LOST AND LOOKING TO BE FOUND #ClinicalDepressionKenya

WHEN YOUR AN ISLAND AND ONLY YOU KNOW IT.

See my post on :when-your-own-thoughts-bring-you-down.
starting-over

suicide
/new-journeys.

Clinical depression source (https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/depression

Begins with a frown,that ends in a smile.
And end's with a choice ,that i choose to amend.

Light as a feather. I spread my wings to fly.

Trying to loose myself . But if i do.

 I know i will loose it all.

I look nothing like what i feel. 

I miss me. The old me. The happy and free me.

I miss the real me before the black.

Before me. when im more than ok me.

They ask me are you okay? But what they really mean is are you over it yet!

What they dont know is i am a victim of my thoughts and they are louder than my will power. 

I am trapped in negativity.

Every thought is a battle every breath is a curse . I am loosing this battle and i am ok with it.

So i tell myself "Just this once" and i am back to where i was 1 gram ago.

 Light as a feather again.

Begins with a frown that ends in a smile.

This time i choose to fly.

Outside myself, I feel free . I feel happy .

I m happy. It feels like a sin to be this happy.

How can something this wrong make me feel alive again.

I still hear the thoughts. They never rest.

For now my urge to live is stronger than the urge to die.

One day i will feel this alive without my poison for i know .
If i dont control it .it will lead me straight to an early grave.

Where they will cry saying,"it wasnt her time yet."

CLINICAL DEPRESSION
N.H.I.F rescently started covering depression costs and this is testament to what is going on in our country .
A total of 1.9 million cases of depression where reported last year. Which is a 18% increase since 2005 

 A report done by World Health Organisation says close to 800000 people die annually due to suicide the second leading cause of death in 15-29 year olds.

 Depression ranges in seriousness from mild, temporary episodes of sadness to severe, persistent depression. Clinical depression is the more-severe form of depression, also known as major depression or major depressive disorder. It isn't the same as depression caused by a loss, such as the death of a loved one, or a medical condition, such as a thyroid disorder

Signs and symptoms of clinical depression may include:

• Feelings of sadness, tearfulness, emptiness or hopelessness
• Angry outbursts, irritability or frustration, even over small matters
• Loss of interest or pleasure in most or all normal activities, such as sex, hobbies or sports
• Sleep disturbances, including insomnia or sleeping too much
• Tiredness and lack of energy, so even small tasks take extra effort
• Reduced appetite and weight loss or increased cravings for food and weight gain
• Anxiety, agitation or restlessness
• Slowed thinking, speaking or body movements
• Feelings of worthlessness or guilt, fixating on past failures or self-blame
• Trouble thinking, concentrating, making decisions and remembering things
• Frequent or recurrent thoughts of death, suicidal thoughts, suicide attempts or suicide
• Unexplained physical problems, such as back pain or headaches

If you need someone to talk to or know someone that needs help  email me thenairobifeminist@gmail.com
 or
 contact .befrienderskenya

YOU ARE ENOUGH

By annonymous

"To the mom hiding in her bathroom, needing peace for just one minute, as the tears roll down her cheeks..

To the mom who is so tired she feel likes she can't function anymore and would do anything to lay down and get the rest she needs...

To the mom sitting in her car, alone, stuffing food in her face because she doesn’t want anyone else to see or know she eats that stuff…

To the mom crying on the couch after she yelled at her kids for something little and is now feeling guilty and like she is unworthy…

To the mom that is trying desperately to put those old jeans on because all she really wants is to look in the mirror and feel good about herself…

To the mom that doesn’t want to leave the house because life is just too much to handle right now…

To the mom that is calling out for pizza again because dinner just didn’t happen the way she wanted it to…

To the mom that feels alone, whether in a room by herself or standing in a crowd...

You are enough.

You are important.

You are worthy.

This is a phase of life for us. This is a really really hard, challenging, crazy phase of life.

In the end it will all be worth it. But for now it’s hard. And it's hard for so many of us in many different ways. We don't always talk about it, but it's hard and it's not just you.

You are enough.

You are doing your best.

Those little eyes that look up at you - they think you are perfect. They think you are more than enough.

Those little hands that reach out to hold you - they think you are the strongest. They think you can conquer the world.

Those little mouths eating the food you gave them - they think that you are the best because their bellies are full.

Those little hearts that reach out to touch yours - they don’t want anything more. They just want you.

Because you are enough. You are more than enough, mama.

You. Are. Amazing." 

RAPE AND RECONCILIATION

See my post on. 

it-is-my-right-to-dress-as-i-want. 

putting-end-to-gender-based-violence-gbvl.

signs-your-in-toxic-relationship.

/dont-agree-to-become-statistic.

Rape

Elva and Tom : Our story of rape and reconciliation

https://go.ted.com/CycK

LET ME BEGIN THIS ARTICLE WITH AN ANONYMOUS LETTER THAT WAS SENT TO ME .I WOULD LIKE TO THANK YOU .FOR ALLOWING ME TO SHARE THIS WITH MY READERS.

“Lying on the floor of the parking lot .Its dark but I can see your face. I can hear your panting. I can smell the alcohol from your breath. I lay there numb ,unable to fight you off.

I can hear footsteps and I’m sure there are people there!!! But nobody comes to my rescue.

This is not happening ( I think to myself)  but it is.

I want to disappear maybe if I close my eyes hard enough ill wake up and it will just be a nightmare.”

I awake with a cold sweat. Why can’t these nightmares stop .

The irony is ,I wish that  it was not a nightmare like I did then. I wish for a decent nights rest.

I wish I couldn’t remember it all!!!  Maybe then I would be ok, but that’s not true because, I hate the fact that I can’t remember how I got there .How did I end up on the floor of that parking lot!!! . “

If I could  think back. To a time where things where simple and I would NOT  feel bad about it. I know i will have completely healed.

You took away so much from me you robbed me of my childhood you robbed me of my youth.

You stole my peace. You changed my view of this life.

For years it was my little secret I couldn’t tell ... You held me captive.

I couldn’t ask for help. I was alone

Even when people saw how much I changed and, they could sense something was wrong! They never spoke about it. So I embraced the silence.

I found warmth in the darkness .the light blurred my vision.

In the darkness I could pretend but, in the light I was vulnerable.

I write this to tell you," I know I can’t have it back and i don’t want it back. You are part of who I am today. I’ve given up on wishing.

Now i embrace it all and i love myself for the times i didn’t love myself or my body

I could never scrub myself clean enough.

I could never sleep long enough.

I could never cry enough and for those reasons.  I choose to want more for myself .I  choose to free myself of this weight  .

So that.  I can finally live the day where, I look at my past and smile. Because i made it to the finish line and you can’t haunt me anymore."

Rape occurs in 1 out of every 5 women .

Its is something that nobody talks about. Because it is something to be ashamed about . However unless we create an environment for girls and women to talk about this issue it will continue to haunt. For healing to occur we must reconcile with ourselves and the persons involved.

I know that seems like an impossible task. How is it even possible!

The truth is simple you cant change the past and if you dont forgive your past it will haunt you into your future and that is where it does the most damage.

IN ALL THINGS LEARNT TO HEAL .LEARN TO LOVE .LAUGH .TAKE BACK YOUR LIFE AND NEVER STOP DREAMING 

IF YOU NEED HELP OR KNOW SOMEONE THAT NEEDS HELP OR JUST TO TALK SEND AN EMAIL TO

thenairobifeminist@gmail.com or call 254736447407 OR  gvrc@nwch.co.ke

WHO IS MEANT TO EMPOWER THE BOY CHILD

This title  is enough to send quivers down many spines . With questions such as, why do men need empowerment ? What is male empowerment?

Aren't you supposed to be writing about untold lives of women ?

Well, women and men's lives go hand in hand.

Before i go further let me address the misconception that empowering women is dis empowering men . (Unless your a chauvinist and prefer to rule over your woman.) Thinking like this is primitive. Empowering one empowers all .

Empowerment takes many forms. For this article I'm talking about support ,encouragement and motivation. It is undeniable that some of the issues that men go through ,they lack the proper guidance or  support  because of the mental label that "Men are strong.

Which brings me to the topic of this post. Who is meant to empower the boy child? And who is this that over empowers the girl child?

The answer to this is rather simple . 

Firstly their is nothing as over empowerment.

Secondly , for the boy child to be empowered we first must empower men so that they stop acting as boys themselves.

In my opinion . A large majority of men in this country. Are always ready  to point a finger , but rarely step up to the plate . People will complain, "single mothers raise their boys too soft or women have taken up male roles." Leaving the man feeling emasculated. Or that too much emphasis has been put on empowering the girl child, and the boy child has been left out.

The reason why emphasis has been placed on the girl child. Is as a result of the position society has placed her. For the longest time a woman was considered "less than" . To this day women still fight for equality in terms of payment , job opportunities and many more . Women continuously struggle to attain their own Independence/freedom. 

The boy child has been empowered in the sense that; he  has not had to break through any boundary (no man has been denied a job position based on gender ,denied equal pay based on gender e.t.c ).He does as he pleases. The worse he behaves, the more credit he gets in front of his peers . 

The main issue here  is that the boy child no longer has a decent role model in his life .He lacks the proper guidance needed to become a man. 

Over the years . The boy child has taken a back seat, as women came together to ensure the future girl child. Is able to live a life without chauvinistic restrictions.

The boy child was left to fend for himself. While the men of the home took on the responsibility of looking for an income to support the family the male child would turn to his peers and that is where the male child learn to be a man.

Learning from peers is what has contributed to alot of the mistakes young men make. With no guidelines anything is fair game .How can we shape future leaders if they lack proper guidance.

Fathers seldom told their sons i love you but instead resorted to tough love and to alot of men they seldom made their parents proud in a way the parent expected resulting in low self esteem.

In conclusion, Its easy to say the boy child has been neglected and do nothing about it. Men need to support the boy child by creating a support system for them so that they know how to deal with the pressure that is "manhood/being a man."

THE BEST WORD FOR A FOOL IS SILENCE

IN LIFE YOU NEED TO LEARN TO BE OK WITH GIVING AND NOT RECEIVING  ANYTHING BACK IN RETURN
See my post on:
/it-is-ok-to-cry../=when-burdens-become-to-heavy...the-heart-keeps-mind-sane.

 

To be completely honest I love words and i struggle through silence but over time I've become an expert on silence. Sometimes when the people you love hurt you the most it's better to stay quiet.because if your love wasn't enough what makes you think your words will matter.

Martin Luther King said ,"in the end we will not remember the words of our enemies but the silence of our friends." if you don't think so try remember a situation where you expected someone to react to something you did but instead they just stayed quiet or said,"it's ok." hahaha those words can drive you insane . 

I d like to think that a wise woman knows when to avoid drama because she knows her time is precious and She is not going to waste it on unimportant things. Some battles are not worth fighting and if you keep going you will only regret it.Think back to a time you where mad and said some things but after you cooled down you came up with wiser words you could have said. Now imagine if you just walked away how much better it would have been.

Sometimes it's better to remain silent and let people think you are a FOOL than to speak and to eliminate all doubt that you are one..I've had to deal with snakes disguised as friends.and loved ones that just couldn't be helped at all .Although it hurt at that moment.You need to let people make a FOOL of themselves and let karma catch up with them.

One thing I've learnt is if you speak when you are upset/angry you will make the best speech you will regret. 

So please don't act in the spur of the moment. Scream out all you have to say to yourself. Then tell God I'm not going to deal with this.This one is all yours. Then distract yourself as best as you can until you heal .

Live , learn ,love yourself and know one day the situation your stuck in will make for a good laugh.

If you can't stay quiet make sure that come back line is much more beautiful than silence.😉

(Click here to read a story that will inspire you LINK)

Thankyou for your continued loyalty I appreciate each and every reader that visits this blog. 

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WHEN A WOMAN CUTS HER HAIR ,SHE IS CUTTING OFF MUCH MORE

See my post on:
i-hold-world-in-my-hands.
Acceptance of ones self
/loving-each-stage-of-life
As a woman hair is part of our definition of beauty. Its something thats been rooted in us since childhood. Our mothers did our hair or would take us to get our hair done and the reason was to make us look beautiful.

Our hair became our identity and different hair styles make us feel different .However we can all agree a good hair day or just getting a new hair style workes wonders on our confidence levels.

Our hair tells the world who we are without us even uttering a word. A good example is how people sterio-type. Dreadlocks with rebels or blonds as being blond.which isn't necessarily true however the assumption doesn't go away.

When a woman takes a moment to reflect back on the colourful story of her life each chapter is defined by the diverse hairstyles she rocked.be it a passionate relationship or straight on depression.

Hair holds so much more energy than most of us are aware of. there is usually a direct correlation between what's happening on our heads and what's happening in our lives. That's why the hair industry does so well.

However, there comes a point in every womans life where, the urge to cut your hair gets really loud and that's often the beginning of something, new and exciting.

Here are a few reasons as to why women cut there hair

1.Haircuts are a symbol of change (saying goodye to the past and hallo to a new beginning)

Sometimes the fastest way to create a new and better version of yourself is to cut your hair. You say good bye to a part of you and embrace new change. I.e if you dyed your hair red for a person you were dating, and you broke up the sight of your own hair can disgust. You so the new change dis engages you from, then and puts you in a healing path through change.

2.A haircut allows you to rediscover yourself.

Hair is a woman veil and if it's long enough you hide behind your hair with long fringes , style your hair to flow around your face and hair hides a lot .From shyness to insecurities of your facial features.

When you cut it off you strip yourself of the false sense of safety it provides ,and when you look in the mirror. You are forced to see you. For who you are and in that you get a chance to, redefine what beauty means to you.

3.Sometimes a woman just wants to try out something different.

4.Cutting hair is freeing.

If you calculate the amount of money and time  spent doing hair . Its ridiculous and sometimes you just need to be able to wake up and leave the house without the hustle of it all. Without the weight of it all. Feel free and care free 

5.Cutting hair is a way of letting go off fear and finding strength in the unknown.

When you get the courage to cut your hair you are aware of yourself. You are aware of what you are and what you are not. You own who You are and you cut away the preconceived notions of who you are supposed to be.

6.Sometimes you just need to cut off all the damage caused by over heating and straining from styling and go back to your natural hair.

Personally, i have cut my hair way too many times for all the reasons ive stated. It feels good at the moment and it is a constant reminder of the new change. 

However, what i have learnt is. For true change to occur you dont need to cut your hair the change hapoens from within and when it does you will not need a physical reminder .you will be 100%Sure . Anything that needs constant reminder means that you are not convinced it was a good idea to begin with. As women we feel strongly about something one minute the next we don't .So don't act on impulse .

Your hair has nothing to do with what you are feeling inside.

I love the song by india arie that says i am not my hair. I am not my skin . l am not your expectations. I am that soul that lives within it all .(The song)

Live, learn, laugh ,heal and never stop dreaming .

Everything has its season and yours is just beginning. 

XOXO

CHILD MARRIAGE #ENDchildMarriage

See my  post on female-genital-mutilation-kenya the-traditional-role-of-woman-in-modern.society empowering-woman-is-empowering-nation.

An estimated 23% of girls are married before their 18th birthday in Kenya.

Child marriage rates vary across regions, with the North Eastern and Coast regions having the highest rates, while the Central region and Nairobi have the lowest rates.

Many girls in rural parts of Kenya are often perceived by their families as either an economic burden or valued as capital for their exchange value in terms of goods, money and livestock.

To justify these economic transactions, a combination of cultural, traditional and religious arguments are often employed.

 However it doesnt change the fact that young girls are viewed as a means to an end. Poverty as well as lack of education remain the highest factors contributing to child marriage

.
As 67% of women aged 20-24 with no education married as a child, in comparison to 6% of women with secondary education or higher.

Women living in rural areas are twice as likely to be married under age 18 than women living in urban areas. This urban-rural divide has increased by 36% since 2003.

LEGAL AGE OF MARRIAGE

In March 2014, the parliament adopted the Marriage Act 2014 which introduces a uniform minimum age of marriage, set at 18 for both women and men.

Importantly, the new legislation applies to all forms of marriage including Islamic and customary marriages.

if current trends in child marriage continue, the number of girls under 15 years giving birth in Africa is expected to rise from 2 million to 3 million a year by 2030. “If we do nothing, in the next decade over 14 million girls under 18 years will be married every year,” she said.

  

Human rights violations

FGM and child marriage are human rights violations as they deprive girls and women of the right to decide their own futures and control their own bodies and their sexuality.

FGM (female genital mutilation) and child marriage are health issues. Child marriage results in teenage pregnancy; the leading causes of maternal deaths and injuries for girls aged 15 to 19 are pregnancy and childbirth. It also contributes to high rates of obstetric fistula, premature births, sexually transmitted diseases (including cervical cancer), HIV and domestic violence..

With the rife of HIV in Kenya . It  means that young married girls are particularly at risk. As majority of them are married off to men older than them . Who often die before they know it is HIV/AIDS. Robbing them of their lives .Robbing the country of talent and skill.

Although we live at a time we can openly talk about this and more and more awareness is being created it is still a big problem as .The practice os still carried out in secret . Young girls are robbed of a future and forced to accept traditional roles. 

Their voices are silenced and their freedoms taken away from them. Young girls become mothers .Young women become wives before they are ready for it.

As a result of being stripped of their rights and freedoms. They are forced into accepting a life they have not chosen and often end up being abused .As they have no where to turn to..These young girls often feel trapped without any education they cant stand on their own. Without support they are left to deal with the scars that remain on their own.

It is our job to ensure that they get to choose what happens to them.

.........continued in my next post 

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