ITS NOT YOU ITS ME
Have you ever noticed how even gentle feedback can feel like a personal attack? Or how your chest tightens at the thought of confronting someone even over something small? For many adults, the correlation between correction, rejection, and confrontation avoidance runs deep, often rooted in childhood trauma.
Why Correction Feels Like Rejection
For children who grew up in critical, neglectful, or emotionally unsafe environments, correction wasn’t just about learning. It was often accompanied by shame, punishment, or withdrawal of love. Over time, the brain wires itself to interpret correction as a threat to belonging.
“You did this wrong” becomes “You are unworthy.”
“You need to improve” feels like “You’re not lovable unless you’re perfect.”
As adults, this early programming lingers. A boss’s feedback, a partner’s suggestion, or even a friend’s disagreement can trigger feelings of deep rejection even when none is intended.
If correction feels like rejection, then confrontation becomes dangerous territory. It’s not just about an argument it’s about the fear that any disagreement could lead to abandonment. Many trauma survivors develop confrontation avoidance as a self-protection strategy:
Saying “yes” when they want to say “no.”
Over-explaining or people-pleasing to keep the peace.
Avoiding difficult conversations until resentment builds.
While these behaviors may protect in the short term, they often damage relationships and self-esteem in the long run.
Signs You Might Be Struggling With This Cycle
You overthink every piece of feedback you receive.
You replay confrontations in your mind, worrying you “said the wrong thing.”
You avoid raising issues, even when you’re deeply uncomfortable.
You equate someone correcting your work, opinion, or choices with them rejecting you as a person.
How to Begin Healing
Breaking free from this cycle requires unlearning old patterns and building safer, healthier responses. Some approaches include:
Inner Reparenting
Speak to yourself the way you needed an adult to speak to you as a child. Replace harsh self-talk with affirmations like: “Correction doesn’t mean I’m unworthy it means I’m learning.”
Therapy and Trauma Work
Modalities like inner child healing, EMDR, or somatic therapy can help rewire the nervous system to separate feedback from rejection.
Practice Small Confrontations
Start with safe spaces: telling a friend what food you prefer, saying no politely, or expressing a different opinion in low-stakes situations. This builds tolerance for confrontation without fear.
Reframe Correction as Collaboration
Instead of viewing feedback as rejection, see it as someone investing in your growth. Correction doesn’t diminish your worth; it adds to your wisdom.
Build Supportive Relationships
Surround yourself with people who correct with kindness and respect. This helps retrain your brain to expect safety, not rejection.
If correction feels like rejection, you’re not “too sensitive” you’re responding to old wounds. Avoiding confrontation may have kept you safe as a child, but it doesn’t have to define your adulthood. With awareness and healing, you can learn to see correction not as a threat, but as an opportunity.
Healing is not about erasing the past, but about rewriting the story of how we respond to it. And the first chapter begins with compassion for yourself
