See my post on.
Elva and Tom : Our story of rape and reconciliation
https://go.ted.com/CycK
LET ME BEGIN THIS ARTICLE WITH AN ANONYMOUS LETTER THAT WAS SENT TO ME .I WOULD LIKE TO THANK YOU .FOR ALLOWING ME TO SHARE THIS WITH MY READERS.
“Lying on the floor of the parking lot .Its dark but I can see your face. I can hear your panting. I can smell the alcohol from your breath. I lay there numb ,unable to fight you off.
I can hear footsteps and I’m sure there are people there!!! But nobody comes to my rescue.
This is not happening ( I think to myself) but it is.
I want to disappear maybe if I close my eyes hard enough ill wake up and it will just be a nightmare.”
I awake with a cold sweat. Why can’t these nightmares stop .
The irony is ,I wish that it was not a nightmare like I did then. I wish for a decent nights rest.
I wish I couldn’t remember it all!!! Maybe then I would be ok, but that’s not true because, I hate the fact that I can’t remember how I got there .How did I end up on the floor of that parking lot!!! . “
If I could think back. To a time where things where simple and I would NOT feel bad about it. I know i will have completely healed.
You took away so much from me you robbed me of my childhood you robbed me of my youth.
You stole my peace. You changed my view of this life.
For years it was my little secret I couldn’t tell ... You held me captive.
I couldn’t ask for help. I was alone
Even when people saw how much I changed and, they could sense something was wrong! They never spoke about it. So I embraced the silence.
I found warmth in the darkness .the light blurred my vision.
In the darkness I could pretend but, in the light I was vulnerable.
I write this to tell you," I know I can’t have it back and i don’t want it back. You are part of who I am today. I’ve given up on wishing.
Now i embrace it all and i love myself for the times i didn’t love myself or my body
I could never scrub myself clean enough.
I could never sleep long enough.
I could never cry enough and for those reasons. I choose to want more for myself .I choose to free myself of this weight .
So that. I can finally live the day where, I look at my past and smile. Because i made it to the finish line and you can’t haunt me anymore."
Rape occurs in 1 out of every 5 women .
Its is something that nobody talks about. Because it is something to be ashamed about . However unless we create an environment for girls and women to talk about this issue it will continue to haunt. For healing to occur we must reconcile with ourselves and the persons involved.
I know that seems like an impossible task. How is it even possible!
The truth is simple you cant change the past and if you dont forgive your past it will haunt you into your future and that is where it does the most damage.
IN ALL THINGS LEARNT TO HEAL .LEARN TO LOVE .LAUGH .TAKE BACK YOUR LIFE AND NEVER STOP DREAMING
IF YOU NEED HELP OR KNOW SOMEONE THAT NEEDS HELP OR JUST TO TALK SEND AN EMAIL TO
thenairobifeminist@gmail.com or call 254736447407 OR gvrc@nwch.co.ke
