MISUNDERSTOOD. (depression and anxiety)

She spends her days in bed and escapes the world by living through the novelas she watches.

Isolated in her fantasies. Closed off from the reality of the daily happenings of the world.

Alone and isolated.

The warmth she gets from her blankets holding on to them tight for they alone give her solace.

She is trapped in her thoughts of hopelessness and the loudness of the silence adds to her anxiety.

This is not where she thought she would be when she graduated.

This is not the life she envisioned.

Scrolling through her phone seeing the picture perfect  lives  of those she knew go by .

She cant help but ask herself why they get to live their dreams while she rots away in disparity.

Shes been in her bed living day to day.

Living each minute as the last wondering when it will change.

Hoping for that call that will change her life but she knows deep within her that its unlikely .

She has no strength to try she has no strength to give because all the world seems to do is take from her

Her family has stopped trying her friends have all let her slip through the cracks.

So she sits there. In silence wondering what she did wrong to deserve the life she got .
What unending punishment and torture is this.
And how and when will it stop.

From outside she can hear people ushering in a new year .

Its been 10 years of this repetitive cycle and nothing has changed.

She slips into the blankets again and noticed the hole and it dawns on her that soon enough all that will be left of her comforter will be shreds ......

Just like her heart .
Just like her life .
A void of holes and lost memories.

IF YOU KNOW SOMEONE SUFFERING FROM DEPRESSION SEND US A MESSAGE OR AN EMAIL WITH THEIR DETAILS WE WILL ASSIST THEM. AND IF THIS DESCRIBES YOU DON'T WORRY WE ARE HERE TO HELP 

CLOSURE

YOU ARE BETTER OFF LETTING IT LOOSE THAN HOLDING IT IN AND IT CORRUPTING YOU

Have you ever been so mad at someone for so long , that you forget you still have unresolved issues with them .
Until you meet with them or hear from them that you realise you where still hurt and upset from something that happened ages ago.

And at the instant that they apologize you can literally feel the wall break and you are flooded by the realisation that a situation had held you captive .

Or even if they havent and might not apologize the fact that you still carry the trauma or the pain shows that in that situation you are held hostage to truly being free because their is something that denies you the true joy you would have if it didnt exist.

The thing with pain or hurt is that it digs a hole and that void created spreads and you eventually are overwhelmed with the thoughts of what you are lacking that you forget to acknowledge what you have.

Two people coming from a point of pain can never see eye to eye because each person believes that their pain is bigger than the other person that they miss to realise that they are the only two people directly affected

The pain directed at eachother only makes the situation worse.

No resolve can be reached because each individual feels wronged and each individual feels they are justified in their anger.

The truth is two wrongs can never make a right and if you dont feel that you are mature enough to be the better person it just means that you should because .In that moment your hurt is speaking louder than logic.

Closure means:   an act or process of closing something,
;closing down
;a procedure for ending a debate and taking a vote.
;a sense of resolution or conclusion at the end of something.

That said to give closure you must first accept that you are in need of coming to positive conclusion that will enable you to move forward without denying yourself true growth.
Live ,Love, Learn ,Laugh and heal all the invisible scars and rise above them like a phoenix from the ashes.

THE IMAGE OF THE BLACK WOMAN

See my posts on .the right hand side under the label women empowerment , modern woman and self worth. 

Picture of  Tanzanian beauty Zakia

She is strong  however .

She is still human

She is not immune to pain in all her strength.

She is angry I'll tempered and  ready to pick a fight

And to that i respond with a question.
Who goes to disturb a lioness in rest????????

She is curves .

She is thee reference of beauty.

What they forget to mention is that she comes in different shapes, shades and sizes .

Irregardless .

She is perfect in the form she is.

She is a masterpiece of the creator. 

A unique masterpiece. Unmatched and unlike anything on this earth.

She is unique .

Dont try make her a copy of your own delusions.

We walk around with an invisible armour being a mother ,being a daughter, being a child ,being persceptions that are expected of us.

That we loose who we are .,we loose our essence. 

We get corrupted with thoughts of what we lack .
What we are not overshadows what we are . That we believe we have little or nothing to offer.

We have been told what we are supposed to be. 

We have been denied the freedom and the space to be ourselves.

Because the image of us has already been painted.

We are subject to their beliefs .

We have been shamed for who we are and when we decided to embrace our true nature. They say it is too much or sometimes say it is too little .

They have critisisized our hair our skin and our ways. They have cursed us and denied us and now you want to look like us?

I think it is time to cut the black woman some slack because at the end of the day you only hate because you lack what we have and it bothers you.

10 THINGS A WOMAN WILL LIE ABOUT AND WHY

See my posts on relationships on the rights hand side uner labels

1.AGE

I can literally count the number of times i actually told the truth when someone asked me my age and thats mostly because. As women you never want to be too old and neither do you want to be to young . Age is a number but sometimes its taken as more.
For that reason let our age be a mystery unless you need to know if shes legal.

2.INCOME

This ones simple a woman makes enough money to take care of what she wants and what she needs.Her money is non of your business unless she wants you involved.
Or sometimes she might make more money than you and doesnt want to hurt your ego.
Or simply becuse she doesnt like talking about money

3.RELATIONSHIP STATUS

Women are territorial and unless she knows she is yours and you are hers there is no way she will invest too much into a basket she isnt sure where its going. And if a woman lies about her status just know that relationship is as good as over. Because a woman knows what she wants.

4.WEIGHT

We live at a time where too much emphasis is put on looks .sometimes all a woman needs is to hear that she is perfect as she is and if she really isnt dont tell her help her loose the weight.

5.My skin/hair is just natural i dont have a routeen

This has to be one of the buggest lies .Women can be very competitive and most of the time they want to be one step ahead of the other woman.So very few times will a woman actually share in depth her beauty /skin/hair routeen. And thats just the simple truth.

6.The "I M GOOD"

If you hear this you have two options take it as it is and run with the flow or actually find out what is wrong and in most cases its not going to be a walk in the park. But you will always get extra points for being caring and showing concern and if possible solving the situation. Everyone loves a problem solver.

7.The "OMG BABE I LOVE IT.

Before you buy a woman a gift find out what she likes that way she actually loves it. When she doesnt like it and gives that fake omg i love it make sure you have a back up because she doesnt want to hurt your feelings but she is bummed.

8.I WILL BE THERE IN 30 MIN

If you are among the few who get places on time cheers.
If not and you use that lie often because you dont want to upset or disapoint the person waiting start getting ready early or just be straight up. Because by the time your actually getting ready you will need an extra 30 min.

9.I AM NOT JEALOUS

Dont believe this one at all. If she wasnt jealous she wouldnt be bothered.

10. WHATS HER BODY COUNT

This goes back to that statement the more women a man sleeps with he is a hero and if a woman does the same she is a whore.
However we are at a point where women own their sexuality and if it bothers you.Invent a time machine and go back in time.

GENDER EQUALITY IS WISHFUL THINKING

TOGETHER WE CAN ACHIEVE MORE THAN THEY COULD EVER DREAM OF THAT IS WHY THEY ENSURE WE DONT HAVE A SEAT AT THE TABLE

I feel like women have spent a lot of time fighting for equality and enjoying the perks of being seen as the lesser gender that if we where to achieve gender equality it would be almost unfair/unequal.

Lets take whats going on in our country as an example.

This week i have had to try and justify why it is necessary for this gender bill to be passed by the kenyan parliament.

First of all Kenya ranks low in women representation with only 22 per cent of MPs being women behind Rwanda (61 per cent) and Ethiopia (50 per cent) — the only African countries that have attained the two-thirds gender parity according to World Bank data. Article 81 of the Constitution requires that not more than two-thirds of the members of elective public bodies be of the same gender. 
The special seats  according to the proposed law is estimated to ensure the bicameral House complies with the two-thirds gender rule after 20 years..  Doesnt that sem like reason enough to pass a bill !!! But lets take this abit further.

Most times i do not engage in conversations with parties that already are gender bias because it is a waste of time and energy. However this time im going to use the arguments used against this bill to highlight the real issue .GENDER EQUALITY IS WISHFUL THINKING

My main issue with  this is the reactions that have been elisited as to why it should not be passed.
I dont disagree that passing this bill could work against us.
It can be argued that so far ,the women who have been elected as women representatives have barely done enough .or that this will lead to popular women to get elected leaving women in rural areas without the representation needed.

However everything has its pros and cons and i feel that if women want something bad enought they go out and get it on their own As they have done for centuries. And whether or not this bill passes women are becoming aware of whats going on around them and in the next few years a shift will occur as long as we elect people wisely.
Not based on age,sex ,tribe,relations but based on what is best for our country.

Some say women are constantly yelling equality and empowerment .who is going to empower men then? Well the answer is simple if you cannot see the plight of your own kind and choose to rally and ask for improvements as it is a basic human right. . Nobody else is going to do it for you.

let me ask this though !What have the men in parliament done for male empowerment. If you ask me they take what they want and disregard what they dont like this bill is a clear representation of that.
So how is it that  the reasons for not passing a bill be because of gender biasness.

SEE MY POST ON who-is-ment-to-empower-boy-child.

YOUR STORY ISNT WEIRD ITS BEAUTIFUL

YOU ARE MADE UP OF YOUR EXPERIENCES BUT THAT DOESNT MEAN YOU LET THEM DEFINE YOU

See my post on ;-your-life-so-make-it-your-own
live-life-dont-survive-it
/i-choose-me

A few days ago i watched someone who i care about get the happy ending she has always wanted.Nothing dramatic of the fairy tale kind. Just the kind of things me and you take for granted.

 In the time i have known her . i have seen her fall and pick herself up piece by piece ,and to be honest . The times i saw her thrive and truly blossom .
Were the times she chose to keep going even when she had no reason to .

The times when she hit rock bottom and she knew she was all she had . She always chose to ensure that she got out of each situation and always made a point of celebrating her little victories.

Not to say that she wasnt traumatized, hurt or even scared by all that she endured .
They did affect her and she didnt hide it .She wore her scars proud because she earned her stripes .

Life has a way of ensuring we learn the lessons we need to learn and we cannot avoid it. Sometimes people will tell you," dont be ungreatful someone else is going through something much more".  And sometimes they dont mean it in a bad way.
However true that statement can be .
The truth is ,each person is equipped with their own strengths and weaknesses and that is what makes life colourful because it is through our diversity that we learn to appreciate eachother. And that should never be used as a measure of strength because someone else might be able to endure far more than you can .

 One thing i admired most about her was  . Where most of us choose to lie to ourselves or where we compartmentalize and push our issues to the side . She chose to always keep it 💯 with herself . She prefered to hear the hard truth than deceive herself with half truths. She allowed herself to breakdown from the stress of it all but she never allowed herself to give up and in the worst of times she transformed into a gem.

Im telling you all this just to remind you that you are a unique individual .You are the only you that is going to exist in this time and space. Whatever your going through is going to come to an end and when its all said and done and you stand at the finish line .Make sure you will be able to look back and say it was worth it .

Your story is unique and your story can help shape the life of someones else by them seeing your ability to not give up. Dont campare yourself with someone else. Because that is unfair to you. Be your own best friend always cheer for yourself always celebrate yourself and when you hear that voice in your head that just wants to give up remind yourself that. Its always better to have a crappy beginning and a happy ending than to have the reverse .

CONTRACEPTIVES... MY BODY MY CHOICE

See my post on infertility 

If you are sexually active you need to consider choosing a contraceptive that will work for you.

All sexually active adults must consider a family planning/ birth control method taking into consideration, personal preferences, habits and health concerns. 

Complete abstinence is the only method that prevents pregnancy 100 percent . Where as  most contraceptive methods have a very high success rate when practiced correctly.

According to the World Health If you are sexually active you need to consider choosing a contraceptive that will work for you.

All sexually active adults must consider a family planning/ birth control method taking into consideration, personal preferences, habits and health concerns. 

Complete abstinence is the only method that prevents pregnancy 100 percent . Where as  most contraceptive methods have a very high success rate when practiced correctly.

According to the World Health Organization, family planning is not just about preventing pregnancy, but also about timing conception so that every baby is wanted and planned. 

It is important for both partners involved sexually to take an active role in ensuring that you both protect eachother from both sexually transmitted diseases, as well as from an unplanned pregnancy.

We need to be aware that this isnt just a womans issue or the womans responsibility.

Young girls need to be taught about this from an early age and we shouldnt assume that they are not sexually active.

Sex education is a taboo to talk about in most african

Homes. This leads to stigmatization and also leaves young girls miss informed and learning from peers 

Who arent well equipped with the information needed to ensure contraceptives are used correctly. Most uninformed girls use emergency contraception as a method of birth control  . Which is not advised. In general e-pills shouldnt be used more than 3 times in a year as it has harsh implications in the long run.

Thus it is important to have a consultation with a gynecologist before hand.

The various methods include:-

Natural Family Planning
This is used to achieve pregnancy by timing intercourse for fertile times, or to avoid pregnancy by remaining abstinent during fertile periods.This method however is unpredictable if fertile periods are under or over calculated.

The birth control pill is a type of oral contraceptive that women must take every day. This method is best for women who can remember to take a pill every day and who want the advantage of restoring fertility quickly.

Barrier methods include male and female condoms, cervical caps and diaphragms. These methods prevent sperm from uniting with an egg

long term methods When people do not want to worry about contraception on a regular basis, but may want the ability to conceive in the future, several long-term contraceptive methods can prevent pregnancy. Some of these methods include the contraceptive shot, vaginal ring, implantable rod and intrauterine device, also called an IUD. All of these methods are hormonal and are not easily reversible, but fertility returns after discontinuation.

However it is beat to visit your gynecologist to find out what method beat works best for  you . if you would like more information click this link Family_planning

Founded in 1985, Marie Stopes Kenya (MSK) is an affiliate of Marie Stopes International. They have 21 clinics countrywide, 1 obstetric hospital, 15 outreach teams and works with approximately 360 social franchisees (AMUA), supporting provision of a wide range of sexual reproductive health (SRH) services in Kenya.

Below are the services they offer:

MSK Clinics:

-          Consultation @ Kshs 500 – 1,000/-

-          Contraceptives (family planning) – 1,500 to 5,500/-

-          Tubal ligation and vasectomy – from 6,500/- onwards

-          Pregnancy crisis counselling Kshs 500 – 1,000/-

-          Ultrasound services from 2,000/ onwards

-          STI Testing and screening - @ Kshs 500 – 1,000/- for consultation then lab tests

-          Antenatal care @ Kshs 500 – 1,000/-

-          Delivery (only at Eastleigh Nursing Home) – from 20,000/- . One can use NHIF card to register and be entitled to the NHIF benefits

-          Cervical cancer screening – from 300/-

-          Laboratory services

The prices vary from clinic to clinic.

They offer long term contraceptives in public health facilities on selected dates for free. This is done by the Marie Stopes Outreach team.

For more information Contact Centre (call 0800 720005 toll free) where clients can request for information on reproductive health.

Chat on WhatsApp – 0709 819000 and on Facebook – Marie Stopes Kenya. 

Detailed information on the services is available is also available on our website – www.mariestopes.or.ke, family planning is not just about preventing pregnancy, but also about timing conception so that every baby is wanted and planned.