Photo by the amazing Brian Bellamore aka Belly
I decided to write about fatherhood because its an aspect of life, most if not all men will become,and I wanted to bring out the realistic aspect of it all, because just like motherhood .Nobody is born prepared with the skill yes it is an instinct. However parenthood is a journey of lessons a continuous learning process.
That was the first lesson I learned the day I became a mother. I remember thinking what do I possibly know about being a mother,what if I drop my baby!I have never had to take care of a child let alone know how to change a diaper! But with time I have learned that as a parent your child looks up to you and expects you to have an answer for every question a solution for every problem. And it's your job to figure it all out even if you have no clue.
I asked people what fatherhood meant to them and most of the answers I got were the character traits ,a leader,a provider,a protector,a pillar of strength,a teacher. Let's begin from the past. Before the industrial revolution(or here in Africa colonialism) , fathers worked side by side with their sons and instructed their children in spiritual and physical values.
When industrialization/colonialism took over the men who were the head of the home had to leave there families in search of better sources of livelihood .Which fathers over time have become regarded as merely breadwinners who fulfilled their paternal duties by providing.
Our fathers carry half of our genetic makeup. Our relationship with our father plays a huge part of who we will become. In many segments of society, people grow up without ever knowing their fathers.
This is unfortunate because fathers should play as important a role in raising their children as mothers in some cases. A father is the model of a man for his daughter and she will choose a man who is either like him or look for a man who is nothing like him.
A father is the model for his son as well as they learn what being a man is about.
Fortunately, there is a trend for fathers to be more active in their children's lives.
Involved fathers find the time to attend their children's games .As well as play with them. They pull themselves away from the TV to be more active in their children\s lives and show them that they are more important than the things of this earth.As they know the importance of the power in there presence.
They set firm limits and encourage their kids to do their best even when they fail. "The greatest gift you can give your child is believing in them."
Research shows that tween's(twenties) and teens need the firm leadership a father provides. A child performs better in school, if his father takes an interest in his education. Children have more confidence when their fathers spend time with them and show them affection. Kids learn from watching their fathers' decisions and listening to logical explanations that they give.
It doesn't matter who my father was," Anne Sexton once wrote, "it matters who I remember he was."
That statement in its self is an absolute.If you look back at your childhood and identify both the happiest and sad moments you will realize a lot of those moments evolve around what your parents did for you.Or what they didn't do for you and you will see that a lot of the decisions you now make stem from those instances.Without forgetting the relationships we have reflect upon the relationship we have with our self.For you to be the best for someone else you have to reconcile with yourself first.
Take a look at these questions
- What did you need from your father that he gave you?
- What did you need but didn't receive?
- How did his positive input help you to succeed?
- How did the negative aspects possibly set a series of consequences into motion that you may still experience?
A 2002 study found that men born after 1965 spent 50 percent more time per workday with their children than boomer fathers (an average of 3.4 hours, versus 2.2 hours). That same year a workplace survey conducted by the Society of Human Resource Management discovered that men ranked the need to balance work and home life higher than their female colleagues.The sad part is that when you sit with your grandparents you treasure the lessons they give you and that becomes part of the treasured memories of them when they are away .Why cant we learn from them and spend quality time with our children creating memories that will last more than our lifetime.
Wanting a family and having a family are two VERY different things the sacrifice involved is what determines the long term effect
