THE THREAT OF FEMINISM TO A NARCISSIST

SHE IS TOO MUCH FOR HIM BECAUSE HE SEES HER AS A THREAT.
Also read my post on
. Empowering the woman is empowering the nation.
http://untoldlivesofwomen.blogspot.co.ke/2016/02/the-history-of-working-woman.html
/the-traditional-role-of-woman-in-modern.
http://untoldlivesofwomen.blogspot.co.ke/2016/02/women-in-cheuvanistic-society.htmlhttp://untoldlivesofwomen.blogspot.co.ke/feminismfeminist.html
http://untoldlivesofwomen.blogspot.co.ke/2017/07/todayswoman.html
http://untoldlivesofwomen.blogspot.co.ke/2018/02/who-is-ment-to-empower-boy-child.html
financial-dependency
Sources:wikipedia and Schoenewolf, G., Gender Narcissism, chapter 4 in Psychoanalytic Centrism: Collected Papers of a Neo-Classical Psychoanalyst, published by CreateSpace Independent Publishing Platform (2012)

 In helping  men find cures to deal with the woman of today it is rather important to first describe the “woman of today”..

In these modern times today’s woman is a multifaceted complex being.

 She is independent, yet she needs others, she is mans equal yet seeks protection from her partner.
Todays woman is a manager, actor , teacher , farmer, botanist , makangaa, austanaut , bus driver ,she is all that there is to be and at the same time  .She is all that and a lot more.

 She is informed , outspoken  she is a pioneer of sorts, a manager of sorts in this organism we call life. The woman of today can be anything she wants to be, in character and career. 

She does all thos and makes it look effortless. She is the heart of the home a companion.A care giver a nurturer a mom and most importantly a wife.

To be totally frank, the woman of today is spread out, filtered by social class, income and many others .The woman’s experience today is a mirad and an array of talents.

So how does that stack up against the man today.

To look at the totality of todays woman.

To solve this we have to look at the modern woman in context of what she faces today. Many women are awakening to a world that seemed to be domineered by men and many a times feminists have been called out coming too strong against men.

To be honest the women that have worked hard and strong and have dominated their professions may be paired with a man who dominates his career path and as alphas they barley balance out.

They could feed on their fears or mislead one another in an unending battle of competition, but narcissism is gratification from vanity.

Lets look at narcissim.

Narcissism is the pursuit of gratification from vanity or egotistic admiration of one's own attributes. The term originated from Greek  semythology, where the young Narcissus fell in love with his own image reflected in a pool of water.

(Take in that analogy it has true depth)

The hallmarks of Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) are grandiosity, a lack of empathy for other people, and a need for admiration. People with this condition are frequently described as arrogant, self-centered, manipulative, and demanding.

 They may also concentrate on grandiose fantasies (e.g. their own success, beauty, brilliance) and may be convinced that they deserve special treatment. 

These characteristics typically begin in early adulthood and must be consistently evident in multiple contexts, such as at work and in relationships. 

People with narcissistic personality disorder believe they are superior or special, and often try to associate with other people they believe are unique or gifted in some way. 

This association enhances their self-esteem, which is typically quite fragile underneath the surface. Individuals with NPD seek excessive admiration and attention in order to know that others think highly of them. Individuals with narcissistic personality disorder have difficulty tolerating criticism or defeat, and may be left feeling humiliated or empty when they experience an "injury" in the form of criticism or rejection. 

Which makes them feel that inorder to feel better they must undermine those they feel are a threat.

They are harsh and can be cruel. One minute they seem like saints the next they are the source of unending be-littlement

Here’s a checklist to know if you’re a real feminist or just a person who’s noticed how their own life isn’t fair:

• When a lot of people. Unlike You tell you you don’t get where they’re coming from, you say they’re all out to get you.…and you unquestionably think this attack on you is far more awful than anything they may have had to endure.
• You get defensive when people suggest you aren’t as enlightened as Buddha, rather than welcoming the opportunity to learn and further your own deprogramming.
• You think you are Too Cool to be influenced.
• When a lot of other feminists say something you disagree with, and you tell them how stupid they are, and when they try explain that, you refuse to back down from supporting your perspective as the only valid perspective
• You engage in counter-stereotyping  whenever you feel like it (I’ve been guilty of this in the past myself).
• …without even explaining that your counter-stereotypes apply only to white men, because you keep forgetting men of color exist and experience a whole different intersection of privileges and anti-privileges than the men you want to be.
• If this list sounds like you… you’ll probably need someone else to tell you, since you’re just Too Cool. But if someone tells you it sounds like you, take a deep breath and admit to yourself, “I can be wrong. I can be. It is possible.” And then listen.
  

He doesnt understand her kind. So  to despise/be-little her is what makes more sense.

She stands tall with herback straight.

 Has no time for his little tales for she knows where she is going and refuses to allow her space to be contaminated by a person that doesnt know her value.

She spent many years believing all she was told and soon believed, she was the probelm. 

With no confidence she was a puppet on a string an empty soul a walking corpse and he moved her as he pleased.

On the morning that it dawned on her.

 At her lowest of lows she was finally ready to reach out of the bottomless pit and reclaim,all that was robbed of her.

She climbed out and refused to look back. Lest she turn to a piller of salt...

 That morning for the first time she looked at the mirror and saw the face of a stranger .
A drained soul , a low soul . oh my soul

She thought to herself...

Dark circles around her eyes .the darkness has poured out from within .
For if the eyes are the door to the soul this soul needed to be freed.

She now  has her walls up you have to take them down each layer to get to the creamy center and. To some its too much to ask .
But it is through her walls that she begins to live.

She heals and she now gains the strength to be who she is destined to be.

She is now free . Out of the prison that was negativity.

Maybe her love is too much to see so to them love is blind.

Women are Gods gift to this existance in building her you build a better life.

Live this life learning .Laugh and Love and in all dont let anyone stop you from achieving your goals.

RECLAIMING YOURSELF AFTER MOTHERHOOD

NOTHING REMAINS THE SAME .WE EVOLVE THROUGH CHANGE.

See my post on post partum depression
postnatal-postpartum-depression. andA mothers love

A mothers love.dear-young-mom.

You dont have to hear ,"say cheese" to smile. Because i love you like a fat kid loves cake. 

Smile because your much pretier when you do.

Smile for the days you couldnt and for the days that you did.

Smile for now .Smile for then. Smile because you know you deserve now .

Smile and allow your light to shine through you let it all go 

Accept your new role and smile doing it.

Find a your own way to make it work and never stop dreaming.

Nothing anyone can tell you about being a mother can prepair you for the journey .Everyone has to experience it on their own .Come up with their own formula and make up stuff along the way.

We would like to imagine you have a baby and you become an instant mom .pregnancy and birth actually does bring you close to your baby. But nothing prepaires you for what happens when the baby comes. 

The transition is almost unbearable you now have to give all your energy and time to a little angel while you are Sleep deprived and Emotional about the changes.

The journey of motherhood never ends to accept your new circumnstance .
To accept that you will never be able to go back to your old self is the begining of your growth and the begining of you becoming someone better than you once where. Small freedoms may be lost but its the begining of a transition .

Before you can Fly. You have to go through the ups and downs and loose all selfishness and let go of self wants and what comes out on the otherside is a woman who knows what she wants and doesnt settle for less.

You become a woman thats wiser more cairing and when the time comes and you can wear the six inch heals again and dress like you run the world you will have an appreciation for the time you where unable to.

So dont dispair.
Smile knowing you are evolving .
Each stage is precious and this season only lasts so long .

LIVE, LOVE ,LAUGH, LEARN AND NEVER STOP DREAMING.

FINANCIAL DEPENDENCY (Relationships/marriage)

See my post on 
:marriage/love-is-not-a-bed-of-roses
:working-life-vs-family-life
:the-traditional-role-of-woman-in-modern
:the-history-of-working-woman.
:empowering-woman-is-empowering-nation
Book to read .the feminine mistake:are we giving up too much! By leslie bennets

A WOMAN'S INDEPENDENCE IS HER FREEDOM
As women. Our role has been defined for us. It is not a bad thing at all. Honestly most of us would happily quit our jobs to take care of our family . Our first instinct is to nurture and for that we tend to be blind of our own needs and wants.

As young girls we are told what is expected of us as women and when we grow up .We choose the path that suits us best.
Some choose careers over families others try balancing the two and some choose family over everything else. It is all a sacrifice. From whatever angle you choose to look at it.

However we seldom talk about the sacrifice involved when it comes to being a stay at home dad/mum and the difficulties that emerge from a single house hold income.

Being the sole provider of a family can be tough especially with all  the  high cost of living and the choice to have one partner to stay home and keep the household running to ensure the daily transitions involved in the family's needs are met is not one to be taken lightly.

Because both parties have to give up a certain amount of freedom to keep the family a float.

It can be very frustrating and sometimes leads to the feeling of living a not so fulfilled life. As a result of the sacrifices involved. 

The pain of many women is that their contribution and their choice to stay home is taken for granted .Choosing to give up your financial  Independence and depend on your every need from your partner makes you choose between what you want and what you need. In most cases women tend to supplement their own needs for their families needs .

In this sacrifice it becomes hard for a woman to live in all her glory. She now has to be content with wearing sweats and filling her days taking care of every ones needs but her own .

Some families tend to reach a breaking point when her sacrifices are seen as inadequate and she is seen as a burden.  Some have to deal with emotional and physical abuse from their partners as a result of the financial dependency

The hard part is that many women after devoting their lives to raise a family get to their late 40's and have to start a fresh because of either divorce or the fact that the kids are now old enough to depend on themselves.

The transition is hard and although the sacrifice was done with no regrets getting back on your own feet is a challenge.

I read a quote that said that "if you give a woman a loaf of bread it will feed her and her family for a day. But if you give the same woman a chance to make money off that loaf of bread it will feed her family for years.

The moral i got from that quote was that although we are willing to give up our dreams for a family. We should look at the bigger picture and find a way to be able to sustain our families. From what we are given. We live at a very industrious time and many people are generating incomes with the resources they have and in their own homes .

Create your own environment that will enable you to thrive Find a way to live your dreams as you care for your family because a woman's Independence is her freedom and when she is free to do what she loves .she will be able to shine in all her glory  .

Don't depend on someone too much because even your own shadow leaves you when your in the dark.

Live your best life and work on improving you. you are at your best when you are doing what you love and achieving your goals.

 Dont take a back seat in your life choices.

💕HAPPY MOTHERS DAY. 💕

LOST AND LOOKING TO BE FOUND #ClinicalDepressionKenya

WHEN YOUR AN ISLAND AND ONLY YOU KNOW IT.

See my post on :when-your-own-thoughts-bring-you-down.
starting-over

suicide
/new-journeys.

Clinical depression source (https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/depression

Begins with a frown,that ends in a smile.
And end's with a choice ,that i choose to amend.

Light as a feather. I spread my wings to fly.

Trying to loose myself . But if i do.

 I know i will loose it all.

I look nothing like what i feel. 

I miss me. The old me. The happy and free me.

I miss the real me before the black.

Before me. when im more than ok me.

They ask me are you okay? But what they really mean is are you over it yet!

What they dont know is i am a victim of my thoughts and they are louder than my will power. 

I am trapped in negativity.

Every thought is a battle every breath is a curse . I am loosing this battle and i am ok with it.

So i tell myself "Just this once" and i am back to where i was 1 gram ago.

 Light as a feather again.

Begins with a frown that ends in a smile.

This time i choose to fly.

Outside myself, I feel free . I feel happy .

I m happy. It feels like a sin to be this happy.

How can something this wrong make me feel alive again.

I still hear the thoughts. They never rest.

For now my urge to live is stronger than the urge to die.

One day i will feel this alive without my poison for i know .
If i dont control it .it will lead me straight to an early grave.

Where they will cry saying,"it wasnt her time yet."

CLINICAL DEPRESSION
N.H.I.F rescently started covering depression costs and this is testament to what is going on in our country .
A total of 1.9 million cases of depression where reported last year. Which is a 18% increase since 2005 

 A report done by World Health Organisation says close to 800000 people die annually due to suicide the second leading cause of death in 15-29 year olds.

 Depression ranges in seriousness from mild, temporary episodes of sadness to severe, persistent depression. Clinical depression is the more-severe form of depression, also known as major depression or major depressive disorder. It isn't the same as depression caused by a loss, such as the death of a loved one, or a medical condition, such as a thyroid disorder

Signs and symptoms of clinical depression may include:

• Feelings of sadness, tearfulness, emptiness or hopelessness
• Angry outbursts, irritability or frustration, even over small matters
• Loss of interest or pleasure in most or all normal activities, such as sex, hobbies or sports
• Sleep disturbances, including insomnia or sleeping too much
• Tiredness and lack of energy, so even small tasks take extra effort
• Reduced appetite and weight loss or increased cravings for food and weight gain
• Anxiety, agitation or restlessness
• Slowed thinking, speaking or body movements
• Feelings of worthlessness or guilt, fixating on past failures or self-blame
• Trouble thinking, concentrating, making decisions and remembering things
• Frequent or recurrent thoughts of death, suicidal thoughts, suicide attempts or suicide
• Unexplained physical problems, such as back pain or headaches

If you need someone to talk to or know someone that needs help  email me thenairobifeminist@gmail.com
 or
 contact .befrienderskenya

YOU ARE ENOUGH

By annonymous

"To the mom hiding in her bathroom, needing peace for just one minute, as the tears roll down her cheeks..

To the mom who is so tired she feel likes she can't function anymore and would do anything to lay down and get the rest she needs...

To the mom sitting in her car, alone, stuffing food in her face because she doesn’t want anyone else to see or know she eats that stuff…

To the mom crying on the couch after she yelled at her kids for something little and is now feeling guilty and like she is unworthy…

To the mom that is trying desperately to put those old jeans on because all she really wants is to look in the mirror and feel good about herself…

To the mom that doesn’t want to leave the house because life is just too much to handle right now…

To the mom that is calling out for pizza again because dinner just didn’t happen the way she wanted it to…

To the mom that feels alone, whether in a room by herself or standing in a crowd...

You are enough.

You are important.

You are worthy.

This is a phase of life for us. This is a really really hard, challenging, crazy phase of life.

In the end it will all be worth it. But for now it’s hard. And it's hard for so many of us in many different ways. We don't always talk about it, but it's hard and it's not just you.

You are enough.

You are doing your best.

Those little eyes that look up at you - they think you are perfect. They think you are more than enough.

Those little hands that reach out to hold you - they think you are the strongest. They think you can conquer the world.

Those little mouths eating the food you gave them - they think that you are the best because their bellies are full.

Those little hearts that reach out to touch yours - they don’t want anything more. They just want you.

Because you are enough. You are more than enough, mama.

You. Are. Amazing." 

RAPE AND RECONCILIATION

See my post on. 

it-is-my-right-to-dress-as-i-want. 

putting-end-to-gender-based-violence-gbvl.

signs-your-in-toxic-relationship.

/dont-agree-to-become-statistic.

Rape

Elva and Tom : Our story of rape and reconciliation

https://go.ted.com/CycK

LET ME BEGIN THIS ARTICLE WITH AN ANONYMOUS LETTER THAT WAS SENT TO ME .I WOULD LIKE TO THANK YOU .FOR ALLOWING ME TO SHARE THIS WITH MY READERS.

“Lying on the floor of the parking lot .Its dark but I can see your face. I can hear your panting. I can smell the alcohol from your breath. I lay there numb ,unable to fight you off.

I can hear footsteps and I’m sure there are people there!!! But nobody comes to my rescue.

This is not happening ( I think to myself)  but it is.

I want to disappear maybe if I close my eyes hard enough ill wake up and it will just be a nightmare.”

I awake with a cold sweat. Why can’t these nightmares stop .

The irony is ,I wish that  it was not a nightmare like I did then. I wish for a decent nights rest.

I wish I couldn’t remember it all!!!  Maybe then I would be ok, but that’s not true because, I hate the fact that I can’t remember how I got there .How did I end up on the floor of that parking lot!!! . “

If I could  think back. To a time where things where simple and I would NOT  feel bad about it. I know i will have completely healed.

You took away so much from me you robbed me of my childhood you robbed me of my youth.

You stole my peace. You changed my view of this life.

For years it was my little secret I couldn’t tell ... You held me captive.

I couldn’t ask for help. I was alone

Even when people saw how much I changed and, they could sense something was wrong! They never spoke about it. So I embraced the silence.

I found warmth in the darkness .the light blurred my vision.

In the darkness I could pretend but, in the light I was vulnerable.

I write this to tell you," I know I can’t have it back and i don’t want it back. You are part of who I am today. I’ve given up on wishing.

Now i embrace it all and i love myself for the times i didn’t love myself or my body

I could never scrub myself clean enough.

I could never sleep long enough.

I could never cry enough and for those reasons.  I choose to want more for myself .I  choose to free myself of this weight  .

So that.  I can finally live the day where, I look at my past and smile. Because i made it to the finish line and you can’t haunt me anymore."

Rape occurs in 1 out of every 5 women .

Its is something that nobody talks about. Because it is something to be ashamed about . However unless we create an environment for girls and women to talk about this issue it will continue to haunt. For healing to occur we must reconcile with ourselves and the persons involved.

I know that seems like an impossible task. How is it even possible!

The truth is simple you cant change the past and if you dont forgive your past it will haunt you into your future and that is where it does the most damage.

IN ALL THINGS LEARNT TO HEAL .LEARN TO LOVE .LAUGH .TAKE BACK YOUR LIFE AND NEVER STOP DREAMING 

IF YOU NEED HELP OR KNOW SOMEONE THAT NEEDS HELP OR JUST TO TALK SEND AN EMAIL TO

thenairobifeminist@gmail.com or call 254736447407 OR  gvrc@nwch.co.ke

WHO IS MEANT TO EMPOWER THE BOY CHILD

This title  is enough to send quivers down many spines . With questions such as, why do men need empowerment ? What is male empowerment?

Aren't you supposed to be writing about untold lives of women ?

Well, women and men's lives go hand in hand.

Before i go further let me address the misconception that empowering women is dis empowering men . (Unless your a chauvinist and prefer to rule over your woman.) Thinking like this is primitive. Empowering one empowers all .

Empowerment takes many forms. For this article I'm talking about support ,encouragement and motivation. It is undeniable that some of the issues that men go through ,they lack the proper guidance or  support  because of the mental label that "Men are strong.

Which brings me to the topic of this post. Who is meant to empower the boy child? And who is this that over empowers the girl child?

The answer to this is rather simple . 

Firstly their is nothing as over empowerment.

Secondly , for the boy child to be empowered we first must empower men so that they stop acting as boys themselves.

In my opinion . A large majority of men in this country. Are always ready  to point a finger , but rarely step up to the plate . People will complain, "single mothers raise their boys too soft or women have taken up male roles." Leaving the man feeling emasculated. Or that too much emphasis has been put on empowering the girl child, and the boy child has been left out.

The reason why emphasis has been placed on the girl child. Is as a result of the position society has placed her. For the longest time a woman was considered "less than" . To this day women still fight for equality in terms of payment , job opportunities and many more . Women continuously struggle to attain their own Independence/freedom. 

The boy child has been empowered in the sense that; he  has not had to break through any boundary (no man has been denied a job position based on gender ,denied equal pay based on gender e.t.c ).He does as he pleases. The worse he behaves, the more credit he gets in front of his peers . 

The main issue here  is that the boy child no longer has a decent role model in his life .He lacks the proper guidance needed to become a man. 

Over the years . The boy child has taken a back seat, as women came together to ensure the future girl child. Is able to live a life without chauvinistic restrictions.

The boy child was left to fend for himself. While the men of the home took on the responsibility of looking for an income to support the family the male child would turn to his peers and that is where the male child learn to be a man.

Learning from peers is what has contributed to alot of the mistakes young men make. With no guidelines anything is fair game .How can we shape future leaders if they lack proper guidance.

Fathers seldom told their sons i love you but instead resorted to tough love and to alot of men they seldom made their parents proud in a way the parent expected resulting in low self esteem.

In conclusion, Its easy to say the boy child has been neglected and do nothing about it. Men need to support the boy child by creating a support system for them so that they know how to deal with the pressure that is "manhood/being a man."