NEW YEAR RESOLUTIONS DONT WORK WITHOUT COMMITMENT

In life the only way you can truly make a resolution and stick to it is if you have absolutely had enough of something that you want to change.

Some of us are starting the year with hopes of success,fitness goals, better relationships,self improvement goals, etc. There is nothing wrong with all of that it's normal. However what's the point of setting yourself up for failure by the end of the first week. 

You can't allow yourself to fail you. You are all you have only know what your life is really like and if you can't improve on yourself, who do you expect to improve you. It starts with identifying your worth and loving you for you faults and all. Take a look in the mirror and look yourself in your eyes and see yourself and if you feel like looking away write down what made you feel that way and keep doing that till you have the list of things you have to improve on you need to work your way out from inside you can't fix the outer you without dealing with your core because change that starts from within is a change that will last lifetime.

KIDS ITS BEDTIME

ONLY A MOTHER KNOWS THE VALUE OF BED TIME

After the long holiday the kids have had i know there are quite a  few moms that are excited to have the kid s going back to school and having them on a fixed schedule.

Before i was a mom.I would look at my older sister putting her kids to bed at 7:00pm and they  would literally be asleep by 7:15pm  .I felt like it was punishment .Like who on earth wants to sleep so early.

Well now years later, i can attest to the fact that that was one of the best things she ever taught me. Those 15 minute bathroom breaks .Where you literally go sit in the bathroom.Doing nothing. Just enjoying the tranquility because you know that nobody would dare hurry you out when your in the toilet. Hahahahah the struggle gets so real as a mom. Any how those 15 minutes are never  enough.

Cooking, cleaning, playing with your kids and giving them attention when they demand it during the day is no easy task and if you have a spouse to take care of as well it can be just too much to handle .

Personally i am so excited that schools are opening and now i understand why my parents and parents in general are always, so willing when it comes to school . More time for me to have to catch up with the rest of the world around me . My life literally goes on pause ,when i go on mommy mode and it is beautiful because, in those moments you find yourself doing things ,you would not usually do. You live life from your little ones perspective.

For those who do not understand the importance of bedtime  it is  like being served desert on a nice starry clear night hahahah.Its the only time a mom gets to do exactly what she needs  or wants to do sometimes its sleep sometimes its read or just drink a glass or two  of wine s you catch up on your favourite series.

In conclusion Goodnight .

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DEAR YOUNG MOM.

DEAR YOUNG MOM,
People always get surprised when I say, "I am a mother to a daughter." they always insist I look too young.First of all I would like to thank God and my mom for the good genes. But they are right I had a child at 21 which some might consider young.

However,I have met women who had children while still getting their primary education and have listened to a variety of their stories. When they look back years down the line with with their children becoming teenagers. The one thing they can all agree on is that A child is always a blessing.
 The smiles on their faces is priceless and it warms my heart.

I write to all you,fellow young mums to give you some of the lessons I have learnt, and some that have been shared with me.

The decision to keep a child can be a daunting decision .Especially if you had not planned for it! But once u decide to choose love it becomes a blissful experience. "All a child needs is love and the rest will be provided" that was the first piece of advice I got it was very simple and that's what I hold on to this day.

Sharing a body with someone for 9 months
(depending on gestation period) is the most beautiful gift you can experience. For once you are not alone. Someone knows how you feel .Someone shares with you your food,your laughter,your tears, your worry,your blood and most importantly you get to communicate with that person growing inside you .In those months you share your daily experiences with someone and they felt every emotion. That is where they first connected with you. This bond is what makes each child special.

You then get to feel the pain of birth and in that, you learn that There is nothing you wouldn't do for you child.You feel what your mother felt when she pushed you out into this world. In that you learn to treasure your mother and you learn to appreciate her more because you realise everything she has done for you is out of her love for you.

When you spend the next 6 months looking at your child and them looking at you ,helplessly depending on you for everything.The bond grows sometimes stress, frustration,worry and anxiety too but that warm smile your toothless bundle of joy gives you melts it all away and that is unconditional love.

Each milestone passing and you get to see your child's personality. You see yourself in them and you want to protect them as best as you can but you then realise that everyone has their path on this earth and there is only so much u can do as you hope for the best.

As a mother there is no handbook that equips you to be the best parent or no handbook that helps you deal with the emotional whirlwind you go through when you become a mother. Everything you do is out of instinct and with that we need to cut our mothers some slack motherhood isn't easy.

What is important is to know that although you have no idea of what you are doing Trust in God. Don't ask him why just believe that he has your best interest at heart. The lessons learnt from motherhood are lessons you cannot get anywhere else.

Each day that passes, passes quick soon you get a hang of it. Some days are harder than others. The most important thing is to surround yourself with people who support and uplift you. Avoid toxicity in your life become blind and deaf to those that are constantly hating.  You will probably loose many friends or people you held dear to you along the way. But it is fine those that stick by your side even When you give them little reason to become like Gold.

The journey of motherhood is not easy and don't expect it to be. Live,Love,Learn and never stop dreaming because you now have someone who looks up to you and depends on you. Do what you need to do and don't settle for less than you deserve. Fulfil your dreams as you fulfil your child's grow together and I guarantee you when you look back at the journey you have been on you will be proud of yourself and your child will appreciate all you have done for them.

Lastly,Learn to love yourself and get to know yourself.Forgive yourself for your short comings and appreciate yourself for all your positive attributes

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WOMAN AND CHILD TRAFFICKING IN KENYA

THERE IS NOTHING MORE IMPORTANT TO OUR FUTURE THAN THE SAFETY OF OUR CHILDREN TODAY

robbing-children-of-childhood 
 contemporary-modern-day-slavery  
 US department of state
According to the US Department of state. Kenya is a source, transit, and destination country for men, women, and children subjected to forced labor and sex trafficking. Within the country, children are forced to labor in domestic service, agriculture, fishing, cattle herding, street vending, and begging. Children—both girls and boys—are also exploited in prostitution throughout Kenya, including in the coastal sex tourism industry; at times, their prostitution is facilitated by women in prostitution, “beach boys,” and sometimes family members. Children are exploited in prostitution by those working in sectors such as khat (a mild narcotic) cultivation areas, near Nyanza’s gold mines, along the coast by truck drivers transporting stones from quarries, and by fishermen on Lake Victoria. Kenyans voluntarily migrate to other East African nations, South Sudan, Angola, Europe, the United States, and the Middle East—particularly Saudi Arabia and Oman—in search of employment, where at times they are exploited in domestic servitude, massage parlors and brothels, or forced manual labor. Gay and bisexual Kenyan men are lured from universities with promises of overseas jobs, but are forced into prostitution in Qatar and the United Arab Emirates (UAE). Nairobi-based labor recruiters maintain networks in Uganda that recruit Rwandan and Ugandan workers through fraudulent offers of employment in the Middle East and Asia. Kenyan women are subjected to forced prostitution in Thailand by Ugandan and Nigerian traffickers Children from East Africa and South Sudan are subjected to forced labor and sex trafficking in Kenya; Kenyan children may endure similar exploitation in these countries. Kenya’s largest refugee camp complex, Dadaab, hosts hundreds of thousands of refugees and asylum seekers, and the security situation limits some humanitarian access, assistance, and protective services. Some Somali refugees reported the presence of al-Shabaab recruiters; a 2012 survey by a local NGO found fear of recruitment, especially of children, into this armed group was a concern of a small percentage of respondents. Some children in Kenya-based refugee camps may endure sex trafficking, while others are taken from the camps and forced to work on tobacco farms. Trucks transporting goods from Kenya to Somalia returned to Kenya with young girls and women subsequently placed into brothels in Nairobi or Mombasa. Indian women recruited to work in mujra dance clubs in Nairobi face debt bondage, which they are forced to pay off by dancing and performing sex acts. US department of state 

SEE MY ARTICLE robbing-children-of-childhood 
contemporary-modern-day-slavery 

DONT SHY AWAY. SPEAK OUT. YOUR TIME IS NOW.

YOUR WORDS ARE LIKE A RAINBOW

Speaking out on something you are passionate about or just voicing your opinion / concern can be a daunting task.

The voices in your heard are the harshest critics you have to deal with, but one thing you need to remember is that, it is you and every opportunity you don't take is an opportunity you missed. 

It is a set back and you put yourself on the back burner.As you miss out.

Think of it as a road and instead of getting from point A to B you use a longer route and now you have to go from point A then to C then to your destination.

That's what happens to the best of us.We miss out on opportunities  because we let that voice in our heads get the best of us,

As  women, we are taught to watch what we say and we let other people rise to the occasion.  As we stay seated behind dreaming on the what if's. We need to not be afraid of facing our fears. There is more to loose than to gain.

Women we are the light of the world we add so much colour to life and the only way we can do that is by going out and chasing our dreams.

Speaking out on what we think is wrong and just letting our voices be heard because when we begin to let out voices be heardc a change does begin to occur .Words are powerful.

Dont shy away from an opportunity to speak out .Your time is now don't rob yourself of an opportunity.

WHEN LOVE BECOMES YOUR DISEASE

SWEET DREAMS BECOME NIGHTMARES

the-narcissist-my-hell-and-last-weeks-victory

A soul being conflicted,or am I just complicated.

A battle from the deepest part of me that I wish to set free.

Alone I toss and turn as I yearn for peace of mind.

Will tonight be any different ? will my soul be tormented or shall it be at rest!

Will I live to see a tomorrow? will I be ok!

Love has become my disease.

 How can the one person you love be the one that brings you to your knees.

Trapped in emotion. 

So much so you cant crawl out of the hole.

Self inflicted 

Not knowing how deep you've dug yourself in until it's too late.

Alone with nobody to save you but yourself.

Holding on to yourself as if you might just disappear.

At this point you reach a new beginning

 Two wrongs can't make a right and you have to choose to make it right.

Drag yourself to crawl.

Hunch till you stand.

Don't be tempted to look back .

When you stand ,walk till you run and never stop running.

Adjust to the rhythm of your heart beat and soon the thudding will ease and you will breath a sigh of relief and exhale the past with the new beginning.

The past doesn't define us our current choices make us who we will be tomorrow.

You where a child then now your a woman.

TRUST

Never trust someone who lies to you and never lie to someone who trusts you

Trust
noun
reliance on the integrity, strength, ability, surety, etc., of a person or thing; confidence.
confident expectation of something; hope.

verb (used with object)
to have trust or confidence in; rely or depend on.
to believe.

Trust in a relationship
Trusting someone means that you think they are reliable, you have confidence in them and you feel safe with them physically and emotionally. Trust is something that two people in a relationship can build together when they decide to trust each other.

I read this quote and It stuck with me it says ,"Trust is like paper once it's crumpled it's never straight."
Being able to trust is one of the most important parts of any relationship.

Trust is the foundation from which a strong connection can be built. Without it, it can be hard for relationships to grow and progress to a deeper level.

Building trust happens for differently, for some couples it's easier for others it's harder. Some couples trust is immediate others it happens over a matter of years.
Creating a healthy environment for building trust is important it enables an avenue for both parties to communicate freely without feeling misunderstood or judged.
You create a healthy environment by communicating openly.
A big part of building trust is being able to openly talk to your partner about the future of your relationship,talk about any worries, doubts and hopes openly, as this will help you negotiate your expectations and move forward together.

Identify what you have learnt from your past.
We tend to carry positive and negative experiences or lessons from previous relationships.We should be able to recognise the ways in which it may be affecting our behaviour is important in avoiding making the same mistakes over and over.

Be open about doubts. Many people feel guilty about having doubts in a relationship, but they’re a natural part of looking ahead long term. If you have doubts, don’t be afraid to talk to your partner about them. It's better to deal with a what if than wait and ask yourself what if

Talk about commitment. Commitment can be a tricky issue to talk about, but it’s necessary, set aside some time and give the conversation the attention it deserves. Think about what commitment would look like to you and ask your partner to do the same. We all come from different up bringing's and everyone has different opinions on commitment based on their experiences so talking is a good way of making sure your on the same page.

When Trust Is Broken And You Hit a Road Block
In my opinion Every relationship has its ups and downs.You just need to choose the one worth fighting for /Putting up with.Being able to deal with problems and move on is important. It shows how solid you are together.

Take a pause from the reality and Analyse how you’re feeling.
Think about how these feelings may be influencing your behaviour.
Being able to resolve or find peace with difficult emotions like anger or disappointment can be an important part of moving forward from conflict.
Think about your own part in what went wrong. While it can be tempting to blame our partners when there’s a disagreement or fight, we’ll usually be able to see there are things we could have done better too if we’re honest with ourselves. It’s not always easy, but try to recognise that every argument has two sides.

Talk about what happened. Take turns to communicate how you’re feeling about the issue and listen to what your partner has to say. It can be helpful to use ‘I’ phrases: ‘I feel...’, ‘I think...’, rather than ‘you’ phrases: ‘you always...’, ‘you seem to think...’. This way, you’re taking responsibility for your own feelings and your partner won’t feel like they’re being attacked.

However if you keep hitting the same road block and keep having the same disagreements you have 2 options, You can either
Stay and put up with the shit
Accept that things won't change and move on

Lastly it's important to Set Boundaries
Having clear boundaries together is a crucial part of starting to build trust. Boundaries help you define how much space you’re comfortable with in a relationship both emotionally or physically.

Define what your boundaries are. Think about what your ‘deal breakers’ would be and why they are important to you. Your partner may need to understand why you need these boundaries in place  as well as some of the things that you’re willing to be more flexible on.

Talk about them. Set aside some time when you’re both feeling calm and relaxed. Accept the different views. It’s all about trying to reach sensible compromises. Meet somewhere in the middle.
Review them. It might sound a little business-like, but sitting back down every now and then to talk how you’re getting on can help to avoid slipping back into autopilot. It can be as simple as having another conversation every six months or so.

I hope this article has helped you.
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WORKING LIFE vs FAMILY LIFE.

WOMEN IN THE WORK FORCE

the-history-of-working-woman.

the-traditional-role-of-woman-in-modern-society

Feminism has its own preconceived notions .However living as a working family woman is not in any way easy. Gender equality in the work space is still far way off from becoming a reality.Women have made great strides in the workplace, but inequality persists.

This is about everyone having an equal chance. The aim with any equality initiative shouldn’t be to create an undue advantage for women, but simply to remove barriers to a level playing field. Nobody would want to be promoted just because they are female. This isn’t about declaring war on men, quite the opposite. It’s about amplifying female talent while they stand side by side with their male colleagues to drive business success together, equally.elimination of discrimination on the basis of gender, particularly in relation to family and caring responsibilities.

 I read a quote that said "If you hire people just because they can do a job, they’ll work for your money. But if you hire people who believe what you believe, they’ll work for you with blood, sweat and tears.” -Simon Sinek Which i found to be absolutely true.In order for this to be achieved ,employers need to remember that we are all human and we all have needs.When those needs are met we will be able to do our jobs effectively.

Achieving gender equality is important for workplaces not only because it is ‘fair’ and ‘the right thing to do,’ but because it is also linked to a country’s overall economic performance. Workplace gender equality is associated with:

 -Improved  national productivity and economic growth.

 -Increased organizational performance.

 -Enhanced ability of companies to attract talent and retain employees.

 -Enhanced organizational reputation.

Most employers don't understand what it means to be a working family woman . Looking back at the the history of the working woman (see my post the-history-of-working-woman and the-traditional-role-of-woman-in-modern-society) you see how times have demanded that families can no longer depend on a single income to sustain the home as the cost of living has doubled and is even quadrupling with each rising sun.

Women are now torn between giving their families the unconditional mothering,support and nurturing that they traditionally or rather instinctively gave. They now have to go out seek employment or create an avenue for them to generate an income to help give their family a comfortable life.

Women naturally love their families. Nobody can ever come close to understanding how a woman can do what it takes to defy odds. To Ensure her family is ok even if it breaks her. I saw a meme of a picture of a father who has patched his sons trousers with his own trousers and he now has to walk around with holes in his pants. He did it for his son and that is just but a glimpse of what it means to be a parent. The ultimate sacrifice.

The problem arises when women try to balance work and family, and women end up carrying nearly all of the care giving responsibilities.

 If women put many more hours into these household activities than men, this greatly disadvantages women in the workplace. It is unrealistic to expect gender equality if workplaces demand that women be available all the time.

Certain irrefutable facts, such as breastfeeding and childbirth, obviously impact women’s role in parenting. But many women definitely do want to return to work following maternity leave, and just as many men would love to be more involved with hands-on parenting, despite cultural misconceptions around this.

I know of several women who asked for the day off to take a child to hospital and they where deemed unreliable women ,Who went back to work from maternity leave and worked only the month after and where handed termination contracts.We need to implement policies that support parents’ choices, whatever they may be.

As if that is not enough the working woman who has a career with no family still gets persecuted and is still a threat she is like a man and has lost her femininity.you wonder who raised these people that judge so harshly!

What is this equality feminists ask for well here is what equality means,Equality in the workplace takes on the same meaning as it does in your everyday life. It is defined as treating everyone the same, regardless of their differences. Whether the difference is a person's age, race, sex, sexual orientation, religion, national origin or physical disability, they are entitled to be held in the same esteem as any of his coworkers.

 Productivity Isn't measured by how long you spend your time in an office or what time you get to work. It is measured by what you do with your time.

WHEN WOMEN COME TOGETHER TO UPLIFT EACH OTHER  GREAT THINGS BEGIN TO HAPPEN

FOUR LADIES ON A HIGHWAY.

DAMSELS IN DISTRESS

My Saturday morning began without a hitch.All dolled up looking and feeling great.. Meeting with my workmates to attend a wedding. We had the most beautiful day danced,ate,laughed and genuinely enjoyed the celebration.Evening came and it was time for us to head on out.

Cruising down the highway ,our hairs down without a care in the world, music on blast and laughter filling the car .As one of my colleague read an article where a man suggested that women should groom their mans nails by giving regular mani ,pedi's.

Just as we were approaching a round about .We realized we had a flat tire.

In my mind, there was no way i could believe this is happening to me. Four women in a car on a highway and we have a flat tire .At first i wasn't worried how could i be isn't this the part where any noble citizen would see for gorgeously dressed good looking ladies in distress and come to our aid.The memes that where going off in my head just kept me laughing ,and in true fashion non of us had ever had to change a tire and non of us wanted this to be the day we needed to.

So, there we are in the middle of a roundabout hazards on .Emptying the boot of the baby stroller and trying to gather the things we need to get the tire changed . A real Hot mess.

It soon  dawned on us that this is Kenya.

People slowed down n looked at us, but nobody offered any help the men and women in their cars passing hooting and halaring.

 We lived the meme 4 hot girls on a highway with a flat tire.

So we gathered the strength and began the daunting process.

Mother nature favored us and put the rain on hold and then out of the blue a man who was install cables walked over and helped us to it .For that, i would like to thank him i may not remember your name but i remember your kindness and i will definitely pass it forward to anyone i find in need .

So as part of this lesson on my journey i will share with all my readers in true  untold lives of women fashion a lesson on how to change a tire and challenge you to actually go out and do it.

Dear ladies its time to learn.

#ChangeAtireChallenge.

ITEMS YOU WILL NEED

These items should have come with your vehicle:

•  Jack
•  Lug wrench
•  Fully inflated spare tire
•  Vehicle owner’s manual
•  Gloves
•  Mat

    HOW TO CHANGE A TIRE

    1. Find a Safe Location

    As soon as you realize you have a flat tire, do not abruptly brake or turn.  Slowly reduce speed and scan your surroundings for a level, straight stretch of road with a wide shoulder. An empty parking lot would be an ideal place.

 Level ground is good because it will prevent your vehicle from rolling. Also, straight stretches of road are better than curves because oncoming traffic is more likely to see you.

    Never attempt to change your tire on a narrow shoulder near oncoming traffic. Keep moving (slowly) until you find a safer spot. While driving on a flat risks ruining your rim, replacing a rim is better than being hit by an inattentive driver.

    Make sure to consult your owner’s manual and review their specific steps on how to change a flat tire for your vehicle

    2. Turn on Your Hazard Lights

    Your hazard lights or “flashers” will help other drivers see you on the side of the road. To avoid an accident, turn them on as soon as you realize you need to pull over.

    3. Apply the Parking Brake

    Once stopped, always use the parking brake when preparing to replace a flat tire. This will minimize the possibility of your vehicle rolling.

    4. Apply Wheel Wedges

    Wheel wedges go in front of or behind the tires to further ensure the vehicle doesn’t roll while you fix the flat tire. If you’re changing a rear tire, place these in front of the front tires. If your flat tire is at the front, put the wheel wedges behind the rear tires.

    Bricks or large stones will work just as well as “real” wheel wedges. Just be sure they’re large enough to stop the car from rolling.

    5. Remove the Hubcap or Wheel Cover

    If your vehicle has a hubcap covering the lug nuts, it’s easier to remove the hubcap before lifting the vehicle with the jack. If your lug nuts are exposed, you can skip ahead to Step 6.

    Use the flat end of your lug wrench to remove the hubcap. This will work for most vehicles, but some hubcaps need a different tool to come off. Consult your owner’s manual for proper hubcap or wheel cover removal procedures.

    6. Loosen the lug nuts

    Using the lug wrench, turn the lug nuts counterclockwise until you break their resistance. You may have to use force, and that’s ok. Use your foot or all of your body weight if necessary.

    Loosen the lug nuts about ¼ to ½ of a turn, but don’t remove them completely yet. Save that for when it’s time to remove your tire/wheel from the vehicle.

    7. Place the Jack Under the Vehicle

    The right place for the jack is usually beneath the vehicle frame alongside the tire that’s flat. Many vehicle frames have molded plastic on the bottom with a cleared area of exposed metal specifically for the jack. To safely lift and avoid damage to the vehicle, follow the instructions for jack placement in your vehicle owner’s manual.

    8. Raise the Vehicle With the Jack

    To prevent the jack from settling under the weight of your vehicle and coming off balance, place a small cut of 2x6” wood beneath it before attempting to raise your vehicle. This tactic is especially helpful on asphalt.

    With the jack properly positioned, raise the vehicle until the flat tire is about six inches above the ground.

    Never put any part of your body under the vehicle during or after raising the vehicle with the jack.

    9. Unscrew the Lug Nuts

    Now it’s time to remove the lug nuts all the way. Since you've already loosened them, you should be able to unscrew them mostly by hand.

    10. Remove the Flat Tire

    Gripping the tire by the treads, pull it gently toward you until it’s completely free from the hub behind it. Set it on its side so that it doesn’t roll away.

    11. Mount the Spare Tire on the Lug Bolts

    Now place the spare on the hub by lining up the rim with the lug bolts. Push gently until the lug bolts show through the rim.

    12. Tighten the Lug Nuts by Hand

    Put the lug nuts back on the lug bolts and tighten them all the way by hand. Once they are all on, check each one again, tightening as much as possible.  You will tighten them with the wrench after lowering the vehicle to the ground.

    13. Lower the Vehicle and Tighten the Lug Nuts Again

    Use the jack to lower the vehicle so that the spare tire is resting on the ground but the full weight of the vehicle isn’t fully on the tire. At this point, you should tighten the lug nuts with the wrench, turning clockwise, as much as you can.  Push down on the lug wrench with the full weight of your body.

    14. Lower the vehicle completely

    Bring the vehicle all the way to the ground and remove the jack. Give the lug nuts another pull with the wrench to ensure they’re as tight as possible.

   16. Store All Equipment

    You have before you a jack, a lug wrench, wheel wedges, your flat tire, and possibly a hubcap. Don’t forget to put all of them in your vehicle before driving away.

    17. Check The Pressure in the Spare Tire

    You should check the tire pressure of the spare tire to make sure that it is safe to drive on. “T-Type” temporary spares, also called “mini-spares,” require 60 psi (420 kPa).  If the tire needs pressure, drive (slowly) to a service station immediately.

    18. Take Your Flat Tire to a Technician

    Temporary spare tires aren’t made to drive long distances or at high speeds, so drive cautiously until you’re able to visit a tire technician. A professional should be able to determine whether your tire needs a repair or if it’s time to replace it.

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WHY DO WE SEE SOMEONES BEAUTY AFTER THEY PASS AWAY

LIVE WITH LOVE AND COMPASSION

 Life is precious and the people we meet as we go through life are just as important . Everyone has a role to play in life.
So why is it that we never appreciate those we care about or those we know and have encountered on this path life has set us on.
Why is it we only tend to see the beauty of a person soul only when they are no longer.
Are we that busy hurrying through life that we have gotten ahead of ourselves saying,'' i m not dying and neither are you .''that we think tomorrow is promised to everyone.
Each breath we inhale and each breath we exhale brings us closer to our last
Nobody knows when  where or how they will go.
The beauty of life means we have time to get to know people.
We get to experience life with them . We get to know what they are about and get involved in ways that help build eachother up that is what the human spirit is it is bigger than anyone of us. That is what separetes us from animals .
Yet when you turn on the news all you see is how animals seem to behave better towards each other than we do to each other.
The biggest regrets at funerals are always'' i wish i knew'' and '' i wish i did''. Why cant we live life and sensitive toward each others needs.
Valuing and treasuring each other while we have the chance,because the hardest part is going to the funeral of someone you once cared for and  what you perceived in your head and the reality is totally opposite of them is totally different lets save those alive and living  so that when they pass away we know we did all we could..

MARRIAGE/LOVE IS NOT A BED OF ROSES

LOVE IS LIKE A ROSE” TO PICK THE ROSE AND ENJOY HER BEAUTY” YOU MUST ENDURE THE SUFFERING OF HER THORNS.

I believe marriage/love like,  life is defined as much by the problems that have to be overcome together, as a husband and wife or as partners.Many a times .We are not prepared or warned about what will come up and our reactions or the actions of the other person tends to cripple the relationship.

Marriage/love is not always a bed of roses. In every relationship, there are ups and downs. It is not always perfect and conflict free. It is about confronting .These issues and overcoming them without hurting the other party.

This is possibly one of the things that are hard to achieve.Marriage/relationships are not a stroll down Easy road.It is more like a bumpy drive,through Traits and Weakness . It is difficult because, it is the bonding together of two limited and imperfect human beings.That is what we forget to remember, we are both human and we are both flawed.

 Becoming one does not mean becoming the same. Oneness only means, sharing the same degree of commitment to the marriage, having the goals, dreams, and mission in life as a couple.That is what we struggle through because ,we have to let go of what we know we have to let go of some aspects that do not fit into the union and those are the growing pains that cripple people.The issues that remain unresolved come back again and again until they’re resolved and worked out Achieving internal conformity comes with engaging in unselfish acts like;

• ·         Build respect and self-love. Developing love and respect for one’s self contributes to building a healthy relationship with a partner.  Sometimes we’re blessed with partners who have an abundance of Self-confidence and can help us to cultivate this quality within ourselves.  At other times we need to look inside to find the qualities we love about ourselves.  A good partner will help us to find our best qualities and build our self-esteem. 
• ·         Make a best friend and coach of your mate. Our mates may be the only people who will be honest with us when we have muck on our faces.  While others might ignore it or walk away, our partners will say, “honey, clean your face.”  Our partner is usually the one who knows us better than anyone else and if we listen to their feedback, he or she can help us become better people.
• ·         Listen and affirm. One of the biggest issues in relationships is a lack of effective communication. While most couples communicate all the time through slamming doors, yelling, criticizing and complaining, this kind of communication is destructive.  Good communication means really listening to a partner in the same way we might listen to a dear friend.  With a friend we seek to understand. We will sit and listen patiently and often repeat back some of the things they’ve said to let them know we’ve heard and understood.  “I feel like you don’t pay attention,” a mate may say.  Repeating, “I understand that you don’t feel like I pay attention,” may be a good way to connect and move into deeper understanding. But this must be done with sincerity and heart.
• ·         Be attentive, not defensive. It’s easy to fall into the blame game where both parties start to blame the other for how they’re acting.  Make a concerted effort to step out of this, take responsibility for actions and move into a softer more receptive space rather than onto defensive terrain where the language can sometime turn brutal.  By stepping back just a little and taking the ego out of play, the barrier to real connection falls away and a door to a sincere, heartfelt connection opens.
• ·         Make the first move to improve. If you’re willing to make a change for the better, but your mate isn’t on board, then don’t be deterred.  Go ahead and follow your agenda. Listen and affirm.  Be attentive; stop criticizing and hold good intentions and thoughts about your mate and your partnership. By simply making changes in yourself and your actions and attitudes, the world around will change too. 

·  Relationships are investments you commit to conform uniformly and the process of unification is what is the hardest .The most important thing is to make sure the person you choose to embark on this journey is the kind of person you are willing to change it all for that way it is not a struggle or a sacrifice but it becomes a willing choice you would happily do over again and again with until you get it right.
Live< Love ,Learn and never stop Dreaming.
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