THE IMAGE OF THE BLACK WOMAN

See my posts on .the right hand side under the label women empowerment , modern woman and self worth. 

Picture of  Tanzanian beauty Zakia

She is strong  however .

She is still human

She is not immune to pain in all her strength.

She is angry I'll tempered and  ready to pick a fight

And to that i respond with a question.
Who goes to disturb a lioness in rest????????

She is curves .

She is thee reference of beauty.

What they forget to mention is that she comes in different shapes, shades and sizes .

Irregardless .

She is perfect in the form she is.

She is a masterpiece of the creator. 

A unique masterpiece. Unmatched and unlike anything on this earth.

She is unique .

Dont try make her a copy of your own delusions.

We walk around with an invisible armour being a mother ,being a daughter, being a child ,being persceptions that are expected of us.

That we loose who we are .,we loose our essence. 

We get corrupted with thoughts of what we lack .
What we are not overshadows what we are . That we believe we have little or nothing to offer.

We have been told what we are supposed to be. 

We have been denied the freedom and the space to be ourselves.

Because the image of us has already been painted.

We are subject to their beliefs .

We have been shamed for who we are and when we decided to embrace our true nature. They say it is too much or sometimes say it is too little .

They have critisisized our hair our skin and our ways. They have cursed us and denied us and now you want to look like us?

I think it is time to cut the black woman some slack because at the end of the day you only hate because you lack what we have and it bothers you.

10 THINGS A WOMAN WILL LIE ABOUT AND WHY

See my posts on relationships on the rights hand side uner labels

1.AGE

I can literally count the number of times i actually told the truth when someone asked me my age and thats mostly because. As women you never want to be too old and neither do you want to be to young . Age is a number but sometimes its taken as more.
For that reason let our age be a mystery unless you need to know if shes legal.

2.INCOME

This ones simple a woman makes enough money to take care of what she wants and what she needs.Her money is non of your business unless she wants you involved.
Or sometimes she might make more money than you and doesnt want to hurt your ego.
Or simply becuse she doesnt like talking about money

3.RELATIONSHIP STATUS

Women are territorial and unless she knows she is yours and you are hers there is no way she will invest too much into a basket she isnt sure where its going. And if a woman lies about her status just know that relationship is as good as over. Because a woman knows what she wants.

4.WEIGHT

We live at a time where too much emphasis is put on looks .sometimes all a woman needs is to hear that she is perfect as she is and if she really isnt dont tell her help her loose the weight.

5.My skin/hair is just natural i dont have a routeen

This has to be one of the buggest lies .Women can be very competitive and most of the time they want to be one step ahead of the other woman.So very few times will a woman actually share in depth her beauty /skin/hair routeen. And thats just the simple truth.

6.The "I M GOOD"

If you hear this you have two options take it as it is and run with the flow or actually find out what is wrong and in most cases its not going to be a walk in the park. But you will always get extra points for being caring and showing concern and if possible solving the situation. Everyone loves a problem solver.

7.The "OMG BABE I LOVE IT.

Before you buy a woman a gift find out what she likes that way she actually loves it. When she doesnt like it and gives that fake omg i love it make sure you have a back up because she doesnt want to hurt your feelings but she is bummed.

8.I WILL BE THERE IN 30 MIN

If you are among the few who get places on time cheers.
If not and you use that lie often because you dont want to upset or disapoint the person waiting start getting ready early or just be straight up. Because by the time your actually getting ready you will need an extra 30 min.

9.I AM NOT JEALOUS

Dont believe this one at all. If she wasnt jealous she wouldnt be bothered.

10. WHATS HER BODY COUNT

This goes back to that statement the more women a man sleeps with he is a hero and if a woman does the same she is a whore.
However we are at a point where women own their sexuality and if it bothers you.Invent a time machine and go back in time.

GENDER EQUALITY IS WISHFUL THINKING

TOGETHER WE CAN ACHIEVE MORE THAN THEY COULD EVER DREAM OF THAT IS WHY THEY ENSURE WE DONT HAVE A SEAT AT THE TABLE

I feel like women have spent a lot of time fighting for equality and enjoying the perks of being seen as the lesser gender that if we where to achieve gender equality it would be almost unfair/unequal.

Lets take whats going on in our country as an example.

This week i have had to try and justify why it is necessary for this gender bill to be passed by the kenyan parliament.

First of all Kenya ranks low in women representation with only 22 per cent of MPs being women behind Rwanda (61 per cent) and Ethiopia (50 per cent) — the only African countries that have attained the two-thirds gender parity according to World Bank data. Article 81 of the Constitution requires that not more than two-thirds of the members of elective public bodies be of the same gender. 
The special seats  according to the proposed law is estimated to ensure the bicameral House complies with the two-thirds gender rule after 20 years..  Doesnt that sem like reason enough to pass a bill !!! But lets take this abit further.

Most times i do not engage in conversations with parties that already are gender bias because it is a waste of time and energy. However this time im going to use the arguments used against this bill to highlight the real issue .GENDER EQUALITY IS WISHFUL THINKING

My main issue with  this is the reactions that have been elisited as to why it should not be passed.
I dont disagree that passing this bill could work against us.
It can be argued that so far ,the women who have been elected as women representatives have barely done enough .or that this will lead to popular women to get elected leaving women in rural areas without the representation needed.

However everything has its pros and cons and i feel that if women want something bad enought they go out and get it on their own As they have done for centuries. And whether or not this bill passes women are becoming aware of whats going on around them and in the next few years a shift will occur as long as we elect people wisely.
Not based on age,sex ,tribe,relations but based on what is best for our country.

Some say women are constantly yelling equality and empowerment .who is going to empower men then? Well the answer is simple if you cannot see the plight of your own kind and choose to rally and ask for improvements as it is a basic human right. . Nobody else is going to do it for you.

let me ask this though !What have the men in parliament done for male empowerment. If you ask me they take what they want and disregard what they dont like this bill is a clear representation of that.
So how is it that  the reasons for not passing a bill be because of gender biasness.

SEE MY POST ON who-is-ment-to-empower-boy-child.

YOUR STORY ISNT WEIRD ITS BEAUTIFUL

YOU ARE MADE UP OF YOUR EXPERIENCES BUT THAT DOESNT MEAN YOU LET THEM DEFINE YOU

See my post on ;-your-life-so-make-it-your-own
live-life-dont-survive-it
/i-choose-me

A few days ago i watched someone who i care about get the happy ending she has always wanted.Nothing dramatic of the fairy tale kind. Just the kind of things me and you take for granted.

 In the time i have known her . i have seen her fall and pick herself up piece by piece ,and to be honest . The times i saw her thrive and truly blossom .
Were the times she chose to keep going even when she had no reason to .

The times when she hit rock bottom and she knew she was all she had . She always chose to ensure that she got out of each situation and always made a point of celebrating her little victories.

Not to say that she wasnt traumatized, hurt or even scared by all that she endured .
They did affect her and she didnt hide it .She wore her scars proud because she earned her stripes .

Life has a way of ensuring we learn the lessons we need to learn and we cannot avoid it. Sometimes people will tell you," dont be ungreatful someone else is going through something much more".  And sometimes they dont mean it in a bad way.
However true that statement can be .
The truth is ,each person is equipped with their own strengths and weaknesses and that is what makes life colourful because it is through our diversity that we learn to appreciate eachother. And that should never be used as a measure of strength because someone else might be able to endure far more than you can .

 One thing i admired most about her was  . Where most of us choose to lie to ourselves or where we compartmentalize and push our issues to the side . She chose to always keep it 💯 with herself . She prefered to hear the hard truth than deceive herself with half truths. She allowed herself to breakdown from the stress of it all but she never allowed herself to give up and in the worst of times she transformed into a gem.

Im telling you all this just to remind you that you are a unique individual .You are the only you that is going to exist in this time and space. Whatever your going through is going to come to an end and when its all said and done and you stand at the finish line .Make sure you will be able to look back and say it was worth it .

Your story is unique and your story can help shape the life of someones else by them seeing your ability to not give up. Dont campare yourself with someone else. Because that is unfair to you. Be your own best friend always cheer for yourself always celebrate yourself and when you hear that voice in your head that just wants to give up remind yourself that. Its always better to have a crappy beginning and a happy ending than to have the reverse .

CONTRACEPTIVES... MY BODY MY CHOICE

See my post on infertility 

If you are sexually active you need to consider choosing a contraceptive that will work for you.

All sexually active adults must consider a family planning/ birth control method taking into consideration, personal preferences, habits and health concerns. 

Complete abstinence is the only method that prevents pregnancy 100 percent . Where as  most contraceptive methods have a very high success rate when practiced correctly.

According to the World Health If you are sexually active you need to consider choosing a contraceptive that will work for you.

All sexually active adults must consider a family planning/ birth control method taking into consideration, personal preferences, habits and health concerns. 

Complete abstinence is the only method that prevents pregnancy 100 percent . Where as  most contraceptive methods have a very high success rate when practiced correctly.

According to the World Health Organization, family planning is not just about preventing pregnancy, but also about timing conception so that every baby is wanted and planned. 

It is important for both partners involved sexually to take an active role in ensuring that you both protect eachother from both sexually transmitted diseases, as well as from an unplanned pregnancy.

We need to be aware that this isnt just a womans issue or the womans responsibility.

Young girls need to be taught about this from an early age and we shouldnt assume that they are not sexually active.

Sex education is a taboo to talk about in most african

Homes. This leads to stigmatization and also leaves young girls miss informed and learning from peers 

Who arent well equipped with the information needed to ensure contraceptives are used correctly. Most uninformed girls use emergency contraception as a method of birth control  . Which is not advised. In general e-pills shouldnt be used more than 3 times in a year as it has harsh implications in the long run.

Thus it is important to have a consultation with a gynecologist before hand.

The various methods include:-

Natural Family Planning
This is used to achieve pregnancy by timing intercourse for fertile times, or to avoid pregnancy by remaining abstinent during fertile periods.This method however is unpredictable if fertile periods are under or over calculated.

The birth control pill is a type of oral contraceptive that women must take every day. This method is best for women who can remember to take a pill every day and who want the advantage of restoring fertility quickly.

Barrier methods include male and female condoms, cervical caps and diaphragms. These methods prevent sperm from uniting with an egg

long term methods When people do not want to worry about contraception on a regular basis, but may want the ability to conceive in the future, several long-term contraceptive methods can prevent pregnancy. Some of these methods include the contraceptive shot, vaginal ring, implantable rod and intrauterine device, also called an IUD. All of these methods are hormonal and are not easily reversible, but fertility returns after discontinuation.

However it is beat to visit your gynecologist to find out what method beat works best for  you . if you would like more information click this link Family_planning

Founded in 1985, Marie Stopes Kenya (MSK) is an affiliate of Marie Stopes International. They have 21 clinics countrywide, 1 obstetric hospital, 15 outreach teams and works with approximately 360 social franchisees (AMUA), supporting provision of a wide range of sexual reproductive health (SRH) services in Kenya.

Below are the services they offer:

MSK Clinics:

-          Consultation @ Kshs 500 – 1,000/-

-          Contraceptives (family planning) – 1,500 to 5,500/-

-          Tubal ligation and vasectomy – from 6,500/- onwards

-          Pregnancy crisis counselling Kshs 500 – 1,000/-

-          Ultrasound services from 2,000/ onwards

-          STI Testing and screening - @ Kshs 500 – 1,000/- for consultation then lab tests

-          Antenatal care @ Kshs 500 – 1,000/-

-          Delivery (only at Eastleigh Nursing Home) – from 20,000/- . One can use NHIF card to register and be entitled to the NHIF benefits

-          Cervical cancer screening – from 300/-

-          Laboratory services

The prices vary from clinic to clinic.

They offer long term contraceptives in public health facilities on selected dates for free. This is done by the Marie Stopes Outreach team.

For more information Contact Centre (call 0800 720005 toll free) where clients can request for information on reproductive health.

Chat on WhatsApp – 0709 819000 and on Facebook – Marie Stopes Kenya. 

Detailed information on the services is available is also available on our website – www.mariestopes.or.ke, family planning is not just about preventing pregnancy, but also about timing conception so that every baby is wanted and planned. 

INTERNET SAFETY :FOR DATING ONLINE

This post comes  at a time where, the use of smartphones to access social media has increased and more people are turning to social media platforms to find friendship/love/money/happiness. 

It is estimated that more women use social media platforms than men.

sources:
https://www.statista.com/topics/1164/social-networks/

https://www.brandwatch.com/blog/men-vs-women-active-social-media/

(Bare with me as i explain )

As a digital marketing strategist/analyst

I help clients figure out how to best use the internet to achieve their international growth objectives i audit  the client’s digital assets as well as those of their competitors. From there i works closely with marketing and brand strategists to develop an international web presence and online marketing strategy. 

This provides a clear roadmap that orchestrates all relevant digital channels and tactics (i.e. websites, content marketing, networking on social media, e-commerce, search and social advertising, SEO, marketing automation, apps, media/blogger outreach, etc.) into one actionable plan. 

This is achieved by using all public information gathered from social media platforms as well as searches inputed by different users. (most people dont pay attention to privacy settings and there information is made public and is used in some of these online analytical tools.)

In short all this data that is posted online is available and can be used against you especially  to target individuals and lure them into what the preditor intends to use them for.

Young girls draw inspiration from socialites as well as reality stars and they dont know any better they expose themselves to dangerous situations trying to live the lavish life that comes with it

What I would like to say to every woman struggling to make themselves relevant/ an image to behold is,"The real you is much beautiful . Live life beyond what you want people to think of you and just be you .Things that seem easy always come with a hefty price 5 to 30 years down the line the consequences of these decisions will be evident if not immediately depression death illnesses kidnapping prostitution rinks are real . Stop putting yourself in a situation you might regret and then you wish you would have just stayed home in bed . "

You are a unique individual and you flavour life with your difference . Accept you. Love you and do you. That is when you will attract the right kind of people.Respect and love you and everyone else will.

In all things, live , learn be patient and never stop dreaming your time will come.

SHARE ,SUBSCRIBE VIA EMAIL OR EMAIL ME.  thenairobifeminist@gmail.com

PRISON OF THE MIND

TO ESCAPE YOUR PRISON YOU FIRST HAVE TO ACCEPT YOU ARE IN A PRISON

See my posts under the labels, self confidence ,abuse and inspiration. 

She stayed because, he was her first.

She stayed because, he said he was sorry.

She stayed because, she could see the man he could be.

.
She stayed because, she was affraid.

She stayed because, she believed it was all her fault.

She stayed because, she had no one else ,and had no where else to go.

She stayed because, she didn't want her kids to grow up without a father.

She stayed because she was affraid of what people would think of her.

The truth is the real reason She stayed. Was out  fear.

She made an excuse each time because she was too afraid to allow herself to see the truth.

She compartmentalised and made each time part of a nightmare she was never ready to face. She allowed herself to ive in a bubble. Of false reality.

 

Dear,lovely ,beautiful ,intelligent ,kind ,sweet woman.
You chose to stay but the time has come for you to accept that staying has taken too much out of you.
You are hurting, You feel alone, You have lost who you once where.

I want to tell you that your job isnt to break yourself with perseverance . Loose yourself in pain and hopelessness .

Your job isnt to mould him into what he might not be. Or what you think he should or can be.

Your job is to mould yourself into the person you can be, The person you want to be. 

Your job is to improve on you and to make you a woman of substance and not a broken shell thats been used, abused, and refused.

We come into this world alone .we leave alone .we all have a purpose a reason and a season to get it all done.  Thats why God gave us a brain and free will.

Dont excuse his inability to use his brain as God intended.
Choose you . Choose hope and choose a future full of smiles even if it doesnt seem like there is one. Speak it into existance and act towards getting there.

If you need help email me at thenairobifeminist@gmail.com.