RAPE AND RECONCILIATION

See my post on. 

it-is-my-right-to-dress-as-i-want. 

putting-end-to-gender-based-violence-gbvl.

signs-your-in-toxic-relationship.

/dont-agree-to-become-statistic.

Rape

Elva and Tom : Our story of rape and reconciliation

https://go.ted.com/CycK

LET ME BEGIN THIS ARTICLE WITH AN ANONYMOUS LETTER THAT WAS SENT TO ME .I WOULD LIKE TO THANK YOU .FOR ALLOWING ME TO SHARE THIS WITH MY READERS.

“Lying on the floor of the parking lot .Its dark but I can see your face. I can hear your panting. I can smell the alcohol from your breath. I lay there numb ,unable to fight you off.

I can hear footsteps and I’m sure there are people there!!! But nobody comes to my rescue.

This is not happening ( I think to myself)  but it is.

I want to disappear maybe if I close my eyes hard enough ill wake up and it will just be a nightmare.”

I awake with a cold sweat. Why can’t these nightmares stop .

The irony is ,I wish that  it was not a nightmare like I did then. I wish for a decent nights rest.

I wish I couldn’t remember it all!!!  Maybe then I would be ok, but that’s not true because, I hate the fact that I can’t remember how I got there .How did I end up on the floor of that parking lot!!! . “

If I could  think back. To a time where things where simple and I would NOT  feel bad about it. I know i will have completely healed.

You took away so much from me you robbed me of my childhood you robbed me of my youth.

You stole my peace. You changed my view of this life.

For years it was my little secret I couldn’t tell ... You held me captive.

I couldn’t ask for help. I was alone

Even when people saw how much I changed and, they could sense something was wrong! They never spoke about it. So I embraced the silence.

I found warmth in the darkness .the light blurred my vision.

In the darkness I could pretend but, in the light I was vulnerable.

I write this to tell you," I know I can’t have it back and i don’t want it back. You are part of who I am today. I’ve given up on wishing.

Now i embrace it all and i love myself for the times i didn’t love myself or my body

I could never scrub myself clean enough.

I could never sleep long enough.

I could never cry enough and for those reasons.  I choose to want more for myself .I  choose to free myself of this weight  .

So that.  I can finally live the day where, I look at my past and smile. Because i made it to the finish line and you can’t haunt me anymore."

Rape occurs in 1 out of every 5 women .

Its is something that nobody talks about. Because it is something to be ashamed about . However unless we create an environment for girls and women to talk about this issue it will continue to haunt. For healing to occur we must reconcile with ourselves and the persons involved.

I know that seems like an impossible task. How is it even possible!

The truth is simple you cant change the past and if you dont forgive your past it will haunt you into your future and that is where it does the most damage.

IN ALL THINGS LEARNT TO HEAL .LEARN TO LOVE .LAUGH .TAKE BACK YOUR LIFE AND NEVER STOP DREAMING 

IF YOU NEED HELP OR KNOW SOMEONE THAT NEEDS HELP OR JUST TO TALK SEND AN EMAIL TO

thenairobifeminist@gmail.com or call 254736447407 OR  gvrc@nwch.co.ke

WHO IS MEANT TO EMPOWER THE BOY CHILD

This title  is enough to send quivers down many spines . With questions such as, why do men need empowerment ? What is male empowerment?

Aren't you supposed to be writing about untold lives of women ?

Well, women and men's lives go hand in hand.

Before i go further let me address the misconception that empowering women is dis empowering men . (Unless your a chauvinist and prefer to rule over your woman.) Thinking like this is primitive. Empowering one empowers all .

Empowerment takes many forms. For this article I'm talking about support ,encouragement and motivation. It is undeniable that some of the issues that men go through ,they lack the proper guidance or  support  because of the mental label that "Men are strong.

Which brings me to the topic of this post. Who is meant to empower the boy child? And who is this that over empowers the girl child?

The answer to this is rather simple . 

Firstly their is nothing as over empowerment.

Secondly , for the boy child to be empowered we first must empower men so that they stop acting as boys themselves.

In my opinion . A large majority of men in this country. Are always ready  to point a finger , but rarely step up to the plate . People will complain, "single mothers raise their boys too soft or women have taken up male roles." Leaving the man feeling emasculated. Or that too much emphasis has been put on empowering the girl child, and the boy child has been left out.

The reason why emphasis has been placed on the girl child. Is as a result of the position society has placed her. For the longest time a woman was considered "less than" . To this day women still fight for equality in terms of payment , job opportunities and many more . Women continuously struggle to attain their own Independence/freedom. 

The boy child has been empowered in the sense that; he  has not had to break through any boundary (no man has been denied a job position based on gender ,denied equal pay based on gender e.t.c ).He does as he pleases. The worse he behaves, the more credit he gets in front of his peers . 

The main issue here  is that the boy child no longer has a decent role model in his life .He lacks the proper guidance needed to become a man. 

Over the years . The boy child has taken a back seat, as women came together to ensure the future girl child. Is able to live a life without chauvinistic restrictions.

The boy child was left to fend for himself. While the men of the home took on the responsibility of looking for an income to support the family the male child would turn to his peers and that is where the male child learn to be a man.

Learning from peers is what has contributed to alot of the mistakes young men make. With no guidelines anything is fair game .How can we shape future leaders if they lack proper guidance.

Fathers seldom told their sons i love you but instead resorted to tough love and to alot of men they seldom made their parents proud in a way the parent expected resulting in low self esteem.

In conclusion, Its easy to say the boy child has been neglected and do nothing about it. Men need to support the boy child by creating a support system for them so that they know how to deal with the pressure that is "manhood/being a man."