ALL A GIRL REALLY WANTS

DOES SHE EVEN REALLY KNOW WHAT SHE WANTS!

Awake to see another day.Why is everything the way it is?
 To find reason,to be fulfilled.To find ones true purpose in life.

To be honest where human. Most days ,we know exactly what we want and that's the peak of our insanity .Everything we do is to get us closer to what we want , and when something tries to take us in the opposite direction . We  genuinely begin to loose our cool.

All a woman wants is to be a source of happiness To take care of those she loves,and for those that love her to take care of her.To be a pillar of strength and a source of love. A friend an accomplice.,a lover, a friend a voice of reason. The reason for a smile .

All she wants is to be happy above all else .To be at peace and to be have someone by her side.

All she wants is that the person by her side is  able to see past her insecurities, and hold her close. When they threaten to cripple her.

All she wants is for you to love her even when she is at her worst. To love her genuinely and wholly .Remind her constantly she is loved and valued.She knows she isn t perfect and you need to know that too .

Expectations may not be met but that doesn’t change what she means to you so even when she falls short  help her get back up

She has dreams she needs you to support her not pull he down when she thrives everyone benefits.

Some  nights all she wants is for her to dress up look glamorous and just feel like a star. Other nights she just wants to come from work dress remove her bra and just wear those sweat pants you cant stand, find dinner cooked ,the house cleaned the baby fed and binge watch her favorite show, uninterrupted .

The days nothing seems to work and her world feels like it is crashing. all she needs is a shoulder to lean on and someone that will LISTEN to her and be a pillar of strength. 

All she wants is for you to get understand she has chosen to be with you instead of all the other people on her phone book. don't make her regret it. She can only take so much of your shit before she switches off.

AVOID arguments with her because you will never win . So choose your words carefully.

At the end of the day her happiness is your happiness .

Some days all she wants is to do dum things and be silly. Sometimes she has to let the little girl in her come out and play . Let the teenager in her have  a good time because most time the adult in her is what gets her through the days.

Somedays, she is clouded by thoughts  and she doesnt really know what she wants. For a few minutes she is lost in this big world .All she wants is not to feel alone .

POSTNATAL / POSTPARTUM DEPRESSION

SOURCES; Wikipedia, postpartum depression.com 
(See my post on motherhood part 1,dear young moms, motherhood part2, kids its bedtime, never give up, marriage/relationships is not a bed of roses, abusive relationships)

Postpartum depression (PPD), also called postnatal depression, is a type of clinical depression which can affect both sexes after childbirth. 

The difference between PPD and depression?

One difference is the timing: Depression is called PPD when it occurs during the period after childbirth. And unlike depression that's not related to pregnancy, PPD is linked to the unique hormonal changes that occur after childbirth. Researchers think that sudden changes in hormone levels after delivering a baby can trigger depression in women who are more sensitive to shifts in estrogen and progesterone.

Between 0.5% to 61% of women will experience depression after delivery.^[1] Postpartum psychosis occurs in about 1–2 per thousand women following childbirth.^[5]
Among men, in particular new fathers, the incidence of postpartum depression has been estimated to be between 1% and 25.5%.^[6] Postpartum depression is one of the leading causes of the murder of children less than one year of age . As well as suicide for newly mums

 Its mother’s day today and I would like to tribute this post to mothers who have been going through post natal/partum  depression, and to anyone who has been through it .

Becoming a mother has its highs and lows. However it is important to remember that it’s a divine gift from God to give birth to another human being and be part of the creative process that one is entrusted with. This is the responsibility that God entrusted us with and he never gives you something you can’t handle.

You are not abnormal for feeling this way you are not alone and no it doesn’t make you a bad mother. At the end of your day as a mother you just have to give the best you can. A mother is not a super hero she is human too. Do what you can when you can and hope for the best. Everybody has expectations, hopes and dreams and just because some things don’t go as planned doesn’t mean you stop trying. Just believe in the creator that entrusted you with the life you hold in your arms
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SOME OF THE SYMPTOMS
Symptoms may include sadness, low energy, changes in sleeping and eating patterns,and reduced desire for sex, crying episodes, anxiety, and irritability. While many women experience self-limited, mild symptoms, postpartum depression should be suspected when symptoms are severe and have lasted over two weeks.
The emotional effects of postpartum depression can include sleep deprivation, anxiety about parenthood and caring for an infant, identity crisis, a feeling of loss of control over life, and anxiety due to lack of support from a romantic or sexual partner

·         You feel overwhelmed. Not like “hey, this new mom thing is hard.” More like “I can’t do this and I’m never going to be able to do this.” You feel like you just can’t handle being a mother. In fact, you may be wondering whether you should have become a mother in the first place.

• You feel guilty because you believe you should be handling new motherhood better than this. You feel like your baby deserves better. You worry whether your baby can tell that you feel so bad, or that you are crying so much, or that you don’t feel the happiness or connection that you thought you would. You may wonder whether your baby would be better off without you.
• You don’t feel bonded to your baby. You’re not having that mythical mommy bliss that you see on TV or read about in magazines. Not everyone with postpartum depression feels this way, but many do.
• You can’t understand why this is happening. You are very confused and scared.
• You feel irritated or angry. You have no patience. Everything annoys you. You feel resentment toward your baby, or your partner, or your friends who don’t have babies. You feel out-of-control rage.
• You feel nothing. Emptiness and numbness. You are just going through the motions.
• You feel sadness to the depths of your soul. You can’t stop crying, even when there’s no real reason to be crying.
• You feel hopeless, like this situation will never ever get better. You feel weak and defective, like a failure.
• You can’t bring yourself to eat, or perhaps the only thing that makes you feel better is eating.
• You can’t sleep when the baby sleeps, nor can you sleep at any other time. Or maybe you can fall asleep, but you wake up in the middle of the night and can’t go back to sleep no matter how tired you are. Or maybe all you can do is sleep and you can’t seem to stay awake to get the most basic things done. Whichever it is, your sleeping is completely screwed up and it’s not just because you have a newborn.
• You can’t concentrate. You can’t focus. You can’t think of the words you want to say. You can’t remember what you were supposed to do. You can’t make a decision. You feel like you’re in a fog.
• You feel disconnected. You feel strangely apart from everyone for some reason, like there’s an invisible wall between you and the rest of the world.
• Maybe you’re doing everything right. You are exercising. You are taking your vitamins. You have a healthy spirituality. You do yoga. You’re thinking “Why can’t I just get over this?” You feel like you should be able to snap out of it, but you can’t.
• You might be having thoughts of running away and leaving your family behind. Or you’ve thought of driving off the road, or taking too many pills, or finding some other way to end this misery.
• You know something is wrong. You may not know you have a prenatal mood or anxiety disorder, but you know the way you are feeling is NOT right. You think you’ve “gone crazy.”
• You are afraid that this is your new reality and that you’ve lost the “old you” forever.
• You are afraid that if you reach out for help people will judge you. Or that your baby will be taken away.

 POST PARTUM ANXIETY AND OCD SYMPTOMS

• Your thoughts are racing. You can’t quiet your mind. You can’t settle down. You can’t relax.
• You feel like you have to be doing something at all times. Cleaning bottles. Cleaning baby clothes. Cleaning the house. Doing work. Entertaining the baby. Checking on the baby.
• You are worried. Really worried. All. The. Time. Am I doing this right? Will my husband come home from his trip? Will the baby wake up? Is the baby eating enough? Is there something wrong with my baby that I’m missing? No matter what anyone says to reassure you, it doesn’t help.
• You may be having disturbing thoughts. Thoughts that you’ve never had before. Scary thoughts that make you wonder whether you aren’t the person you thought you were. They fly into your head unwanted and you know they aren’t right, that this isn’t the real you, but they terrify you and they won’t go away. These thoughts may start with the words “What if …”
• You are afraid to be alone with your baby because of scary thoughts or worries. You are also afraid of things in your house that could potentially cause harm, like kitchen knives or stairs, and you avoid them like the plague.
• You may feel the need to check things constantly. Did I lock the door? Did I lock the car? Did I turn off the oven? Is the baby breathing?
• You may be having physical symptoms like stomach cramps or headaches, shakiness or nausea. You might even have panic attacks.
• You feel like a captive animal, pacing back and forth in a cage. Restless. On edge.
• You can’t eat. You have no appetite.
• You’re having trouble sleeping. You are so, so tired, but you can’t sleep.
• You feel a sense of dread, like something terrible is going to happen.
• You know something is wrong. You may not know you have a prenatal mood or anxiety disorder, but you know the way you are feeling is NOT right. You think you’ve “gone crazy.”
• You are afraid that this is your new reality and that you’ve lost the “old you” forever.
• You are afraid that if you reach out for help people will judge you. Or that your baby will be taken away.
• You may also feel intensely self-conscious about your postpartum body and fear being intimate with your partner. An anxiety disorder can also affect your physical health. For example, you might experience muscle tension or have trouble sleeping.

HOW TO COPE WITH PPD
Be good to yourself Make sure your own basic needs are met: Try to sleep and eat well, and do your best not to feel guilty. Having PPD doesn't mean you're a bad mother or don't love your child. After you begin treatment, these feelings of guilt and despair should start to fade.

Don't demand too much of yourself If you have clinical depression or anxiety, it can be hard enough just to get out of bed and face the day. Be gentle with yourself, and take things one at a time.

Ask for support Part of being a good mother knows when to ask for help, so doesn’t be afraid to ask for it during this difficult time. Let your partner know about different ways to help, whether it's taking care of the baby, handling chores, or going with you to doctor appointments. Relatives or close friends may be able to help as well.

Share your feelings Keep the lines of communication open with your partner and talk about what's going on. Call a sympathetic friend. Join a mothers' group or a PPD support group, or chat with moms about postpartum depression in the BabyCenter Community. You may be surprised by how many women are experiencing similar feelings.

Pamper yourself Taking care of your physical self can sometimes help you feel better inside. Have your partner or a friend watch your baby so you can take a shower or a relaxing bath. Put on makeup if you usually wear it. Go on a shopping trip just for yourself and buy something new for your post-baby wardrobe. Wear a favorite outfit on especially difficult days to give yourself a boost.

Get some rest The rigors of caring for a newborn 24/7 can leave you exhausted. Unfortunately, moms with postpartum mood conditions often can't sleep when they want to. But it's still important to take breaks to rest, even if you just read a magazine or watch TV. Taking 10-minute naps is helpful too. Consider hiring a postpartum doula or a sitter experienced with newborns, or asking a relative or friend to watch your baby for an hour or so each day.

Note: Always put your baby on a safe sleep surface (such as his crib or bassinet) before you settle down to rest.

Venture outdoors Put your baby in a stroller and take a walk around the block, or meet a friend at a nearby café. The fresh air, sunshine, and conversation will do you and your baby a world of good. If even a brief excursion is too much for you right now, then just go outside, close your eyes and take a deep breath, or sit in the sunshine for a few minutes.

Slow down Resist the temptation to do the laundry or other chores while your baby sleeps – the housework can wait. Have food delivered, or ask your partner to pick up takeout on the way home. Resist the urge to check your email or phone, and relax with a book and a cup of chamomile tea instead. If you're on maternity leave, don't stress about all the work waiting for you at the office – you'll get back on track soon enough.

Some women are at higher risk for PPD. The strongest predictors of postpartum depression are:

• Depression or anxiety during pregnancy
• Stressful life events during pregnancy or soon after giving birth
• Traumatic childbirth experience
• Preterm delivery
• A baby needing neonatal intensive care
• Lack of social support
• Previous history of depression
• Breastfeeding problems

Other risk factors include:

• Baby blues after delivery
• Unplanned or unwanted pregnancy
• A baby with birth defects or other medical problems
• Multiple babies (such as twins or triplets)
• Family history of psychiatric problems
• Being single
• Low socioeconomic status or financial instability
• Domestic violence
• Unemployment
• Many medical appointments during pregnancy
• Pregestational or gestational diabetes

Remember that these risk factors don't actually cause PPD. Many women with multiple risk factors never experience clinical depression or anxiety, while others with just one risk factor (or even none) can end up with a diagnosis of PPD.

WAYS PPD CAN BE TREATED

The treatment for PPD is the same as the treatment for depression that happens before or during pregnancy. If you have mild symptoms, your provider may recommend watchful waiting with regular check-ins. If your symptoms are more severe, your provider may recommend talk therapy, antidepressant medication, or both.

Talk therapy, also called counseling or psychotherapy, can be one-on-one with your therapist or in a group setting with other women going through a similar experience. In family or couples therapy, a therapist works with you and your partner or relatives.

Antidepressants balance the brain chemicals that regulate your mood. Talk with your provider about the different types of antidepressants – some are combined for best results. You'll probably start to feel better after taking the medicine for three or four weeks.

THE HEART KEEPS THE MIND SANE

THE HEART  KEEPS THE MIND SANE

Despite the constant fears that threaten to render her body mind and soul cripple. She carries herself gracefully.

Nobody can tell what her life is like .Few can guess but never get it right. She has mastered the art of a fake smile. False confidence, that seems to be her escape and works so well for her.

Those close to her can tell there is something different in the way she acts but that’s as far as it gets.

The wall, she has built around her, like titanium. She is indestructible to the world but not to herself.

She sees exactly who she has turned out to be, and can’t lie to herself she sees herself for exactly who she is and what she is not.

Sadly the wall she built from the world hasn’t protected her from the image she sees when she looks in the mirror.

Life is an endless cycle where every action causes a reaction.

Who you think you are .Determines what you perceive your needs to be and what matters to you in life.
What matters to you will have the power to upset and disturb you. What matters is not necessarily what you say or believe, but what your actions and reactions reveal as important and serious to you.

What you deem as important will be what you fight for . It is what will be the good and anything that comes in the way will become the bad. It doesn’t mean that it is bad it just just means it is the factor that hinders your needs from being met.

If you could ask yourself what it is that you hold dear and what is it that you need. And at the same time think of all the things you have done or what ways have you reacted/over reacted as a result of your needs not getting met.

A quote I love says “who you think you are is based on past content of yourself. Who you are is more about the inner you than what you do.’’
We live life reacting to situations that come our way and the things we fight for the hardest are the things we consider a need a necessity for our sanity. How hard we fight and the ways we react both positively and negatively determine if we will have lost a piece of us along the way

To look at yourself in the mirror and be disappointed in yourself as a result of not meeting external expectations is to  take away your own efforts and  Nobody can appreciate you for what you don’t appreciate in yourself . Sometimes you have to switch off all the negativity listen to reason and see that we don’t need to pretend to be happy. Being happy is a choice. We all make choices we regret . We also make choices that inspire good.

Our ability to talk ourselves off a ledge shows that, despite all we go through we still move forward with hope. So make the conscious decision to live life .Dont let life live through you.