million a year by 2030. “If we do nothing, in the next decade over 14 million girls under 18 years will be married every year,” she said.

  

Human rights violations

FGM and child marriage are human rights violations as they deprive girls and women of the right to decide their own futures and control their own bodies and their sexuality.

FGM (female genital mutilation) and child marriage are health issues. Child marriage results in teenage pregnancy; the leading causes of maternal deaths and injuries for girls aged 15 to 19 are pregnancy and childbirth. It also contributes to high rates of obstetric fistula, premature births, sexually transmitted diseases (including cervical cancer), HIV and domestic violence..

With the rife of HIV in Kenya . It  means that young married girls are particularly at risk. As majority of them are married off to men older than them . Who often die before they know it is HIV/AIDS. Robbing them of their lives .Robbing the country of talent and skill.

Although we live at a time we can openly talk about this and more and more awareness is being created it is still a big problem as .The practice os still carried out in secret . Young girls are robbed of a future and forced to accept traditional roles. 

Their voices are silenced and their freedoms taken away from them. Young girls become mothers .Young women become wives before they are ready for it.

As a result of being stripped of their rights and freedoms. They are forced into accepting a life they have not chosen and often end up being abused .As they have no where to turn to..These young girls often feel trapped without any education they cant stand on their own. Without support they are left to deal with the scars that remain on their own.

It is our job to ensure that they get to choose what happens to them.

.........continued in my next post 

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LIVE LIFE. DONT SURVIVE IT.

See a similar post.
build-on-your-dream-or-someone-will hire you to build theirs
As the year ends i keep hearing "i survived another year".

Being me id like to change your perspective on that so here goes.....

I know too well what it is like to live from day to night and day again. However all it does, is rob you of the days and nights that ,you could have been a step closer to living your dream.

What dream you ask?The dream that seems further and further away. The dream that you break your back for everyday .The dream you believed in . The dream that you let fade away . when you let doubt replace it.

In a world so cold .where nothing comes easy . Dont be fooled .That is how it has been and will remain. Someone else is having it worse whether  you know them or not doesnt change that it is the truth.

Dont be fooled to think slipping into the cracks of life will make life any easier.
You dont have a choice .you either fail or you succeed. Rise when you fall and dont get tired of picking yourself up it gets better the longer you try.

Dont be fooled there is no short cut there is no easy way .Just like in school if you miss a lesson you will  have to put in the effort to learn what you missed out on.

The truth is hard to swallow but when you do swallow .The you that comes out on the other side is a better version of you.

Life is ment for living and living includes ups and downs. Nobody can escape it. We just choose to show the world the sides of ourselves that look the best and in that deception we fool the masses because if we shared more we would heal alot more people.

So to you that feels like survival is the best you can do . Take a walk and look around you from the ants to the trees to the venders on the street everyone and everything is playing their role in life and the ones that get to be missed.

The names you get to hear about are the names of people who lived their best life and never stopped dreaming.

Do not choose to survive because survival takes more out of you than it does benefit you.Dont fall between lifes cracks because you will become apart of the crack and you shall be forgotten.

Live life. Laugh often ,Love everything and above all never stop dreaming .Your best is yet to come.

FEMALE GENITAL MUTILATION KENYA

Alone and abandoned is what it feels.

Nothing has changed. 21st century or not.

I have a secret ,nobody knows.

Its mine to keep ,that always haunts.

I hide behind this smile . it fools you all.

I wished for death the night before. It never came.

"Why mommy why? Arent we to modern for this!"

She turned her back and let them in.

I can still see their faces clear as day. Faces i cant erase.

The scream from my sister .Told me it was my turn next.

I swore to my self not to scream .i bit the wooden spoon and let my tears stain the earth. 

Mother earth hear my cry .For you now know my secret.

So i lay in my bed ,feeling a pain ive never felt.

A pain so deep .it makes me numb.

Betrayal .She turned her back.

Betrayal . Im scared for life.

Was my childhood a lie ! 

They told me aim for the stars. But took the stars from me .

I closed my eyes and wished for sleep.

Where my dreams would give me a new reality.

But my reality had already poisoned my dreams.

Now i await the day i become a wife.Like it or hate it.  It is my fate.

Everyone knows it shouldnt happen ,but nobody came to try and stop it.

What are you doing to put an end to this injustice...... 

BELOW ARE SOME FAQ QUESTIONS ABOUT FGM ANSWERED BY THE ANTIFGM BOARD KENYA

Source: http://antifgmboard.go.ke/

What is FGM?

Female genital mutilation, also known as female genital cutting (FGC) includes all procedures involving the partial or complete removal of the external female genitalia, or any other injury to the female genital organs for non-medical reasons. It is generally practiced on girls between the ages of four and twelve. In some cultures it is performed as early as a few days after birth or shortly prior to marriage. It is one of the most severe forms of Gender Based Violence (GBV).

What are the major types of FGM?

Type I: Clitoridectomy, which is the partial or total removal of the clitoris or the    prepuce.

Type II:  Excision, which is the partial or total removal of the clitoris and the labia minora, with or without the excision of the labia majora or the prepuce.

Type III: Infibulation, which is the narrowing of the vaginal orifice with the creation of a covering seal by cutting and appositioning the labia minora and labia majora with or without excision of the clitoris.

Type IV: Pricking, piercing or incising of the clitoris and/or labia; stretching of the clitoris and/or labia; cauterization by burning of the clitoris and surrounding tissue ; scraping of tissue surrounding the vaginal orifice or cutting of the vagina; introduction of corrosive substances or herbs into the vagina to cause bleeding or for the purpose of tightening.   

Where is FGM practiced?

FGM is practiced in more than 28 countries in Africa, parts of the Middle East, South East Asia, Europe, America and other countries where migrants from FGM-affected communities live.

What reason do the communities that practice FGM give for engaging in the practice?

There are a number of social and economic reasons given:

As a rite of passage to signal that a girl has now become a womanTo reduce the sexual desire of girls and womenTo follow a religious requirement (although there is no evidence that FGM is supported by any religion)To make girl and women cleanTo keep the cultural identity of a communityTo enhance men’s sexual pleasureTo prepare a girl for marriage. Once FGM is performed a girl is seen as being ready for marriage. There is a link between FGM and child marriage.It is believed that FGM ensures a girl’s virginity, making sure she has not had sex with anyone before marriage. This may make men more willing to marry her and pay higher bride price for her.FGM provides circumcisers with a source of income. In some communities traditional leaders and chiefs are paid to give permission for girls to be cut.

 What are the myths vis-a-vis the facts associated with FGM?

MythFactAn uncut woman will become promiscuous and have an uncontrollable sexual appetite.FGM makes no difference to a woman’s sexual appetite but can stop her from enjoying sex. Sexual appetite mainly arises from hormones secreted by glands in the brain.If the clitoris is not cut, it will continue to grow.The clitoris stops growing after puberty and is still small at the final stage of growth.If the clitoris is not cut, it will harm a man during intercourse.The clitoris gives a woman sexual pleasure and does not cause any harm to her or a man.If the clitoris is not cut, it will harm the baby during delivery.The clitoris causes no harm to the foetus, the baby or the mother, whereas FGM may cause serious complications during childbirth.If a woman does not undergo FGM, she will not be able to have children.FGM has nothing to do with fertility; and FGM may actually cause infertility because of infections.If a woman does not undergo FGM, her genital will smell.FGM will not make the vagina any cleaner. In fact, Type 3 FGM (infibulation) can make the vagina less hygienic.

Why is FGM regarded as a human rights issue?

The practice of FGM violates a number of agreed human rights laws and principles approved by the United Nations. These include:

Equality and the right to be free from all forms of discrimination against women;the right to life and physical integrity;the right to good health and wellbeing;Freedom from violence, injury, abuse , torture, cruel, inhuman or undignified treatment;The rights of the child. Children have a special right to health care, safe environments, education and a protected childhood that allows full growth and development.

What are the complications associated with FGM?

FGM can cause both short-term and long-term physical and psychological complications.

Physical complications include:

Extreme pain: FGM is normally performed without any anaesthesia Girls can go into shock because of extreme pain and stress.
Severe bleeding: this is caused by damage to blood vessels. In some cases this can lead to death.Risk of infection: The use of unsterilized blades and traditional methods for healing the wounds may cause serious infections such as tetanus and even HIV.
Difficulty in passing urine and menstruation: due to fear of passing urine or damage to the urinary tract and/or reproductive organs.

Psychological complications include:

Anger at the circumciser or those who arranged for FGM to be carried out.
Emotional distress, fear and feelings of helplessness.Post-traumatic stress disorder: symptoms can include flashbacks, nightmares, anxiety, and depression for a long time after FGM.Sexual phobia resulting in fear and difficulties in having sex.Feeling of not being a ‘whole’ or a ‘normal’ girl or woman may be felt by some girls /women because of FGM.Because the clitoris is so sensitive, a woman’s sexual; pleasure is greatly decreased by its removal. This can have negative effects in a marriage and in sexual relations. However, FGM does not take away sexual desire because sexual relations are more than physical; feelings such as love, passion, and companionship are also important for pleasure.

What is the prevalence rate of FGM nationally?

The Kenya Demographic and Health Survey 2014 indicate that 21 percent of women in Kenya have been circumcised. The practice is nearly universal in North Eastern region at 98 percent compared with Eastern region at 26 percent.

Where is the practice of FGM most prevalent?

FGM is high, in varying degrees in the following counties referred as ‘hot spots’: Mandera, Wajir, Garissa, Taita Taveta, Tharaka Nithi, Narok, Kajiado, West Pokot, Baringo, Kisii, Nyamira, Migori (Kuria), Bungoma (Mt. Elgon), Samburu, Isiolo, Marsabit, and Elgeyo Marakwet.

Who are the enforcers of the Anti-FGM law?

Police officers, members of the provincial administration, children’s officers, probation officers, gender and social development officers, and cultural officers.

What are the offences under the Prohibition of the FGM Act, 2011?

The offences are spelt out in part IV of the Act.

 Section 19: Performance of FGM

This section provides, among others, that a person, including a person     undergoing a course or of training while under supervision by a medical practitioner or midwife, who performs female genital mutilation on another person commits an offence.

If in the process of committing an offence under subsection (I) a person causes the death of another, that person shall, on conviction, be liable to imprisonment for life.

It is no defense to a charge under this section that the person on whom the act was involving FGM was performed consented to that act, or that the person charged believed that such consent had been given.

Section 20: Aiding and abetting FGM

A person who aides, abets, counsels or procures a person to commit an offence under section 19; or another person to perform FGM on that other person, commits an offence.

Section 21: Procuring a person to perform FGM in another country

A person commits an offence if he takes another person from Kenya to another country, or arranges for another person to be brought into Kenya from another country, with the intention of having that other person subjected to FGM.

Section 22: Use of premises to perform FGM

A person who knowingly allows any premises, for which that person is in control of, or responsible for, to be used for purposes of performing FGM, commits an offence.

Section 23: Possession of tools or equipment

Section 24: Failure to report commission of offence

A person commits an offence if the person, being aware that an offence of FGM has been, is in the process of being, or intends to be, committed, fails to report accordingly to a law enforcement officer.

Section 25: Use of derogatory or abusive language

Any person who uses derogatory or abusive language that is intended to ridicule, embarrass or otherwise harm a woman for having not undergone FGM, or a man for marrying or otherwise supporting a woman who has not undergone FGM, commits an offence and shall be liable, upon conviction, to imprisonment for a term not less than six months, or to a fine not less than fifty thousand shillings or both.

Section 29: Penalty for the offences

A person who commits an offence under this Act is liable, on conviction, to imprisonment for a term not less than three years, or to a fine of not less than two hundred thousand shillings or both.

REDEFINING BEAUTY IN AN EVOLVING CULTURE

See my post on

/embrace-glorious-mess-that-you-are.

when-your-own-thoughts-bring-you-down.html

I recently heard a song, by the kenyan band sauti sol ,tittled 'melanin' and i loved the concept behind the song.

At a time where ,more and more women are feeling less and less attractive in their natural, God given beauty.It sadens me to see the number of young women that are willing to change their appearance to achieve superficial beauty.

Dont get me wrong every woman has the right to achieve beauty in whatever form they choose.My concern is that. We have gotten to a place where we see what ia wrong with us before we see what is beautiful about us .We have lost sight of our own essence. The uniqueness that is within us. that our creator saw when he perfectly moulded us into who we are .

We have set unrealistic standards for beauty we have been blinded by the illusion of what it is supposed to be. Not what it really is.

We have allowed it to poison our minds and we have spread it to younger generations and they now view beauty for what is external and they become hollow internally .

Unhappiness has evolved to depression and sometimes ends in suicide. This unending quest of beauty ends when we choose to accept it for what it is .

We need to see that beauty comes in all shapes,sizez and even colours . If we where all similar nothing about us would be special the fact that we are all differently special in our own little ways is what adds flavour to life.

To evolve past these preconcieved notions. We need to be able to look ourself. In the mirror and first see all that is right with us and then, be contentent with what we are not.

THE ART OF RECOGNIZING BEAUTY IN WHAT SEEMS BROKEN

YOUR STRONGEST AT THE PLACE WHERE YOU ARE BROKEN

 Kintsugi ( "golden joinery"), 
also known as Kintsukuroi ( "golden repair"),
 is the Japanese art of repairing broken pottery with lacquer dusted or mixed with powdered gold, silver, or platinum, As a philosophy, it treats breakage and repair as part of the history of an object, rather than something to disguise.

 Most people throw away anything they break ,because it looses its value or, no longer serves the intended purpose.Some  would like the damages to their broken items to be concealed  and hidden by repair making the object look like new. (As if it never happened.)

 But the Japanese art of Kintsugi follows a different philosophy. Rather than disguising the breakage, kintsugi restores the broken item incorporating the damage into the aesthetic of the restored item, making it part of the object’s history.

This fascinated me because i saw the error in the way i have lived.Simplicity would be to live your life healing the scars you have received on life's path by acknowledging the pain that it caused you. Being aware that you are a different person as a result or what has occurred to you and see the beauty that has risen from the ashes.The person that is ''You Now"Wiser and Stronger because you where broken but you  wore your scars as a badge of honor..

Not forgetting nor escaping.
Not ignoring nor pretending.
Not allowing yourself to be consumed by it.
But by simply accepting that you are broken and that it is apart of your history . Without letting it rob you of your future.

You are who you are because of the choices you have made as a result of what you have been through.
Change your narrative. Change the parts of you that resist your growth and embrace all that you are  (see my post dont-disregard-me-embrace-me.. also embrace-glorious-mess-that-you-are.