Supporting a Child with ADHD in Learning and EducationBy The Nairobi Feminist

ADHD AND LEARNING

Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) is a neurodevelopmental condition that affects a child’s ability to focus, stay organized, and control impulses. It’s one of the most common mental health disorders in children and can impact various aspects of their life, including their education. Symptoms of ADHD often include difficulty paying attention, hyperactivity, impulsiveness, and challenges with staying on task, even when a child wants to focus. These symptoms vary from child to child—some may struggle more with inattentiveness, while others are more hyperactive and impulsive.

Living with ADHD doesn't mean a child can’t succeed academically; it just means they need a different approach to learning. With the right support and strategies, children with ADHD can not only meet but exceed their educational goals. As someone passionate about inclusive education, let me share some ways we can support these children to thrive in school.

Embrace a Structured Routine

Children with ADHD often struggle with attention and organization, so it’s crucial to establish a consistent routine. A predictable schedule creates a sense of security and helps reduce distractions. Try creating a daily planner or visual timetable for schoolwork, extracurricular activities, and homework time. Using colors, symbols, or stickers can make it fun and engaging for your child. Most importantly, stick to the routine as much as possible, but allow for flexibility when needed.

Break Tasks into Manageable Chunks

For children with ADHD, tackling large tasks can be overwhelming. Instead of presenting an assignment or lesson as one long activity, break it down into smaller, more manageable parts. Set short, achievable goals, and offer praise or rewards for completing each step. This approach not only keeps your child motivated but also improves their focus and confidence in handling schoolwork.

Use Active Learning Techniques

Children with ADHD often struggle with traditional learning methods that require sitting still for long periods. Consider incorporating movement or hands-on activities into their learning process. Interactive methods such as role-playing, drawing, using manipulatives, or working on projects that involve movement can help your child stay engaged. Remember, learning doesn’t always have to be done at a desk. Sometimes, getting up and moving around while reviewing material can help them retain information better.

Create a Distraction-Free Zone for Study Time

It’s essential to provide a calm, organized space for your child to study. This doesn’t have to be an entire room, but it should be an area where distractions are minimized. Keep the workspace clear of unnecessary items and turn off background noise like TVs or phones. Some children with ADHD might benefit from using noise-canceling headphones or listening to soft, instrumental music to improve concentration.

Establish Regular Breaks

Children with ADHD may find it difficult to maintain concentration for extended periods. Build in regular breaks during homework or study sessions, allowing them to recharge. A quick 5-10 minute break after every 20-30 minutes of focused work can do wonders for maintaining attention. These breaks can involve physical activities such as stretching, jumping jacks, or even a short walk to help them burn off energy before getting back to the task at hand.

Work Closely with Teachers

A collaborative approach between parents and teachers is critical for supporting children with ADHD. Regular communication with your child’s teachers can help ensure that strategies used at home are mirrored in the classroom. Teachers can also provide insight into how your child is coping in school, and together, you can adjust approaches to fit their learning style. Requesting accommodations such as extra time on tests, sitting in a less distracting part of the classroom, or using assistive technology can make a huge difference in your child’s educational experience.

Focus on Strengths and Celebrate Successes

While ADHD can make certain aspects of learning more challenging, children with ADHD often have incredible creativity, energy, and problem-solving skills. Focus on these strengths and celebrate even the small victories. Whether it's completing a homework assignment, mastering a new skill, or showing improvement in organization, each accomplishment should be acknowledged. Positive reinforcement boosts self-esteem and encourages continued effort.

Teach Self-Regulation Skills

Helping your child develop self-regulation skills is key to their success both in school and in life. Teach them how to recognize when they are losing focus or getting frustrated and introduce calming techniques such as deep breathing or counting to 10. Encourage them to take ownership of their learning by setting personal goals and reflecting on their progress.

Raising and educating a child with ADHD requires advocacy, patience, and a willingness to adapt. No two children are the same, so what works for one might not work for another. However, by creating a structured, supportive learning environment and working in partnership with educators, we can help children with ADHD unlock their full potential and succeed academically and socially.

As The Nairobi Feminist, I believe that every child deserves an inclusive, empowering educational experience, and children with ADHD are no exception. With understanding, flexibility, and the right tools, we can ensure that they not only survive but thrive in school.I believe our education system needs to adapt. As well as be inclusive to these children.

This article highlights actionable steps and approaches for both parents and educators to support children with ADHD. Empowering children through education aligns with our vision of creating a society that nurtures every individual, regardless of their unique challenges. Let's continue advocating for better, inclusive learning environments.

WHAT LOVE MEANS

What Love Truly Means

Love—such a simple word, yet one layered with complexities that seem to shift depending on who you ask. In a world where we are constantly bombarded with glittering images of romance, grand gestures, and the illusion that love must look a certain way, it’s easy to lose sight of its essence. As a feminist in Nairobi, I often reflect on how love has been defined and misdefined, especially for women. What does love truly mean in a society where patriarchy has painted over our realities, sometimes masking love as possession or duty?

Love is freedom. It's the freedom to be your full, unapologetic self in the presence of another, without fear of judgment or ridicule. In a world that tells us to shrink or conform, true love holds space for you to expand, to grow, and to evolve. It doesn't demand that you mold yourself into a palatable version of who you are but rather celebrates your raw, unfiltered existence.

Love is reciprocal. It’s the quiet understanding that for every ounce of care you pour into someone else, that care will be poured back into you—not as a transaction but as a flow. When love becomes one-sided, when it demands all of you while offering nothing in return, it ceases to be love and instead becomes an obligation or a performance.

And then there's self-love, the foundation upon which all other forms of love are built. Patriarchy has long taught women to place their value in how much love they can give to others—be it to a partner, a child, or even a job—while neglecting the love they owe themselves. But to truly love someone else, you must first know how to love yourself. This is not the self-indulgent, Instagram-influencer version of self-love but the deep, sometimes painful work of understanding your own worth, your boundaries, and your desires.

As a Nairobi feminist, I often see love as an act of rebellion. To love oneself, to love another with honesty and respect, to create partnerships built on equality—that is revolutionary in a world that thrives on power imbalances. It is a rejection of the narratives that tell us love must be sacrificial or hierarchical. True love is an equal partnership, one that refuses to chain itself to outdated norms.

And finally, love is action. It’s the quiet moments of care, the consideration of someone else’s needs, and the constant choice to nurture, even when it feels difficult. Love is not passive. It demands effort, but it must never demand our identity, our agency, or our autonomy. Real love lifts; it doesn’t weigh down.

In this world of constant noise about what love should be, perhaps we need to strip it down to its core. Love is respect. Love is equality. Love is freedom. Anything less? That’s not love—it’s control wearing a pretty disguise.

Let us love, yes, but let us love with open eyes.

MATERNAL HEALTH AND ITS LINK TO POST PARTUM DEPRESSION

Maternal health encompasses the well-being of women during pregnancy, childbirth, and the postnatal period. It plays a crucial role in determining the physical, mental, and emotional health of both mother and child. A critical aspect of maternal health that has garnered increased attention is the mental health of mothers, particularly postpartum depression (PPD), a significant mental health issue affecting a large number of women after childbirth.

Maternal health is a broad term that covers the health care women receive before conception, during pregnancy, and after childbirth. It includes prenatal care, labor and delivery, and postpartum care, all of which are vital to ensuring positive outcomes for both the mother and child. Good maternal health care reduces risks such as maternal mortality, infant mortality, and pregnancy-related complications.

In recent years, much attention has shifted from physical maternal health alone to integrating mental health care. This shift acknowledges the profound link between a mother's mental health and the broader family dynamic, as well as the developmental outcomes for children.

What is Postpartum Depression (PPD)

Postpartum depression is a mood disorder that affects women after childbirth. It is more severe than the "baby blues"—the short-term emotional changes often experienced right after delivery. PPD can occur any time within the first year after birth and can range from mild to severe. Symptoms of PPD include:

Persistent sadness or feelings of hopelessness

Extreme fatigue or lack of energy

Changes in appetite or sleep patterns

Difficulty bonding with the baby

Anxiety, irritability, or mood swings

Feelings of worthlessness or guilt

Thoughts of harming oneself or the baby

The exact causes of PPD are not fully understood but are thought to be linked to a combination of hormonal, environmental, emotional, and genetic factors.

Several factors contribute to an increased risk of developing PPD, including:

1. Biological Changes: After childbirth, women experience a sharp drop in estrogen and progesterone levels, which can lead to mood swings and depression. Additionally, thyroid levels may drop, leading to fatigue and depressive symptoms.

2. Psychosocial Factors: Women who lack social support, experience marital or relationship problems, or have a history of mental health disorders (such as depression or anxiety) are at a higher risk of PPD. Stressful life events like financial instability or the death of a loved one can also be contributing factors.

3. Physical and Emotional Exhaustion: Caring for a newborn is physically and emotionally draining. The stress of adjusting to the demands of motherhood—often compounded by a lack of sleep—can increase the likelihood of postpartum depression.

4. Previous Mental Health History: Women with a history of depression, anxiety, or other mental health issues before or during pregnancy are at a higher risk for postpartum depression.

The Link Between Maternal Health and Postpartum Depression

1. Poor maternal physical health can contribute to the onset of PPD. Conditions such as prolonged labor, complications during delivery, or chronic illness can leave mothers feeling physically drained, making them more susceptible to mental health struggles. Additionally, pain or discomfort following childbirth (such as from cesarean sections or perineal tears) may heighten stress levels.

2.  Increasingly, health care providers are recognizing the importance of screening for mental health conditions as part of standard maternal care. Early detection through questionnaires or interviews can help identify women at risk of PPD, allowing for timely interventions.

3. Hormonal Fluctuations: The physical changes in a woman’s body during and after pregnancy are profound. The sudden drop in reproductive hormones after childbirth is often considered a trigger for PPD. Women with underlying hormonal imbalances may be more sensitive to these fluctuations.

4.  Socioeconomic status can heavily influence maternal health. Women from lower-income backgrounds may lack access to quality prenatal and postpartum care, increasing their risk of both physical and mental health complications. Stressors such as financial instability or inadequate housing can exacerbate feelings of hopelessness or anxiety, contributing to the development of PPD.

Addressing Maternal Health and Postpartum Depression

1. Ensuring that all women, regardless of socioeconomic background, have access to comprehensive prenatal and postpartum care is critical. Health systems need to integrate mental health services into maternal health care, including counseling, support groups, and medications when necessary.

2.  Educating mothers and their families about the potential risks of PPD and maternal mental health in general can help reduce stigma and encourage early intervention. Mothers should be encouraged to seek help without fear of judgment.

3. Family, friends, and communities play a crucial role in supporting new mothers. Providing emotional support, practical help, and companionship can reduce feelings of isolation that often contribute to PPD.

4.  Cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT), counseling, medication, and other therapeutic approaches can help women manage PPD. In severe cases, medical intervention, including antidepressants, may be necessary under the supervision of a healthcare provider.

Lastly.Maternal health is an intricate blend of physical, emotional, and psychological factors, and postpartum depression underscores the deep connection between mental and physical health during and after pregnancy. Early detection and intervention are key in preventing the long-term effects of PPD on both mothers and their children. Ensuring that maternal health care includes comprehensive mental health screenings and support can lead to healthier outcomes for mothers, infants, and families as a whole.

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TRAUMA CENTERED FEMINISM

 A Lens for Healing and Empowerment

Trauma-centered feminism is a framework that highlights the ways in which trauma, particularly gender-based trauma, intersects with feminist theory and practice.

 It places trauma at the center of feminist discourse, acknowledging that many women and marginalized people have experienced various forms of violence, abuse, or oppression that shape their identities, actions, and relationships.

 This approach not only focuses on healing but also advocates for systemic change to address the root causes of trauma.

By centering trauma, this branch of feminism emphasizes the importance of understanding how personal experiences of trauma—whether physical, emotional, or psychological—are influenced by broader structures of power, such as patriarchy, racism, and class inequality. Trauma-centered feminism also recognizes the transformative potential of healing, solidarity, and activism in addressing trauma and its lasting effects on individuals and communities.

Defining Trauma in Feminist Terms

In the context of trauma-centered feminism, trauma is understood as an emotional, psychological, or physical response to an event or series of events that cause overwhelming distress or harm. 

For many women and gender-marginalized people, trauma is often linked to gender-based violence such as domestic abuse, sexual assault, harassment, and systemic discrimination. These traumatic experiences are frequently rooted in patriarchal structures that devalue women, non-binary individuals, and other marginalized genders, reinforcing their vulnerability to violence and oppression.

However, trauma is not limited to individual experiences. Historical and intergenerational traumas, such as the legacy of colonization, slavery, or other forms of collective oppression, also play a significant role in shaping the experiences of marginalized communities. Trauma-centered feminism recognizes these layers of trauma and how they affect not only individual lives but entire communities and generations.

Core Principles of Trauma-Centered Feminism

1.At the heart of trauma-centered feminism is the commitment to listening to and validating the experiences of survivors. In many traditional feminist movements, trauma has been addressed but not always centered. Trauma-centered feminism aims to correct this by ensuring that the voices of survivors are given space and agency in conversations about gender, justice, and healing.

The principle of centering survivors acknowledges that there is no singular “feminist experience” and that trauma impacts people in different ways based on their identity, background, and the types of violence they face. A trauma-centered feminist approach also avoids the trap of universalizing women’s experiences, instead advocating for an intersectional understanding of trauma.

2.Trauma-centered feminism is deeply rooted in intersectionality, a concept coined by Kimberlé Crenshaw, which considers how overlapping social identities, such as race, class, gender, and sexuality, interact to create unique experiences of oppression and privilege. Trauma is not experienced in isolation but within the context of broader societal systems.

For instance, a Black woman may face racial trauma alongside gender-based violence, and a queer individual may experience homophobic discrimination in addition to sexual assault. Trauma-centered feminism recognizes these intersecting forms of violence and how systemic power structures contribute to and exacerbate trauma. This approach advocates for an intersectional analysis that recognizes the specific vulnerabilities of marginalized groups and their need for tailored healing practices and advocacy.

3.Trauma-centered feminism views healing as an inherently political act. In a world where gender-based violence is often normalized or silenced, the act of healing, reclaiming agency, and rebuilding one’s life is seen as an act of resistance against oppressive systems.

This framework promotes the idea that personal healing and societal change are intertwined. By prioritizing trauma recovery, survivors can regain power over their narratives, and their healing journeys become a way to resist the systems that perpetuate trauma. Practices like therapy, community support, art, storytelling, and activism are seen as crucial forms of resistance in trauma-centered feminism.

4.Trauma-centered feminism critically examines how institutions—whether they are legal, medical, or educational—respond to trauma, particularly when it comes to marginalized communities. Many survivors face systemic barriers when seeking justice, care, or support. For example, rape survivors may be met with victim-blaming attitudes from law enforcement or medical professionals, while others may be retraumatized by the legal process itself.

This feminist framework advocates for a reevaluation of these systems, demanding trauma-informed policies and practices that prioritize survivor well-being, dignity, and consent. Trauma-centered feminism pushes for systemic changes to create environments where survivors feel safe and supported when reporting abuse, seeking care, or pursuing justice.

5.Trauma-centered feminism expands beyond individual trauma to address collective trauma, which affects entire groups or communities. Collective traumas, such as those experienced by communities during wars, pandemics, natural disasters, or state violence, often leave lasting psychological scars that are passed down through generations.

Feminist movements must address how these large-scale traumas disproportionately impact marginalized groups, including women of color, indigenous populations, and LGBTQ+ communities. By acknowledging collective trauma, trauma-centered feminism works to create spaces for collective healing and solidarity, focusing on restorative justice, community-based healing, and activism.

How Trauma-Centered Feminism Applies to Contemporary Feminist Movements

Trauma-centered feminism plays an increasingly significant role in #MeToo and other social justice movements that seek to address the widespread prevalence of sexual violence and harassment. In these movements, the emphasis on survivors’ stories and the demand for institutional accountability reflect core principles of trauma-centered feminism.

Moreover, trauma-centered feminism informs contemporary discussions on mental health within feminist circles. Mental health advocacy has become more prominent in feminist spaces, as activists and survivors push for greater recognition of the psychological impacts of trauma. This includes calls for trauma-informed therapy, access to mental health care, and the destigmatization of mental illness.

The Role of Community in Trauma-Centered Feminism

Community plays a vital role in trauma-centered feminism, as healing from trauma is not just an individual journey but a communal one. Trauma often isolates survivors, creating feelings of shame, guilt, or loneliness. Trauma-centered feminism advocates for the creation of supportive communities where survivors can share their stories, find solidarity, and begin the process of healing together.

Trauma-informed communities understand the pervasive nature of trauma and actively work to create environments where individuals feel safe, supported, and empowered. Whether through survivor-led support groups, activist networks, or online spaces, trauma-centered feminism emphasizes the need for collective care and mutual aid in healing.

Conclusion: The Transformative Potential of Trauma-Centered Feminism

Trauma-centered feminism offers a powerful framework for understanding the intersections of trauma, gender, and power. It centers the experiences of survivors, advocates for intersectional and systemic change, and sees healing as a political act of resistance. By recognizing the pervasive impact of trauma on individuals and communities, this feminist approach seeks to transform both personal lives and societal structures. In doing so, it provides a pathway for healing, empowerment, and a more just world for all marginalized people.

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RUIN IS THE ROAD TO TRANSFORMATION

 Understanding Growth Through Adversity

The phrase "ruin is the road to transformation" carries profound wisdom about the nature of growth and change. It suggests that moments of failure, loss, or destruction often serve as catalysts for deep transformation. 

Whether in relationships, careers, or personal lives, the most challenging and devastating experiences can be the very moments that push us toward growth and renewal. But what does this really mean, and how can we apply this concept to our own lives?

When we face ruin, whether it’s the collapse of a dream, a relationship, or even a part of our identity, it can feel like the end. In these moments, it's natural to feel overwhelmed by pain, uncertainty, and fear. However, this concept reminds us that ruin is not just an ending—it is also a beginning. It is the destruction of something that no longer serves us, creating space for something new to emerge.

Often, it’s in the aftermath of ruin that we are forced to confront our deepest selves. The security blankets we’ve relied on—whether they are external successes, relationships, or identities—are stripped away, leaving us exposed. It’s in this raw state that true transformation can occur, because we are compelled to rebuild from the ground up.

Historically, transformation is often preceded by destruction. Think of natural examples like forest fires that clear away dead trees and brush, allowing for new life to flourish. The same can be true for us on a personal level. The end of one chapter forces us to reflect, reassess, and ultimately rebuild something stronger and more aligned with who we are becoming.

 In Hinduism, the deity Shiva represents both destruction and creation, embodying the belief that something must be dismantled for new life to take its place. This cycle of death and rebirth is also seen in many other belief systems, reinforcing the idea that the collapse of old structures is essential for transformation.

In moments of personal ruin, people often discover strength, resilience, and wisdom they never knew they had. These experiences force us to let go of what no longer works and to face the truth of who we are and what we want out of life. The painful process of letting go can reveal our deeper values, helping us to refocus on what truly matters.

The process of transformation through ruin can also help us develop a deeper sense of empathy and understanding for others. Having gone through hardship, we often become more compassionate and open to the struggles of others, building a richer, more connected life.

Throughout history and in popular culture, we find countless examples of individuals who experienced profound ruin only to rise from it stronger and transformed:

J.K. Rowling is famous for having been rejected by multiple publishers, going through poverty and struggles as a single mother before becoming one of the world’s most successful authors. Her "ruin" ultimately led her to create the transformative world of Harry Potter, which became a global phenomenon.

Steve Jobs, after being ousted from Apple, the company he co-founded, described his public failure as one of the best things that could have happened to him. It allowed him to rediscover his passion for innovation and eventually return to Apple to lead the company to unprecedented success.

Nelson Mandela, after spending 27 years in prison, emerged not as a broken man but as a transformed leader, ready to lead South Africa through a peaceful transition from apartheid to democracy. His personal "ruin" became a foundation for global change and reconciliation.

These stories highlight the power of ruin not just as an obstacle, but as a pivotal turning point toward transformation. Each individual faced devastating setbacks but used those experiences as fuel for profound personal and professional growth.

How to Embrace Ruin in Your Own Life

1. Acceptance: The first step in navigating ruin is accepting that it has happened. Rather than resisting or denying it, acknowledge that this is part of the journey and a necessary step toward something new.

2. Reflection: Take time to reflect on what the ruin reveals. What no longer serves you? What needs to be left behind in order for you to move forward? This is a crucial step in understanding the purpose behind the destruction.

3. Letting Go: One of the hardest parts of transformation is letting go of old patterns, people, or beliefs that no longer align with your new path. This might mean releasing comfort zones, toxic relationships, or limiting mindsets.

4. Rebuilding: After reflection and letting go, begin rebuilding. This part of the process may take time, and it’s important to be patient with yourself. Transformation is gradual, but with each step, you are creating something more authentic and aligned with who you are becoming.

5. Embracing Vulnerability: Transformation requires vulnerability. Being open to failure, uncertainty, and discomfort is essential for growth. Recognize that vulnerability is a strength and that it allows you to deepen your connections with others and with yourself.

While ruin is often viewed negatively, the phrase invites us to reframe our thinking. Instead of seeing failure or destruction as final, we can see it as an integral part of our evolution. Ruin is the breakdown of what was, allowing us to rebuild ourselves and our lives in a more authentic and powerful way.

By embracing ruin as a part of life’s natural cycle, we can approach challenging times with resilience, knowing that transformation is on the other side. It is through these experiences that we grow, not just into stronger individuals, but into the most authentic versions of ourselves. Ruin, though painful, is the fertile ground from which transformation and new beginnings can flourish.

UNEMPLOYMENT WITHIN A RELATIONSHIP

The loss of a job can make anyone feel like giving up. However it's even harder when you have been the provider. It can make a huge dent in any relationship. The question becomes how do you support your partner through this? It requires a balance of emotional support, encouragement, and practical assistance

Here are a few ways you can try be supportive 

1. Offer Emotional Support:

Be empathetic: Acknowledge their feelings of loss, frustration, or anxiety. Let them know it's okay to feel down and remind them that you're there for them.

Listen actively: Sometimes they may just need to vent. Avoid giving advice immediately—just listen and validate their emotions.

2. Avoid Pressure:

Don’t rush them: While it's important to encourage them to start looking for new opportunities, avoid pushing them too hard or making them feel like they need to "bounce back" immediately.

Reassure them: Remind them that losing a job doesn't define their worth. Focus on their strengths and accomplishments, and affirm that better opportunities will come.

3. Help with Practical Steps:

Offer assistance with job searches: Whether it's helping them look for job listings, offering to review their resume, or even role-playing for interviews, showing that you're there to support them in practical ways can be uplifting.

Help structure a routine: Suggest creating a daily schedule that includes job searching, but also time for self-care, exercise, and relaxation. This helps maintain balance and mental well-being.

4. Encourage Self-Care:

Promote healthy habits: Encourage them to stay active, eat well, and rest. Physical well-being can have a significant impact on mental health and resilience during tough times.

Suggest hobbies or skills development: Learning something new or focusing on hobbies can keep them motivated and mentally stimulated while they look for their next role.

5. Be Patient:

Allow space for emotions: The process of finding a new job can take time, and it's important to remain patient. Avoid showing frustration or disappointment if things don’t progress quickly.

6. Celebrate Small Wins:

Acknowledge progress: Even small steps, like submitting an application or updating a LinkedIn profile, are worth celebrating. Positive reinforcement can keep them motivated.

By showing that you're supportive without being overbearing, you can help your partner regain their confidence and move forward positively.

AVOIDING COMPLACENCY IN A RELATIONSHIP

30 Deep Questions Couples Should Ask Each Other to Avoid Complacency in Their Relationship

In any long-term relationship, there’s always the potential for complacency to creep in. 

To maintain a healthy, evolving bond, it’s important to regularly engage in deep, meaningful conversations. These discussions can help couples better understand each other, address unresolved issues, and continue growing together. 

Below are 30 questions designed to foster connection, reflection, and intimacy.

1. What are some dreams or goals you have now that we haven’t discussed yet?

Over time, personal goals may change. Understanding where your partner stands today can help you support each other’s growth.

2. Is there something we used to do together that you miss?

Reflecting on past activities may spark ideas for reconnecting in the present.

3. What do you feel is currently missing in our relationship?

Asking this encourages openness about any gaps or areas needing improvement.

4. What is one thing I do that makes you feel loved and appreciated?

Knowing what makes your partner feel valued can strengthen your emotional bond.

5. What is something you feel you don’t express enough to me?

This question helps uncover feelings or thoughts that may have gone unspoken, offering a chance to deepen understanding.

6. How do you feel about the way we handle conflict?

Discussing conflict resolution can improve how you navigate challenges together.

7. Are there any habits or routines we’ve fallen into that you think might be unhealthy for us?

Reflecting on patterns can help identify areas where complacency may have settled.

8. When was the last time you felt truly connected to me?

This can open up a conversation about the quality of your emotional connection.

9. Is there something you need from me that I haven’t been providing?

Understanding unmet needs can prevent future misunderstandings or feelings of neglect.

10. How do you envision our future together?

Discussing the future ensures you’re both aligned in your vision of the relationship.

11. What’s one thing you would like us to do more often together?

This encourages planning activities that can reignite intimacy and shared joy.

12. What’s something about me that you think I don’t realize but you love?

Discovering these small yet meaningful observations can create a deeper sense of appreciation.

13. Is there anything you’ve been holding back from sharing with me?

Allowing your partner to express any withheld feelings can clear the air and bring you closer.

14. What are your current fears or anxieties about our relationship?

This question invites vulnerability, helping you address any underlying concerns before they grow larger.

15. How do you feel our intimacy has evolved over time?

Discussing intimacy, both emotional and physical, is key to staying connected in a deep, authentic way.

16. Is there a way I could support you better in your personal goals?

Offering support shows that you’re invested in each other’s individual growth, which benefits the relationship as a whole.

17. What’s something I could do to surprise or delight you more?

Keeping spontaneity alive can prevent the relationship from feeling stagnant.

18. What’s one thing you admire about me that you don’t tell me often?

This can deepen your emotional bond by allowing space for admiration and appreciation.

19. Do you feel like we are still growing together?

This is a crucial check-in to ensure both partners feel like they’re evolving alongside each other.

20. What’s something you think we should start doing to strengthen our relationship?

Whether it’s new habits or practices, discussing ways to improve can re-energize your bond.

21. Do you ever feel like I take you for granted?

Acknowledging the possibility of taking each other for granted can lead to more mindfulness and gratitude in daily interactions.

22. How can we make our time together more meaningful?

This prompts a discussion about how to be more intentional with the time you spend together.

23. What’s a fear you have about our relationship’s future?

Addressing fears openly can help you work through them together, ensuring they don’t create distance.

24. What’s something new you’ve learned about yourself recently?

Sharing personal growth insights fosters continued understanding and intimacy.

25. Do you feel like I listen to you enough?

Listening is key to a healthy relationship, and this question ensures you’re both feeling heard and valued.

26. What’s something I could do to make you feel more respected in our relationship?

Respect is a cornerstone of love, and checking in on this ensures that both partners feel seen and honored.

27. Do you feel like we’re a good team? Why or why not?

Discussing how well you work together can highlight areas of strength and places for improvement.

28. What’s something we could let go of to bring more peace into our relationship?

Whether it’s old grudges, unnecessary arguments, or bad habits, letting go can create space for healthier dynamics.

29. How can we better balance our time between work, friends, family, and each other?

Balance is essential in relationships, and this question encourages a conversation about prioritizing your partnership amidst life’s demands.

30. What does love mean to you now compared to when we first met?

As time passes, the meaning of love can evolve. Revisiting this can help you understand how your relationship has grown and what love means in this stage of your lives.

Conclusion

Complacency can sneak into even the strongest relationships if partners stop actively engaging with each other. By regularly asking thoughtful, deep questions, couples can maintain a dynamic connection, nurture their bond, and grow together. These questions are not just about addressing problems but also about celebrating each other, learning more, and ensuring that the relationship continues to evolve.

DEALING WITH TOXIC BABY MAMA'S/ BABY DADDY'S

the above image can also refer to baby daddy and father of  your child 

Before I begin I would like to say . Every healing journey has its ups and downs. The decision to separate is always tough. The most important thing to do. Is to ensure a loving environment for your kids .

Set your pride aside and work through things. I speak about this from experience but more so from a woman's perspective. 

Dealing with jealousy from your partner's ex, especially if they share a child, can be emotionally challenging, but it’s important to approach the situation with maturity and empathy.

After all, you have accepted  to be in a relationship with someone who comes with "baggage" .Having being in love with someone and having kids with that person means they share a bond and will share it for the rest of their lives.

Now don't get me wrong! That doesn't mean that they can sometimes take things too far.

Here are some ways to handle it:

1. Maintain Clear Boundaries

Make sure that both you and your partner have healthy boundaries in place with the ex. Your partner should take the lead in communicating these boundaries, especially around co-parenting and interactions that are strictly related to their child.

2. Have Open Communication with Your Partner

Talk to your partner about how you feel without making accusations. Express your concerns about the jealousy and ask for reassurance. This helps ensure you and your partner are on the same page.

3. Respect the Co-Parenting Relationship

Understand that they will have to maintain a relationship for the sake of the child. Respect their need to co-parent while ensuring that you and your partner continue to prioritize your relationship.

4. Stay Calm and Avoid Confrontation

Reacting to the jealousy with anger or resentment will likely make the situation worse. Try to remain calm and not engage in any direct conflict with the ex. Let your partner handle any issues that arise between them.

5. Build Trust

Strengthen the bond and trust between you and your partner. If your relationship is secure, jealousy from outside won’t have much of an impact. Trust is key to overcoming these challenges.

6. Focus on Yourself

Don’t let someone else's insecurities or jealousy take a toll on your well-being. Focus on maintaining your confidence, independence, and sense of self.

7. Empathy and Understanding

Consider that the ex may still be struggling with their feelings about the breakup or feeling replaced. While you don’t need to tolerate toxic behavior, a little empathy can sometimes go a long way in understanding why they may feel jealousy.

INTRODUCING YOUR KIDS TO A NEW PARTNER

 

Introducing your young kids to a new partner can be a delicate process. Here are some tips to help make it smoother:

1. Timing

Make sure your relationship is serious and stable before introducing your partner to your kids. Children can become attached quickly, so it's important to be sure of the relationships future.

2. Talk to Your Kids First 

Prepare your children by talking to them about your new partner before they meet. Explain who they are and why they're important to you.

3. Keep it Casual

The first meeting should be casual and in a comfortable, neutral environment like a park or a casual meal. This helps reduce pressure and allows everyone to interact naturally.

4. Be Patient

Give your kids time to adjust. They may have mixed feelings and need time to get used to the idea of your new partner.

5.Encourage Interaction 

Plan activities that allow your children and your partner to interact and get to know each other. Games, outings, or shared interests can help build a connection.

6.Respect Their Feelings

 Acknowledge and validate your children’s feelings, whether they are positive or negative. They need to feel heard and understood.

7. Take It Slow

Gradually increase the amount of time your partner spends with your kids. Rushing the process can lead to resistance and discomfort.

8. Communicate 

Keep an open line of communication with your partner about how the introductions and interactions are going, and be ready to make adjustments as needed.

By taking these steps, you can help ensure that the introduction goes smoothly and sets a positive foundation for your partner's relationship with your children.

A TIME TO BE STILL

Self-discovery is a lifelong journey of growth, reflection, and transformation. It's about peeling back the layers of our being, unraveling our true essence and purpose in life. 

It's an expedition of introspection, exploration, and growth that leads to profound understanding and acceptance of oneself. Exploring the depths of our thoughts, emotions, beliefs, and experiences. It's about questioning our assumptions, challenging our limitations, and embracing our vulnerabilities.

Breaking free of conditioning and societal expectations to uncover the essence of who we truly are

In our daily lives, finding moments of tranquility can seem like an elusive dream. However, amidst the chaos, there lies a profound opportunity to find inner peace. 

True peace isn't merely the absence of turmoil; it's a state of harmony and contentment that originates from within. Here's a guide to embarking on the journey to find peace within yourself:

The path to inner peace begins with self-acceptance. Embrace yourself fully, flaws and all. Recognize that imperfection is part of the human experience, and it doesn't diminish your worth. Practice self-compassion and let go of harsh self-judgment. Embracing who you are opens the door to inner peace.

Then there is mindfulness. The art of being fully present in the moment without judgment.Which truly  sometimes feel impossible to do. 

It requires you to pay attention to your thoughts, feelings, and sensations with curiosity and kindness. You can try  meditation, deep breathing, or simply being aware of your surroundings, you can anchor yourself in the present moment and find peace amidst the chaos around you.

Release.Holding onto resentment and grudges only weighs you down and disrupts your peace of mind. 

Which is another tough one.

Let go of past grievances and practice forgiveness, not necessarily for others' sake but for your own well-being. Forgiveness doesn't mean condoning the actions of others; it means freeing yourself from the burden of anger and resentment.

Gratitude is another  powerful tool for finding inner peace. Take time each day to reflect on the things you're grateful for, no matter how small. Whether it's a beautiful sunset, a kind gesture from a friend, or the simple pleasure of a warm cup of tea, cultivating gratitude shifts your focus from what's lacking to what's abundant in your life.

Another way is by going into Nature. What is natural. 

Nature has a remarkable ability to soothe the soul and restore inner peace. Spend time outdoors . Connecting with the natural world can help quiet the mind, reduce stress, and foster a sense of inner calm.

Nurture Your Spirituality as well by  connecting with something greater than yourself, nurturing your spirituality can give you a sense of purpose and meaning that transcends the challenges of daily life.

Taking care of yourself is essential for maintaining inner peace. Make self-care a priority by nourishing your body with healthy food, laughter,getting regular exercise, prioritizing sleep, and engaging in activities that bring you joy and relaxation.Self-care isn't selfish—it's necessary for your overall well-being.

In a world filled with noise and distractions, finding peace within yourself is worth it. Remember, true peace comes from within .it's a state of being that you carry with you wherever you go.

Self-discovery is not about attaining perfection but rather about embracing our imperfections with compassion and understanding. It's about recognizing that our flaws and mistakes are integral parts of our journey, offering valuable lessons and opportunities for growth. By cultivating self-compassion and self-forgiveness, we learn to celebrate our uniqueness and accept ourselves unconditionally.

Be aware of your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors, as well as the world around us. Mindfulness practices enable us to observe ourselves without judgment, fostering a deeper understanding of our inner landscape. As we become more attuned to our authentic desires and values, we gain clarity about the path that aligns with our true purpose.

Also accept that Along the way we change. People change.Embracing change requires us to step out of our comfort zones, confront our fears, and take bold leaps into the unknown. By embracing uncertainty and embracing change, we open ourselves up to new possibilities and experiences that enrich our lives.

While self-discovery is a personal journey, it's also about forging meaningful connections with others. Through authentic relationships, we learn more about ourselves, mirror our strengths and weaknesses, and receive support and guidance along the way. By nurturing healthy connections with like-minded individuals, mentors, or communities, we expand our perspective.

This long break has thought me alot and I can't wait to share it all with you.

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METAMORPHOSIS

 GIVE YOURSELF TIME

I must say it has been a while since I wrote anything. To be honest I didn't see the point at which I would begin to write again . 

For me it's not just about churning out content for you to consume it's about speaking to you from my soul.  For a while my soul was silent . It was learning, healing living and experiencing what it was meant to experience . 

What a year it has been so much growth . So many lessons. Healing, falling apart,loss and finally I arrive at the point where I can share with you .

For a time the phrase,"die of self kept ringing" in my mind . I was troubled what did it mean! What was on the other side of that! How do I get there, without taking too much a beating and,could I just wakeup . Having miraculously learnt a lesson the easy way.

Well that didn't happen . Last year the essence of who I am was stretched beyond what I new possible. (Podcast episodes loading so subscribe...)  I learnt valuable lessons in motherhood, love,family ,my own strength. But most importantly I learnt resilience. The importance and the beauty of persistence.

Imagine waking up. Getting dressed, leaving the house and not knowing where you are going,but you just keep walking . 

Uncertain about who you are . What is important and what isn't. Trying to find meaning and not finding anything. You look at yourself in the mirror and can't recognise who you are. Can't recognise who the person you have been is .

You even don't know what to expect on the other side or if you will make it to the other side of what it is your going through.I went through a shedding of habits,thoughts,patterns,relationships and breaking of the ego. 

It's one thing to be able to share a lesson after you have gone through it but as you are deep in the thick of growth it's hard . When you are the source of strength and can't find the strength that you need! 

Well here I am now. Standing after a full season of shedding. A season where I didn't see how I could get to the other side because my own mind couldn't give me the peace I needed . Because I was fighting against the growing pains instead of going through .

In life the only way out is through ...

 A lesson that was hit hard and allowed me to see things I have been refusing to see . When the biggest supporter of untold lives of women passed away . A woman who cheered me on. Kept asking when I will release new content. The woman who gave me hope when I couldn't see a way through. The woman sho showed me you can raise your child on your own and succeed. A woman who loved my daughter like her own . A woman who listened to me rant and cry on her dining room table . A woman who genuinely cared . 

You know it's easy to be the bad guy in other people's stories . It's also easy to recieve. But giving of yourself selflessly is the toughest thing you can ever do. It is thankless . But because it's who you are programmed to be it's what you must do. 

 It's even harder when there's no one there on the other side to help you through but yourself. However if you can be a light to someone else . Do it because that's the light that will allow them to be an even bigger light to someone else . For me her light allowed me to shine.

Don't fear change .Don't fight change. Allow yourself to go through it so that you can be the butterfly you are meant to be .

THAT WHICH YOU JUDGE YOU BECOME

Sinners judging sinners for sinning differently

I had a conversation with someone about the importance of speaking your mind but doing so politely.....it was a long conversation. 

You see imagine going your whole life just agreeing to everything and not speaking up when you need to .

You then get to a point where you get tired of bottling it up so you start to speak your mind . Irregardless of how it affects anyone. Your argument being," nobody cared when I was hurting silently. So I shouldn't care if anyone doesn't like what I have to say" .

Makes sense . It really does. Almost couldn't argue with that. Except. Making people feel bad using words cuts deeper than anything else in this world.

 I love words. That's why I write. It holds weight. So it's important to be careful of the words you use.

So I asked why didn't you speak up all your life why now? They said, because I was affraid of saying the wrong thing and getting scolded for it. Coz it happened alot when I was younger. I was always told off . So I stayed quiet........let that sink in!!!

Without knowing this person had ended up doing the same thing they disliked being on the receiving end of. 

This happens alot in life. We tend to end up doing the things we fear, the things we hate, the things we judge other people for doing. Simply because it's an area we need to heal/learn from. So that we can move on. If we don't we will repeat the pattern and harm not only ourselves but those around us as well .

TWINKLE LIKE THE STAR YOU ARE.

YOUR DESTINY IS WITHIN YOU BUT IT BENEFITS MORE THAN JUST YOU. YOU IMPACTS THE LIVES OF OTHERS

At some point i woke up and said I was done with the nairobi feminist because I was naive to believe it had reached its end.

So many people asked me why. And to be honest I don't think I had a valid answer. Part of me felt I've done enough. I've said enough . I've helped enough . I've had enough. I'm not enough!

Truly selfish reasons if you ask me. But the thing about being a creative. You can only create art when you are inspired and I lacked that for a while. I lost the plot as someone once told me. That was the truth I was lost. I had strayed far away from why I do what I do and why it's so important to me.  Mostly because I had so much going on.

Funny thing is in all of that I forgot I was going against the grain. I was forcing my body,soul and mind to do things it didn't want to do. And it forced me to stop and listen to the voice within.

I must say what I heard made me feel very apologetic. I heard the words," who said you can just stop! The gift wasn't given to you . To use as you please but to serve . To help . To inspire . To teach . To comfort. It doesn't belong to you it belongs to those you help . Your just the vessel and if you stop what is your worth!

And I tell you I was shocked and humble and humiliated at the same time . I had forgotten we are not placed on this earth to just exist for ourselves . But to be a light to others and in that you have to die of self . Loose all selfishness . Realize that you are only as important as the impact you have on others. Create a little heaven on this dark Earth so that others can begin to want to see the real thing .

Live , learn, laugh , love and never stop dreaming .If you dream it it can happen. If you put in the work from the lessons learnt 

RECOGNIZING THE PAIN BODY WITHIN YOURSELF

SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO LOOK WITHIN AND REALISE YOU ARE THE PROBLEM

In our lives we all have moments where we want to be at peace within ourselves. However, it seems impossible. It feels like we are stuck and unable to cross that barrier to heal and find peace. I've been at that point of stickiness severally. However what I have learn in those moments is something I repeat regularly on here.  When you go against the grain. When you go against the very fibre of your body, mind and soul.Your  body will not allow you to proceed until you rectify the course of your direction.

We all have a destination we are heading to. To get there we have to realise the reason for our existence, let go of all that holds us back. That is remember you came into this earth with nothing. You will leave with nothing. So absolutely nobody  and nothing is more important than the soul that lives within you.Dont sell yourself short.

Don't allow yourself to be fooled into thinking your past, your present , your future is of key value. Think in this moment what am I doing that gives me peace and shows love and kindness to those around me . Especially  to the strangers you meet, the orphans and the widows.

To find peace you have to look back at all the moments that you have pain / sharp knives in your back allow them to speak . Don't silence them say those things outloud and release the power they have had over you by saying. I will not let you ruin another moment of my life any more.

NEVER REGRET AND NEVER LOOK BACK !

A REASON FOR EVERY SEASON

If I could choose a place to start. It would be at the point where the end is in sight. The point where all the moments of sheer heartbreak, tears ,frustration, fatigue no longer feel like that. Where those moments feel worth it. Where those last few steps get you to the finish line and you get a good cry because it was all worth it and you wouldn't change anything. 

Completion. The feeling of being complete.

When I started this blog. I knew I wanted to share what I have learnt and what I was learning with other people. Now between thinking about it and actually starting it took me months. Mostly because of the amount of vulnerability involved in sharing your story with the world. 

A mom at 21! Terrified!!!

Looking back I see my strength.

I see the pain , I see the joy.

Most importantly I see that what was meant to break me. Gave me purpose , gave me strength. Gave me hope.

I wouldn't change a thing looking back 10 years later I am truly grateful for every moment. Every experience . Every high and every low.

My brother told me .it's always better to have a tough start and a happy ending than the reverse of that. I have held on to that and seen it unravel.

I have shared my story with all . Hundreds of thousands of people. Across the globe I see countries reading my words on my stats that I dream of visiting. I get emails and messages and I am grateful that I had to learn something inorder to share it because, my lessons travel the world and open doors for me to get there in person.

So what I would like to say is . Don't give up. Don't regret, Learn your lesson and trust that Jesus has a plan for it all .

Thankyou every person who has been on this. Journey with me.